“At the club?” My stomach dropped just thinking of how she would react, not to mention in front of…them.
“Yep, she won’t yell or go crazy there in front of her friends.” He smiled. “At least I hope not.”
I sat at the table across from mom at the country club. Dad sat next to me, reading his menu as if nothing was going on. Meanwhile, I felt like my whole world was about to explode. I started to wring my napkin nervously.
“Vanessa, please stop fidgeting. It’s bad table manners,” she ordered as she sipped water from her glass. I placed my hands on top of the table, as I was always told to do.
From the corner of my eye, I watched her glare at my hands. I knew whatever comment was coming would be a snide one. “Why aren’t you wearing your gorgeous engagement ring?” She asked, completely disgusted that I would leave the house without it.
My eyes nervously shot over to Dad’s as he looked up from reading the newspaper and gave me a small head nod. I took a deep breath and admitted, “We’re not getting married.” I was proud of myself for saying it at an audible level. I exhaled feeling quite proud of myself and braced for the storm that was going to ensue.
Her eyes shot daggers through me. “You what?” Her tone was so angry it startled me and I jumped in my seat.
I took another deep breath and glanced at Dad quickly before returning my eyes to hers. I lifted my chin and told her, “We broke off the engagement. I, we are not going to get married.” I stared at her, awaiting her response. And waited.
My mother’s lips pinched together and she stabbed her salad with her fork. She didn’t say a word as she chewed her food, never looking at me.
I sat there continuing to watch, waiting. I glanced at Dad. He continued to eat his sandwich and read the paper as if nothing happened. My stomach wouldn’t be able to handle food, so I stared at my plate. I was waiting for…something.
She finished her bite and took another. I waited. I nervously reached for my water hoping it would calm my nerves. I felt like standing up and running out of there, but I knew I had to see this through. I had to make sure Mom understood this was my decision. The problem was, she hadn’t replied and I wasn’t sure if she would accept my choice.
Just when I thought the conversation was over she angrily snapped at me in a lowered tone, “You couldn’t give me one thing to be proud of, could you?”
My mouth popped open, knowing that was truly how she felt, as tears welled in my eyes and a pain stabbed in my heart.
“That’s enough, Katherine.” Dad snapped, almost raising his voice. “She’s a grown woman who has a great career and is living on her own. She’s done fantastic with her life and most mothers would be more than proud of her.” His proud words sent a small wave of relief through me, but the relief that didn’t last long as I glanced back to my mom, awaiting her response.
My mother’s glare at my dad and her final words tore through me. “Most mothers accept their average child, I wanted more than just an average child.” A gasp escaped my throat as tears spilled over my cheeks finally knowing how she really felt about me. Knowing for sure I would never be good enough for her.
My Dad’s hand slammed onto the table making everyone around us stop and stare. Gritting through his teeth, seething, he spat, “You are nothing more than a spoiled child. Does treating your daughter the way you were treated by your mother make you feel better about yourself?”
Mom looked around trying to maintain composure before turning back to Dad. “Lower your voice. You both brought me to the club on purpose, knowing I wouldn’t be able to fully explain how I felt about this,” she harshly whispered.
“I’m not doing this to hurt you, Mom. This is my life. This is how I choose to live it. I’m not marrying Charles and it’s not to hurt you, it’s because I don’t want your life.” I tried to explain.
“I finally turned you into a woman worth marrying. After all my years of hard work and finding the perfect person for you this is how you repay me?” She started to take another drink from her water, but whispered under her breath, “Pathetic.”
Anger ran through me, welled up inside of me for so long that I was finally ready to explode. Dad started to say something, but I angrily slammed my fist onto the table. I stood up, hovering over her, furious that she had the gall to say that to me; that this is really how she felt about me. “Repay you? Repay you! How could you expect me to feel anything but hatred for you right now? You’ve done nothing but belittle and control me for years, just so you could ‘prepare me for marriage.’ Who does that?” I looked around the room at everyone staring at us and then glared back to my mother. “This is my life, mom — Mine to choose who I want to marry or even if I want to get married.”
