by Anna Santos
“I often need to change my identity,” he explained. “It’s part of being immortal and not aging.”
I nodded. “Okay, I get that. So, Ewan, are you…here to tell me what? That we can’t be together, even if you love me?”
“It’s much more complicated than that, Sarah.” He exhaled, apparently troubled. “I know I can’t live without you. But I can’t destroy your humanity and transform you into a monster like myself. And you will want that.”
“Become a vampire?” I asked, smirking, but not for the reasons he thought.
“It isn’t a fairy tale to be a vampire like you read in those stupid books,” he assured in an aching tone, clearly unpleased by my attraction for that life. “I love you like you are now. You have a passion for life as if you have a purpose, which gives you a reason to open your eyes each day. You are happy. I don’t want to ruin that by taking all that you treasure while a mortal.”
His words made me ponder. The fact was I did think I had a purpose since I’d begun to train my powers and protect the innocents. Yet I was also happy those few days for another reason, and it wasn’t only because my plan for revenge was working perfectly. I was growing extremely fond of Galvin. However, Galvin was right, I still had unresolved feelings for Ewan, and I shouldn’t. But he had also said that I should take my time to resolve them. Which I planned to do. I was also planning to understand what was going on inside Ewan’s head. Why was he saying all those things, and why he was playing with me? He wanted to make me believe that he was worried about me, about my feelings, about the fact of him being a monster. Was that a sick joke? He had never cared about anyone else before. But again, he was always good at pretending it, wasn’t he?
“Why are you here, if you know all that and you don’t want to make me a monster?” I asked, trying to figure out his intentions. “Why are you telling me all these things? You could just leave, and I would never have the certainty that you were a real vampire.”
“You didn’t listen! I can’t be away from you,” he complained with an aching voice as if the closeness between us was unbearable. “Before I met you—I was even considering the possibility of killing myself.”
“What?” I leveled my voice, truly shocked by his confession. Is he serious? “Why?” I wanted and needed to know.
He stepped back to give me space, and probably to be able to speak. “Life has no mysteries for me. For more than a century, I lived like a zombie without anything that would give me a valid reason to keep opening my eyes each day. I just had a daughter to take care of. But she is raised and trained. I have nothing else to offer her.”
“A daughter?” I asked, pursing my lips and tilting my head.
“Anastasia. She isn’t my sister.”
“No shit, Sherlock,” I muttered. He looked puzzled by my words. “You were sending a weird vibe, and you didn’t act like siblings.”
“She can be protective like that.”
“Protective about what?”
“She doesn’t want you to break my heart. She thinks we shouldn’t be together.”
Nothing new there, but breaking his heart was the least of my concerns. “And what do you think?”
“I think that…I need to know how you feel before I…decide to move on.”
“So, she’s your daughter. Can vampires have babies?” I asked an absurd question to prove my innocence on that matter and to fulfill my curiosity about how he was going to explain their relationship.
“No. I picked her up as a child to offer to my wife, so we could have a family. We raised her together until the hunters came and killed my companion, and all reasons for my immortal existence ceased to be.”
His voice was emotional when he spoke. However, my face showed my disbelief in his fairy tale, because Ewan silenced himself and gazed at me with wounded eyes. I drank my tea that was no longer hot, and I tried to take control of my feelings. Talking about Violet seemed to sadden him.
“Are you scared?” he asked.
I cursed myself for my trembling hands. “No,” I tried to empower the answer, but it came out insecure.
“Sarah,” his alluring voice caressed my ear and his body towered over me. “Do you want me to go and never come back?”
I was tempted to say yes, so he left, and I could scream and break everything in my rage. Then, I thought: he is testing me. He is making sure that I’m not Violet. Ewan is a vampire with more than a thousand years, he probably knows about the cure. He probably suspects my resemblance. I’ve dyed my hair black, I’ve changed my eye color surgically, but he must still have his doubts.
“I never thought that I would find you.” His honeyed voice made my body weak, my eyes became heavy, and I felt my shoulders shuddering in reply to his touch. “I don’t want to stay away from you any longer. But I need to know if you feel the same.”
I didn’t know exactly what I was thinking, but the closeness was affecting my reason, or maybe it was the vibration his touch was sending to my skin. I put my arms around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.
His soft lips replied to mine as his arms surrounded me. For some moments, the warmth of our bodies together and of our lips touching, made my head turn and my rationality shut down. My breath narrowed to small urgent gasps of yearning. His lips were soft and his hands were rubbing my ribs, pulling my chest against his and making lust cover my skin with goose bumps. I had missed touching him. My mind swirled, hopelessly addicted to all the pleasure his lips gave. When his tongue became impatient, swirling and invading my mouth, I felt the taste of blood. He had fed recently. The blood was sweet, probably from a young girl. Suddenly, I didn’t know what was more disturbing: my lust for him or my lust for blood.
Ewan’s hands were caressing my body and touching my breasts. My legs were between his, and I could feel his arousal against my stomach. After all that time, I still lusted for him. His kisses were like a drug. His touch made my mind go blank, and my body became caged by lust and vanquished by how much I had missed him. Things were going to get out of hand, and as much as I wanted to control myself, the fact was that the attraction was real and the need was growing. His touch was defeating my rationality and my racing heart begged for more contact, more kisses, and more touches.
