She grew more and more beautiful to him over the years. Her skin was milky white, just a smattering of freckles across her nose, her mouth full and soft, her wide eyes hinting at the Celtic blood that ran through her veins. She wasn't tall, but God had been generous with her in all the right places. She'd gained some weight with her second pregnancy, and she hated it, always trying to lose an extra fifteen pounds. He, on the other hand, didn’t mind it at all.
If he was honest with himself, he felt more comfortable with her being a little plump. Men still turned to look at her, but their eyes didn't linger as long as they used to.
He reached over and brushed her cheek with his fingertips, a tiny tremor of doubt tripping through him, the same doubt that had plagued him since that camping trip—was it only a year ago? What if there was something she wasn't telling him? What if there was something she felt she couldn't tell him? He wanted to believe her, that everything was okay, but a voice inside his head whispered ugly words of uncertainty. Was she lying to him? Bad dreams? What else would make her cry in the middle of the night?
He wanted her to wake up. He knew it was selfish, but he didn’t want to spend the next hour or so alone with his thoughts. If she was awake, she'd assure him that everything was going to be okay, that she would always be there. He didn't think he could survive if anything happened to her, if she was taken from him, or worse, if she ever left him.
He knew these early mornings before she woke were an ideal time to spend in conversation with God, praying and reading his Bible. He used to do so more regularly, especially right after he quit drinking, but lately God seemed distant, and Jake was too easily distracted by his nagging questions about Nora.
He propped himself up on an elbow, debating whether to get up and put on the coffee, or hunker back down under the covers with her. She stirred a little, sighed, and smiled softly in her sleep. He wondered if she sensed him watching her, and the thought made him smile in turn.
“I love you, Baby,” he whispered.
~ ~ ~
I love you, Baby. Nora rushed to the surface of awareness, her heart pounding. Tristan! She almost said his name out loud. In her dream, the two of them had been together, a family, along with her children. They were sitting by a pool on a brilliant summer day, the kids splashing and shouting in the water, while she and Tristan looked on. The next moment Tristan, Leslie, Felix, and Jake were waving goodbye to her as she reached through the bars of her jail cell. Tristan turned and said, “I love you, Baby,” then herded the others out the door ahead of him. She cried out for them to come back, not to leave her there, but they couldn’t hear her. No one could hear her.
She held her breath, afraid to open her eyes until she was fully awake. Her pulse slowed as disappointment and frustration, coupled with relief, washed over her. She was in her own bed. The words that sounded so much like Tristan's had come from Jake who lay awake beside her in the subtle light of dawn.
She could feel him watching her, and she tried desperately to stay relaxed, as though still asleep. She snuffled and rolled away from him, turning onto her side.
“Nora?” He said her name quietly, tentatively.
She didn't respond, and he must have assumed she was still in dreamland. She felt his fingers touch her hair, brush along her shoulder, and down her arm. She tried not to flinch. The mattress shifted beneath her as he got up, then he quietly left the room.
She buried her face in her pillow, her body curling slowly into a tight ball of misery. How much longer could she go on like this? Love, hate, need, obsession, manipulation. Lies, lies, lies. It was like being torn apart from the inside out, and Nora couldn't help wondering if there were already rifts in her body, little fissures, tiny striations in her skin. She ached for Tristan. Thoughts of him consumed her almost every waking moment, nearly suffocating her at night. When she wasn’t with him, she worked until she couldn't even prop her eyelids open, then came home and went straight to bed. But the minute she closed her eyes, she saw him, his face, his hungry eyes. When she did finally fall into an exhausted slumber, her sleep was anything but peaceful. Her dreams were haunted by hide-and-seek games with Tristan, Jake, and herself. Renee often appeared, trying to keep everyone and everything organized, and the kids dashed in and out, sometimes oblivious, sometimes looking haunted and empty.
