by Sophia Gray
The two of them were talking, laughing, and having fun. My grip on my beer tightened and I chugged the rest of it. Jasmine sounded happy. Could I make her happy? Did I want to? I had been so determined to use her for sex—which had been a huge failure. She had wanted me just as much as I had wanted her. Angry with myself, I had been so determined to push her away, I actually took her out on a mission with me. Not just on a stakeout, I had ended up killing the guy. She had witnessed me murder someone. And then I just abandoned her there.
Yes, she still managed to make her way back here. She chose to return to the clubhouse, despite everything she had seen, that I put her through.
This Jasmine, she wasn't Allie any more, that was for sure. She was a new woman, one I was still just as attracted to, as I’d been to Allie. One, I wanted to get to know. One, I found myself not able to hate.
I downed my beer faster than I should have. It would be nice if I could hear them, but the walls in the room had been constructed to absorb sound, so people could talk somewhat privately, even if the bar was crowded to capacity.
Still, I watched their body language. Marie was talking earnestly, her hands communicating as much as her lips, and I knew, I just knew, she was telling Jasmine what a monster I was. After what Jasmine had witnessed earlier today, she had to believe it. Marie would convince her to leave and that would be the end of it, the end of us. It shouldn't bother me so much. It was for the best. I had only saved her because, while I might have hated her, I couldn’t let her suffer at the hands of those thugs. I wasn't that much of an ass. But, I wasn't a hero either. I didn't deserve her, or anyone else.
Sometimes killing a pedophile made me feel better, made me feel as if the world was a marginally better place—that I had helped to change the world. This time, I felt dirty. Like I had been the one in the wrong. I have never felt that way before, and even chugging my beer—my fourth—didn't help to wash away the bad taste in my mouth. Would it ever be possible for me to be happy? For me to actually have a real purpose in life?
They were still talking. Fuck, just watching Jasmine's backside was enough to make my cock spring to life. She just had a way about her. She'd fling her hair back over her shoulder, or threw her head back and laughed, every little movement she did seemed sexually charged. It was probably my imagination, but still. My cock was throbbing, and I just wanted to bury myself in her wet pussy again and again. I needed to hear her scream out my name. She was my undoing. Jasmine could be my ruin if I wasn't careful.
I had been right to try and push her away. Where I had failed, Marie might succeed.
That would be for the best… right? We were a powder keg, just waiting to go off when we were together. We'd blow up if we stayed together. No way could we work for the long haul. Better to forget about her and move on.
I shifted in my seat to try to get comfortable, but the friction of my jeans only made my dick harder. My hand slipped down the table to adjust myself. Fuck. My balls were ready to explode. It was so damn uncomfortable.
Marie was hugging Jasmine now. Maybe they were on their way out now. Just how did Jasmine end up back here? She couldn't have walked that far, that quickly. A ride. Marie never would've brought her here, so someone else must have. For a second, I felt the hot burn of jealousy in my stomach. Some more beer helped to wash it away. I should be more focused on how Marie learned Jasmine was here, was Jasmine starting to get her memory back. It was only right for Jasmine to get back in touch with her sister, even if that sister did hate me and would try to take Jasmine away from me.
But then Marie walked away.
Only Marie.
Jasmine remained there, sitting on a barstool. After a moment, she got up, walked around to the bar, and started to rummage through the bottles. When she bent forward, her shirt fell away from her chest, and I could see her creamy breasts encased in her lacy black bra…
Without thinking, I got to my feet to try and better adjust myself. The sound of my chair scooting across the floor, echoed across the room.
Her head snapped up, and her gaze darted around the room. She looked in my direction, but didn’t give any indication that she saw me. The lights never reached this corner of the bar, so maybe I was hidden enough by the Paxs and the pinball machine to be not be visible.
I sat back down as Jasmine walked around the bar and headed slowly toward me. After a few steps, her confusion changed into understanding and then to anger. She marched over to me. "How long have you been sitting there?"
Calmly, I drank he last of my beer. "I didn't hear anything you two talked about if that's what you are worried about." I kicked out the other chair. "Sit."
She shoved the chair back under the table. "What did you do?"
"I… What?"
What was she talking about? Just what had Marie told her? The two had been fairly close… up until the time we started to date seriously. Then Allie had pushed Marie away, saying she was tired of hearing her say, over and over again, about how she could do better. Allie and I had been happy, once upon a time. We had some good times and that wasn't just the sex, though those had been some REALLY good times.
But then Allie had learned about my past, the complete truth, all of it… and she had left me high and dry. I'd figured she'd run back to her sister. She had broken my heart, so I hadn't even considered going after her.
