by Kacey Shea
The sound of hushed voices and the scraping of a key at the doorknob snap her eyes wide open. She jolts off my lap and scoots across to the opposite side of the couch just as the door swings open.
“Oh, you’re still up?” Tate glances at Carly with surprise and then cocks his brow my way. “And you’re still here.”
Carly hops up from the couch and crosses her arms across her waist. “When we got back with the boys there was a strange man at the door.” She worries her lip between her teeth, and if I weren’t sporting a hard on I’d stand at her side. Instead I lean forward, discomfort and pain pulsing in my jeans as I coax my Johnson down from his erect state.
“We called the cops, but he didn’t try anything. It was really strange, though, and scared us all—well, except Eli, who was asleep,” she continues to explain.
“I promised I wouldn’t leave until you got back.” I add. I stand and gather the pieces to my costume as Carly continues to recount our stranger mishap.
“Thank you.” Tate nods, his expression full of appreciation.
“Wait. Is everything all right with Kate?” Carly turns to Evie, who nods.
“Yeah. Fine for now. Her dad had his prelim hearing today. I guess he’s up for bail but they’re broke, as always, so her mom had the nerve to call Kate and ask for five grand. It really messed with her head. You know she has such a bad relationship with them anyway. And the fact her dad was involved in a drug ring.” Evie closes her eyes and shakes her head, but it’s Carly’s reaction that has my attention. Her eyes gloss over and I wish I was a mind reader. “Anyway, doesn’t matter. She ranted. I listened. Tate and Jon drank beer. It’s over. For now, at least.”
“She won’t give them any money, will she?” Carly’s tone is harsh.
“No. And that’s best. They’ve been nothing but cruel to her for years, but they’re still her parents, so she’s working through the guilt of telling them no.”
Tate walks behind Evie and rubs his hands up and down her arms, before resting them at her hips.
“I should probably go . . .” Carly stays across the room and I wish she’d volunteer to walk me out. We need to talk. I want to kiss her. But I can tell the moment is over by her body language. Arms crossed, shoulders squared, and eyes that won’t meet mine. Shit. Maybe I pushed too fast? Or capitalized on her vulnerability?
I wave good-bye and Tate locks the door behind me. I get in my SUV feeling like a total prick. I just wanted to make her feel good. I only wanted to taste her. Have her. Consume her. Damn it. I need her to know I never meant to take advantage. Before I pull out onto the road I send Carly a text.
I’m sorry. I know I crossed a line. Forgive me?
She never returns my message.
I DON’T KNOW WHAT CAME over me last night. For those few minutes I completely lost myself in Derek. His scent. Pure masculinity mixed with a little mint. His taste. That metal barbell rolling and moving inside my mouth and sending a pulsing need straight to my core.
Stupid. I can’t believe I let things go that far.
Like some hormonal teenager, I practically dry humped him in the damn living room. No regard for the fact my boys were asleep down the hall and could’ve walked in on us!
But his fingers. Fuck. The way he stroked me. He knew exactly what he was doing. I’ve never been with someone like that. I came hard and fast and I won’t deny it was amazing. And the way he licked his fingers afterward. Damn. Had my brother not walked in I’m sure I would’ve fucked him right then and there.
Clearly, I’ve lost my mind.
I lost myself in Derek’s touch last night.
That was the problem.
I lost myself with Josh years ago.
And after leaving I vowed to never again lose myself in a man. Coming back from that kind of relationship almost ruined me. Recovering my individuality is something I never desire to do again.
I need to stay clear of Derek. Which is why I haven’t answered his text.
I can avoid him, at least until my shift tonight at the hospital. Though I hope he has other plans because it’s the weekend. I don’t even know what to say to him. How to act. Will this change the friendship we’ve forged these past weeks? Come on, Carly, be realistic. Of course it does.
I don’t need Derek.
I watch Ezra and Eli race across the back lawn while I sip my coffee. My phone vibrates beside me and I almost don’t look. I’m sure it’s him again.
