When he arrived home, he breathed evenly as he ascended the stairs. The door was open when he reached the fifth floor and someone was standing there, calling his name, but he didn't have time to register who it was before he was falling to the floor, landing hard on his hands and knees, and hacking up blood.
"Shit, Ruby!"
Xander looked up to see Bronson and Luka hovering over him while Quigley stood behind them, looking concerned. No Deryn.
Then Xander heard a thud, followed by footsteps coming from the bedroom.
"Get me up," he ordered.
"Xander, I don't think -"
"Get me up!"
Bronson and Luka helped him to his feet and brought him inside. They had just stabilized him when the bedroom door flew open. Deryn located him with her swollen eyes and darted across the room.
"Xander!" She went to hug him but quickly pulled back, not wanting to aggravate the wounds she knew were hidden beneath his clothes.
Grabbing her shoulders sternly, Xander looked directly into her red-rimmed sea-green eyes and said, "You are never going out there again. Not to the Black Market, not to Del's, nowhere. You understand?"
Deryn nodded, tears spilling from her eyes as his posture weakened.
"Good," he said, pulling her into his chest and hugging her through the pain.
Deryn carefully put her hands on his sides, barely grazing her fingers since she was afraid to injure him more.
"Where's the medicine?" she asked, turning her head towards Luka.
"I'll get it." He went into the kitchen and came back with a glass of some purple liquid and a couple of pills. The liquid was meant to heal his lashes faster and the pills would extend the numbness from the medicine his father had given him.
"Did you take any for yourself?" asked Xander as Luka handed him the glass and pills.
Luka shook his head. "But Bronson put some salve on my back."
"Lona wasn't wrong, Luka. Take care of yourself. I'll be fine."
Xander tried to hand everything back to him, but Luka shook his head again. "I'll get my own." He returned to the kitchen.
Xander's hand began to shake, so Deryn took the glass and helped him drink after he popped the pills into his mouth. "You need to get off your feet," she said, handing the glass to Quigley before draping one of Xander's arms around her shoulders. "Bronson, help me move him to the bedroom."
"Deryn, I'm fi -"
"Don't you dare finish that sentence, Xander Ruby!" she snapped. "You are obviously not fine."
Xander quickly shut his mouth.
Bronson came up on his other side. "I could always just carry him."
"What, like I'm some fucking damsel in distress?" Xander sneered. "I'll pass."
Bronson smirked. "I see you're just as charming as ever." He draped Xander's other arm around his shoulders, and he and Deryn helped him walk towards the bedroom.
Xander carefully climbed onto the bed, collapsing onto his stomach.
"Prop him up, Bronson. I want to get these clothes off of him."
"Fuck. No," said Xander, moving away and cringing as Bronson came towards him.
Deryn rolled her eyes. "Must you always be so difficult?"
"Yes."
"Fine," she said. "Bronson, you can go."
He nodded and left the room, shutting the door behind him.
Once he was gone, Deryn helped Xander back into a seated position. He cringed even more than before, but he somehow managed to stay like that while she pulled off his coat, followed by his shirt and pants.
Once Xander was naked and again lying on his stomach, Deryn took a moment to run her eyes over his back, taking in every last gash carved into his porcelain skin. Her eyes flooded again and, despite her best efforts to hold them in, her tears spilled over. She reached out and traced her fingers down his arm.
Xander grabbed her hand when it reached his and interlaced their fingers. "Deryn, please don't cry."
"How could he do this to you?" she asked with a whimper. "He believes you're on his side. Why would he hurt you like this?"
"He's not exactly logical. But he did have one of his wave's apply a salve so there's no need for that."
Deryn nodded and wiped her eyes. She lay down beside him, using her free hand to stroke his hair. "I can't take this anymore, Xander. President Saevus and his followers, they ... they've already taken so much. They've taken it all. My life. My family. My friends. My virginity. My mind. And today ... today they tried to take you."
