by J. H. Croix
He shook his head slowly. “But we don’t. I know you want this as much as I do,” he said softly.
Phoebe stood in front of him, her breasts rising and falling with her ragged breath. Her dark hair tumbled in loose curls around her shoulders. Confusion and sadness flashed through her eyes. “I don’t understand what’s happening,” she said.
“We’re finally doing what we’ve both wanted to do for years.” He stroked his hands down her shoulders and along her arms, his hands coming to rest at the juncture of her elbows. He wanted her with a depth beyond reason, but he knew if he didn’t allow it to happen when she felt ready, it could devastate their friendship and ruin any chance for him to have what he’d denied himself for so long. A tiny, bitter corner of his mind pointed out that he was breaking his own rules here and he’d likely live to regret it.
“You’ve wanted to do this for years?” Phoebe asked.
Jake’s heart clenched. He hid his feelings so well she didn’t even know. He nodded slowly. “Yes.”
She stared at him, her eyes skating over his face. She lifted her hand and carefully smoothed his brow, her finger trailing slowly down his cheek before it fell away. Her touch was a path of fire.
“Oh,” she said.
She shimmied out from between his body and the counter behind her. She pulled her blouse up around her shoulders, gripping the edges in front of her breasts. He had to bite his lip to keep from begging her not to hide herself from him. He watched her carefully, lust surging through him in waves. But with Phoebe, it wasn’t merely lust. He loved her, had loved her for years, and he’d forced himself to ignore it, to keep her firmly in the category of friend. The list of reasons—she’d been too young at first, then she wasn’t a shifter and all of his baggage about that—felt inconsequential now. The only thing that mattered was the humming pulse of electricity arcing between them.
Her eyes held confusion and concern. “Jake, this is…a lot. You’re one of my best friends, and you’ve said for years that you’d never be with a woman who wasn’t a shifter. I’m not a shifter. I can’t risk our friendship over a night when you’re tired and not thinking straight. Because the thing is, if we go further, I don’t know if we can go back.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, reining his body in. He didn’t want to stop, but he knew she had a point. He was beyond tired and felt rattled inside from recent events. He opened his eyes and met hers. He took another step, pausing in front of her again. He brushed a loose curl out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ear.
“Okay. We’ll do this your way for tonight. I might be tired, but it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve wanted you for too long.”
Phoebe held his gaze, uncertainty flashing in hers. She nodded slowly. “You’ll probably come to your senses after you get some sleep,” she said wryly.
Jake traced her lips with his finger, savoring the hitch in her breath. “I finally came to my senses now. Take my word for it. This is only the beginning.”
Chapter 2
Phoebe walked to her car, snow crunching under her feet with each step. Snow had fallen again last night. The Maine woods were lovely, almost otherworldly, in the winter. The boughs of balsam and cedar trees were heavy with snow. The bare branches of oaks, elms and other hardwoods stood stark against the sky. A few stubborn leaves clung to the trees, their color faded, though bright against the white backdrop. She paused by her car and looked around. Snow created a soft, muted sense to the forest. A crow called, another answering quickly, their voices clear in the quiet. The sun was cresting in the sky, the snow sparkling where its light touched.
Driving in to work, her mind traveled back to last night with Jake. She’d driven him home, the car charged with electricity arcing between them. She was still stunned at what happened. After years of shoving her feelings for him into a tiny corner of her heart, never to be examined, never to be acted upon, he’d shattered the door to that hidden corner. His kiss, the feel of his hands on her body, and his words had been thrilling and terrifying at once. She couldn’t quite believe he’d wanted her for years though he insisted he had. Part of her was frantic to take what he offered. Another part of her was frightened she’d lose one of her best friends if she acted on her desires. Years of hearing Jake’s confident proclamations that he couldn’t consider being with a woman who wasn’t a shifter rang in her mind.
But, oh, how she wanted him. To hear him say he was tired of denying himself was music to her heart. She pulled up at the hospital and hurried inside. She’d overslept after tossing and turning for most of the night. The interlude with Jake had electrified her, her mind and heart spinning in wild circles until she finally fell into an exhausted sleep.
“Hey Rosie,” Phoebe called out as she walked past the nursing station and pushed through the swinging door into the break room.
“Hey girl!” Rosie’s voice swung behind her into the room.
Phoebe quickly tugged her jacket off and stashed it in her locker. She switched out her winter boots for practical clogs. She was braiding her hair when Rosie entered the room a few minutes later. Rosie walked to the small round table in the center of the room and sat down with a sigh.
“It’s not even nine yet, and I’m exhausted. Brought you a coffee,” Rosie said.
Phoebe snapped an elastic band around the end of her braid and joined Rosie at the table.
“Ooh, you didn’t just get me coffee, you stopped by Roxanne’s and got my favorite. Thank you!” Phoebe took a swallow of the rich coffee from Roxanne’s, closing her eyes and savoring the flavor. When she opened them, she looked across at Rosie. Rosie was a good friend. They’d met in nursing school. Rosie had grown up in a nearby town and moved to Catamount when she got a job at the local hospital. She was like Phoebe, in that she was distantly related to some shifters, but wasn’t one herself. Rosie had short, curly golden hair with bright blue eyes. She looked sweet and innocent, but her mischievous smile gave away her sly sense of humor.