I threw my napkin down as I watched my mother’s face grow red with embarrassment. She started arranging her napkin and silverware, something she does when she gets flustered, and I could tell it was in hopes to divert away any attention she was getting from the club members.
I smiled at Dad, feeling proud for standing up for myself and for standing up to her. I looked around at everyone staring at us and finally realized I didn’t care what they thought of me. They were nothing to me, nothing in my life.
“This isn’t about you, Mom.” I calmly explained to her as I sat back down, hoping she would even listen to me. “This is about me living my life how I want to.” I gave a small smile as I realized I didn’t need her approval any more. I didn’t need anyone’s approval. I only needed mine and to be proud of the person I was becoming. And I was. “One day, I hope that you can see things my way. I hope that you will love and accept me for who I am.” I smiled as tears slowly came down my cheek. “Because I do. And one day you’ll understand that’s what’s really important.”
Chapter 29
Matt
Waiting. That was the hardest part for me. Waiting to see if she would tell her parents. Waiting to see if she would come talk to me. Waiting to see if she even cared about me the way I do about her. I couldn’t help but wonder if she already chose Charles and I had no idea.
Vanessa had to do all this on her own. I realized as she stood there at the hospital that she still wasn’t ready to tell her parents and I wasn’t about to stand there and wait. It took everything I had not to follow her dad and let him know she wasn’t engaged anymore. Her dad looked so proud to become father-in-law to Charles. The doctor. I didn’t want to be the one to change that, let alone tell him I was now with her daughter. The sales guy. Not that I cared what he thought, I just care about how Vanessa felt.
The bigger problem was seeing her run after Charles at the hospital. I wasn’t sure she wouldn’t get back with him even after his angry display. I knew he was right — that they seem right for each other. He really did fit into her little world “perfectly.” I hoped she no longer wanted him, but what the hell did I know?
“You’re doing it again,” I heard Clark call as he walked to his bedroom. He just got back from work, although I could barely remember what day it was or even what time it was. It seemed like he just left the apartment for the day.
“Doing what?” Not that I really wanted to hear his answer.
“Moping. Over a chick,” he called out from his room. I glanced over to his open door knowing he was probably changing from his work clothes. “You haven’t left that couch since I left for work this morning. Your dad is fine. Your mom doesn’t even want you over there so he can rest and you keep telling work you need personal time. Like a pussy,” he continued to yell, especially the last part, as he walked out of his bedroom changed into jeans and a t-shirt.
“Get up, asshole,” he ordered me. He stood right in front of me, blocking my view of the TV.
“Fuck you,” I told him, as I laid down on the couch, unwilling to give in to him. He was right though. I haven’t moved from this couch. I sat here in a state of shock that Vanessa still hadn’t knocked on my door telling me she told her parents or that she’s madly in love with me. Fucking fairy tale.
> “Nah, I’m serious. This isn’t the way it’s done when you break up with someone.”
“We’re not broken up,” I seethed through clenched teeth as I sat up. Although, I was pretty sure I was wrong on that one.
“It’s been a week and she still hasn’t even texted you anything. Not even some stupid love note. It’s obvious. It’s over. Get off the couch and go take a shower. We’re going out to eat.”
“I’ll order take out,” I grumbled as I thought about what he said. She hadn’t sent me a single text. Considering we sent cute texts to each other even when we’d sit on the couch together, not getting a single one hurt.
“Matt, if you don’t get your ass off this couch, I’m going to tell you how Tina and I fucked on it last week and what we did right where you’re sitting.”
“Tell me. I might as well hear how someone else got laid.”
“My spooge is on that side, right where you’re sitting,” he said matter of fact.
“Got it,” I stood up, completely disgusted. And yes, I did look back on the couch where I sat to see if anything was there. There weren’t any marks and on brown leather I was sure it would probably show up. Liar. Although the way he and Tina screw all the time, I wouldn’t put it past them.
