I couldn’t really argue with his theory, but I rationalized with myself that I really needed to branch out and date, while on my break — my break from Charles that Matt doesn’t really know about.
I took a deep breath as I tried to explain, “Aubrey promised me it would be fun. Besides she would make fun of the night. You have a fun sense of humor and could help ease my nervousness, friend.”
He shook his head not knowing what else to say. “Fine. A night of loser women or if they’re any good I’d get a phone number or two to pass on to Clark.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, you would pass those on to Clark.” Sarcasm dripped from my statement to him.
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” That darn half smile appeared after he noted his correction.
We stood at the bar with our drinks as more people started to filter in. Some came alone and others came with their friends. I noticed no one else walked in with a person of the opposite sex. I quickly emptied the contents of my Cosmo needing the alcohol to help meet new people. Matt watched me with curious expression.
“You alright?” He asked me as he flagged down the bartender and ordered another Cosmo for me and another beer for himself.
I nodded as I started to twirl my ring again, noting the time was getting closer to begin this “thing.” “Just getting a little nervous. I’m not great with meeting new people,” I reminded him.
Matt smiled. “You’ll be fine. Just pretend you’re talking to your friend,” he said sarcastically.
“Funny,” I flatly stated to him as my stomach continued to churn from my nervousness.
The hostess for the evening adjusted her microphone and explained the rules. The women were to take their seats and the men would rotate seats after five minutes of speaking to their ‘date.’ We were to all mark our forms with each person’s name and the number they had given each of us with comments on a scale of one to five how we would rate the person.
The women were all instructed to pick a seat. I gave one last look at Matt and he gave me an encouraging smile. “Have fun,” he teased. I smiled back. “You too.”
My first “date” wasn’t too bad. He seemed very nice, but a little quirky with his odd mannerisms. He kept flicking his watch clasp. Open. Close. Open. Close. The distraction was driving me nuts, but then again I have my odd habit of twirling my ring. So maybe that bothered him too. I gave him the benefit of the doubt with nice comments and a rating of four.
My next date - smelled. Terrible. He had horrible body odor and I felt bad for him thinking he might be as nervous as I was. I smiled nicely throughout the date to try to get through it, but only rated him a two. I don’t think I could go out on another date and possibly have to smell him the entire time.
One right after the other sat down in front of me and each time my nervousness decreased about meeting someone new. They all seemed very nice, some more than others. The next thing I knew I looked over and noticed Matt was just about to take his seat to “date” the woman next to me.
My heart immediately soared just seeing him. His warm smile and casual wink at me made me want to jump into his arms. I glanced at the woman he was about to sit with and she was watching his every move. I was waiting for drool to drip out of her mouth.
Instead of sitting he took a couple steps towards me. He leaned over and smiled, “Hey, you’ve got that bitch scowl working. Knock it off or you won’t get any dates.”
I wasn’t sure if I had that “look” from watching his soon to be date drool over him or if maybe I just look that way to begin with. I tried to accept his advice, knowing I probably make that face he’s talking about when I’m nervous.
Then I realized he was giving me advice so that I “get” dates. So he really wants me to meet new people. Friends. My stomach dropped a little as it hit me that we really were going to be nothing more than just friends. Swallowing back my sadness, I flashed him a half smile.
He tilted his head, laughing. “Better.” Just then my date walked up and I watched Matt’s eyes follow him as my date sat down in front of me. Matt’s eyes lowered to the table and then over to his date. I decided to follow suit.
I turned my gaze toward my date and tried to give him my full attention. He was a really charismatic guy and kept making jokes that reminded me of Matt. I tried my best not to look to the next table, but whenever I did Matt’s eyes would flick to mine. Finally the bell rang for the men to switch seats. Matt sat down in front of me and I stupidly grinned from ear to ear.
“How’s that ring finger doing?” Matt asked as he nodded his head in the direction of my grandmother’s ring. I rolled my eyes, smiling that he knew my nervous habit. I picked up my pen and started to write down his name and the number on his sticker attached to his shirt. He smiled at me and started writing also. I guess technically we didn’t need to talk during our time frame, so I put my head down and started to write about Matt.
Rate: 5 Although Matt seems to be the player type and wants nothing more than a quick lay, I’m sure he would be a fun person to hang around with, if nothing more than a really good friend.
I looked up to see Matt gazing at me with a sweet thoughtful look. I smiled back and then glanced down to his paper. It seemed like he wrote a book about me. My mouth popped open, as did my eyes. I quickly snatched the paper to see what he wrote about me.
“Hey. That’s against the rules. You’re not allowed to do that,” he teased. He reached over and grabbed mine as I began to read his.
Rate: 5 Vanessa seems like the perfect person to take home to my mother. Her sweet and caring mannerisms lead me to believe she would make the perfect match for me. I could completely see our future together as she would make a fantastic wife and future mother to my children. I would love nothing more than to go out on a date with this woman.
Shocked, I looked up at him. He did the same as he flicked my paper back to me.
“Nothing more than a good friend?” He asked, clearly agitated.