An unknown number flashes across the screen. The masked man from last night pops into my mind and I swallow back the fear.
“Hello?” My voices quivers and I hate how weak I sound.
“Hello, Carly. I hope you don’t mind I got your number from one of your co-workers.” Garrett’s cheerful voice quiets my nerves and I sigh in relief. “I hope that’s okay and not too forward.”
“Of course, that’s fine. It’s good to hear your voice.”
“I’m glad you think so. I know it’s last minute, but I’d like you to join me tonight for a charity dinner at The Biltmore? It’s masquerade themed, and I’d love to have you by my side. That is, if you can find someone to watch your boys.” Of course, I work.
“Garrett, that’s really sweet. I’d love to go—”
“I’m sensing a ‘but’ here.” He chuckles.
“I have to work tonight.”
“I see. Of course. It was presumptuous to hope you would be available at such short notice. Could maybe . . . that is if you’d like—” There’s a pause on the line and I can’t help but grin. His nerves are apparent.
“Yes, Garrett?”
“Would you like to get coffee some morning after work? Away from the hospital? I know this charming little spot.” His voice holds brightness. We had fun together hiking. He’s charming, educated, and sweet. He’s understanding of my work schedule and time with my boys. I owe it to myself to see where this leads.
“I’d love to.”
“Perfect. Well, you have a good night at work, though I’d rather you were with me at the masquerade. I’ll call again soon. We can set a time for that coffee date.”
“Sounds good. ’Bye, Garrett.”
“Good-bye.”
Eli and Ezra tear across the covered patio, one chasing after the other. I tuck my feet back, barely moving out of the way in time before I accidentally trip one of them. I set my coffee down, wrap my arms around my knees, and hug them into my chest.
I blow out a frustrated growl. How, after years of no action, do I suddenly have two very different men vying for my attention? I need a girlfriend’s perspective. I text Jenny. I don’t always do what she says but she brings a clear head to the table and has my best interest at heart. And she knows me.
I pick up my coffee again and enjoy the last drops. My phone buzzes with an incoming text.
Jenny: Working. Meet u in break room at end of shift?
“But let’s go back to the part where you’re making out with not so little drummer boy . . .” Jen’s eyes sparkle and she waggles her brows.
“Focus, Jenny. What do I do?” I groan and pull my hair back and to the side so I can work the locks into a thick braid.
“Sounds like mama needs to get some dick,” she advises with a dose of sass.
“Jen!”
“What? It’s my opinion. It’s been too long, and you have a man—a mighty fine one at that—who is willing and most certainly able.” Her grin fills her face. I’m glad she finds humor in my confusing life. I narrow my eyes and cross my arms over my chest.
“I don’t need a man. I’d like a dick every now and then, but unfortunately that dick is attached to a man. A man who inevitably will expect things from me, and need things from me, and try to take me away from me. I don’t need that.”
Her amusement from before is lost and she offers a knowing frown.
“Josh really fucked you over.”
“Tell me something I don’t know.” I roll my eyes and then pull my phone from my pocket to check the time.
I laugh out loud as she continues. “Whatever. You know what I mean!” She joins in the laughter. Her eyes dance but she adds in a serious tone, “I don’t see you dating two guys at the same time, though.”
I shake my head. “No, I’m not interested in that.”
“Then you need to decide who you want more.” Derek.
“I’m in control with Garrett. I set the pace. I like that.”
“And Derek? How does he make you feel?” Sexy, beautiful, funny, smart.
“Completely out of control.”
“There’s your answer. Though let me leave you with this to chew on: Does Derek make you feel that way by manipulation and dominance, or is it from the powerful feelings he stirs within?” I know the answer, but instead of responding, I glance at my phone.
“I have to start my shift now.”
“And I have to get home to my hubby. Good luck my friend. I love you.”
“Love you too. Thanks Jenny.”
