“Mmm.” I leaned over and kissed him tenderly. His lips were so soft I needed another one. “That sounds romantic. Am I breaking you down on romance, Matt?” I kissed him again, teasing him, “Are you a closet romantic?” Teasing him was beginning to be my favorite past time. Especially when it came to romance. The things he did were romantic, but he just didn’t want to admit it.
“Pfft. Romantic bullshit.” Of course his actions were different as he wrapped his strong arms around my waist from behind and nuzzled my neck. “I just want to fuck you in the middle of a vineyard.” And… maybe I was wrong.
I smiled and shook my head, placing a kiss on his forehead. Then I remembered why we couldn’t. “I actually can’t today, but I’d love a rain check.” I told him as I turned around and into his arms. He pulled back slightly as his questioning eyes stared into mine. My heart beat faster as I knew I’d have to lie to him.
“Why? What do you have going on?”
I couldn’t argue with him questioning as we’d been together every single second outside of work for weeks now. I tried not to show any nervousness as I lied to him. “I need to meet my parents for lunch at the country club.”
“Oh, parents, huh?” He gave me a small smile as he bent his head down for a kiss. So soft I could get lost in his sweet lips as I forgot about my little lie.
He pulled back awaiting my answer, which I couldn’t remember what the question was. “Parents.” He repeated as he smiled, reminding me of my dilemma. “I could go with you.”
My smile and stomach dropped and I turned back around to stir the eggs. I shook my head almost in a panic as my heart beat even faster. “No, you don’t want to meet them,” I told him, trying to keep my voice even.
He leaned back onto the counter next to me. “Well, I already met your mom at the wedding,” he reminded me. Wow, that night seems so long ago as I suddenly recalled everything that happened that night.
“It’s just…too soon. I don’t want you to have to deal with her inquisition yet,” I joked, hoping he would understand. At least he already knew about the problems I had to deal with from her.
He smiled, seeming to understand why it would be too soon. He gave me a quick kiss. “Okay, I understand. You let me know when you’re ready to formally introduce me to them.” He gave me a sweet smile. “I’ll be here.”
I nodded as my mind tried to wrap around his comment regarding a formal introduction. Why would Matt even want to meet my parents? I pushed that from my mind realizing I needed to make sure I break up with Charles today. A formal break up to finalize it between us and then I would tell my parents.
“Eggs are ready,” I blurted out in order to dismiss my new nervousness of what I had to do today.
******
I pulled up to the restaurant and sat in my car for a few moments. I was going to do it. I was going to formally break up with Charles. I hadn’t seen him in so long. This should be fairly easy, right? My palms became clammy as I stared out the window trying to think of what I would say to him. Nothing came to mind.
My stomach rolled with nausea of what I was about to do. Visions of my mother yelling at me, my dad being upset that I angered Mom again, and my God, the people at the Country Club would all do that staring, whispering thing they use to do when I’d walk in as a huge teenager.
I tried to collect my thoughts as I realized that most of my uneasiness right now was because I was thinking of what other people thought of me. I wasn’t thinking about Charles and his feelings toward me. How would he feel? He won’t feel much; he might even be happy or relieved to finally be rid of me. Why would he want me? I’m nothing more than a woman with emotional baggage and an overbearing mother tagging along for the ride.
Ugh. I let my head fall back to the headrest of the seat as I stared up at the ceiling in my car. On that note, why would Matt want me? He hasn’t really had to deal with my parents or the Country Club or me when I’m around them. Sex. He just wants me for sex.
Pain was shooting through my hand and I looked down realizing I was twisting my ring so furiously that my finger was turning purple. Just then my door popped open, scaring the daylights out of me.
With my heart beating furiously, I looked up to see Charles’ smiling face as he leaned in my car and then leaned in further to kiss me. I pecked his lips, unsure of how to be with him, especially now that I was sort of with Matt.
He pulled back and laughed. “That’s all I get after not seeing each other for over two months?”
I tried to make light of it. “Sorry, you just scared me, that’s all.” I began to get out of my car as Charles offered his hand to help me out. I took his hand, knowing he was always such a gentleman. He was smiling from ear to ear, excited about something. Was he excited to see me?
My heart suddenly fluttered as I gazed at Charles. His chocolate brown eyes were lit up, as the smile on his face also did. He pulled his hand from behind his back, proudly thrusting a beautiful bouquet of flowers towards me. Lavenders. He remembered how much I adore them from the time I spent in France for my “fit” camp.
“I know how much you love these,” he beamed as he handed the bouquet to me. I smiled and took a deep breath, inhaling my favorite fragrance.
I hugged him tightly and thanked him. He held me close in a warm embrace and nuzzled my neck giving me a brief kiss. I exhaled, knowing I needed to just rip the band-aid off and break up with him quickly, before this lingers. Familiar feelings were starting to well up in me and I knew if I stood there long enough, I’d probably convince myself that being with him might be the right thing to do.
“Charles, I…we need to talk,” I began softly. Charles pulled back, but still held me firmly.