“Mother to your children?” I asked him, still shocked at what he wrote. Does he really think these things? I thought for sure he would write something like I did. Did he really mean this stuff? Or is this just something he wanted to tease me about.
The bell rang and we sat there, continuing to stare at each other, wondering if the other really meant what we wrote. There were three dates left before I could talk to Matt again. I watched him as he stood shaking his head, looking disappointed and went to the next table.
I bit my lip, debating if I should change what I wrote. Maybe I should rewrite it so we would be matched up? Is that what he was doing? Writing something sweet so that he wasn’t matched up with other women he wasn’t attracted to?
I didn’t know what to think at that point as I looked up to see my next date in front of me. He was a body builder type that reminded me of Luke, which brought back memories of how Matt made sure to tell Luke about having to hold my hair. Does Matt really want more with me? Oh God, I was going to get a headache from the thoughts going back and forth in my head.
The last bell for the final date rang and we were all instructed to hand in our papers. They would be tallied up and we would be emailed our matches. If we wanted to go out on a date with any of the matches, we could email them back and have it arranged.
I stood up and looked for Matt. My heart sank, as did my stomach, when I noticed three women surrounded him. Three. Should I go over to him? The bodybuilder who reminded me of Luke walked over to me and we began an easy-going conversation. He didn’t drink because of training, which is a good thing I guess, even though I do like my occasional glass of wine or a Cosmos when I’m out. Kara ordered one for me in front of Luke and I didn’t correct her. I can’t seem to get enough of them now.
My eyes kept flashing over to Matt. He wasn’t looking over to me in the least, not that I could blame him since he had so many women to chat with.
“You seem a little preoccupied,” Declan the bodybuilder, said to me.
“I’m so
sorry. I guess I still have my mind on work.” My remark led to a discussion about what I do and what he does for a day job besides body-building.
The bar was nearing its closing time and I had the best buzz going on. Declan and I really hit it off and we exchanged phone numbers on our own. The entire night Matt was enjoying himself with as little as three women. Their faces would change, but for the most part, he was always surrounded by at least three women. Size or shape didn’t matter; they all wanted to speak with him.
No, I didn’t stare at him the entire night. After the first hour of cheerful conversation, although it was a bit slow at first, with Declan, my glances over to Matt became fewer. Especially after I noticed that he wasn’t even concerned with where I was or whom I was speaking with.
That sealed it for me, friends is all he really wants with me. He enjoys many women and that’s just how he is. My feelings towards him were nothing more than sexual attraction and a desire for more of a night full of sex.
As I spoke with Declan more and more, I realized what a sweet man he really was. He had this hard exterior, a receding hair line and a slight crook to his nose. No, Declan was definitely not a man I would pick out to date, even from just seeing his picture online; however, the ease of conversation and the way he was able to make me smile with his sweet jokes made me realize you really couldn’t judge a person just based on looks.
We discussed online dating and I explained to him about Aubrey setting me up with Mr. Octopus. It was actually a great story to tell and Declan and I had a nice little laugh about it. He told me which dating service he uses and suggested I get on there too so we can chat and match up. Aside from having nothing in common, the ease of our conversation made it a really enjoyable evening.
The bar was closing and I watched Matt walk towards us with a brunette on his arm. She was quite beautiful and I had a hard time fighting the jealousy that settled in the pit of my stomach. I watched her “pet” his arm continually and her doe eyes ate every word he spoke as they strolled towards us.
I quickly introduced Declan and Matt introduced his new friend, Ava.
“Are you ready to head back?” Matt asked me directly, which shocked me. I wasn’t sure if he meant he was also going to take Ava with us on our small walk back to our building.
Declan spoke up, another surprise to this little end of the evening. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind walking you back, if you don’t mind, of course.” I glanced at Matt, unsure of what to do. I felt comfortable with Declan, but then again I just met him.
“Well, Ava, you’re heading back with your friends, right?” Matt said as he glanced around searching for her friends.
“I wouldn’t mind walking back with you actually, Matt.” Matt’s smile dropped as he looked over to Declan.
His voice dropped to a more serious tone as he glared at Declan. “Actually, Vanessa and I live in the same building, so I can just take her back. It’s really no big deal,” he directed Declan, ignoring Ava’s suggestion and obvious desire to sleep with him tonight. Why wouldn’t he take her back?
“Oh, I didn’t realize…” Declan started to say as he glanced back and forth between Matt and me. “Are you two…?”
“No,” I interrupted quickly. “No, we’re not together, we’re neighbors actually. I dragged Matt out with me tonight to help ease my nervousness of meeting new people.”
“Oh,” Declan nodded his head in understanding. “Well, that’s fine. I’ll just chat with you online or I can call you tomorrow if you’d like.”
I couldn’t help but beam as I honestly told him, “Yeah, I’d like that. I’ll log on tomorrow and check it out.”
His broad smile was endearing as he stuttered, “Umm, great. Okay, I’d like that. I’ll…we’ll talk tomorrow then.” He took me by surprise as he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a strong hug. I couldn’t help but return his hug, knowing now what a really sweet man he seemed to be.
