by M. Robinson
So consuming.
So blinding.
So real.
She was like a mythical creature that was luring me toward my destruction. In that moment, in that second, there wasn’t even a choice to be made. For the first time in my short life I wanted to blow off the opportunity to get my dick wet in favor of just a conversation, and it didn’t faze me in the slightest. I found myself gravitating toward her. Before I even registered what was happening, I pulled my arm away from the blonde girl who was ready to spread her legs open for me like so many had before her.
I glanced at her. “Run along, sweetheart.”
She jerked her head back, looking in the direction of my stare, realization quickly claiming her face. “You ass—”
“I do believe you were warned, darlin’,” I simply stated while walking away from her and towards Aubrey. All the snide comments coming from behind me were trivial.
Wasn’t the first time and it sure as hell wouldn’t be the last.
As I got closer I realized she was crying. A sense of curiosity piqued my interest, but it wasn’t only that. An unfamiliar emotion of wanting to know her reasons and caring to make it better came over me. My feet shuffling in the sand broke her trancelike state, she immediately peered up and over at me, wiping her eyes, camouflaging her distress before recognition settled in.
She scoffed and stood to leave as I gripped her wrist, stopping her, and for some unknown reason, she let me.
“What’s wrong?” I questioned, sincerity laced in my tone, surprising us both.
“None of your business, McGraw.” Her face frowned. “I saw you come out here with one of your hussies. You should probably head back to seal the deal. I’d hate to be the reason your dick doesn’t get wet tonight.” Her voice was laced with an equal mixture of anger and sadness.
Was she jealous?
Her response stung a bit, but didn’t shock me in the least. We were strangers, she barely knew me. She had only heard awful things about me. I couldn’t blame her for not wanting to open up. If anything, I was happy that her first instinct was to protect herself from assholes like me. At that moment, all I craved was to break through her icy demeanor and bring down a piece of her wall.
Most of all, I wanted to see her smile.
I wanted her to let me in.
“If you wanted to hang out with me, all you had to do was ask, maybe even throw in a please for good manners, though I am enjoying your stalker tendencies.”
She smirked.
“I’ll settle for that smile.” I paid her no mind and sat in the same spot she just stood from. “You know, I was born and raised in this town. Actually born at Dosher Memorial Hospital in South Port,” I disclosed, catching myself off guard. I never opened up to anyone. “This beach holds a lot of fond memories for me. I rode my first wave-” I nodded toward it, “-at that peak point past the breaks when I was six. I got tossed off my board for the first time when I was eight at that same exact spot. I had it coming to me ‘cause I was a cocky little shit and had to show off to my boys. Getting caught inside the wash of the wave is like unexpectedly being thrown into a washing machine, not knowing when the cycle would end and let you go. I was scared shitless. I didn’t know which way was up and which way was down. I thought I was going to drown. Damn,” I chuckled, shaking my head. I never admitted that to anyone.
“The boys were terrified for me, it was written clear across their faces. I still remember opening my eyes and seeing Half-Pint crying for the first time, when the white-wash dragged me back onto the shore.”
“Half-Pint?” she asked, finally taking a seat beside me.
“No, darlin’.” I turned to look at her. “Your turn.”
I walked down the beach to be alone.
Finding a spot on some rocks nearby, I sat watching the sunset over the horizon. The sky always made a scenic panoramic view over the water. All the beautiful colors blended together preparing to shift into night. Mother Nature’s private work of art. Sitting there listening to the soft lull of the waves dragged me into its calming rhythm, bringing a sense of peace over me.
The ocean was my happy place.
It was one of the things I missed most about being back home. We lived within walking distance from the beach, but here in Oak Island it was a car ride away. It was another reason I couldn’t wait to get my license. Watching the waves reminded me of my dad, he was a surfer. That was how my mom met him actually. She used to tell me the best stories of how he tried to impress her and ended up eating shit. Nevertheless, she loved his efforts.
Being lonely was the hardest pill to swallow. I missed California. I missed the house I grew up in and the friends I’d known since childhood. I missed every sight, smell, and sound. I had lived there my entire life.
Home.
The familiarity of it all.
The comfort.
Most of all, I missed my aunt and my dad.
In the blink of an eye, nightfall was upon me. The stars that shined bright above, illuminated against the darkness of the sky with the moon smiling high like a Cheshire cat. The ocean breeze brought a slight chill to the air. I hugged my knees to my body in a reassuring gesture, shielding myself to create some warmth around me. I sat there alone thinking about how much my life had changed in such a short time. I didn’t even realize I’d started crying, spilling tears over everything, over nothing.
A wave of emotions took over, mimicking the ominous waves in front of me, one right after the other. I looked back toward the party that seemed so far away, but still so near. I caught sight of McGraw parading another one of his conquests. All that came to mind was man whore. Rolling my eyes, I looked away from what was about to go down.
Seconds later I heard the shuffling of sand beside me. I immediately locked eyes with him and stood to get away. Wiping away all my tears, he’s the last thing I needed right then.
Except he wasn’t.
He grabbed my wrist to stop me and took a seat where I had once sat, after he made me smile with his relentless flirting. I couldn’t have left even if I wanted to.
