‘Don’t be a spoilsport,’ she muttered to herself, and flopped back in her seat to gaze unseeingly at the books and papers spread out on the desk in front of her. She’d been trying to study for more than an hour now, and doubted that she’d taken in a single thing.
‘It’s a birthday party, that’s all,’ she reminded herself, wondering if she would have done better to accept the invitation Natasha had slipped under her door a couple of days ago. But she’d never really been a party person, especially when she didn’t really know any of the other people there.
Then there was the fact that she hadn’t been in the mood for a party, anyway…not after the sad events in the unit today.
The twins would have been the perfect family for Clive and Joanna Rushworth, a couple who’d been forced to wait for fifteen years before her domineering parents had finally died and they had been free to marry.
‘We thought we were making up for lost time when we were told it was twins,’ Joanna had confided tearfully as she sat between the two isolettes, watching her two tiny sons fight the unequal battle for survival. ‘My mother was an invalid and my father wouldn’t allow anyone else into the house to care for her. Then, when she died, he insisted that it was my duty to continue to keep house for him as he’d supported me all my life.’
‘And Clive waited for you all that time?’ Dani marvelled.
‘He said he didn’t want anyone else,’ Joanna said shyly. ‘Even though my father did everything he could to frighten him away, Clive always found a way of letting me know that he was there.’ There was a mischievous edge to her smile. ‘We’ll always be glad for the invention of the Internet.’
‘Was that how you kept in touch?’ Dani was intrigued. She couldn’t imagine that there were many couples who had to travel such a long rocky road to matrimony.
‘Once we realised that my father was destroying any letter Clive tried to send.’ She chuckled. ‘He phoned, posing as a telephone salesman, to tell me that I’d won a computer in a competition, then he paid for someone to deliver it and set it up for me. Father would have refused to let me buy one, but he wasn’t likely to turn down something that was apparently free.
‘After that, it was easy to send messages backwards and forwards whenever we had the chance, and to plan for the future, once Mother no longer needed me. We never dreamed it would be more than fifteen years before we could really be together, and when I fell pregnant on our honeymoon…’
Every conversation was bound to come back to the misery of the present day. It seemed as if this poor couple had been granted such a short measure of happiness.
‘Did you have no idea that there was anything wrong with the babies?’ As long as there was nothing urgent demanding her attention on the unit, Dani didn’t mind keeping Joanna company until Clive returned. She could always catch up on her share of the paperwork later—after all, it was unlikely to be very long before this sad episode came to its inevitable conclusion.
‘When I had the scan, they said that one baby was bigger than the other, but no one seemed particularly concerned. Then we had the chance to go away for a little holiday together, to a villa owned by a friend.’ Her smile spoke of happy memories. ‘Apart from our week’s honeymoon in Venice, it was the first time I’d ever been abroad on holiday. My first time swimming in an outdoor pool with wall-to-wall sunshine; my first time wandering around a market, choosing all the exotic things to eat that I’d never even tasted before; my first time feeling as if I was just the same as everybody else.’
There was an apologetic look on her face as she hastened to add, ‘I made sure to speak to my midwife to tell her what we wanted to do, and even though I had a second scan booked for the time we were away, she told us to go and have a wonderful time.’
‘And was it wonderful?’ Dani hardly needed to ask. The blush on Joanna’s face was enough to make her jealous.
‘I’d never even had a tan before,’ she said, then leant towards Dani and beckoned her closer to whisper, ‘And certainly not one without any strap marks…anywhere!’
‘Good for you! That’s something I’ve never dared to do,’ Dani admitted, then blushed equally fiercely when a sudden picture leapt into her head of lying naked under a warm foreign sun while skilful male hands smoothed oil over her limbs, careful to make sure that it was spread to every hidden crevice. She didn’t need to see the man’s face to know whose hands they were, neither did she doubt that she would be equally as assiduous when she returned the favour.
‘Then we came home and went to the rescheduled scan and they told us that there was something wrong with the babies’ circulation—that one of them was being starved of blood and that the other one’s system was so overloaded that it was damaging his heart.’
Dani had been trying to read about the clinical management of such situations this evening, wanting to understand exactly what had gone wrong with Joanna’s pregnancy and what else could have been done to rectify it.
Unfortunately, despite Joanna’s own specialist’s expertise in the field, labour had been precipitated by an attempt at in utero surgery, and the desperately premature babies had been rushed to Josh’s unit in the vain hope that he might be able to work a miracle.
Should the surgeon have waited and watched for a few more days or weeks until the babies’ gestational age gave them a better chance at survival? Had the steroids done all they could to mature the lungs? If surgery had been imperative at that stage, could stronger drugs have prevented Joanna going into labour for those vital extra days?
There always seemed to be more questions than answers, which was a very scary thought when it wouldn’t be long before she was supposed to be the one coming up with those answers.
‘And I’m never going to be able to get all that information into my head if I can’t even hear myself think,’ she growled aloud, and threw her hands up in the air.
Her phone rang at that moment and she nearly screamed with frustration at yet another interruption.