Jake maneuvered carefully around her most of the time. He didn't avoid her, he just handled her with kid gloves. He was deeply affected by her suffering, and in response, tried way too hard to make her feel better. But in his attempt to comfort her, he only suffocated her, in being sensitive and tender toward her, he only seemed the bigger fool to her. If he only knew why she was so miserable, he'd want nothing more to do with her.
Last night. Her stomach recoiled as she remembered. Over the last several months, she'd become so skilled at separating her mind and body, that sex was more of a performance than anything else. Jake knew how to make her physically respond, but she rarely stayed engaged mentally during the act itself. She played her part well—she knew he thought highly of their sex-life—but all she really wanted was for him to leave her alone. Don't touch me, don't coddle me, don't try to comfort me, don't ask me if I'm okay. I'm not okay, but I’ll keep lying to you, and telling you that I am.
20
Today, Jake needed her. He didn't know why the urgency coursed through him, but he needed to hear her voice, to feel her softness up against him, to smell her hair, her skin. He felt sullen and ill-humored, like a pouting child, but he didn't know what was getting him down. He had to have her in his arms, to be able to whisper in her ear that they were going to be okay, and have her assure him that indeed, they would be. He dialed her number, hoping she was finished with Renee and would answer.
“This is Nora with Sonora Décor. I'm either with a client or out of my office. Please leave your name and number, and I'll get back to you as soon as I am able. Thanks for calling and have an inspiring day.”
He listened to her recording, trying to ignore the disappointment settling around his shoulders. “Hey, Nor. It's me. I just called to tell you I'm thinking about you. I love you. Call me.”
Did that sound too wimpy? He sighed, certain it did, or that she would perceive it that way. Needy, she called it. She'd only said so once, maybe twice before, but that was enough.
“Maybe I'll surprise her this afternoon when she picks up the kids,” Jake decided out loud. He’d make it about the family, not just her. They could all get an after-school treat together, maybe watch a movie or go to the park. How could she choose work over family time?
He had plenty of time to get there, at least an hour, and he decided he’d let Nora know exactly how much he was thinking of her. He changed his shirt into the one she’d given him for Christmas, brushed his teeth, and splashed a little of her favorite cologne on his neck and jaw. Stopping at a flower stand along the way, he picked up a bouquet of yellow roses that were sure to make her smile. Things didn’t take nearly as long as he’d expected, and he drove slowly toward Felix's school. He'd wait in the parking lot, he decided, and watch for her. Maybe she'd get there early too, and he could surprise her with the flowers before Felix joined them. The potential was there for a very romantic moment, if all went well.
Jake pulled into the parking lot and drove slowly around the loop, looking for a strategic place to park where he could see every car coming or going. He didn’t want to miss her. He was just backing into a spot when he saw her car parked in the next row. And she was sitting in it, too.
Certain she hadn't seen him, he grabbed the flowers, and ducked around the van parked beside her. He got close enough to realize that her window was rolled halfway down, and he could hear her talking quietly on the phone. He smiled to himself, imagining her face when she saw him.
“You know I can't do that, Tristan. It's not fair to even ask me that.” Nora's voice rippled through him, stirring something terrifyingly familiar deep inside of him. The tone. The way her voice caressed each word
. The way she said the name Tristan. It reverberated in his ears like a long-forgotten song suddenly remembered.
She used to talk that way to him.
“Of course I want to go. I just can't.”
Jake felt his feet moving. He looked down and saw the pavement slipping away beneath him, he felt the rhythm of his own footsteps, but he didn't quite realize his intentions until he was standing outside her window, staring in at her soft, sultry expression.
“You can't go where?” He asked, watching his startled wife's face change into that of an incredulous, angry creature. She covered the phone with her hand.
“What are you doing here? You scared me to death!” She didn't yell, but she might as well have. Jake actually cringed.
“Excuse me just a moment,” she said into the receiver before covering the mouthpiece again. She thrust her head out the window toward him and snarled, “What do you want?”
