I was glad Mom made my brother and me take ballroom classes when we were younger. She told me it would come in handy one day. She was right because the last thing I wanted was to look like a jackass in front of all these jerks and this gorgeous bride.
“You look beautiful, Mel,” I sighed as we moved smoothly along the dance floor.
She smiled brightly up at me. “Thank you. Thanks for handling Aunt Claire last night too. What did you wind up doing with her after all? I didn’t see her after dinner.”
I chuckled and gave her a devilish grin. She smacked my shoulder and made a sickened face. “You did not ‘do’ my Aunt Claire, did you?”
I shrugged and replied, “She left you alone didn’t she? I took one for the team.”
“You’re so gross. My poor Uncle Randy,” she sighed with a slight pout.
“They’re divorced. She’s a good looking woman and pretty energetic actually,” I joked remembering how greedy and authoritative Aunt Claire was in the bedroom.
“Eww!” Mel exclaimed, laughing as she smacked my chest again.
I continued to tease her. “I think Clark will hit her up tonight just to make sure she leaves you and Flynn alone.”
“He better not!” She looked around the room to make sure Clark wasn’t hitting on Aunt Claire.
“I’m just teasing. He had his eye on your cousin at first, but I told him she was out.”
“Well, thank you. I guess. Leah has her own troubles with Aunt Claire as her mother. Poor thing. At least she’s off to college next year. Leah wanted to live with my uncle, but Aunt Claire won in the courts. Along with a huge settlement too.” I nodded feeling sorry for Leah. I’m sure their divorce wasn’t fun at all seeing how Aunt Claire is with her niece’s wedding. I couldn’t imagine having to be her daughter, much less related to her.
Mel gave a deep sigh and pressed her lips together before she slowly spoke again. “I noticed Stephanie and her husband made it. How are you doing seeing them here?” I felt bad for her since I knew she and Flynn were put in the middle of deciding whether to invite her or not.
I shrugged and took a deep breath. “It’s no big deal. The wedding is large enough that I probably won’t run into her.” I hoped. Mel gave a faint smile as we continued to dance.
She glanced away briefly and then looked back into my eyes. “You’ll find someone else, you know.” She said with sincerity and a little bit of pity in her voice.
“I know I will. There’s a shitload of chicks in here to fuck. I better get started.” I tried to joke, giving her a faint smile. Weddings always make everyone want to match people up. I’ll stay single, thank you. It’s much easier and a lot less painful.
“Stop joking. I know you’re still hurting over her. Sometimes you just need to let go of what you had hoped for and the next person you meet could be your love for life.” I decided to let her have her say and nodded my head.
I gave a fake half smile and looked away from her eyes. I glanced across everyone dancing and swallowed before answering. “One day. Just not yet. I’m having too much fun finding that someone.”
A tap on my shoulder saved me from any further discussion on the subject. “My wife. My turn,” Flynn stated with a deep voice, trying to act bravado. It made me chuckle, but I squeezed Mel’s hand and kissed it before placing her hand into Flynn’s.
“All yours, man.” I smiled at Flynn who was basically like my second little brother. Z and Flynn were inseparable growing up. It was like I had twin little brothers. Both pains in the ass growing up and now amazing friends that I’d kill for. I couldn’t be happier for him that he and Mel found each other.
I headed up to the bar where the other guys were gathered and laughing about something. Clark handed me a beer and we turned around to scope out the guests. I was searching for strawberry to take my mind off the possibility of running into Stephanie.
I noticed Aunt Claire dancing with some older guy. He looked like he had money which I’m sure was her reason for dancing with him. She made it clear to me last night that she enjoys younger guys. I’m pretty sure that was the reason for her divorce.
Clark elbowed me and nodded his head toward the other direction. I took a quick look and clamped my teeth trying to keep my nerves in check. Unfortunately, there wasn’t a thing I could do about my heart trying to jump out of my chest. Stephanie seemed to float towards us, almost as if she were an angel. She used to be an angel in my mind. Maybe that was the problem. The pedestal I put her on was too high for her. Tumbling off was inevitable.