"No," said Xander, shaking his head. "No, they didn't -"
"Yes they did. Thirty-one lashes," she spat. "You could have died. Should have died. I mean, even I was never hit that many times in one sitting." She closed her eyes and clenched her fist around a handful of hair.
Xander reached out to wipe her eyes, but she gently pressed his arm back down. "Please don't," she cried, shutting her eyes again and letting her tears fall down her cheeks. "I don't want you to hurt any more than you already do."
"They're just cuts, Deryn. Seeing you like this ... that's what hurts."
Deryn opened her eyes and looked at him sadly before leaning in to delicately kiss his lips.
Xander reached up and moved her hair out of her face, carefully tucking it behind her ear. "And you forget. I took your virginity. Not them."
Deryn chuckled softly through her tears and kissed him again. The two of them held hands in silence. A good hour passed before Deryn finally asked him, "What did the president want to speak to you about?"
"I'm not really sure," he said. "He's not exactly forthright. But he's deemed me loyal enough to learn more of his secrets. He says from now on I will be an equal to Elvira."
"He's bringing you closer?" asked Deryn. "So that you can become more like him?"
"Yes, it seems that way."
She took a deep breath. "No. You can't do that. You already do so much for him. Every day I see your soul becoming more torn. You cannot give him more of yourself."
"I don't really have a choice," said Xander, his brown eyes dark and gloomy.
"Yes, you do," she insisted, squeezing his hand tightly. "You can come with me. We can find a way out of here tomorrow and the president won't know anything until -"
"No," Xander said sternly. "I can't go with you, Deryn. It's too dangerous. Especially now that he's decided I'm trustworthy. If he finds out I'm a traitor then he won't rest until I'm found. Your safety is the most important thing to me. I won't risk -"
"But your safety is the most important thing to me!" shouted Deryn as she shot up. "It's not safe for you in Utopia! I won't leave you here!"
Xander sighed. He reached up and brought her back down. "I don't want to lose you either, you know?"
"Then why won't you come with me?" she cried, plopping her forehead against his. "I love you, you idiot. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Xander kept his eyes open, watching Deryn as she cried beside him. He hated this, seeing her cry, knowing that it would soon be over for them. But he had to do it. He had to let her go.
"Deryn."
She opened her eyes and gazed at him.
He wiped her tears with his thumb. "Deryn, I ... I want to feel you."
"What?"
"I want to feel you," he repeated. "The only way I made it through all of that torture earlier was by thinking of you, and I just want to make sure that you're really here. That I'm still alive."
Deryn chuckled and whimpered at the same time. "Really, Xander? Now?"
"No time like the present," he said with a grin.
She grinned back and stroked his lips. "I don't want to hurt you."
"I think I can suffer through a little pain for sex," he said. "Now, take off your clothes. I'm not exactly in any condition to strip you."
Deryn full-on laughed now. She stood and undressed. Then she lay back down so her body was pressed against his side. Xander cupped her cheek and kissed her softly, making sure to keep contact as she moved her hand between
his body and the bed, stroking him as best she could.
"How are we supposed to do this exactly? You can barely move."
"Just shimmy under me and I'll make it work."
Deryn laughed again and shook her head at the ridiculousness of what they were doing. She lifted Xander just enough to move under him, carefully maneuvering their bodies until he was lying on top of her.
Placing his hands on either side of her, Xander lifted himself as much as he could.
Deryn leaned up and kissed his lips, using one hand between them to carefully guide him inside of her. Xander immediately moaned into her mouth.
"Yes. Definitely real," he said before biting onto her bottom lip.
Xander slowly began to move. He kept his eyes open, closely watching her as she radiated soft pleasure. She pulled away from his lips and opened her eyes so she could gaze back at him.
"Deryn ... you need to touch yourself."
"But -"
"I'm fine," he said. "We both know you won't come like this and I want to feel you. All of you."