She hadn’t been blessed with Josh’s phenomenal memory. She had to study really hard for every exam, and just at the moment it seemed as if everything was against her.
‘What?’ she snapped into the receiver, then felt dreadful when she heard her adoptive mother’s concerned voice on the other end.
‘Have I called at a bad time, love?’ she asked. ‘You’re not still on duty, are you? I thought this was your evening off.’
‘It is, Mum, and I’m sorry for snapping, but…well, I’ve been trying to do some study and there’s a birthday party going on downstairs.’
‘Josh said he was worried that you might have a few problems living there,’ she said. ‘There have always been a few medical students who can’t party in moderation.’
‘Unlike your new husband,’ Dani teased, quickly changing the subject to something far more pleasant. ‘How’s married life with the most patient man on the planet?’
‘I would thoroughly recommend it,’ Meredith Kasarian said with laughter in her voice.
In the background Dani could hear the murmur of the retired consultant’s voice and was delighted all over again that he’d finally persuaded his senior nurse to accept his proposal. They both deserved some happiness, Meredith after being alone for so many years, struggling to bring up two children single-handedly, and Kas after nursing his wife until cancer had finally taken her life. Josh and Dani hadn’t been the only ones who had cheered when the two long-time colleagues had announced their engagement.
‘So, apart from the difficulties of finding somewhere quiet enough to study, how’s the new job going?’ Meredith prompted. ‘No regrets about applying for the post on Josh’s team? You know you would have been welcomed with open arms in my old department.’
‘I know, Mum, but I decided I’d rather make my mistakes somewhere that the whole of the staff didn’t know everything about me from when I drew my first breath. At least in Josh’s unit I’m anonymous, just another trainee doing her six months.’
> ‘Hardly “just another trainee” when your big brother is the boss,’ Meredith pointed out with a laugh. ‘I hope that isn’t causing any problems.’
Dani paused momentarily, hoping Meredith would understand.
‘Nobody knows,’ she admitted.
‘Nobody knows what?’ Meredith’s puzzlement was clear even from half a world away.
‘About Josh and me…It wasn’t done deliberately,’ she added hurriedly. ‘But when it was obvious that none of the rest of his staff knew there was any connection, it seemed simpler not to say anything.’ Especially as Josh seemed to want it that way. Then there was the fact that she hadn’t really felt as if Josh was her brother for a long time now. Unfortunately, there seemed to be little chance that he would see her as something other than his little sister.
‘I don’t understand,’ the voice in the distance said plaintively. ‘I always thought you were so proud of your big brother. You used to follow him around, right from the day you took your first steps.’
Damn. This was just what she didn’t want—for Meredith to be upset that things couldn’t always go on the way they had when she herself had been a little girl. But she wasn’t a little girl any more. She was a woman making her way in a demanding profession and she—
A sudden knock at the door gave her the ideal chance to end the uncomfortable conversation before she managed to put her foot in her mouth.
‘I’m sorry, Mum, I’ve got to go. There’s someone at the door. Have a wonderful time and give Kas a big hug for me.’
‘I’ll hang on a moment just in case it’s Josh,’ she said. ‘I’ve been trying to ring him for several days but he’s never home.’
Dani knew exactly how little time he’d spent away from the unit. She hadn’t seen him connected to the Internet once, even though she’d been longing for a ‘conversation’ with him.
‘We’ve had several very poorly babies and you know what he’s like…doesn’t like to leave them if there’s a chance they may need him.’
The knock came again, firm enough to be male knuckles, and she hoped it wasn’t Tomasz hoping to persuade her to join the party. She’d already turned him down twice. Still, holding a phone to her ear would be a good excuse for turning him down yet again.
It was Tomasz and she was delighted to be able to tell him she was talking to her mother before shutting him firmly on the other side of the door.
‘Are you sure you didn’t want to go out with that young man?’ Meredith asked, and even over thousands of miles Dani could hear a hint of the newlywed’s euphoria that made her mother wish for the same happiness for her.
‘Mum, even if I was interested in him, I wouldn’t want to go down to that party with him. The music’s turned up so loud that I can barely hear myself think, and I’m another two stories further up.’
‘Well, don’t you go sticking your nose in a study book all the time or all the nice young men will be gone, and then where will you be?’ Meredith fretted.
‘I’ll have both my feet firmly planted on the career ladder, doing a job I love,’ Dani told her, even though she knew it wouldn’t deflect her from a complaint that was coming more and more frequently as the years flew past.
‘You and Josh are far too alike in that,’ Meredith continued, almost as if Dani hadn’t spoken. ‘Neither of you look as if you’ll be settling down any time soon, and while Kaz’s grandchildren are beautiful, I’m looking forward to holding some of my own.’
‘Love you, Mum, but I’m afraid you’re going to be waiting a bit longer yet. I’ll tell Josh you’ve been trying to get hold of him.’
‘OK, well, give him a hug for me. Love you, Dani,’ Meredith said, ringing off.
The phone call was over but that didn’t mean she could study, and this time she couldn’t even blame the intrusive music. All she could think about was the fact that the phone call had only been the second time in her life that Dani had deliberately avoided telling Meredith what she was really feeling.