Clark leaned over and joked, “You don’t do married women. Let me take a stab at her.”
I gave him a sideways glare as I told him, “That’s Stephanie, my ex.”
He nodded with a smirk. “Was she good?” I knew he was teasing. We already laid down the rules about going for ex’s or girls we care more about. He already knew Kara was off limits, just like Tina was off limits for me.
I shot him my ‘shut the fuck up’ look and hit his chest. He chuckled as he turned towards the other guys to join in their conversation. I turned back, faking a laugh, more for show to Stephanie that I wasn’t affected by her presence.
She stood in front of me, her shoulders slightly slumped and her mouth pressed into a forced smile. “Do you think we could talk?” She asked in a meek voice. I tried my best not to look down at her. I focused my eyes just above her head straight across the wedding. My heart was in my throat and just being so close to her made me want to wrap my arms tightly around her. She always felt so perfect in my arms. I clenched my jaw as I tried to push away memories of how things used to be…before.
I took a deep breath and crossed my arms over my chest. I tried my best to look uninterested. I made the mistake of glancing down into her eyes. Deep ocean blue, glossed over by slight tears, staring up at me with that sweet innocent pleading look. That was the same look she had right before we made love for the first time; it was forever frozen and committed to my memory. I swallowed, pushing back the lump that formed in my throat. “Talk,” I commanded, as if I had control over this conversation. I didn’t. She holds all the power. Stephanie always did with me.
She seemed to shrink when I said that, her shoulders slouching just slightly. She swallowed and glanced away quickly and it brought back memories of how she was always so insecure and shy around confrontational situations. I used to pull her close to me and speak for her so she wouldn’t have that look. Now, that expression was on her face because of me.
“Could we…take a walk outside?” She asked, her soft pink lips were curled into a small hopeful smile. Glancing down at her lips brought back amazing memories of how sweet she tasted. I tried to shake the thought from my mind, but realized I couldn’t stop staring at her mouth.
Despite my desire to pull her into my chest, like I used to do, words came out harshly from my mouth as if I didn’t have any control over my brain. “Well shit, Stephanie, what would your husband think?” It came out with a horrible bite. I clenched my jaw, pressing my lips together regretting spitting that question out.
Stephanie tilted her head, almost in defiance as she said, “He knows I want to talk to you. It’s not what you think.”
While I felt proud of her for speaking up, something she never used to do, the last part of her statement hurt. Secretly, I had hopes that after all these years she would want me back. Hoping that after all these years she would dump him and come running back to me. It was just a silly dream I had in my head despite how badly she hurt me. Would I take her back if she asked me to right now? Probably. No, not probably. Absolutely.
She started walking. Wanting her back and wanting to know what she had to say, I followed. I watched her flowing light pink sundress sway with her hips. Her hair used to touch the middle of her back, now it was short, but still swayed like the breeze over grass.
Memories flooded my mind of when we used to park down by the lake. Just the two of us and an old beach towel. We would sit on the edge of the lake under
a huge oak tree. It was our own private spot and no one ever knew about it. We would pack a small picnic, but half the time we didn’t eat any of it. Skinny dipping became a part of our routine after we made love. I’m pretty sure we both conveniently forgot our suits most of the time.
She stopped just outside the door and turned her gaze up to my face. I watched her swallow nervously and noticed she was wringing her hands. She was uneasy and tense. When I was her boyfriend, I always knew her signals and acted on them. My protective instinct of keeping her from feeling that way always led to me wrapping my arms around her, followed by a kiss on the top of her head. It used to calm her immediately. Right now, I fought against that instinct with everything I had.
“I just wanted to talk to you. We haven’t seen each other or spoken since we broke up.” Her voice quiet and sweet and yet it still hurt, bringing up the last time I saw her.
“Since you broke up with me.” I snapped at her, feeling anger run through my veins about our breakup.