“Of course, that’s what friends are for—telling it to you straight and laughing about cocks.” At that, Meg pokes her head inside the door. A somber expression fills her face.
“Hate to break up the girl talk, but Carly, you really need to get out here.”
“HEY KID, HOW GOES IT this fine evening?” I pop my head inside Room 412 with a smile. Luis is watching a movie on the television. A bored expression fills his face and he ignores my greeting.
I step inside and walk over to my usual chair, scraping it along the linoleum tiles and plopping down. “Good movie?” I glance at the screen to find some superhero action flick. Shit blowing up. Main characters surviving. Fuck. If only life was so simple.
Luis shrugs at my question and continues to watch the film.
“Hey, you wanna play Black Ops?”
“Nah.”
“I have this new song I’ve been working on. Wanna tap out the beat and try it out together? You can tell me if it sucks.”
Luis shakes his head and narrows his gaze at the screen. The sounds of explosions from the crappy set invade the void between us.
“Dude, what gives? What’s up with you tonight?” I smile and reach out to give his shoulder a little shake. He pulls away from my hand.
“I’m really tired. Maybe you can stop by another time.” Seriously, what’s with this kid today? I’ve never seen Luis like this before and I don’t like it.
“Tired? What, did you run a fucking marathon?” I tease.
His glare is hard when he finally meets my eyes. “No. That would be impossible. Just because you’re famous or something doesn’t give you the right to be a dick.” Angry. Okay. Well, at least he’s giving me something.
I raise my hands. “Whoa, sorry man. You know I’m only joking. What’s up? Bad day with chemo? Your friends being assholes again?” Something is definitely bothering him; this is not the Luis I’ve hung out with every night for the past three weeks.
He reaches for the remote, mutes the movie and rolls away from me to rest on his side.
“You at least wanna play one game of Madden before I go?” I offer.
“Maybe another time. I’m not in the mood.”
“Okay. That’s cool. I’ll see you tomorrow, ’kay?”
I’m met with radio silence. I walk around to the other side of the bed where Luis’ stare threatens to bore a hole in the white hospital wall. He’s awake and ignoring me. I can’t deny it hurts my feelings that he won’t open up.
“Well, I’m taking off then. Get some rest okay, kid?” I watch for his reaction. He closes his eyes and gives a little nod. Something isn’t right. He doesn’t want to talk, that much is clear. I need to find Carly.
I walk into the hall and head straight for the nurses’ station. It hits me that this entire floor is quieter than usual. At this time of night there’re usually a few nurses smiling, chatting softly, light laughter, all the backdrop to the oncology floor. Tonight is achingly silent.
I find one of the nurses, can’t remember her name, but she’s here most nights I visit. She ignores me as I approach the desk, busy typing on her laptop. I clear my throat to gain her attention. She answers by giving me a look tinged with annoyance.
“Sorry to interrupt, but is Carly around? I think she’s working tonight.”
She exhales an exaggerated sigh.
“Who wants to know?” she asks in a bored tone and resumes her computer work. Stupid fucking question. I do, dumbass. Why else would I be asking. I paste on my charming grin, the one that gets me whatever I want.
“Oh, it’s no big deal. I had a funny story about her boys I wanted to tell her before I head out.”
Her gaze narrows. “Aren’t you the musician that keeps volunteering here? I didn’t realize you knew her outside of work. She is here to work you know, not have personal conversations with visitors.”
Shit. The last thing I need is to get Carly in trouble at work. I keep my smile firmly in place.
“Oh, we know each other through mutual friends. Her brother’s fiancée’s best friend and the lead singer of my band dated a few times.” I almost want to laugh as the confusion muddles her sharp gaze. “But I don’t want to bother Carly if she’s working. I’ll just see her another time. G’night.” I tap the counter with my palm and turn to go, leaving Nurse Bitch to her horrible self.
I pass a few other staff members on my stroll to the elevators but their expressions are just as grim and uninviting. I don’t ask for Carly. What the hell is going on around here tonight? It’s fucking depressing.