Deryn nodded. She moved her hand between their bodies and gently rubbed her clit. They both kept their eyes open, only focused on each other as they grew closer to their release.
As Deryn's orgasm hit, she arched her back, causing the ring dangling from her neck to fall into Xander's line of sight. While staring at it, he remembered the place he had gone to escape the pain from his torture. Their future.
He looked beyond the ring and found Deryn's eyes back on him. Gazing into those sea-green irises, Xander immediately found his own euphoria. Deryn leaned up and kissed him through it. He took this moment to wrap his arms beneath her body and hold her close. The reward of having her there was well worth the pain.
It took them a little longer to catch their breath since their lips never parted but, once they did, Xander pulled away slowly, running one hand through her hair and never once looking away from those eyes.
"I love you," he said, completely numb to any pain but the one he felt in his heart.
Deryn smiled softly and said, "And I love you."
And then, for a brief moment, that aching feeling that had permanently made a home in Xander's chest finally released. This was it. That complete satisfaction he'd always wanted, always craved. Never in his life had he ever felt so complete.
Xander and Deryn remained lost in each other's eyes. What the two of them had was so much more, so much stronger than anything the president could throw at them. He could torture and take whatever he wanted from them, but he could never take this. Love. The strongest power in existence.
Chapter Twenty-Three
"Hold still, will you?" ordered Deryn as Xander fidgeted on the bed. She was trying to rub the last of the blue salve he'd given her that first day he brought her home on his gashes, but he was being difficult.
"You shouldn't waste that stuff on me. It's supposed to be for when you leave."
The faint hint of a smile crept on her lips. "I'll send Bronson to buy more." She grabbed his arms and wedged them between his sides and her thighs while rubbing the paste gently on his back. This time he gave in and let her.
Xander could see Deryn in the mirror over the dresser, and watched closely as she worked. He couldn't help but smile. "It seems we've come full circle."
"What do you mean?" she asked, her hands never stopping as she met his eyes in the mirror.
"First you gave me a cupcake, and now you're taking care of me while I'm hurt. Just add a bath to this and it's like we've gone back in time."
Deryn smirked. "Well, I was considering giving you one to clean off all of this dried blood." She scraped a bit of it off his back, trying hard not to disturb the gash it had come from.
"Really?" said Xander, raising his eyebrows. "And will you be naked, too?"
"Not if you want to complete the circle. You were very respectful that first night."
"Yes, well, I was a little afraid to get a full view of the damage. Just seeing you with your clothes on was horrid enough."
Deryn sighed. "Still. I know I didn't say it then but what you did for me that first night ... It meant a lot."
"It wasn't creepy?" he asked, cocking an eyebrow.
Deryn rolled her eyes. "No, Xander, you're not creepy. I was referring to the situation. I mean, what inspired you to buy me a cupcake, anyway?"
Xander attempted to shrug, but Deryn grabbed his shoulders and held them still. "I don't know. I just passed this woman in the Black Market selling them and I thought, 'Oh, right! It's her birthday,' so I bought one. I didn't realize it was going to be this big thing that you all would never let go."
Deryn's smile grew wider as she moved her hands along the next gash. Whatever the president had given him was healing them nicely. The smaller wounds were already closed.
Xander suddenly gulped, so she looked at him in the mirror again.
"So you saw Dakota yesterday."
"I did," she said casually as she went back to her task.
"And?"
"And what?"
He didn't answer.
She frowned. "If for some reason you think there was this magical moment of clarity where I realized that he's the one I want to be with then you'd be wrong. I made my choice and I'm standing by it."
The corner of his lips twitched.
"But that doesn't mean I felt nothing when I saw him," she added before he could get too smug about it. "Sometimes I forget how much I miss him and Talon and everyone else, but seeing him ... it was a bit of a reality check, I suppose."
Xander's smile faded.
Deryn sighed. "I'm not giving up on you, you know? I want you to come with me and I've always had a knack for getting what I want."