He smiled so sweetly at me. “I missed you. I missed you so much, Vanessa.” I cast my eyes down not wanting to look him in the eyes, but he squatted slightly, bowing his head so I would have to meet his eyes. “I know now that I wasn’t the fiancé I should have been. I mean, I was there for you, but I wasn’t there for you.”
“Charles, you were…”
“I…I was hoping you’d still call me, but I guess you really just wanted to be more involved with your work.” He paused slightly, pressing his lips together as he smiled again and eagerly asked, “How’s your job going? Is everything getting better?” I just was about to answer him, but he added, “I know you were having a tough time with your policies and everything.”
Wow, he really did listen to me when I spoke of my job. I always thought he was in his own little world and not paying attention to what I was saying. “Well, it’s actually going much better,” I told him. His eyes lit up even more as his hands rubbed my arms, his eyes searching my face as if he hadn’t seen me in years. I swallowed, thinking this was my opportunity to tell him.
“Charles, I…” I stopped for a second as I just stared into his beautiful warm, loving eyes.
“Vanessa?” He pulled his brows in, waiting for me to speak.
“I…I think we should…we need to…” Charles tilted his head awaiting my words as I tried so hard to spit the words out. “We need to break off our engagement.” Tears flooded my eyes as I finally got the words out, as I finally was trying to finalize this part of my life. “I’m so sorry, Charles. I don’t think….”
“What?” Charles’ hands dropped from my arms as he took a step back. The look on his face crushed me as tears spilled down my cheeks. I took a step towards him, reaching out with my hands. I was making a mistake, wasn’t I? Or was I?
“I’m sooo sorry Charles, I just think…”
“Break up? I…we were just taking a small break to focus on our careers, I thought.” His face was completely taken aback by what I just said. He looked so hurt and I felt my heart breaking for him.
“I just…”
“You just what? You don’t love me anymore? Is that it?” He took a step toward me, his face confused and hurt.
“Of course I still love you. I’ll always love you. I’m just not…”
I tried to shake my head knowing I needed to make him understand that it’s just not meant to be between us. “Charles, it’s not you. It’s just ‘us.’ I just don’t think we fit together like we used to.”
He shook his head, completely defiant of what I just said. “No. That’s not it. I really screwed up by not being everything you need. But I can be that person, Vanessa. I’ll prove it to you. Let me at least try, please?”
“I… Charles. It’s just not going to work between us,” I tried to insist.
“Sure it is. You compliment me perfectly. We fit together just right. I know all your insecurities. I know how nervous you get. I know how your mom bothers you and know just the right things to say.” He continued on and on, swarming my head with every reason why he was ‘perfect’ for me and yet I continued to want to turn away from him and run. At the same time though, I loved him so much for all the years we spent together. We have a history together and I felt like I was letting him down.
“Charles, I have to be honest with you. And to myself.”
Charles stood there shaking his head, his face red with anger as he continued to stare at me in disbelief. I had no idea what else to say or to help make him understand.
“I want another chance. Please. Just give me one more chance,” he pleaded to me. His face was determined as if he had to make me understand his view.
“Charles, it’s not about trying again. It’s just not going to work. I’m not…”
“You’re not in love with me. I can make you fall in love with me again. I can. I’ll prove it to you. You’ll see that you really do still love me.”
I took a step towards him. I didn’t want him to think that I don’t love him. “Charles it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I don’t…”
Charles pulled me close to him and stared deep into my eyes. “I love you, Vanessa. I’ve always loved you. Even when you were a teenager, I just never knew how to talk to you because you always seemed so withdrawn.”
I nodded my head remembering Charles in his teenage years. He was always so handsome. He was shy and kept to himself mostly and secretly I always wished he would talk to me, but he never did. No one really did except for Ashley and that was only once in a while. Tears came to my eyes just thinking about those haunting horrible years.
“I remember that day that your mom yelled at you in front of everyone for taking a piece of pie at that Christmas banquet at the club. I remember you running out of the club embarrassed. I started to take after you, but my mom stopped me.” My eyes sprang wide as I recalled that day. Just knowing that Charles wanted to help me warmed my heart. “I finally was able to sneak away and I searched for you in the parking lot, but couldn’t find you.”
I cringed as the memory of that day flooded my mind. “Johnny took me home,” I told him quietly. Our limo driver knew enough about what had to have happened. I didn’t even have to speak to him as he saw me crying and placed me into the limo immediately.
“I must have just missed you guys. I told my mom I had to go to the bathroom not too long after that. I wanted to check up on you.” He pulled back as he looked down at me, his eyes glassy. “Vanessa, I loved you back then. I loved you when you weren’t happy with yourself and I love you still. Please. You’ve got to give us another chance.”
How had I not known that about Charles? I had no idea he even gave two thoughts about me during high school. We only saw each other every once in a while and never spoke. Here I thought I knew him so well. I stared into his eyes not knowing what to do now. I still loved him. I’d always love Charles, but knowing this seemed to bring him closer to what I went through. Having this extra bit started to make me wonder if I was making a mistake.