And I didn’t want to.
I listened to him describe his childhood with the same sense of longing that I was feeling for my hometown. The sincerity in his tone had caught me off guard, making me feel like I was the only person he had ever shared these memories with. For the first time since we had moved to Oak Island, I didn’t feel so alone anymore. It shocked me that it came from the boy I had convinced myself I needed to stay away from.
The irony was not lost on me.
“Half-Pint?” I interrupted, sitting beside him. I wondered if it was the girl from the restaurant I had seen him with the day before.
“No, darlin’.” He turned to look at me. “Your turn.”
I stared into the eyes of the guy who was a walking paradox of contradictions. I was seeing a side to him that he wouldn’t show anyone, and I had no idea why…
All I knew was that I liked it.
I wanted more.
I needed more.
Something deep inside told me I could trust him. I was the first to break eye contact, looking back toward the ocean trying to reel in my emotions that seemed to be taking over, contemplating if I was really going to do this. I could still feel his gaze on the side of my face, burning a hole into my skin, and a part of me knew he sensed that.
The effect he had on me.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my mouth and murmured, “I’m lonely,” just loud enough for him to hear. My eyebrows rose, surprised with my own revelation. I finally admitted my truth out loud.
“My mom and I moved here from California a few weeks before school started. She packed up the only life I’ve ever known in one week, and we drove across country in a few days. I didn’t really have time to process the severity of the situation. I think I was in a state of shock from the news of our upcoming move that I didn’t think of how much my life would change,” I paused, needing a second to gather my thoughts and regain the
courage for what I was about to say. For what I had never told anyone, not even my closest friends when they asked why we were moving.
“My dad filed for divorce. I wanted to hate him, I tried to hate him, but I couldn’t. I felt so helpless not knowing whose side to be on or what I was supposed to do. My world was ripped apart because my dad decided he couldn’t do it anymore. Yet, I still love him. I felt like I was in the middle of a storm, not knowing which way was out. I had to choose a side, and in the end, I’m sitting here missing my dad. The same man who ripped my life to shreds, but I can’t fault him because my mom worked all the time. He was pretty much a single parent, we were lucky enough to have my Aunt Celeste, who would step in and help as much as possible. It’s comical how two sisters can be so different. My mom is a general surgeon. Back home she was the Chief of Medicine and ran the ER unit. She now runs the ER unit at the hospital in South Port. The one you were actually born at,” I chuckled, trying to break the tension in the air.
His stare never faltered. He just sat there patiently listening to every word, never interrupting me. I instantly looked down when I felt him gently place his hand on top of mine in the sand. It was a soothing gesture, reassuring. Maybe to show me he cared.
A little part of me…
Soared for the first time in months. A real connection was felt with another human being. With a boy who didn’t even know me.
“I’m by myself a lot. More than I should be at my age. My mom works more at the hospital here than she did back in California. Sometimes I think it’s easier for her to not look at me. I remind her too much of the man who broke her heart. A part of my father staring her in the face every time she looks at me.”
My eyes were still fixated on his hand that never left mine. In the dark, our hands were one, extensions of each other. His rough, calloused fingers were so comfortable resting over mine that I wanted to turn my hand over to feel him. When he reached over and lightly grazed the side of my cheek with his other hand…
Was I imagining this? Was this happening to me?
…his fingers moved to tug on the ends of my hair that framed my face. This simple yet meaningful gesture was the first crack on the wall I had built up against him. His knuckles grazed my cheek again, and I nervously licked my lips, peeking up at him through my lashes.
“Shit happens,” was all he said.
Nothing overly descriptive, nothing emotional, nothing loving, just, “Shit happens.”
“You make life, Aubrey, it doesn’t make you.”
And in that moment, it was the right thing to say.
It was exactly what I needed to hear.
Never in my wildest dreams did I think it would come from the mouth of the boy I needed to stay away from the most.
A few weeks had gone by since that night at the beach with Aubrey. Our paths always seemed to cross, but our interactions were nothing like that night. They were flirty with playful jabs at each other.
I thought about her more than I should, which was funny because I had no idea who she was prior to her ripping me a new asshole in the school parking lot. The memory of her confronting me that day caused me to smile every time it crossed my mind.
Which was more than I cared to admit.
“You ready?” Austin asked, walking up to my locker.
I nodded, throwing in my last textbook. Christmas break was officially upon us, two weeks of nothing but surfing and girls.
“Hurry the fuck up. Colleen is waiting for me at Half-Pint’s restaurant.”
“Colleen?” I asked, shutting my locker. “Who the fuck is Colleen?”
“Is the pot calling me black?” He raised his eyebrow in a challenging manner.
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Just looking out for you, brother,” I replied.
“I don’t need you to look out for me, Dylan. I can look after my damn self.”
I put my hands in the air in a surrendering gesture, backing away from him. Austin was barely fifteen and had already made his rounds in and out of our school. Shit, I may be chasing my fair share of tail, but I was always careful. Something told me Austin didn’t give a fuck as long as he got his dick wet. The last thing he needed was to knock up some random. He had his whole life ahead of him. I bought him condoms every chance I could, but the older we got, the more he would tell me to mind my own damn business.
