by E. J. Noyes
“Well then, evidently you are seeing someone whether you choose to admit that or not.” She squeezed my shoulder lightly. “I hope the rest of your rides are as good as today’s. Take care of yourself and give Dewey a pat from me.”
Elin wandered off in the same direction as Addie and I held my breath, hoping she didn’t feel some sadistic need to stop and say something to her. But either Elin had moved past her toying-with-people stage, or she wasn’t in the mood today because she strolled right past Addie’s hiding corner without a sideways glance. I scuttled after her and almost collided with Addie who grabbed me by my arm to stop me from toppling. With the other hand she held an ice cream that she was twisting to stop its dripping.
A quick sweep of her tongue around the bottom stopped the drips but started my heart racing. After a sheepish grin, she said, “I’m sorry, this was actually for you but it was gettin’ melty while I was waiting, so I had to take care of it.”
“You got me an ice cream?”
“I did. Thought you might like one after that ride. Congrats by the way, it was brilliant.”
“Thanks, and I would.” I made a gimme motion.
“I’ve…licked it.”
“And?” Leaning in, I reminded her, “We have swapped saliva before you know.”
“I know but this is not that.” Still she handed it over and I took a bite.
Bliss. I leaned against the fence and finished it off in a few more huge bites. “You’re amazing.”
“I know.” After a quick inspection of my face, she quietly asked, “You okay?”
“Mhmm. Just someone I didn’t expect to see here, someone I didn’t want to see. And then she just had to talk to me so, yeah. Awkward.”
She eyed me speculatively. “That was Elin Nygaard, right?”
“Yes. How’d you know?”
Addie’s cheeks rapidly turned pink and she remained silent for a long moment before coming clean with, “I Googled her when Teresa mentioned you’d dated her.”
That was so not what I’d expected her to say. “Why?”
“Because I wanted to see what kind of women you were into. I wouldn’t have picked you for the Nordic goddess type.” The statement was casual but her expression was anything but. Her face held interest but also surprisingly, resignation.
“I’m really not.”
“Oh. She’s very attractive,” Addie said, still with that same casual tone.
“On the outside, yes. Inside, not so much.”
“No?”
“No. Nordic goddess is actually Nordic cheater. I thought we had a relationship, but to her I was just a place for her to get sex she enjoyed. Orgasms are fantastic, don’t get me wrong, but it’s all of the other stuff that’s important to me. Like the bread around an orgasm sandwich.”
“Interesting analogy. You know how much I love…sandwiches. And yeah, Teresa mentioned that cheating was the rumor. Unsubstantiated.”
“Consider it substantiated.”
Addie nodded slowly. “My opinion, not that you asked for it, is that she’s an idiot for doing that.”
“She is, because I’m amazing.”
“Cannot argue at all.” The grin faded to a serious expression. “Are you sure you’re okay? I know it was a while ago, but shit like that lingers.”
Her sweet concern had me melting like the ice cream. “I am. I mean of course it sucked and she hurt me, but also I’m grateful she did it. Not the cheating but showing me who she is.”
“Why’s that?”
“It forced me to move on from her, from that experience and it’s left me open for other opportunities. Being tied down with that mess was not healthy and I didn’t realize until we’d split how emotionally draining she was.”
“New opportunities are always good,” Addie said carefully. “So…if cheating Nordic goddesses aren’t your type, what is?”
“Right now? It’s cute veterinarians with adorable dimples and an odd sense of humor.” The moment I’d said it I knew it was a bad thing to let out into the world. Admitting it to myself was one thing but to tell her that I was open to more than whatever this was felt like I was making a promise I might not be able to keep.
“Oh. Well that’s not really my type at all, but whatever floats your boat.” Addie had her teeth wedged in her lower lip, but the smile still twitched at the corners of her mouth.
“What’s your type then?”
“Leggy, introverted dressage enthusiasts with brilliant smiles and the most incredible laugh I’ve ever heard.”
I knew I was blushing when I managed a very articulate, “Ah.”
Addie leaned in to whisper against my ear, “In case there’s any uncertainty or ambiguity with that response, I mean you.”
“I gathered that. I mean it was either me, or Donna Jameson who rides for Australia.”
“There’s no contest. It’s all you.” She smiled that heart-twisting smile at me. The one that made me forget everything that screamed this wasn’t a good idea. “I was just on my way to check out your superstar partner. Wren called while she was hosing him down to say he’d come down well from the ride but I want to be sure.”
“I just saw them before I had to do press stuff and yeah, he seems fine.”
“Great. Care to join me?” She paused, and added a laughing, “To…see your own horse.”
I squeezed her hand. “Love to.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Addie
We’d get no downtime after the team’s Grand Prix performance, with the Special scheduled for the day following the Grand Prix tests. I’d been run off my feet making sure all the horses were happy, that their limbs were cool and sound and that they were all eating, drinking, and crapping as they should. We’d been through more ice than I thought possible, using it to cool the horses and their legs and most of the riders were pouring it down their shirts as well.