She shifted her weight nervously, but suddenly pulled her shoulders back. Her eyes bore into mine as she sharply retorted, “No, actually, I was…I was going to break up with Stan. You flew off the handle instead of letting me explain.” Tears started to well up in her eyes and she turned her head quickly, shutting her eyes to make the tears fall. She brushed them away quickly.
As much as her statement shocked me, I couldn’t help but point out the obvious. “What did you want me to do Stephanie? You were dating both of us at the same time. Did you really think I wouldn’t get pissed off?” The anger in my voice increased with every word I said. Yet, as angry as I spoke the words, I had this nagging feeling; regretting each word.
She had wanted to choose me.
She wanted me.
“I just needed some time to…”
“To break up with me. Got it. You made your point. What do you want from me right now Stephanie?” I interrupted her on purpose because just being near her again was difficult. If she wants me back, she needs to fight for me because dammit, I want her back. I want her to want me. Snapping at her was my only defense to keep from being hurt further.
“Forgiveness. I was young and stupid. I…should have never started another relationship with Stan when I was with you. I just wanted to say I’m sorry, that’s all.”
After all these years, now, here at Flynn and Mel’s wedding she chooses to apologize. There were so many other opportunities over the years to do that. I shrugged as I asked, “What does it matter now? You’re married and have a kid.”
She looked hurt when I mentioned her marriage and their child. “It matters to me. I hurt you and I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” Her voice was full of sympathy as I watched her swallow while staring up at me.
I looked away unsure of what to say or do. For some reason, I still didn’t want to forgive her. I didn’t want to let her in again. I had pushed away these feeling for so very long, I was afraid the dam would break. Not here. Not now. Not ever.
She nodded her head, probably understanding the dilemma going on in my head. “If it’s easier to hate me, Matt. I understand. Mom told me that you’re…dating a lot. I had just hoped by now you found someone you were meant to be with.”
My eyes snapped to hers and I felt that dam inside of me starting to spill over. “I was meant to be with you, but you fucked that up.” I clenched my teeth to keep in any other words that might come out.
She nodded quickly and swallowed. “I did. I screwed up.” Her eyes were flowing now with tears as she whispered, “I’m sorry, Matt. I’m so sorry.”
I paused and stared deep into her ocean blue eyes with everything I had while grinding my jaw nervously, afraid to ask what I wanted to ask. Afraid that if I asked her this question I wouldn’t get the answer I wanted. I swallowed hard before asking, “Do you want me back Stephanie, is this why we’re out here?” I hoped to God I didn’t sound like I was begging.
Her eyes reminded me of the color of the lake, shimmering water in the sun. She paused, giving me false hope as she glanced around nervously before responding, “I…if the circumstances were different, I might have,” Tears began to stream from her eyes as she finished what she was saying. “…but I have a daughter now.” She squeezed her eyes shut as her lips quivered. I watched tears slide down her cheeks as she opened her eyes and turned her head away, averting her eyes from mine.
With that statement, I knew she was shutting the door on any possibility I’d ever hoped for. I swallowed back the huge fucking lump in my throat and crossed my arms again over my chest. I nodded and tried to appear as unaffected by what she just told me. Inside was an entirely different story. Thoughts of dropping to my knees begging her to choose me ran through my mind; wrapping my arms around her legs and not ever letting her go again.
Thank God I didn’t follow through on either thought. I felt like it was ending all over again. The pain I felt years ago, standing at her apartment door, holding flowers like a jackass while she tried to explain that the guy who answered the door was her boyfriend. Damn flowers. I held them the whole time I screamed at her for being with another guy while she was supposed to be just with me.
“I’m sorry. I just…wanted to tell you that. You still have a special place in my heart.”
The fucking dam broke loose and I couldn’t control what flew out of my mouth as I screamed, “You have my heart, Stephanie. You fucking have my heart.” I hated myself for letting that out, but fucking A I still loved her. Standing right here, right now, looking into her eyes, feeling her so close to me, smelling her sweet perfume…memories of how much I wanted her to be my wife, how I wanted her to have our children rushed through me. The little girl she has with her husband should have been mine. I had wanted that so badly with her. I was that stupid jackass who actually started planning out our life before she did. Fucking idiot.