I turned around to Matt and we started to head toward the door. With Ava. I felt like a third wheel the entire walk home, but I realized I did this to myself. I forced Matt to come out here under the pretense of friends. What did I expect? A good looking man like Matt would always find attractive women, especially at a speed dating event.
Ava spoke the entire time. I didn’t say a word, nor did Matt. The elevator was the same way. Arriving at our apartments, I stuck my key in my lock as Matt did the same to his. Only he had someone about to enter his apartment with him. I didn’t. My heart was hurting as I recalled our intimate, romantic kiss in the rain. What I felt for him Sunday night was nothing more than just a heated moment together.
“Wow, you guys really are neighbors. Right across the hall,” Ava noted and also brought me from my personal thoughts.
I nodded my head, barely glancing in their direction. “Yep, just neighbors. Good night guys.” I managed to squeak out as I quickly opened my door and walked into my apartment.
As I closed the door and leaned on it, I knew I only had myself to blame for this. I teased him and then pushed him out to a night filled with plenty of women. Claiming to be just friends at every turn might have been my internal way of making sure I didn’t cross that line with a guy like Matt. I cringed knowing what Matt and Ava were doing right now. Hot, raunchy sex like we had flashed through my mind, just like the jealousy that coursed through my body, gripping my heart. Visions of our hot passion in the bedroom and again in the elevator continued to roll through my mind.
Shoving myself off the door and taking a deep breath, I tried to push away thoughts of Sunday night. What I thought was the most amazing kiss in the rain, was nothing more than Matt being Matt. The man knows how to kiss and definitely knew how to sweep me off my feet so that he could try to get me into bed again.
I took off my jewelry and then slipped off my heels thinking about my life. I took a break from Charles so that I could focus on what I really want for myself. I couldn’t spend it pining after Matt.
I enjoy spending time with Matt. I love his sense of humor, our fun banter and most of all the way he always made me feel desirable. On the flip side of that, any girlfriend of his would constantly be vying for his attention from other women. My insecurities and self-doubt, things that I was trying so hard to work through, would be too difficult to contain if Matt and I were to become something more than friends. I laughed at myself, noting how I already advanced my relationship with him to girlfriend status.
Sighing to myself as I slipped into bed, I recognized quickly that the only relationship I should and could have with Matt was friendship.
I think.
******
The next morning I awoke with a fresh outlook. Friends is all Matt and I would be. I decided if we saw each other today, which I was pretty sure he’d spend the day with his new friend Ava, I intended to keep our relationship to nothing more than just friends. The type of friends most people are, not being naked in front of each other and teasing each other in a manner that led to sexual tension.
At least that was my decision right now.
I went ahead and took a shower, did my make-up, hair and slipped on jean shorts with a top that helped me feel good about myself — and my new life choices.
My first thing to do today was reassess my life and my new plan. I grabbed some coffee and a notebook and sat down at our small dining room table. I made sure to face the windows, which looked out toward the city skyline. I loved this apartment more and more every day.
I stared out the window and thought about what I really wanted from a new relationship. What was it about my relationship with Charles that bothered me so much? Was it that he was perfect for my mother? That wasn’t it. He has amazing qualities. So what was missing that I craved? Needed.
Romance.
While I didn’t need to have sweeping, whirlwind romance, I didn’t want the romance to be Charles taking my car into the shop for me. That was not romance.
Not perfect.
While that one wasn’t really a
n item that most people list, I wanted to make sure the person I fall in love with won’t need me to be perfect all the time. I don’t want to have to constantly live up to someone else’s standards. I could call my mom if I felt the need for that.
I sat there staring at my two items on my list. I tapped my pen against the notebook as if that would help me think things through.
Were those the only two things that bothered me about Charles? There had to be something else. I wouldn’t toss away a relationship just based on those two things, would I? Those were things that could be discussed. I could discuss those with Charles. He would understand and try to appease me.
Love.
I wrote that down quickly. I love Charles very much, don’t I? It’s not heart throbbing, sweep me off my feet love, but that can’t happen all the time and even if it were, it would surely fade over time, right? Did he do that in the beginning? No.
I thought back to the beginning of our relationship. Realizing it was actually my mom who continually pushed us together for functions at the country club. Even though my heart pounded when we first started dating, it was likely that I really wanted him to like me so that my mom would finally be happy with me.
Charles was her choice for me. While he’s a good choice for me in every sense of the word, he’s not who I would have chosen for myself. Rather, he’s who I would settle for, for my mom.
I crossed my arms on the table and rested my head on my hands staring at my new list.
Romance
Not perfect
Love
Was that all I really wanted from someone? I knew there was something else, but I was pretty sure it would sound silly if I wrote it on paper. I was just about to write More Sex when my phone chimed. I looked around wondering where I left it this time. In my purse from last night, I realized as I stood up and picked it up from the coffee table. Pulling my phone out of my purse, I glanced at two texts, both from Matt. One seemed to be from earlier when I took my shower.
Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) Page 33