Among the mayhem, Wren seemed to have appointed herself coordinator of the “Put Caitlyn and Addie together and alone as much as possible” cause, making herself scarce whenever I came by Dewey’s stall. I’d been making a habit of leaving my evening visits to Dewey last so I could spend as much time with him to…uh, make sure he had no lingering effects from his bee sting. The fact that Caitlyn always seemed to be around then too was just a coincidence. The night of Caitlyn’s Grand Prix test Wren spotted me walking down the laneway between the stalls and leaned over to open Dewey’s lower stall door.
“Heading off?” I asked.
“Yep. I’m going to grab some dinner, hang out in the cabin with the other grooms and wait for final night checks.” She lowered her voice. “How about you two don’t be here when I get back at nine thirty? Maybe do something, I don’t know…normal and romantic.”
Caitlyn’s voice from the back of the stall was dust-dry. “I can hear you too, you know. You are such a buttinsky.”
Wren’s answer was a shrug. She pulled her headphones over her ears and walked off.
I paused at the stall door. “Mind if I come in?”
“Not at all.”
“Oh, I was actually asking Dewey if it was okay with him,” I said as I stepped into the stall and locked the lower door.
The moment I came within reach, Caitlyn punched my arm. “Smartass.” Then she rubbed up and down my bicep. “Are you okay?”
“Aside from my now-dead arm? Yes.”
“I meant your leg. You’ve been limping all day.”
I was so heart-melty over the fact she’d noticed something like that that I couldn’t think of something sensible in response and instead blurted, “Caitlyn Lloyd, are you stalking me?”
“Do you want another arm punch?”
My answer was a facetious, “Yes please.”
She leaned against the wall beside Dew’s feeder. “Of course I’m stalking you. I’ve noticed the longer your days, the more you limp.” She offered a helpless smile. “It worries me, that’s all.”
“You are the sweetest little cupcake I have eve
r met. I’m fine, really. It’s just a lot of standing and walking and rushing and very little sitting. Tomorrow morning I’ll start out good as new.”
“And end up limping like you’re missing a kneecap or something by tomorrow night?”
“Probably.” I waved dismissively. “Part of the job. In other happy news, in case Mary hasn’t told y’all, after the complaint we lodged and multiple attempts from the IOC who agreed what happened to Freddo was bullshit, the military have finally agreed to give up their live-fire exercises while the equestrian events are on.” It’d been a nightmare of official complaints, IOC meetings and arguing with the military that no, just because elite competition horses should be desensitized to outside stimulus doesn’t mean they should have to deal with gunfire.
“A miracle. I supposed nobody can complain because it was happening both days of the Grand Prix so the conditions were equal for all competitors.”
“True. I assume they’ll still be providing security for us.”
“Undoubtedly.” She shrugged. “I don’t mind. Having more security around the horses makes me feel better, and they seem dedicated.”
“That they do.” I lightly touched her shoulder. “How’re you feeling about tomorrow?”
She reached up and took my hand. “Ready. I mean the Grand Prix Special test doesn’t cater to our strengths as much as the Grand Prix does, but I’m still sure we can go out there and kick some ass.”
* * *
She really did kick ass.
Every one of the horse and rider competitors who’d made it to the Olympics absolutely deserved to be there—they’d put in the training, the money, the time and the dedication to reach the top of their discipline—and in such a sport where judging could be subjective, it could be hard to differentiate what separated the best from the others. I knew Caitlyn and Dewey had an intense bond, as silly and sappy as it sounded, and that’s what set them apart.
Every time she threw a leg over him, it looked harmonious, as if they knew each other’s thought processes, as if they would give their best for each other or die trying. It was easy to anthropomorphize Dewey, because he was always so engaged with people, but I truly felt how much he loved and trusted Caitlyn, and that elevated them to something beyond simply great.
When Caitlyn realized she’d scored 82.257% for her Special, she looked shellshocked, as if it didn’t quite compute that she’d just sealed the bronze medal for the team and put herself comfortably in third place on the individual standings.
The crowd around us grew while I checked Dewey post-ride and prevented me from doing anything more than offering Caitlyn a quiet, “Congratulations.” Wren, bless her heart, had tried to give us some privacy and ran interference but it seemed every time she managed to usher one group out to give Dew some space, another group came in. Eventually she threw her hands up and muttered, “I fucking tried.”
Once the horses had been cooled down and readied for the medal ceremony, we were sent to hang around outside the stadium while the ground crew set up podiums and the like. Mary and Ian stood slightly apart from the group, studying some papers and conversing quietly. Dakota and her groom were having a heated argument, as much as they were trying to disguise it. Beau and Jesse were huddled together with their grooms, the two riders standing far closer than just friends would. Interesting. And good for them. Simone, with her broken ankle, had decided not to cause mayhem scaring horses with her crutches, and had managed to wrangle herself a place at the front of the stands from which to watch the ceremony.
But once I’d looked at Caitlyn, my attention stayed there. She and Wren were laughing together and trying to keep Dewey from nibbling things, which seemed to be causing more laughter. One of the ground stewards said something that spurred everyone into action, and a few minutes later the sound of the announcer introducing the medalists echoed across the grounds. The riders remained unmounted and as Caitlyn slotted into the last place of the four who filed past, she reached out to touch my hand.