But, here she was again, and it looked like history might be repeating herself, if Marie storming off was any indication. Picking me over her sister. After what she'd witnessed. This Jasmine… she might have demons of her own—her past and fear of the future—but she was, at least for now, willing to come back here, to me, even with all my demons too. But come back to what? This whole situation was fucked up.
Even though the situation was completely messed up, this was a chance I never thought I would have, a chance I never that I would ever want.
But I did. A part of me, a huge part, still wanted her in my life. Maybe it was weakness on my part. Weak wasn't something I tolerated, something I allowed myself to be. I was strong. Hell, I killed people. But if I had a weakness it was her, and I had already proved that last night. Not with saving her. With fucking her.
"What did you do that made me break up with you?" She crossed her arms and stared down at me, daring me to ignore her questions.
I stared at her face. She looked pissed, worried… and concerned. There might be something else too, but I couldn't be sure. Jasmine had a second chance. We had a second chance.
Shit, she could be my one salvation.
But if she were to stay and not bolt, she couldn't ever learn the truth. Not again.
"You found out."
"About?" Jasmine impatiently tapped her fingers on her upper arm, eyes narrowing.
"About my missions."
"That's all? There was nothing else?"
"What else would there be?" I asked bitterly. "Isn't that enough?"
"You're sure?" she pressed.
I forced myself not to look away, to not give any clue that I was lying. Of course, she would want to be reassured. Of course, she wouldn't easily trust me. I took a deep breath. "We broke up because of what I do. My missions. I've never killed anyone except for pedophiles. My vengeance. I…" Now I couldn't help glancing away. "I don't expect you to understand or to accept it…"
"Good, because while I might now understand where you're coming from, I can't accept you going around killing people. Pax that's just—"
"I don't need a lecture." I reached for the pitcher of beer. Only enough for a half a glass remained.
She yanked it out of my hand. "We aren't done talking about this."
"I know." I sighed. If we were going to try and see what might be between us, it was better she knew about my missions, all of it. But telling her the truth, the whole truth could be reason enough for her to break my heart all over again.
Was I really willing to do this, to let her back into my life and maybe my heart? There hadn't been another woman after she left
, that I had wanted as much I had wanted her.
Okay, so yeah, the night she'd left me, I had sought out the company of a woman. Even brought her to a hotel room. But I couldn't get it up. I couldn't stop thinking about Allie. She hadn't been able to accept me, all of me. She had learned my deepest, darkest secrets and rejected me because of it. Her love, our love, hadn't been strong enough to overcome it. I was devastated and heartbroken. After I kicked the woman out—I don’t even remember her name—I swore off women.
But seeing Allie—now Jasmine—made me realize I wasn't a loner. Not when it came to her. And I didn't want to be.
I wanted her.
God help me, I wanted her. Even if she might be the end of me.
Chapter Nine
Pax
My gaze sought hers.
She yanked out the chair and sat down across from me.
"You don't believe me," I said, un-fucking-believably desperate.
"I don't know what to believe." She rubbed a hand over her face.
"I… I know I haven't made any of this easy on you."
Her lips quirked, but she didn't really smile, and her eyes were so sad. "None of this is easy. Not even a little. I… I feel like I'm drowning."
"Guess I better take CPR lessons."
A startled giggle burst out of her, and she winced. "I do, though. I mean…"
"I know. You've been through so much already. You don't need more crap from me."
"No, I don't." She brushed her hair from her shoulder. It looked so damn sexy, but I knew she wasn't trying to be, and that made it even hotter.
"Tell me how I can help." I reached across the table and grabbed her hand, my thumb rubbing across her knuckles.
"Right now, I just need to get on my feet. Find some stability."
"You can stay here."
Her lips twisted into the tiniest of smiles. "You mean if I sleep with you every night."
I grinned. "Doesn't only have to be at nighttime." I wiggled my eyebrows suggestively.
"Oh, really?" She shook her head but she was laughing, and I joined in. "I would appreciate having a place to stay. Until I get settled."
"Settled? You can settle right here."
"Maybe… If we work out. Regardless, I need to be able to find work, and I'll need more clothes and… Where are my clothes? I assume I lived here when we were together—"
"Yes."
"But then I moved out. I must have taken everything with me. Where did I go? I didn't make it to Marie." She bit her lower lip. "So she wouldn't know, and I doubt I would've told you."
"You didn't. You just… you just left." It still made me feel bitter to remember it.
"Well, at least I know my name, my old name. Allie…" Jasmine bit her lower lip. "Am I… was I Allie Haymaker? Or is Marie married?"
"She's married. Your name is Allie Moreno. We might be able to try and learn what you were up to."