Rosie ran a hand through her curls and eyed Phoebe. “Any word from Shana?”
Phoebe shook her head. Phoebe loved the fact that she got to work with two of her closest friends, Rosie and Shana. But lately, she and Rosie mostly worried about Shana, unsure how to help other than to simply be there however they could. Shana had yet to return to work since her husband, a shifter, died on a highway in Connecticut for reasons that remained mysterious. After staying with Phoebe for a few weeks, Shana had insisted she needed to try to be on her own again and moved into a small guesthouse on her brother’s property.
“She’s on the schedule for tomorrow,” Rosie said. “I’m hoping it’ll be good for her to have something to focus on other than Callen’s death and everything else that’s been going on.”
“I think it’ll help her. She needs to get out of her head for a bit. I wish this mess would blow over, but it’s not looking like it will anytime soon.”
Rosie shook her head slowly. “Far as I can tell, the mess has only begun.”
“How much worse could it get?”
Rosie threw a hard glance her way. “Um, let’s see. Callen died on a highway in mountain lion form. No one knows why the hell he didn’t shift back. Then Jake stumbles onto the bombshell that Callen was working with God-only-knows-who to sell the services of Catamount shifters to smuggle drugs. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Chloe gets kidnapped by some shifter from out of town and Callen’s little brother. Let’s not forget that Chloe just happens to be the woman Dane fell head over heels in love with. Dane who’s from one of the oldest known shifter families in Catamount and Shana’s brother. He’s so close to the middle of this, I don’t know how he stands the heat. Thank God, Dane and Jake handled Chloe’s kidnapping as fast as they did! So, if you’re wondering how much worse it could get, I’m thinking we’ve got a long way to go before this is over.”
Phoebe groaned. “I know, I know, I know. I was trying to convince myself it couldn’t get any worse. But it’s bad.
I wish there was something I could do to help.”
Rosie sipped her coffee. “Be the good friend you are and just be there. Shana needs you and Jake needs you.”
The intercom beeped. “Give me the quick update from rounds this morning,” Phoebe said, referring to the early-morning medical rounds that occurred prior to her shift starting.
After a summary of nothing out of the ordinary, Rosie dropped a little bombshell. “Oh, and the new guy here—we think he’s a shifter trying to hide it.”
Anxiety coiled inside. “What are you talking about?” Phoebe asked in a hiss.
Rosie glanced around quickly. “New patient. He says he’s here on vacation and having chest pains. But he feels like a shifter to me. He’s in the room at the end of the hall. Check on him and let me know what you think.”
Though Phoebe wanted to run down the hall and immediately scope out the man Rosie mentioned, she forced herself to act normal. After doing her usual check-ins with patients from the day before, she made her way down the hall. She found the man in question sitting up in bed watching a cooking show on television. At a glance, she’d have guessed him to be a shifter. Though she wasn’t one herself, she’d lived her entire life in Catamount surrounded by them. There were the obvious signs, such as the cat-like eyes and a feline cast to his face. Along with the less obvious signs, such as a distinct feline quality to the way the man lounged in bed and the subtle primal quality to the way he looked at her. In a flash, she recalled Jake’s bright blue eyes last night when he’d pulled back from their kiss—dark with passion, a focus so intense it sent shivers up her spine just thinking about it.
“Excuse me?” the man asked.
Phoebe realized she’d zoned out and turned her attention back to the man. He had dark blonde hair and slate gray eyes. She made a point of checking his medical chart by the bed and checked his vitals. The name on the chart was Paul Malone though Phoebe’s ‘uh-oh’ radar was so strong, she doubted that was his actual name. Nonetheless…
“So Paul, how are you feeling today?” Phoebe asked as she entered his blood pressure rating in his chart.
“Okay, I guess. Yesterday was pretty scary.”
Phoebe watched him as the man launched into a vague summary of his physical state, increasing her doubt that he had anything wrong with him. But she listened and observed, wondering if Rosie’s suspicions were correct, and if so, what would he want by checking himself into the hospital. Phoebe’s primary concern was that he was after information on any one of the many shifters who worked in the hospital. Shana was a nurse while her brother Dane was one of the back-up emergency room doctors. They were only two of many shifters who were in and out of the hospital throughout the week.
“So, you said you were visiting Catamount. How long do you plan to be here?” Phoebe asked after Paul finished talking.
Paul’s gray eyes bounced to the window and back to her before he replied. “Not sure. I heard it was a nice place. Thought I’d check it out.”
Though Catamount saw its share of visitors in the spring, summer and fall due to its proximity to the Appalachian Trail and its extensive orchards, visitors in winter were much less likely. There was a ski lodge in a nearby town, which tended to draw most of the winter visitors. Phoebe couldn’t help herself. “This time of year doesn’t bring too many tourists here. Do you have family nearby?”
Paul’s eyes tightened, but he kept his expression bland. “I like winter. No reason not to visit just because of that.” He turned his focus back to the television, the message loud and clear that Phoebe was dismissed.
