by Kacey Shea
“Detective Freeman speaking.”
“Um . . . hello . . . I’d like to report a crime. Anonymously.”
“Go ahead, ma’am.”
Eli starts to fuss and Ezra pulls on my shirt. I hadn’t even realized he’d moved. I blow out a breath to calm my racing heart. I can feel it beating inside my throat. Am I really doing this? Is this what my life has come to?
“Ma’am, are you safe? Can I help?”
“Yes. I will be. There’s a man selling and using drugs from his home. His wife and two children are in danger. They’re not at the home right now.”
“Can they stay away for the next few hours?”
“Yes.”
“Give me the address.”
“Thank you, Detective.” He takes the address to our duplex and my breathing normalizes. Maybe there really is hope. Maybe I can be free once more. Be granted a second chance. Raise my boys right.
“Ma’am, this woman who’s in danger. Will you give her my direct number?”
“I can, but why?”
“If she has a problem, have her call me?” I’m not an idiot, I’m sure he knows I’m the woman. I just can’t have Josh know it was me who did this. I don’t know what he’s capable of. I need to remain unseen.
“Okay, I will. Thank you, Detective.” He rattles off the number and I scratch it onto an old receipt from my purse. I end the call and fold the paper carefully into a small square and tuck it inside my change purse. I pray I never have to use it. The drug charges should be enough to put him away. And the gun . . . that will be my only leverage to make sure Josh never hurts me or the boys again.
“Carly.” I jolt awake and find Marilyn’s wry grin standing over me.
“Oh, my gosh. I’m sorry, I only meant to close my eyes for a second.” My heart races and I close my eyes a quick second to try and slow its rhythm.
“It’s okay, you were only out a few minutes. Everything okay? You seem upset.”
I retell the entire Dr. Brooks encounter to Marilyn. It feels good to get it off my chest. Katie and Rhonda wander over, their radar for a good gossip session always on point.
I should be more upset about discovering the truth about Garrett. At least disappointed, but instead I can’t get Derek’s face out of my mind. His confession that he missed me confuses me. I’m sure he doesn’t really mean it. The words he spoke, his declaration of feelings—part of me wonders if they were only fueled by jealously. Would he have felt the same if he didn’t think Garrett was in the picture?
The hard truth is I miss Derek. And that’s stupid. I shouldn’t have let myself get attached to someone who doesn’t fit into my life. His short leg of the tour was more difficult than I envisioned. I missed our coffee time. Our chats. His smile. The way he never fails to make me laugh. The way his kiss brands my lips.
And I miss Luis. I understand why his parents are keeping him home for the holidays. No more drugs, no more suffering. Time. They know he might not have much more and are going to create good, lasting memories with what they’re given. I’d probably do the same if Eli or Ezra were in the same position. But in a very selfish way I miss my favorite patient.
This is my first shift without him. My shift tonight doesn’t hold the same joy it usually does. I’ll move past this—I have to and I will—but for the moment I’m allowing myself a little wallowing. I glance at my phone for the hundredth time. Four more hours. I stride toward the breakroom. Coffee is a must, but four hours I can do.
AT END OF MY SHIFT I recount the Dr. Brooks debacle to Jenny. My gift to my bestie because I know she’ll enjoy spreading the gossip as an evil form of payback against the good doctor. I’ll enjoy the fact she and the entire nursing staff has renamed him Dr. Dumbass.
“Or Dr. Dickhead? Really, there’re so many options. But my mind is still reeling! How were we all fooled by him? Was it the smile? The dimples? Must’ve been the dimples. Damn them!” Jenny rants as I pull on my jacket.
I laugh and roll my eyes. “Dimples will be the death of me. I swear. This just proves further that I have no good sense or natural ability when it comes to men.”
She stares and then cocks her head to the left. “You don’t seem overly upset, though?”
“I’m not. He’s an asshole.”
“Yeah, but . . .”
“What, Jen? I know you want to say something, so just spit it out.”