A door clicks and draws my gaze to Carly’s unmistakable profile as she steps out of a nearby patient’s room.
“Hey, mama.”
She lifts her chin and that’s when I notice her expression is as somber as the rest of the staff.
“Oh, hey, Derek.”
“You got a minute to talk?” At my question she glances back down the hall toward the nurses’ station and worries her bottom lip. She checks her watch and nods.
“If you make it quick.”
“Walk with me? I’m heading out.”
“Okay.” She studies the floor as we stroll the short distance. Is she thinking about last night? I wish she would look at me. I push the down button and the doors slide right open.
“Care to take a ride?” I waggle my brows. Nothing. She doesn’t laugh, smile, or get pissy. There’s something going on.
Grabbing her arm, I pull her inside the car and press the button to shut the doors. “What’s going on tonight? Why’s every nurse acting like she’s on her fucking period?”
Her eyes snap to mine with a hard glare. “Typical guy. Blame life’s problems on a woman’s menstrual cycle. You know nothing about what it’s like to work here.”
“So tell me. There’s something going on, right? Luis wasn’t himself.” Her glare turns to a look I don’t recognize, something vulnerable and weak. Her chin trembles. My gut twists with fear.
“Does all this have something to do with Luis?” I demand.
“What did he tell you?” Her voice wavers and two lonely tears fall from the corner of each eye. Fuck.
“Nothing. He was just acting like a punk ass teenager. And then everyone I meet is acting like the fucking grim reaper is walking the halls!”
I see her hand coming and catch it in my own before she makes contact with my face. She looks at her hand and sucks in a breath, almost as if she hadn’t meant to slap me.
The car arrives at the first floor with a ding but I don’t get off. I hold the door with my free hand to halt the elevator and keep my eyes on Carly.
“What’s going on?”
“I already told you once.” She pulls her hand away and backs further inside the elevator. Her eyes narrow and voice rises with each breath. “I don’t joke about d
eath. This is a pediatric oncology ward. Need entertaining? Call one of your music friends, but leave us alone.” She reaches out to punch the fourth floor button but I still have a hold on the door.
“You still aren’t answering my question.” I say. She won’t meet my gaze and pokes the call button so hard I’m sure she’s gonna break it.
“Derek, let go of the fucking door. Just go home. Leave me alone,” she bites out. Her skin is flush with anger and I’d guess she wants to hit me again.
I move my hand, allow the doors to close, and step inside to Carly. The car starts to travel back up to her floor, but I push the stop button and halt its progress.
“Derek!”
I grip her arms tightly within my fingers and dip my head to meet her eyes. “Tell me.” I grind out between my teeth. She’s mad? Well, so am I. I don’t like being left in the dark. “You’re upset? You’re angry? You need to hit someone?” I release her arms and smack my chest. “Fucking hit me! I’ll take it. I’ll be whatever you need. But please tell me what the fuck is going on!”
Tears stream down her cheeks. “I’m not supposed to discuss patients . . . but given the circumstances—” Loud sobs replace her words. The sound guts me.
“Come here.” I pull her to my chest and wrap my arms around her slender frame. It shakes with each heartbreaking sob. She drops to the floor and I almost lose my hold as I sink with her. We’re a puddle of limbs and I pull her to me as tightly as I’m able. I want to take away her agony. The anxiety and fear in my gut grow to an insurmountable pain.
I never fucking cry. Like, haven’t shed a single tear since I was twelve years old. But I want to cry now. The pain she’s in, it seeps into my very core, threatens everything I know and hold true. She lifts her chin, blinks away the tears, and meets my gaze with those glistening green orbs. I hold my breath.
“It’s Luis. He got his results from this last round of chemo. It did nothing. The cancer’s spreading. It’s in his lymph nodes, liver, lungs. He’s . . . I don’t know how much longer he has. Derek . . .”