Later that afternoon, she walked outside with Rosie after their shift was over. “Well, I’m with you on that guy. I’d bet money he’s a shifter. Why is he here and why this hospital? I’m stopping by Jake’s office now, and I’ll make sure this gets passed on to Hank and Dane.”
Rosie climbed into her car with a wave. “Call me if you hear anything. See you tomorrow.”
Phoebe headed directly to Jake’s office. As soon as she walked in, desire slammed into her body, disorienting her. All of her promises to herself that she’d be able to put their kiss behind her went up in smoke. Jake was looking at his computer screen and ran a hand through his hair. He didn’t appear to have heard her come in. For a moment, she allowed herself to enjoy the sight of him. Even hunched over a desk, his body was pure masculinity. He wore a soft t-shirt that stretched across his back, the corded muscles along his spine standing out, his strong shoulders taut under the fabric. She wanted to walk over and drop a kiss on the soft spot where the curve of his neck met the bulk of his shoulder.
He suddenly straightened and swiveled in his chair, his eyes snapping to hers instantly, his intense blue gaze igniting sparks inside of her. Less than five seconds had passed, and her breath was short, molten heat swirled in her center, and she lost focus. It didn’t help that Jake’s eyes darkened the moment he saw her, desire flashing in them. His primal gaze set butterflies amassing in her belly.
“Hey,” he said gruffly.
“Hey.” Her one word greeting hung in the air, as she stood frozen inside his office.
All the reasons why she’d kept her feelings for Jake tucked tightly in a corner raced through her thoughts. She forced her eyes away from his, tracking the movement of a cardinal outside flitting in the trees. Its bright red plumage glowed amidst the snowy skeleton of the trees. This is what she’d wanted to avoid—the discomfort, and the worry that he saw the depth of her feelings for him beyond the heat of the moment. Above all, he was one of her best friends. If she lost his friendship, she would be devastated. She was startled out of her train of thought by his voice.
“Phoebe.”
The cardinal flew from one branch to another, and she brought her eyes back to Jake. Her belly did a somersault. She couldn’t seem to force her body to obey her. Years and years of habit should have kicked in, but the kisses they shared last night had blown her control to bits.
“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it,” Jake said flatly.
His stark words had the intended effect of knocking her mind off its loop. “How about you stop trying to read my mind?” she countered, irritated at how easily he could read her.
He stood from his chair and moved fluidly around his desk coming to a stop in front of her. He leaned his hips against the desk and reached for her hands, which were cold from the snow-chilled air. The feel of his warm, strong hands around hers caused her breath to draw sharply. Her pulse went wild again, but she couldn’t have looked away from his gaze if she wanted.
His hair was rumpled as if he’d run his hands through it repeatedly. His eyes were still tired, though not as weary as they’d been yesterday. Her heart tumbled. The worry she held for him had been constant ever since news had come about Callen’s death. None of them could have realized that event was only a harbinger of more to come.
Jake rubbed his thumb across the back of her palm. “I wasn’t trying to read your mind. How about we agree not to freak out about last night?”
Relief washed through her. Jake understood. He was trying to get them back on friends-only footing, which was exactly where they needed to be. On the heels of relief came a sharp pain, the pain she’d been trying to avoid for years. A less than five-minute span last night, and the heartbreak she’d tried to avoid for years was in front of her. Because dammit, he’d give her a reason to hope. And no matter how many times she told her heart it wasn’t a good idea to hope, her heart ignored her.
Phoebe nodded. “Right. I’m all about not freaking out about last night. It was an aberration. We’re friends, we’ve been friends for years and that won’t change.”
He shook his head slowly. “That’s not what I meant about not freaking out.”
Her belly flip-flopped. “What…what did you mean?”
“I meant let’s not freak out about what happened because it’s absolutely okay. We kissed because we wanted to. I plan to kiss you again…”
His thumb stilled its soft strokes. His eyes narrowed, pinned to hers. “Who says we can’t?”
When she opened her mouth to reply, Jake released one of her hands and put his finger to her lips. “Tell me you didn’t want that kiss,” he said, his voice gruff.
Phoebe tried to form the words to tell him she hadn’t wanted that kiss, but she couldn’t because it was an out and out lie. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again, Jake’s finger traced the contours of her mouth before his hand fell away. Her lips tingled at his soft touch.
“Okay. So now that we got that out of the way, what brings you here?” he asked with a small smile.
She couldn’t help the smile that bloomed in her heart, her lips following suit. Just when she thought he was going to push too far, he backed off easily and gave her the emotional space she needed.
“Oh yeah, I came by to tell you we think we have a shifter who checked himself into the hospital.”
Jake arched a brow. “And that would be a problem, why? Half the people in town are mountain lion shifters.”
“He’s from out of town and damn vague. Says he came for a visit and had chest pains yesterday. Rosie saw him first before I got to work and then I checked on him. He’s laying low, but I have a bad feeling. I can’t think of anything other than bad reasons for him to want to be in the hospital. Shana and Dane both work there, not to mention that plenty of other staff are shifters. We need to talk to Hank and Dane.”