"By putting your investigative skills to good use for once."
"Har, har, har. Yeah, I'll look into it for you."
"When?" she asked pointedly.
Just holding her hand was enough to make me even harder, and it was becoming extremely difficult to concentrate on our conversation with a hard-on. "Whenever you want."
But not right now. Please, not right this second.
"I'm hungry," she said.
"So am I." From the way I was staring at her, she had to know I wasn't talking about food.
Her blush proved that. "I…"
"I want to promise you something. I won't ever change who I am, but I'll help you become whoever you want to be. If you want to become Allie again, or if you want to reinvent yourself as Jasmine, whatever you want. I'll help."
"Hmm. And here I thought you might be promising that we won't have sex unless I wanted to."
"What about what I want?" My voice was growing raspier.
"What about you," she mused. Was she purposely ignoring my desperate innuendos? "Just who are you?"
I opened my mouth. What could I say that would not scare her off? I didn't want to keep lying to her, but now that I was willing to have her back in my life, I desperately didn't want to screw things up again.
"You're a big, bad, sexy biker." She squeezed my hand. "You might have killed someone…" The smile quickly dying on her face "someones… But you aren't a killer."
God, she was naïve, but that only made me want her all the more. There was an innocence to this new Jasmine that Allie had too, just not as much.
"A big, bad, sexy biker," I repeated. I glanced down at my lap. "Big all right. Bad, oh yeah. Sexy…"
"Mmm." She was back to grinning again.
"I can be your big, bad, sexy anything," I said hoarsely.
"I like the sound of that."
Why the hell was she sitting across from me instead of on my lap? Or on my cock?
"Come here," I growled.
She hesitated, something flashing in her eyes and she released my hand.
"What is it?" I asked, my heart sinking, my cock straining, ready to explode, needing to be free of its confines so it could be trapped inside of her.
"You're telling me the truth?" She absentmindedly stroked the beer glass she'd taken from me. Damn it all, she had to know what she was doing to me, didn't she? I mean, she couldn't be doing that accidentally. Just thinking about her hand doing that to my cock had a drop of pre-cum leaking out and I had to stifle a groan.
"What do you need from me to convince you?" I asked. Trying to adjust myself wasn't helping. Damn it all, it was only making me hornier.
"I just… trust isn't something I can put in a person right now," she said softly, her hand now moving up and down the glass slowly.
I tore my gaze away from her hand to her face. She looked so forlorn and sad that I had to try and get her to smile or laugh again. "I get that, but you can't live in a bubble. You have to let people in."
"You mean I have to let you in." She bit her lower lip.
"Not necessarily me." I winced but added, "There's your sister."
"Why didn't you tell me about her?"
I just stared at her. "I'm sure she had wonderful things to tell you about me," I finally ventured after an uneasy silence grew between us.
"True. No love there."
More silence. I couldn't believe she had said the word "love." Yeah, so it hadn't been referred to me but still, she'd said it in my presence. It had been so long since she'd last said, "I love you." Would she ever tell me that again? Would I ever return it?
Again, I had to break the silence. "You came back."
To me hung in the air between us, unspoken but still heard.
"I did," she said evenly, lifting her chin almost in defiance. Damn, she wasn’t going to give me an inch.
"Why?"
"I think I'm a fool," she whispered, her bravado vanishing just as soon as it had appeared.
How could I respond to that? I couldn't agree with her and if I disagreed, she might think I was lying, and then she'd wonder if I was lying about why we had broken up—which I was.
"I shouldn't have left you there."
"No, you shouldn't have." She was staring at the table now, her hand releasing the glass and dropping it onto her lap. "But I think I know why you did. I left you before. You were trying to push me away so I wouldn't hurt you again. Am I right?"
I gaped at her. "Yeah…" Hell, she should be a psychiatrist. Was I really that easy to read?
"Before, did you trust me with your secret, or did I find out about it on my own?" she pressed, still trying to puzzle out her past—our past.
I forced myself to calm down. This was important. She needed reassurances, and I didn't want to press her too quickly. The last thing I wanted was for her to not give me a chance, for her to not be willing to stick by my side. When she'd left me the first time, I felt like she did right now, like I was drowning. Maybe, together, we could keep each other afloat.
"You found out on your own," I said evenly.
/> She nodded. "I figured that was the case. Is that why you…" Jasmine bit her lower lip, and the sight of her vulnerability sent a jolt of pleasure straight to my cock. "That's why you showed me; took me along."
"I didn't want to make the same mistake twice."
Her large eyes captured my gaze. "You don't think maybe easing me into it might've been better?"