Tears ran from her eyes. Not loving tears. Stupid fucking sympathetic tears. Pity, as Izzy said to me once. No wonder Izzy said that she feared that look so much. Stephanie giving me that look gave me the worst feeling and made it hurt even more than if she hated me.
Her lips quivered as she tried to hold in sobs that were escaping her sweet pink lips. “I’m…I’m giving it back to you, Matt. Your heart wasn’t mine to hold on to. It just wasn’t meant to…” a sob escaped her mouth before she continued, “…to be between us.”
I pressed my lips together to hold back any stupid words that might try to escape my lips. Tears were stinging my eyes and I was not going to fucking cry like a pussy. I was already pissed at myself for being pathetic enough to tell her that I still loved her. What fool does that? I looked away quickly, giving her a slight head nod. That’s twice now I let her in. Only fools do that.
She rubbed her hand up and down my arm, fingers lingering just a little more than I think she wanted to. I jerked my arm away from her touch, unable to look at her again. “I really am sorry, Matt.”
I gave another slight head nod and cleared my throat. “You said that already, Stephanie. Enjoy the rest of the wedding,” I dismissed her, wanting her to just hurry up and leave so I could try to regain some sort of control again. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed she gave me a meek smile before she turned towards the door.
I tried my best not to look, but my eyes darted to watch Stephanie walk over to the doors and head back inside. She stopped for a second at the door to look back at me. In that small split second I prayed she would come running back to me. She didn’t. I wasn’t sure if that hurt worse.
I stood there staring at that damn door trying to let go of Stephanie. Finally I turned my gaze out to the vineyards. They were lit up by the moonlight and a soft breeze was in the hot air. I took a deep breath and tried to sort it all through.
She would have chosen me that night. Who wouldn’t fly off the handle after just finding out that your girlfriend had another boyfriend? If I had remained silent and listened to her explain, would we be together now? Would that little girl be mine?
The pain in my heart and head hurt worse than it seemed to the first time. I cursed myself for even wanting to have her back in my life.
The door opened again and I glanced over to see Z walk towards me with a drink in each hand. I wondered how many other guests had watched Stephanie break my heart a second time through the windows. Z came over to me, handing me one of the drinks and I took it, quickly taking a long drink. The Red Bull and Vodka went down nicely, especially since it was so hot out. I had forgotten about the heat while my heart was being crushed by Stephanie. Again.
Z stood next to me, looking out to the vineyards and took a drink from his glass. The staff for the venue was starting to fold up the chairs from the ceremony. We stood there silently watching them stack the chairs against the outside wall of the building.
After a long pause and without even a glance in my direction, he advised me, “Just remember that right after Sheila cheated on me, I found Izzy. Best thing that ever happened to me. Sometimes it’s just meant to be that the next one might just be the one.”
I cleared my throat, making sure to hold back the lump in my throat as I swallowed it down. I glanced around, my eyes not really focusing on anything but the searing pain. “Is my little brother trying to give me advice?”
I glanced back at him as he gave me a firm head nod. “Yep.”
After a long pause, I nodded. “Thanks.”
Chapter 9
Vanessa
“Dear God, Vanessa. This wedding might just be a lesson in what not to do for a wedding. I need to make sure I find out who her wedding planner was so I don’t hire her,” my mother said under her breath, leaning towards me. I wasn’t even sure if she was really talking to me since her eyes were still taking in the reception.
I took a deep breath, trying to remain composed. I actually loved everything about this wedding. Well, except for the heat. I was glad I left my hair down, the tendrils that fell around my face actually curled up nicely with the temperature. For once, the humidity worked in my favor. Well, for my hair. My makeup was another matter. No worries though. Mom made sure to bring makeup for me and directed me how to correctly apply it, griping the whole time about making guests sit outside in the hot sun.
Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) Page 12