"Yes, you're very stubborn," he said.
"Not compared to you."
"That's debatable."
Deryn rolled her eyes again.
She climbed off of Xander and went to fill the bathtub with scorching hot water, just the way he liked it. She then helped him stand, carefully guiding his broken body into the bathroom and then the water, one leg at a time. Once he was in, she grabbed a washcloth and lathered it up, climbing onto the edge of the tub and straddling him between her legs.
"You're really not getting in here with me?" he asked with a pout.
"No, Xander. The point of this bath is to get you clean, not dirty."
"Says who?"
"Me."
"Well, I say otherwise."
Xander grabbed firmly onto Deryn's arm. She let out a loud, "Eek!" as he flipped her over his shoulder and into the tub.
Fuck, that hurt! But it was worth it to see the angry look on her face as she flipped her wet hair out of her eyes.
"Xander Ruby, you have some nerve! How dare you -"
He silenced her with a kiss. It was the easiest way to distract her, especially since he had no intention of letting her stay in those wet clothes.
Xander slowly began to unbutton her pajama top, which he was able to get off without too much protest.
"You're such an ass!" she said, shoving him away. When his wounded back touched the side of the tub and he cringed, she immediately felt guilty and began stroking his chest. "I'm sorry! Did I hurt you?"
"No," he lied, taking this moment to slip his hand into her bottoms, not even giving her a moment before plunging a finger inside of her.
It wasn't long before her bottoms and underwear were off, and she was bouncing on top of him. Xander grabbed firmly onto her hips but the act disturbed his wounds. He decided that, for now, he would have to relinquish control. But the sound of water splashing made it plenty exhilarating. Her nails tugged at his hair as she drew closer to her climax. The whole experience hurt like hell, but Xander really didn't care in that moment, because the most important part of his body felt great.
"How do you always feel so fucking amazing?" he groaned while sucking down her neck.
Deryn came first, but only by mere seconds.
Out of breath and very m
uch satisfied, Xander looked into her eyes and smirked. "I'll bet you never thought we'd be doing this in a tub that first night I bathed you?"
Deryn smirked back. "Definitely not," she said, removing her hands from his hair. "I really am a terrible caregiver. All I've done is cause more damage."
"I disagree," he said. "Personally, I think you just might be the best caregiver I've ever had. Give me five minutes and I'll be able to show you my gratitude."
Deryn giggled as he kissed her neck again. But, just when he reached her collarbone, she froze. Keeping his lips in place, Xander glanced up at her.
"Xander, I think someone's at the front door."
"What?"
Tap. Tap. Tap.
"There! Did you hear that?" she asked, turning her head. "Someone's knocking." And apparently the sound of moaning and water splashing had drowned out the alarm.
"Luka can get it."
"I sent him to the Black Market to get you more medicine. I don't think he's back yet."
Xander groaned. "Oh, hell."
Deryn got out first, then carefully lifted Xander up and over the side of the tub. She hurried to the bedroom, grabbed his robe and helped him put it on.
"Walking is fucking painful," he said while slowly moving into the bedroom.
Deryn followed him, grabbed her own robe off of the chair it hung over and slipped it on. On his way out, Xander grabbed his unregistered Element off of the dresser and put it in his robe pocket.
"Don't get too comfortable," he said as he reached his bedroom door. "We're far from finished with that bath." He winked before opening the door and shutting it behind him.
Whoever was at the front door was knocking more aggressively now.
"I'm fucking coming!" he called. It took him a while, but eventually he reached the door and looked through the peephole. He groaned when he saw Elvira pacing around out there.
He yanked it open. "What the fuck do you want?" he asked with a sneer.
"My father sent me," she answered. "He asked that I bring you this." Elvira moved out of the way and motioned to a girl standing nervously on the staircase. Soren's slave.
Xander crossed his arms. "I don't want her."
Sunken Eyes (Cruel and Beautiful World Book 2) Page 22