My hands caressed his torso, my nails softly scratched his skin under his sweatshirt, and my tongue fought his tongue. We stepped back, hitting the fridge, my hands pulling at his shirt and his hands grabbing my legs, making my dress ride halfway to my thighs.
The strong knock on the door woke us up from our yearning. It took me a while to understand that someone was at the door. It took longer to want to stop what we were doing. But the next wave of blows made us realize that I needed to see who was knocking. Pulling him back, I fixed my lipstick with the back of my thumb, straightened my dress, and rearranged my hair with trembling fingers.
19
SORRY TO INTERRUPT
I OPENED THE DOOR, my vision blurry and my heart pounding. I blinked at Francesca’s crying figure and stared back at Ewan, who was fixing his clothes.
“I didn’t know where else to go,” Francesca sobbed as I spared her another look.
“Come on in,” I invited her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you had company,” she sniffed, cleaning her eyes and gazing at Ewan.
“I was just leaving,” Ewan informed her, staring at me for a while. “We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow,” he whispered in my ear, giving me a quick kiss on the cheek and leaving. He closed the door behind.
I stared at Francesca, puzzled by her state. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing,” she grinned mischievously, coming closer to me and taking hold of my mouth. She kissed me, and I tried to push her back. What the hell is she doing?
“I’m sorry, Francesca, you are my friend and all, but I’m not really into girls.” I tried to explain without hurting her feelings. She laughed, leaving me even more confused. Is she high on something?
“You should
have seen the look on your face,” she said, and her voice started to change and become more guttural.
Before me, Francesca’s appearance faded away, and Galvin appeared in his well-shaped and clean appearance of a cunning, wicked sorcerer. I felt like punching him in the face for the nerve he had in tricking me. What the hell is he thinking, pulling a stunt like that? I think my enraged face said it all because he stopped laughing and clumsily fixed his messy hair.
“It was the only way I could think to get that guy out of your apartment,” he explained.
It made me even madder. “Were you spying on me?”
“I was coming here when I noticed he was inside, talking to you, so I waited. He was taking too long leaving and I…was missing you. Fuck, Violet! Why are you mad? What were you two doing?”
I turned my back on him and stormed my way to my bedroom. I was feeling ashamed and, at the same time, annoyed. He had interrupted our kiss. I was kissing Ewan when he was outside. I was cheating on him, and I didn’t even feel bad about it. But I was feeling bad right then, cursing mentally by the amount of mixed feelings fighting inside my mind and heart.
“What happened?” Galvin asked, sitting on my bed next to me. His voice was trembling, but there was no hint of anger in it. He was just sad. He knew what happened. And wanted the confirmation.
“He kissed me,” I confessed. “And he said he loved me.”
“Hum.”
I fisted my hands over my lap. “The sick bastard said he loved his wife and…he was planning to kill himself after her death. I guess he meant Violet, meaning me, didn’t he? And I don’t get it. I don’t understand.” I heaved a sigh, thinking about his words. I stared at the painting on the wall and kept talking about my doubts. “Why would he think about killing himself if he tried to get rid of me? Why would he say all those things?”
“I don’t know.” His voice trembled, and I turned to look at him.
“I think he was testing me. He must suspect that I’m Violet.”
“I don’t know,” Galvin said once again. Then he did something strange. He pulled me by my arms and made me hug him. “Vi,” he whispered sweetly in my ear.
It was my new nickname, and I smiled at it. I was glad that he wasn’t mad at me. He knew my revenge involved certain things that I had to do to please Ewan and prevent him from suspecting. He knew that. However, I knew that it wouldn’t prevent him from feeling jealous. But, he seemed more worried than jealous right then.
“Baby,” he mumbled against my hair, kissing the crook of my neck. “You know I love you, don’t you?”
“I do,” I sighed, forgetting all about my doubts and becoming happy with his confession. I believed his words. Yet, it was disturbing. One moment I was kissing Ewan and the other I was in Galvin’s arms. It was messed-up, but I had truly missed Galvin. I had missed his sweet words and his tender hugs.
“Don’t ever forget about that, okay? You need to remember that all I did was for your own good. That you are the most important thing to me right now in the world.” He kept talking, spreading kisses on my skin. His hand fell on my stomach, and his fingers hooked to my skirt and pulled it up my legs. Slipping his hand inside my dress, he kept caressing me. “You will need to do a new blood test tomorrow.”
“I just did one last week,” I complained, tangled inside my mixed feelings of lust and guilt.
“I know. But we need to do a new one tomorrow. And you need to eat. Have you been eating organic food like I told you?”
“Yes. I found out that I like to eat fruit.” I searched for his mouth to kiss. I had missed his smell and the taste of his skin. His hands were extremely soft over my skin, arousing me and making me crave for more.
“That’s good. You don’t mind if I sleep with you here tonight, do you?”
I raised my head to face his eyes. He didn’t normally ask that. I felt guilty. He was probably thinking that I didn’t want him anymore. I was kissing him, wasn’t I?