The first time had been when she’d been a teenager, struggling with her changing feelings for the big brother she’d always idolised. Everything inside her had been so complicated and so overwhelming that she just wouldn’t have been able to put it all into words. It had seemed scary and exciting all at the same time, and when she’d made up her mind that her eighteenth birthday—the day she would officially be recognised as an adult—was going to be the day that she told Josh how she felt about him…For those few days, it had been like hugging the best secret in the world.
Of course, in her naïveté she’d convinced herself that Josh felt the same about her, and was only waiting until her birthday to declare himself, too.
She’d been so glad that she’d never told Meredith about it—that humiliation on top of his horrified rejection would have been too much to bear.
This time she was under no illusions that he felt the same way she did. The first time she’d caught sight of him in the unit had told her that her feelings for him hadn’t faded with time and distance—unfortunately.
His emotions were another matter entirely.
It went without saying that he cared about her, but, then, that had been the case before she’d even been born. No, the thing that had really stung was that in this new role he obviously intended treating her with thoroughly professional detachment and that, as she had discovered over the last few days, was almost worse. She wanted…needed more from him than brotherly concern but didn’t think she would ever be lucky enough to get it, especially as now he clearly saw her as nothing more than the newest junior member of staff in his unit.
She sighed at the tangled emotions inside her, knowing exactly why she hadn’t said anything to Meredith. It just wouldn’t have felt right to offload her frustrations about her situation with Josh onto someone who was supposed to be on her honeymoon, let alone the fact that she was the mother of the man who had her permanently hot and bothered.
There was another knock at her door and she groaned aloud, secure in the knowledge that she couldn’t be heard outside in the noisy corridor.
‘When will he get the message?’ she muttered through gritted teeth, and picked the phone up again as she strode across to the door, fully intending to use a non-existent call to put the persistent man off yet again.
Then she pulled the door open and found Josh leaning against the wall outside her room.
‘Are you ready to admit that I was right?’ he asked, his tone far too smug for Dani’s liking.
‘Right about what?’ she asked wide-eyed, although the music seemed to be louder than ever out here in the corridor.
His wry glance over his shoulder towards the source of the incessant rhythmic thumping said everything without a word being spoken.
‘Have you eaten?’ he asked, as though such conversations were commonplace between them. ‘I need to unwind after…after taking care of all the paperwork.’
‘About the twins?’ she asked with a heavy heart. Although everyone had hoped that there might be a miracle, they’d all known that there was little chance that the babies would survive for very long. It had been almost a relief when first one and then the other had stopped breathing, and Dani had felt so guilty for feeling that way. ‘How are the parents?’
‘Devastated. Inconsolable. Blaming themselves and trying to work out what they did wrong that made this happen.’ He shook his head. ‘I know we aren’t supposed to let it get to us, but it wrings me out every time. Will you keep me company so I can switch off from it?’
For several seconds the invitation robbed her of speech, especially as he’d been so distant ever since she’d joined his team. Not that she would ever turn down the chance to spend time in his company.
‘How can I refuse, especially when the alternative is trying to study with all that noise going on?’ She stepped back to let him come into the room, suddenly filled with a bubbling sense of excitement. She’d just spent a large part of the day working in the same department with the man and she
couldn’t wait to be in his company again, and if that wasn’t crazy, nothing was. ‘I’ll just grab a jacket and my purse.’
He leant one shoulder against the doorframe and pulled a face as he looked around the room. ‘These places are even worse than I remembered. I’ve seen bigger rabbit hutches.’
‘Don’t. You’ll depress me even further.’ She tucked her phone in her jacket pocket with her keys and suddenly remembered Meredith’s call. ‘By the way, the honeymooners rang a little earlier. They said they’d been trying to catch you for a few days but you’re never home.’ She wondered whether she’d have the nerve to deliver the hug Meredith had sent and her pulse jumped for several seconds at the thought of having her arms around Josh after nine long years.
The last few days she’d almost become accustomed to his occasional nearness and to being surrounded by the mixture of soap and musk and skin that was his alone, but that didn’t mean that her heart didn’t beat just that bit harder and faster every time she breathed it in. But being in close physical contact the way she would have to be if she were to hug him, that would be something else again.
And if she tried it now, there was every likelihood that she would be eating alone if his reaction was the same as the last time she’d put her arms around him, so that might not be a good idea.
Perhaps later, she thought as she pulled the door shut behind her and checked that the catch had engaged. Perhaps she’d do it after they’d had their meal…before they went their separate ways, he to the quiet serenity of his bachelor flat and she back to the noisy chaos of the staff accommodation block.
Except, while the two of them were sharing an enormous mound of pasta in a little Italian restaurant that was obviously a favourite haunt of Josh’s, her brain ceased to function properly. She couldn’t even taste the creamy sauce laden with loads of bacon and Parmesan cheese because the only thing she could think about was that this was Josh sitting next to her, of his own choice.
That was Josh’s elbow brushing against her own as he battled with a tangle of linguini, his lean powerful thigh just inches away from her leg as they shared a banquette in a secluded alcove.
A wife for the baby doctor Page 7