“Take a shower. I can’t have you smelling when I try to pick up chicks,” he ordered me again.
I went ahead, knowing that the shower might feel good. I didn’t want to feel better though. I wanted Vanessa to come talk to me. My fear was her being so stubborn and insecure, coupled with how afraid she is of her mom, she may never tell them. I took my shower, the whole time thinking I should just knock on her door so we could talk.
What would I say? What could I say? I left everything up to her and was still waiting. What if she chose Charles and I had no idea. She would come tell me something like that, wouldn’t she?
“Hurry up! I’m starving,” Clark called out from my bedroom door. I hurried up not wanting to deal with him when he’s hungry. He tends to be more of an asshole and I didn’t feel like dealing with that shit.
“Matt,” Izzy’s soft voice brought me out of my thoughts as I sat at the bar at Allure. We came here after dinner. Well, really Clark dragged me. I continued to stare, thinking about why Vanessa wasn’t even trying to talk to me.
“Matt, when was the last time you spoke with Vanessa?” She asked as I watched her set another beer in front of me and sat down on the stool next to me. Allure on a Thursday night was swarming with gorgeous women and Clark was taking full advantage of that. I didn’t feel like mingling. It was easier to stare into the mirror on the wall behind the liquor. I rested my head on my crossed arms at the bar.
“It’s been awhile,” I mumbled, not bothering lifting my head up nor looking at her.
“What was the last thing she said to you?”
“She didn’t,” I told her as I sat up and turned towards her. I grabbed my beer and took a long drink.
“She didn’t say anything to you? Are you two broken up?” Izzy asked, clearly concerned.
I shrugged. “Probably. Who knows?”
Izzy gave me a frustrated look. I knew she wanted details and I didn’t really feel like talking about it. I was hoping my short answers would let Izzy know that, but that’s not how she’s made. She wanted answers and I could tell when I glanced over at her she was going to get them.
I took a deep breath deciding just to give in so I could go back to my depressing thoughts. “I told her when she figures things out to let me know. She hadn’t told her parents that her and Charles were broken up. That right there tells me that she had no intention of breaking up with him.”
“But she told him it was over at the hospital,” Izzy insisted.
“She also claimed she’s been telling him it’s over for awhile now and he hasn’t gone away nor has she pushed harder to let him know. It’s over, Izzy. It is what it is.” I took a long drink from my beer as Izzy stared me down.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Probably go back to Atlanta. I checked my work email and Perry sent me the okay to go back down there if I wanted it. I think Vanessa probably pushed for it.” I took another long drink as Sandy placed a shot glass in front of me with a sympathetic smile. I gave her a small smile thanking her, grabbed it and downed it in one full swoop.
“Matt,” Izzy said as she watched me take the shot and place the glass back on the bar. I took another swig of beer to chase down whatever it was she gave me. It tasted like shit. “Matt, you need to talk to her before you take that option. At least give her one last final say.”
I shook my head. “Nah, she would have come to me by now if she cared; especially to talk me out of moving back down to Atlanta. My sales team is doing amazing. In only ten months I turned that department around, doubled the team and increased revenue by an amazing percent. Perry wouldn’t let me go unless Vanessa told him something.”
“What would she have told him?”
“I don’t know, but something along the lines of we can’t work together or something. Why else would he be okay offering my old job back?” After taking another drink, I glanced over to Izzy, who looked like she was putting a puzzle together. “He wouldn’t,” I answered whatever theory she had going on in her brain.
“You never know. I watched Vanessa. She…she really cares for you. The way she touches you when you two are out. The way she looks at you. Matt, there’s no way she doesn’t love you.”
“Ah, but does she love me more than Dr. Perfect? That’s really what we’re talking about. They have a huge history together. And I know that Vanessa isn’t a risk taker. She likes everything where it’s supposed to be. It’s how she’s always done things.” I took another drink as Izzy stared at me. “Why would she go for me, when she has him?”