Most of the horses stood fairly still, but a few squirmed and shifted. One of the German horses spooked and got herself worked up, and was being walked by her groom a safe distance behind the others. And then there was Dewey. Wren struggled to contain him as he tried to touch the medal podium, get hold of the fountains of greenery in pots on the ground and talk to all the other horses.
Wren moved him off to the side, where he kept straining toward the others, then eventually started bobbing his head as if trying to convey just how much he really really wanted to talk to the others. Three medal-winning teams of four horses meant there were eleven potential friends for him, but the other potential was that the horses might just tell him to “Fuck off” with teeth and legs.
My team stepped up onto the podium, waves and smiles aplenty. I gave each of them my attention for a few moments before my eyes went to Caitlyn. Before she stepped up, she yanked the front of her breeches down and I laughed, recalling her comment about camel-toe. She waved all around the stadium with both hands, smiling and laughing with the others.
I turned my attention to the huge screen. The moment the camera panned to show her face up there, I felt a sudden burst of pride and adoration and a million other emotions all bundled up. Oh God. I had so fallen for her. Caitlyn looked around the stadium, still waving, and her movement seemed to slow as her focus came to where I stood. Despite the distance between us, I swear she was looking right at me.
The riders had media commitments after the medal ceremony and I likely wouldn’t see any of them for another few hours. I’d been to check Freddo who remained comfortable, awaiting another round of imaging tomorrow to confirm he was healing satisfactorily. I met up with a few of the other team vets, ate a sandwich and two ice creams then settled myself in my tiny office to do some of my seemingly never-ending paperwork. I’d been lost in the void of typing for who knows how long when a knock at the door took my attention from my screen. “Come in,” I called.
Caitlyn peeked into the room and then slipped in. “Hey.”
Pleasure at having her close spread through me as a slow trickle of heat. “Hey yourself. Where’s everyone else?”
“Mingling and planning how to celebrate.” She smiled wryly. “All that interaction was getting to me.” She’d removed her tails and stock tie but still wore her sleeveless undershirt, breeches, and boots. Hanging around her neck was her bronze medal and she carried a small oddly shaped wooden box. “Medal box,” she explained.
“Ah. I haven’t had a chance to really tell you how amazing you guys were. Watching you was incredible.”
“Thanks. It still feels kind of weird.”
“I can imagine. What was it like out there?”
Her eyebrows scrunched together. “Um…hard to explain. Kind of surreal, like I’m not entirely sure it actually happened or that I was really present for it.”
I leaned close to offer a conspiratorial, “You definitely were.”
“Mmmm. Apparently so.” Caitlyn turned around to check who was in view of the window—nobody, which I’d learned over the past few days was a benefit of being right at the end of the row—then closed the short gap between us and kissed me, one arm snaking around my waist. “My reward,” she murmured before kissing me again.
My hands wandered to the small of her back, and we probably would have stayed like that for a while if not for my fear of someone coming to find me. Stupid brain.
With great reluctance, I pulled away and Caitlyn backed up and flopped down onto my spare chair, stretching out her booted legs. She looked like someone trying their best to appear casual. “We’re doing it again, aren’t we?” she said. “That thing we said we wouldn’t do right now.”
“We are. Dammit. We’re hopeless.” I sat down beside her, careful to keep some distance.
She laughed a quick, dry laugh. “Hopeless, or just really committed to doing whatever this thing is between us.”
Bravely, or stupidly, I asked, “What exactly is this thing between
us?”
“Something frightening. Something weird. I…don’t really know how to explain it.”
Despite her vagueness, I knew what she meant. “To me,” I began carefully, “It feels like we’re stuck between becoming more than, uh, lovers and moving into a relationship type thing, but stalled despite both of us clearly wanting to move forward.”
Caitlyn bit her lower lip. “I think that sums it up.” She paused and after half a minute’s contemplation whispered, “Even though I want it, the moving forward part is scary for me, especially with everything else around it.”
“Everything else like what?” I quietly asked.
“With Elin—” She paused. “Is this too awkward? Too much?”
“It’s not too much. I want to know everything you feel like telling me.”
She inhaled slowly, as if gaining courage. “I think what happened with Elin is maybe part of it. She said the main reason she cheated was because of the distance. And I know we’ve established Florida to Kentucky isn’t exactly the same distance as the USA and Europe, but I guess I’m still gun-shy.”
Judging by her expression there was obviously more to it than that, but now was not the time or place to delve deeply into the nuance of relationships and Caitlyn’s fears. I forced a smile. “Well you won’t have that problem with me. I can barely find time for one woman let alone another on the side.” Wow. Just…wow. I could not believe I’d just let that come out of my mouth. I tried desperately to repair the damage. “Shit, that’s such a stupid thing to say and this is so not the time for a joke. I wasn’t even trying to joke. It just came out. What I mean is I’m not a cheater. If I have a problem with the woman I’m datin’ then I either talk about it or we break up.” My cheeks flamed with mortification and I felt like my eyes were the size of dinner plates. “Hell, that’s not…I don’t want to break up. Goddammit. Can you see why I’m single?”