Wordlessly, Jake held up the bouquet of flowers.
Nora stared at the roses with half-closed eyes, then looked back at his face without even acknowledging them. His mind was spinning out of control as he tried to process everything that was happening.
“I'm on a phone call with a client. I can't talk right now.” She rolled up her window.
Jake just stared at her. Did she really think he was so foolish as to believe she was talking to a client that way? When he didn't move, she rolled the window back down, and said, matter-of-factly, “Excuse me. Do you mind?”
He'd been dismissed.
Reeling inside, he backed away from her car. Not knowing what else to do, he returned to his truck and climbed in. He sat there, his stomach churning, his thoughts careening around in his head.
“Liar. She's a liar.” He said it again, a little louder. “She's a liar.” She was lying to him, he knew that without a doubt. Tristan. Tristan. The way she said his name. Oh Lord, help me, please. The way she said his name! He closed his eyes and leaned forward to rest his forehead on the steering wheel.
“I need to go. Before the kids see me. I need to get out of here,” he muttered, trying to motivate himself to move. He opened his eyes and looked up to see Nora crossing the parking lot toward him.
I could turn this baby on and drive right over her. The thought charged through him, and was immediately pursued by guilt and shame so intense that he just sat slumped forward, waiting for her. His hands still gripped the steering wheel, holding on for dear life.
She tapped on his window. He made her do it twice before he acknowledged her by rolling it down.
“Hey. Sorry I freaked out. You just scared me, Jake. I wasn't expecting anyone to come banging on my window, and you startled me.” Her voice was full of false cheer.
He couldn't look at her—he’d only end up believing her. “I didn't bang on your window.”
“Semantics, Jake. You did sneak up on me.” She crossed her arms.
“Actually, no, I didn't. I walked up to your open window. You were so absorbed in your conversation you just didn't see me. I wasn’t sneaking up on you.” Her accusation was like knives in his stomach, because technically, she was right; he had meant to surprise her. But she was right for all the wrong reasons.
“Well, it sure seemed like you did.” She chewed on her bottom lip and looked away. He watched her from the corner of his eye, wondering what she was thinking about. Who she was thinking about. She turned back and caught him looking at her. “I wish you would respect my privacy. It was pretty obvious I was on a phone call, wasn't it? Were you spying on me?”
“Geez, Nor. You think I came here to spy on you?” She sounded so childish. Spying?
She looked away again without answering.
“Do you really want to know why I came here today?” When she didn't answer, he continued. “I came to surprise you and the kids. I thought the four of us could to go to the park or the movies or something. I thought it'd be a good way to spend a Friday afternoon. Together, as a family.” He picked up the bouquet of flowers lying on the seat beside him. He might as well go for broke. “And I brought these for you, because I was thinking about you, and I was hoping to catch you before the kids got out so I could give them to you.” He thrust them through the window at her.
She hesitated before taking them, and he felt his blood begin to boil. “Take them, Nora! They’re for you!” What was wrong with her? What woman wouldn't be swept off her feet by a surprise visit from her husband, bearing flowers no less?
A woman who wishes her husband was someone else.
The little voice inside his head was so loud, he wondered, just for a moment, if she'd heard it too, but she had her nose buried in the bouquet. Someone else. How could it be? Who was Tristan? He shook his head, refusing to accept it.
“That sounds like fun, Jake. I'm sure the kids will be thrilled to see you.” His thoughts had wandered so far he almost didn't remember what she was talking about. Then he realized what she'd said. The kids will be thrilled. Was she thrilled? That's who he really wanted to impress; her, Nora, his wife. He wanted Nora to be thrilled to see him. He wanted Nora to be excited about spending the afternoon with him. He wanted Nora to be happy to see him; not suspicious, accusing him of spying on her.
“But you’re not.”
“I am, too, Jake.” She rolled her eyes. “You surprised me, that's all.”
“As I intended to do, remember? I just expected it would be a good thing.” He was suddenly tired, weary beyond reason.