“Well, I guess you’ll need to pay to sleep here, sexually speaking of course,” I teased him to break the ice.
“Quid pro quo?” He teased back with a grin.
“Definitely.” I smirked, unbuttoning his shirt and kissing his ripped torso. My favorite thing was to undress him and kiss him while doing so. But he was always impatient when we were apart for long. The first time would be a bit rushed, but he always made up for it in the second round.
I fell on the bed with his mouth kissing my cleavage, and his hands getting rid of my dress. He was always gentle and careful not to hurt me. There was something in the way he touched me that was enough to make me feel safe, loved.
“Where did you go with this dress?” he inquired.
I nibbled my lower lip, giggling because he couldn’t conceal the jealousy in his tone. “Out with some guy.”
“And how did Ewan end up inside your apartment?”
“Galvin,” I sighed, bored by the questions. “More action and less talking. Unless you are planning to sleep on the couch,” I warned,
He got the hint because he shut up and kissed me on my mouth. “The only place I’m planning to fall asleep, darling, is between your thighs, after showing you nirvana a couple of times,” he mumbled against my breasts.
I found myself getting wetter and giggling at those words. That was something I loved about him. He always had good comebacks to my threats and teasing words.
20
SOMETHING LEFT UNSAID
I COULDN’T SHAKE the feeling of confusion, because of what had happened the night before with Ewan. We had kissed and I had enjoyed it. A lot. There was also the intriguing story about his deceased wife, and his intention of suicide, also the love confessions he had pulled on me. Then there was Galvin. The man who I was sleeping with and enjoying a lot. He didn’t deserve my ambivalent feelings for Ewan. First because he was important in my new life and second because my feelings for Galvin ran deep.
The next day was exhausting. I’d tried to concentrate in the classes, but I spaced out while thinking about all the things that Ewan said to me, and all the things that didn’t add up. Something wasn’t making any sense. I was just glad when I arrived home to enjoy the silence and the relaxing feeling of having nothing to do. But my happiness was short-lived because someone knocked on the door and I had to move to open it. It wasn’t a big surprise when it turned out to be Ewan.
When I opened the door, he looked up and gave me a boyish grin that made me smile back at him. I felt crazy and unwanted butterflies inside my stomach. The sunlight outside the corridor cast an almost angelic glow on him, making him appear ethereal. The image was stunning, there could be no denying his beauty.
“I’m here for us to finish our conversation,” he glibly informed me.
I let out the breath I was holding and stepped back for him to enter.
“So where were we?” I asked, closing the door, and before I could understand what was happening, he seized me in his arms and crashed his lips against mine.
Well, that was a question that he found the urge to reply accordingly. I barely had time to breathe, it was a savage and demanding kiss. His body was rock solid against mine and I melted under his lips.
“I want you to be mine,” he whispered, burying his mouth into the hollow of my neck and grabbing my hips to ground me against him. “I barely slept just thinking about how good it was to kiss you.”
“We have some things we should clarify,” I managed to say.
He glanced at me, confusion spread in his glare. “Such as?”
“You’ve told me that you had a wife and a daughter. That your wife was killed and because of that you became really sad and—suicidal.”
“Yes, it was terrible. I suffered severe depression, and I was just able to survive because I had a kid to take care of.”
“Did you love her much?” I bit my lip with anxiety.
“More than my own life.”
“Then…you are replacing her with me,” I mumbled, glancing away, t
roubled by his words that made no sense. All along, I thought that he had plotted together with Anastasia to kill and get rid of me.
“It’s a different kind of love,” he claimed, turning my face to his and hugging me under my arms. I felt trapped and confused inside his arms. “I’m not replacing her. I’m just opening my heart to love again.”
I furrowed my eyebrows. “So you want us to date.”
“Yes.”
“It’s still weird.”
“You are attracted to me. I know you are.” I puckered my lips. “What’s wrong?”
“Anastasia.”
“What about her?”
“She’s your daughter. She probably loved her mom. I don’t think she’ll be okay with our relationship.”
“It’s not her concern.”
“When are you going to tell her about us?” I asked, trying to mask my mischievous smile while pretending to be innocent and sweet.
“Tomorrow. But does this mean that you want to be with me?”
I just nodded. “I fancy you a lot,” I said, trying to be funny.
He tilted his head back and chuckled. I could feel the quivering of his body. “You are really sexy, Sarah,” he said as he walked with me to the kitchen and lowered me on the table.
My body stiffened the moment I sat on that table. Memories of a memorable sex performance made me shiver and shift uncomfortable over the surface. I hoped he wasn’t planning to use it for his sexual fantasies. It would be awkward.
“You smell nice.” He leaned his head down and placed his mouth in the cleavage of my shirt. My nipples were hard against the fabric, but it was because I got wet remembering what had happened on that table with Galvin. I hope.
“Wait.” I pushed his head back and climbed down from the table. “We should talk more,” I said as I walked to the counter and leaned back. I was feeling strange and, suddenly, I understood that I was hungry. My fangs were itching inside my mouth.
“We can talk after,” he counteroffered as he shadowed me with his body.