“Is it because maybe you already suspected he wasn’t authentic? Or is it because you have a major crush on the dirty drummer?” I hate that she gets me. I shrug and roll my eyes.
“I don’t have time to share feelings, Jen. I need to get home and sleep before I have to pick up my boys.”
“You’re right. Scoot. Skedaddle. We can discuss lover boy another time.” She stands from her chair and practically shoves me down the hall.
“You’re crazy.” I laugh.
“And you love it,” she says, then gives a little squeal. “Girl, do you know how much fun we are going to have together? I can’t believe after all these years you’re finally switching to days. I thought for sure you’d retire a vampire.”
“I know. Me too. But once I move out of Tate’s—and let’s hope I actually find a house soon—I want to be able to take care of my boys on my own. I can get afterschool care but I don’t want to leave them with someone at night.”
“Hey, whatever gets you to days is good in my book.” She nods. I give her a hug and she walks back to the nurses’ station with a sway in her step. I give her two hours tops. The entire hospital will know about Dr. Garrett Brooks’ cheating ways.
The morning is freezing when I step outside. Even with my thick jacket, my teeth chatter as I nimbly work to stick my key in my car door. A shadow approaches in my peripheral vision and I lift my chin.
I try to scream but his hand clamps down over my mouth.
“Don’t. I just want to talk,” Josh says. Before he lets go he shows me his other hand, a pocket knife open and now pointed against my ribs. “Don’t scream. I mean it.”
I nod and he releases his hand from my lips. I take in his state. Hair clipped short, a few extra tattoos added to his neck since I saw him last. His eyes are clear, though hard as steel, and it gives me some courage to realize he isn’t high right now.
“What do you want from me, Josh?” I finally find my voice. I’m pissed at how weak I sound.
He lets loose a humorless laugh; his face twists into a menacing glare. “You have something of mine.” The gun. Of course he came back for it.
“When did you get out?” I straighten my spine and meet his hard stare. I will not let this man think he can intimidate me.
“A few months. You didn’t know?” He almost looks surprised.
“How would I know that?”
“I thought the penitentiary might inform you. That and I left so many clues.” A shiver runs up my spine remembering everything. The call from his dealer. The cut car battery cables. The man from Halloween. The note.
“Was that you? Halloween?”
“I wanted to see my sons.” His voice goes hard and he steps so close that the heat from his breath touches my skin. The knife pinches into my side and makes me wince. “They’re mine. You’re mine. You stupid bitch. I’ve seen you with that other man. You think he wants you? You’re used up. Nobody gets to have you but me. You think he’ll ever be man enough to replace me?”
“Carly?” I close my eyes and try not to scream at the sound of Derek’s voice. It’s too good to be true. Why is he here?
“Carly. Who’s your friend?” Derek says louder but Josh dips his head and speaks into my ear at the same time he digs the knife in and gives it a twist.
“This isn’t over. I want that gun. Oh, and have a nice drive home.” He moves away, slips the knife into his coat pocket, and offers me a sick smile. The smile fades as he nods at Derek and turns to stroll away.
My legs give out. My back hits the metal door of my car but Derek is by my side. Sturdy arms wrap around me a
nd hold me up.
“Carly! Carly, are you okay? Who was that? I’m calling the cops.”
“No!” I snap out of my panic and pull myself to Derek’s chest. “No, you can’t call the police. No cops.”
“Carly. What’s going on?” He pulls back and assesses my face. His eyes are filled with questions and his brows knit, forming lines on his forehead. I reach one hand up to trace those worry lines with my finger. His eyes flutter shut.
“Derek. Can you take me home? That was my ex. I’m pretty sure he did something to my car again.”
His eyes snap open and narrow. “He was the one who cut your battery? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t know. I mean, I suspected, but I thought it was impossible. He’s supposed to be in prison, for God’s sake!”
“Prison?” A look of hurt passes across Derek’s face and I realize he may not be on board for this mess. It’s dangerous and he deserves better. I shake my head and pull out of his arms.