This isn’t the point, I tried to remind myself; the point is, I’m not “in love” with Charles. He doesn’t excite me. He doesn’t romance me. I would always try to fit into his perfect world and try to be the perfect wife for him. I can’t live like that. I tried to do that my whole life with my mother and I need to break free from that.
“Do you…do you want more time? Is that what you need? I…I can give you more time. Why…why don’t we just try to date each other. You know…maybe start at the beginning a little?”
“I…I don’t think that’s going to…”
“No…really. Hear me out.” He clasped his hands together and brought one to his mouth, thinking things through. “We’ll just date each other. We’ll get to know each other again. It can work, Vanessa.”
I shook my head again, hoping he would understand that wasn’t the problem. “Charles, we can’t. We just need to completely…”
He held out his finger stopping me from speaking any further as he tried to make his point. “You’ll see, Vanessa. You’ll fall in love with me all over again.” He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “We’ll take more time to think things through and just date each other. It’ll work out, Vanessa. I promise you.” He kissed my lips gently and then pulled back with a determined look on his face. “I love you so much, Vanessa. I’m not giving up on us.” He turned and walked to his car.
I stood there stunned, watching him walk away from me, unsure of what he was going to do. Wanting to tell him again that it wouldn’t work, but I felt like I had tried that whole time to tell him.
All I could do was nod. I wanted to finalize this, but he was just so insistent. Deep down I knew I really did love him. Maybe he was right. Maybe he could make me fall in love with him all over again. I started to feel that maybe I did owe it to him after all these years to let him try.
I sat on Matt’s couch later that evening staring at the TV. I was still trying to figure out what happened with Charles earlier. I was still wondering how we really left it. Were we actually broken up? I think we were, but I couldn’t figure out what he meant by date each other. Or how he was going to “make me love him.”
“You seem a bit…distant. Is everything alright?” Matt asked me as he flipped through channels, quickly glancing at me. He sat in the corner and pulled me onto his lap so I could rest my head on his chest.
“Huh? Yeah. Oh yeah. Everything is fine. How was…how was dinner tonight?”
“It was good. We missed you though. We had a full on conversation about the policy at work.”
He continued talking and I completely faded out. Charles is such a fantastic person. Why would I leave that? For Matt who doesn’t seem to know what he wants? Wasn’t it just this morning that he waved off being romantic? Well sort of. His actions always seemed to be romantic, but he wouldn’t claim to be, right? I know that if I asked Charles to be more romantic, he would be. He would do anything for me. I mean that’s what every woman wants, right?
“Vanessa?” I heard Matt say somewhere in the distance. I turned my head to look up to him. His brows were pulled together as he gazed at me, concerned. “You alright?”
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“Did your parents upset you today? What’d they say to you?”
Thoughts of our relationship began to pepper my mind. What were we doing? What was my relationship with Matt? I turned around and got onto my knees beside him on the couch. “Matt. What…what is this between us?” I asked in all seriousness. Was I choosing between the two, right now? Charles said he’d give me more time. More time for what though? Did I want to be with him?
“What do you mean ‘between us’?” Matt shook his head in confusion.
“You and me. We escalated it above friends with benefits status to exclusive, right? But what is that?”
“I...don’t understand.” He looked at me warily and turned up the corner of his mouth. “You’re kind of scaring me, Vanessa. Are you wanting a ring right now or something like that?”
“No!” That was the last thing I wanted right now. “I just�
��I want to know…what…how do you feel about me?”
He looked like he was struggling to form words as his eyes glanced around the room. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair before looking back at me. “I thought we already discussed this. I mean, we can’t do anything more because of your policy.”
Was that the only thing keeping us from going further? Did it matter to Matt how fast we had taken things? No. All that mattered was my decision with Charles — the decision Matt still doesn’t know I’m trying to make. It was all me because with Matt we could take it as slow as we wanted until he moved back to outside sales. Moved back to Atlanta. And then what would happen between us? I was back at square one.
I was worrying Matt for nothing. I flashed a fake smile. “I’m sorry.” I told him as I shook my head feeling stupid. “I shouldn’t have brought it up. It is what it is with us. You’re right. The policy is sort of holding us up.”
“Holding us up from what?”
“Nothing.”
“No, you started this conversation. Where do you see us going, Vanessa?”
“I…” I swallowed as I continued my pressed smile. “I like where we are.”
Matt smiled and leaned in for a long kiss. He pulled back and grinned. “Good, because I like where we are too.”
******
I pulled up to the airport departure curb and put my car in park. Matt looked over at me, smiling.
“You’re gonna miss me, aren’t you?” He asked teasingly. I hated to admit it, but he was right.
“Nah. I’ve got so much to catch up on at work. You seem to take a lot of my time. You’re so needy,” I teased him. He chuckled and leaned over, taking both my cheeks in his hands. His lips pressed against mine for that soft kiss he does so well. I am so going to miss him. It’s only three days. I tried to remind myself.
He pulled back and tilted his head slightly, still smiling. “I can admit it.” His eyes dipped down to my lips and then back to my eyes, “I’m gonna miss you.” His soft voice sent shivers up my spine.
Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) Page 38