She didn't try to placate him, nor did she defend her reaction. Instead, she looked at her watch, then toward the school yard where the kids would be gathering in the next few minutes.
“Actually, I’m taking the kids to my mom's for the night. I have a new development showing tomorrow morning, and I haven't finished preparing for it.” She glanced back at him for just a moment, then away again. “I'm sorry. I wish you had said something sooner. We could have planned things better.”
“A new development showing? Did I know about this?”
“Yes, a new development showing. And I didn't know I needed to keep you informed about every client of mine.”
“Sorry. That came out wrong. I meant about the kids going to your mom's for the night. Did I know about that?” This couldn’t be happening. It was all coming at him too quickly to process.
Nora shook her head, still watching the empty playground. “No. I just arranged it. I was going to try to finish the presentation up at home tonight, but this is a really important client, and I need to be sure things are right. You know how hard it is to concentrate at home, especially on a Friday night when the kids stay up late.” She buried her nose in the flowers again. “That's who I was talking to when you surprised me.”
“Your mother? Since when do you call your mother Tristan?” Jake couldn't keep the venom out of his voice. It was the lamest lie he'd ever heard, and she had the decency to flinch when he said that name.
Now she did look at him, her eyes narrowed. “I call my mother 'Mom.' Tristan is my client. Anything else you’re confused about?”
From bad to worse. Out of the frying pan, into the fire. “Well, since you asked, where can't you go with your client, Tristan?”
Nora stepped back, letting the bouquet fall to her side. “Tristan is hosting a dinner for his employees and asked if I could attend.”
“Have you, by any chance, told him you have a husband?” Jake knew he sounded defensive and suspicious, but he actually was defensive and suspicious, and he didn’t feel like pretending otherwise. Right now, he felt like he was fighting a losing battle, and he wasn’t going to go quietly.
“He knows. I told him.”
“And?”
“And what, Jake? What else do you want me to say?”
“I don't know, Nor. I just can't help but think there's more to this than you're letting on. I’m not a fool. I heard the way you were talking to him. You sounded awfully familiar on the phone with him.”
“This is ridiculous. I am familiar wit
h him. I've been working with him for months now. And believe me, this isn't the first time I've been included in the invitations to company dinners, and I'm sure it won't be the last. He's hoping that eventually I'll say yes.”
“And I'm hoping you won't.”
“Don't be such a jerk. I said 'no,' remember? You were listening.” She held the flowers up. “By the way, how much did I pay for these? Another three hundred and seventy-two dollars and change?”
It was Jake’s turn to flinch. The exact dollar amount on his tab at Friar Puck’s last October. The night that changed everything.
Just then the buzzer went off across the school, and children poured out of every classroom. The school yard was instantly overrun by miniature people, and Nora turned and walked away.
“What about this afternoon?” Jake called out. Watching her purposeful steps, he suddenly noticed she’d lost weight. Her curves were more pronounced by the anger in her posture, and she looked terrifyingly sexy to him.
“You're a free man, Jake. No kids, no wife, no work. The day is yours to do with what you will.” She called over her shoulder, but she kept walking, the flowers swinging upside down at her side, leaving a delicate trail of leaves and tiny white petals like confetti in her wake.
He watched her open the trunk of her car and carelessly toss the bouquet inside. The flowers lay in a forlorn heap on top of a small suitcase he recognized as one they'd bought together for a weekend away a few years ago, a garment bag, and what looked like a pair of hiking boots.
21
Spring had run its course and was doing its best to hold summer at bay, but a heavy heat settled over all of Southern California. Bees buzzed lazily from blossom to blossom, butterflies bobbed along on the warm breeze, and shimmering dragonflies ducked in and out of the brush, never flitting too far from the little decorative pond behind Tristan's house. They sat together on the bench swing on his patio, letting the late afternoon sun lull them into a bit of a stupor.
Waters Fall Page 16