“Look. I’ll just call my brother. You can go home. I’m sorry. My life is really complicated.”
“Carly.” He wraps one of my hands within his own, threading his long fingers between my small ones. “I’ll take you home. I’m just surprised and concerned. You haven’t said much about your ex and I wanted to respect that. Come on, it’s freezing. Let’s talk on the ride.” He pulls me to his SUV and I’m so relieved to not be alone in this.
I tell him everything on the drive. Everything except for the gun. He interrupts me twice to pull over and text. And when he circles the same block twice I start to worry.
“Why are we driving in circles?”
“To make sure your crazy ex isn’t following us.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
“You have experience running from deranged asshole ex-husbands?” I attempt a joke.
“No, but after touring with Justin Hill I know how to ditch screaming, psychotic, super fans, which is basically the same thing.”
“Right.”
“Shit. Tate. I need to tell him something. I’m not sure the house is safe.”
“Already on it.”
What? Derek glances to the right and catches the confusion written on my face.
“I texted Jon. Tate and Evie are picking up the boys and taking them to her parents. Jon’s calling in a favor to his buddy with the PD and they’ll check your car and house. I’m taking you home to my apartment until we get the all clear.”
“Thank you, Derek. I don’t even know what . . . if you hadn’t—”
“Let’s not think about that,” he growls, his knuckles white as he turns the steering wheel. “Let’s just get you back to my place.” He blows out a long breath. “We need to talk, Carly.”
I nod and gulp down my fear. Yes, we really should talk. And thanks to my ex we’ll be holed up in Derek’s apartment for a few hours. At the thought, my sex clenches and tingles with expectation. From the corner of my eye light catches on his studded tongue. Oh God, Carly. Is sex really all you can think about at a time like this?
I bite my lip and observe Derek’s movements. From the way his fingertips tap across the leather covered wheel, to the way his muscles bunch and strain through his shirt, to the smooth skin of his freshly shaved head and to the tight bulge in his pants. Yes, yes, triple yes.
Talk. Yep. That’s what we should do.
“WE NEED TO TALK.” I pull Carly inside my apartment and close the door.
“Yes, we do.” She bites her lower lip and stares at my mouth.
“But I also really want to kiss you,” I admit.
“I want that, too.”
“Listen. Wait, what?” She wants to kiss me? Not expecting that.
“But I think we should talk first. I have some things I need to say to you, to ask you. Did you mean what you said last night?” Her gaze drops to the ground. I reach out and lift her chin with my finger.
“Every damn word,” I say, trying to convey every ounce of sincerity I feel.
“I want to believe you. I do. But there’s this part of my brain, it’s always second guessing your motives, why you want to be with someone like me.” She looks away and I drop my hand.
“Someone like you?” I shake my head, confused. “Carly, you realize you are way out of my league. Simple and sweet and everything good I’ve always wanted. I don’t deserve a woman like you in my life, but I want you regardless.”
“Why were you in the parking lot today?”
“I came to find you. To apologize. I’m sorry for being a jealous idiot last night. I let the thought of you with another man fuel my anger. We aren’t together and that wasn’t fair. I’ll never come into your workplace and do that again.”
“I appreciate your apology, Derek.” She nods.
“Thank you.” I blow out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
“You were being an ass,” she says, and I can’t help but laugh. Her lips twitch. “But I was trying to tell you last night. I’m not with Garrett. I never was. We went on a few dates. Nothing more.” I believe her.
“You make me crazy, you know that?” I murmur. I run my hand up and down the skin of her arm.
“What does that even mean?” She laughs.
“You. Carly, I love you.”
“You love me?” Her brows furrow and she shakes her head. “No. I’m sure you don’t.”
I laugh and slide my arms around her waist to pull her close. “Oh, but I do, mama. I love you so fucking much.”
“Oh,” she whispers.
“Yeah. Oh.” I drop a dry kiss on her lips. “What I feel for you . . . when I’m with you . . . things are different. Life is better, brighter, and I crave that. The sun you bring to my storm; I need it. I can’t ignore it and pretend I’m okay with just being friends. I want you. Do you want me, too?”