“Because she loves you. You two are adorable together.” I gave her a disgusted look. I hate that word. “You are,” she insisted.
“She thinks I’m nothing more than a guy who likes to fuck a lot.”
“Did you tell her how you felt?
“Yep,” I quipped as I took the other shot that Sandy placed on the bar for me.
“You told her what?”
“That I love her,” I admitted to Izzy as I swallowed. Saying those words out loud made me wince. It reminded me that she never gave me any indication that she felt the same. I glanced back at Izzy’s face. She was the matchmaker who wanted nothing more than her happy endings and she was even confused. Too bad she’s not getting one this time.
Z walked over and clapped me on the back. Oddly enough, I barely felt it. Those shots Sandy gave me were working well. Numbing my brain. Numbing my heart. Right now I really needed to do that. I slammed the next one she set in front of me as I watched Sandy’s eyes glance at Izzy. I looked quickly to see her shake her head.
“Cutting me off? I’m not drunk. Not yet,” I sneered at Izzy. Like she has a right to tell me I’m done drinking. Hell, I just got started.
“I’m not cutting you off. I just want to be able to talk to you. When did you tell her you love her?” She pressed as she stared at me with her pretty blue eyes.
“You told her you love her?” Z chimed in, completely and totally surprised.
“Yep. You’re surprised too. Guess I made sure that everyone believed I would never fall in love and here I am. Fucking in love with a woman who wants some other man. Just like Stephanie. All. Over. Again.” I shook my head, angry with myself for feeling this way, for being fooled by another woman.
“How long ago?” Izzy pressed again. She was leaning in, intent to get her answer. She was always hopeful for a love story.
“Months ago. Her birthday. She never responded and never said it back to me.”
You could see the wheels turning in Izzy’s brain. Does not compute was written all over her face. I pointed at her with my beer. “Yep, exactly what I was thinking. She never said it back, so she’s not feeling it.”
Izzy shook her head, complete confu
sion expressed on her face. She took a deep breath as she stressed, “That can’t be right. I’ve seen how she looks at you. Her subtle hand gestures.”
I chuckled at her persistence. “Maybe you’re thinking of another couple.”
“I’m not. She’s in love with you, I’m sure of it,” she insisted with a conviction I’d believe if I didn’t already know the truth.
Sandy asked Izzy to help out behind the bar. I looked around and noticed how busy it was getting. Gotta love that Allure really brings in some good looking females. I looked around and not a single woman peaked my interest. Not a single one. I took a drink realizing I probably needed beer goggles or something; something to help me want someone else. Z sat in the chair Izzy had just vacated. I knew he was going to start in like Izzy so I went ahead and started talking. Maybe it was the alcohol taking over.
“Charles is exactly what Vanessa needs. Her parents love him, he’s got the right job to fit into their lifestyle. He can make her happy,” I let him know.
“You make her happy, Matt. She wasn’t smiling before she met you. Matter of fact,” he chuckled. “Remember how unhappy she was when you first met her? People thought she was a bitch. You helped her realize the person she could become. I don’t know, brother, but it sounds like you’re the better choice for her.”
“Problem is Z, it’s not up to me.”
******
After a full discussion and more alcohol to help me think things through, I wrote to Perry the next day to let him know I’d move back to Atlanta. He responded that they’d have to make a huge transition and they would need some time to find a replacement for me.
A phone call from him shortly after let me know he wasn’t too happy about it and it put me on guard that maybe he was being pressured to offer me the option. He practically barked that into the phone making me hold the phone away from my ear.
He also told me that I had a lot to think about and he wasn’t going to hold me to this decision right away. He asked me to take a week off and even suggested I hang out in Atlanta to see if that’s really what I wanted again. Before ending the call, he told me to make sure I tie all my loose strings before I make my decision final. I knew he was talking about Vanessa by his tone, as I recalled the discussion he had with me after the Evelyn fiasco.
Romantic Promises (Alluring Promises Series, #2) Page 49