“You ready or are you going to keep pussy footin’ around?”
“Jesus, hold your shit, I’m almost done.”
“Isn’t that the girl you’re trying to nail?”
“What?” I turned in the direction of his gaze.
Aubrey was leaning against her locker with Kyle, the star quarterback, standing in front of her.
I cracked my neck and cleared my throat, my body suddenly becoming stiff. “Ready.”
Austin grinned, shaking his head, knowing exactly what I meant. Aubrey and I locked eyes right before I body-checked Kyle into the lockers as we headed toward the parking lot to leave. Her eyes widened in disbelief, but there was also a hint of amusement behind those pretty green irises of hers.
“What the fuck?” Kyle roared, turning to face me.
I smiled. “Ah, man, I didn’t see you there.”
He casually nodded, his demeanor drastically shifting from cocky to cowering. “No worries, man.” He looked at Aubrey, backing away. “I’ll see you around.”
Pussy.
She slightly smiled, surprised that Kyle left so quickly. Frowning, she peered over at me. “Are you for real?”
I shrugged. “I’m not the one running away with my dick tucked between my legs, now am I? I’m as real as they come, suga’. Wanna touch me? Make sure you’re not dreaming?”
She sighed, folding her arms over her chest, making her perky tits stand at attention. I almost didn’t notice.
Almost.
“No. You’re just the one who chased him away.”
“Semantics,” I contended.
Austin looked back and forth between us with a pleased look on his face that I wanted to knock the fuck off.
“I’d love to continue to stand here and watch this foreplay between y’all, but I have somewhere to be. So do me a favor, either seal the deal or move the fuck on.” He smiled. “Please.”
She blushed, the crimson red peeking from her nose to her cheeks. I shook my head, ignoring my cock-blocking friend.
“That shade of red looks really good on you,” I acknowledged instead in a teasing tone. “Don’t mind my friend Austin here. He’s not much of a gentleman.”
She scoffed. “And you are?”
“Only with you, darlin’.”
“You just have a witty come back for everything, don’t you?”
“What can I say, pretty girl? You bring out the best in me.”
She smiled, a real smile that time, tucking her hair behind her ear. I instantly reached over and pulled it back out to tug on the ends of it, letting my fingertips graze the soft skin on her cheek. She leaned into my touch for a split second before I stepped away.
“I’ll see you around,” I mocked in a condescending tone, using the same words Kyle did.
Walking away from her…
Even though I didn’t want to.
I spent the rest of the day at the beach with the boys and Alex just like any other ordinary day. I was trying like hell to keep my mind from wandering back to Aubrey and that fucking douche bag from earlier today in the hall to no avail.
It is what it is.
As usual over Christmas break, the boys and I spent all our time at the beach and Alex’s parents’ restaurant. Oak Island got cold during the winter, but that year it was surprisingly warmer than normal. The water could get chilly, but as long as you wore a wetsuit you’d be alright.
Surfing, soaking up the sun, and hanging out. Shooting the shit was exactly what I needed.
Santa wasn’t the only one saying, “Ho ho ho.”
I saw Aubrey around here and there, but she was always with that damn chick
Dee… at least I think that’s what her name was. Apparently, I fucked her over, so I kept my distance. The last thing I needed was some chick getting her panties in a twist and going ape-shit on my ass around Aubrey.
I never saw her with Kyle again, but word around the beach was the new girl in town had gone on a few dates during break.
Who really dates in high school?
I couldn’t believe guys my age were actually dating. What a bunch of pussies. Aubrey was getting hounded with douche bags because the boys smelled fresh blood. Give me a break, they didn't wanna date her, they wanted to fuck her.
At least I kept it honest.
That’s when I realized I had a real problem with Aubrey being touched by anyone, including me. Call it what you want, jealousy or plain ol’ stupidity, I despised it.
What was I supposed to do about it?
I kept my distance, listening to what people said about her, watching her from afar, and fighting away any sentiment to actually do something about it.
When a fucker touched her, I bit my tongue.
When she smiled in the direction of a guy that wasn’t me, I clenched my fists.
When I heard a douchebag talk about her, I gritted my teeth and walked away.
The urge to be possessive circulated all around me. I was drowning in it. I had become one of those clichés, the guys that I made fun of. I grew a goddamn pussy overnight. I barely knew this girl, and yet I couldn’t stop thinking about her.
She was consuming me and she didn't even know it.
Christmas break came to an end all too soon. A new year always meant new class schedules, but I couldn't complain. Aubrey and I shared the same homeroom now, since all grade levels were mixed. I got to spend the first thirty minutes of my day checking her out. It was the best damn half hour of my day. She sat a few desks in front of me. I could watch her every move. The way she twirled her hair when she was deep in thought. Or how she bit her pencil eraser when she didn’t think anyone was looking. Her damn clingy clothes that hugged her in all the right places were my undoing.
She was fucking gorgeous. The girl didn't even have to try.
She never truly realized the affect she had on me and that stayed true throughout the years.