“Of course I do.” Her eyes flutter shut and worry lines cross her forehead. She opens her eyes and meets my gaze. “But how does this work? You’re going on the road? How are we supposed to date when you won’t even be here?”
“I don’t know exactly how, but I want to try. I’m not asking for your hand in marriage. Just a chance, to see where we go. Will you take a chance on me?”
“Yes.” At her reply I can’t fight the smile that takes over my face.
“Yeah?” I dip my chin so that our foreheads touch and just breathe her in a long moment. “I’m so fucking happy to hear that.”
I kiss her with everything I feel. With slow, purposeful movement, her lips open and I sneak my tongue inside. She moans and the sound goes straight to my dick. I pull back. My chest heaves with each breath.
“I want to show you something.” I grab her hand and lead her to sit on the couch. “Wait here.” I jog to my room and grab my trusty Fender. I want her to know how I feel about her. That what we have is more than anything I’ve ever felt.
“Can I play you a song?” I ask and she nods. “Then I want to kiss you some more.” I stick my tongue out and watch the pink stain her neck and cheeks as she blushes. God, I love that I do that to her.
I strum a few times to make sure my guitar is in tune and play her the song. The one I couldn’t shake. The one I won’t ever sell. The one that’s just for her.
Lips cotton candy pink,
Eyes that hide secrets deep,
A heart of a warrior with her quiet resolve,
She’s the one I can’t ignore.
A healing touch, she’s like magic with her love,
Be high or be low, this mama’s got my soul,
To have or to hold, woman you own my love.
I’ll never compare,
She makes me a better man,
I only hope to be what she needs,
She’s my one and only home
A healing touch, she’s like magic with her love,
Be high or be low, this Mama’s got my soul,
To have or to hold, woman you own my love.
Please let me be your home.
&n
bsp; I sing the last line and lift my gaze. Carly jumps to her feet. Her eyes shine and a few tears streak down her face. I barely get the guitar out of the way before she straddles my waist and cups my face in her delicate fingers.
“Derek, I love you, too.” Her lips meet mine, hard and demanding, and I let her set the pace. My hands don’t know where to go first, her legs, her ass, stomach, breasts, back. I want it all.
“Damn clothes,” I mutter between kisses. “They really need to go.” I pull at the waistband of her scrubs and she covers my hands with her own. Our foreheads touch and she squeezes her eyes shut.
“What, mama?”
“I just . . . it’s stupid, I know, because we’ve already been together, it’s just—”
“What is it? You can tell me.” Fuck. My mind runs through all the worst possibilities. She’s changed her mind. She’s having doubts. She’s sleeping with someone else.
“I’m just not . . . perfect. I want to see you, to be naked in the light, but I’ve had two babies. My stomach is covered in stretch marks, and other parts of me too. My boobs haven’t been perky in years. I know it sounds stupid when I say it aloud, but your body is so amazing and mine’s not.”
I stand up from the couch and with Carly still plastered to my front I march us straight to my room. Determination, challenge, and a little bit of anger runs through my veins at her concerns.
“You.” I drop her onto my bed and step out of my shoes. “Are so fucking beautiful and sexy and sweet.” Her eyes go wide and I pull my shirt off my back and over my head with one hand; the other goes to the zipper at my jeans. “And if you don’t believe me by the time we’ve both had at least one orgasm, then I’m a horrible boyfriend.”
I flash a grin. “And I’ll just keep making you come until you believe me.” I drop my pants, boxers and all. Carly bites her lip, eyes trained on my erection.
“That’s not really a punishment . . . more like a reward,” she says.
I crawl over her body and kiss her hard. “Fuck yeah, it is.” I lick her lips. “There’s too much talking, and still too many clothes.” I kiss my way down her neck and my fingers work open the drawstring of her pants while she slides out of her jacket and scrub top. She winces and I look up to find a trail of dried blood marring the skin by her ribs.
