As I was saying Mary Maxworthing then had for a little time no hope for future freedom, she had just then no prospect for marrying, she was commencing to have again a little gayety in living, she had in her then still impatient being. Mabel Linker had commenced to have work enough at home to keep going. Mary just then had no hope of commencing dressmaking with her again. Mabel was flighty then and had no sense in managing. Mary was not taking much interest in what Mabel was doing, she had in her some impatient feeling, she had in her then very little important being of herself inside her to her feeling. She had in her then not much real living, she had in her then negative egotism.
It was alright for Mary Maxworthing to have the feeling she had in her about Mabel Linker. She had good reasons then for the feeling in her. It was the end of interest for her, it was the end of freedom for her, Mabel had no meaning for her when she had no connection with her, this came to her when she had her baby in her from the trouble in her that left her no feeling for any other because she had no live being in her; later when Mabel was full up with love for the man who later married her there was nothing of her for Mary to feel in her, there had never been anything there really, for her, but when there was nothing else in Mabel Linker it had not made any difference to any one who knew her. Mary Maxworthing had then good reason for the feeling she had in her about Mabel Linker, Mary had had almost an idolising feeling about Mabel when they first lived together when they began their undertaking of dress-making together, when she would sit idling, waiting, dreaming, she would be writing, “Mabel is an angel, angel Mabel", this showed the feeling she had then in her about her. Then came the time when she was no longer hoping for the future, then there was some bitterness in her, then she felt Mabel should have more grateful feeling in her than she showed toward her, then came the despairing being in her and then the thing happened to her that surprised every one who knew her when her weakness and desire were more active in her because gayety and impatient being and ambition were then dead in her. Then she had not feeling about any one around her. Then there came to be in her, troubled impatient feeling, and Mabel took care of her. Mary was then full up with impatient being and Mabel took care of her like any other, neither the one nor the other then felt anything about the other. Then when that was over Mary knew how near she had come to be dying, then she had a little anxious impatient irritable being in her and then she and Mabel still lived together and then they quarreled more and more with each other for Mabel was beginning then with her lover and so she had then the beginning of wanting to escape, a little, in her. Then Mary was beginning to have her former being, she had begun again taking care of children. Mabel then was beginning to succeed well enough with dress-making to work at home and keep going. She was flighty then and uncertain in her working and Mary was always scolding, not for her own sake for there was nothing in it for her, but for Mabel's sake so Mabel could get along and not have people leave her disgusted with her. Mabel was very flighty then with no one to hold her, she was getting then fuller and fuller of love for the man who later married her. Mary did not want this marriage for her, he was a young fellow, Mabel's lover, younger than she was and a poor money getter. Mary did not then have for Mabel any idolising feeling, she did not take much interest in her, she always scolded her, she had in her an injured feeling because Mabel had no gratitude in her, no feeling for any one around her. This was true enough about her, Mary always had good reasons for the feelings in her, it was true enough Mabel was flighty and had no gratitude in her and had no feeling for any one ever excepting the man who later married her. And so they did not get along at all together, Mabel always had more and more escaping in her, she had not come yet to have any feeling of herself inside her, this came to her later with a husband to urge her to make her herself inside her, but she had more and more of escaping being in her, she was always getting more and more full of loving and she never had had in her any feeling for any one around her. Before, it had not been important to any one the feeling in her for then there was not in her, loving or escaping to make any one feel any lack in her. Now it was different and Mary Maxworthing had good reason for the feeling she had in her about her. Mabel was working then but flightiness was strongly in her and people who employed her often were disgusted with her. They did not leave her for as I was saying Mabel was almost brilliant in dress-making. Mary had no patience then with her, she had injured feeling in her for she was then not of any importance to Mabel Linker. She had injured and sometimes angry feeling in her then about her. It was alright for her to have then such a feeling about Mabel Linker, Mabel had flightiness then in her, Mabel had escaping then in her, Mabel was full up with love for a man who was younger and would never earn a living for her. Mabel Linker had then her own living in her. She was full up with love for the man who later married her.
Things then were always getting more and more unpleasant between them. Mary Maxworthing had injured feeling in her, she had impatient being then in her, she was always scolding, she wanted Mabel not to have such flightiness in her, she wanted to keep her from marrying. Mabel then had escaping being in her and she would then sometimes answer and it was then a continued biting chatter whenever they were together and they were always together, they could not keep away from one another. Finally things got so bitter between them that Mary would have nothing further to do with her. Mabel could marry and then when sickness and trouble would come to her she would know better. Mary Maxworthing would have nothing more to do with her or with her pauper lover. Mary had a hard feeling then in her about her, she had then impatient being and injured being and angry feeling that together were in her as a hard sense of knowing that bad things would come to Mabel Linker to punish her. Mabel did not pay much attention then to her, she was having a little trouble then with the mother of her lover. The mother wanted her to take another flat to live in and Mabel had no money to pay for anything and she did not want to say it to her going to be husband's family. Mary Maxworthing had then always more and more of angry feeling in her about Mabel Linker. She told her then to get another machine to sew on, that one was hers and she needed it now for herself and Mabel could go to her lover's family and get them to give one to her, she thought they were such nice people, let them show her. Then Mabel's lover's mother made Mabel promise not to invite Mary Maxworthing to their wedding and that was for some time the end of any relation between them. Mabel Linker then was married and she and her husband had a happy enough existence. The husband's family had to help them and then his mother died and then when Mabel met Mary they began to say “how do you do", again to one another. Mabel with her husband, who was a nice bright man, to urge her, got on a little better. More and more then she felt herself inside her. She was beginning to have work enough to occupy her. She had even a girl to help her. Later she and Mary got to be friendly again together. Mary had a little money left to her and with Mabel's husband to urge Mabel they began again a business of dress-making in that part of Gossols where rich people were living. Mary Maxworthing did the managing and the fashion and the excusing and the matching and the arranging for fittings and the arranging for paying and the changing, and Mabel the dress-making. They always had some trouble between them but this time they were successful enough with their undertaking. Later Mary Maxworthing married the man, as I was saying. They all four of them were successful enough in their living.
These then were the dress-makers Mrs. Hersland had in her middle living. The woman with the daughters, to do plain sewing and making over and putting on skirt braids and sometimes mending. Lillian Rosenhagen to make ordinary dresses for Mrs. Hersland and dresses for Martha and sometimes for the governess living in the house with her, and Mary Maxworthing and Mabel Linker to make her best dresses for her and once to make a dress for the last governess Miss Madeleine Wyman and there is now soon to be a history of this dress for her.
These then made Mrs. Hersland's clothes and clothes for her daughter Martha, sometimes for the governess living with her.
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br /> There were, as I was saying, in the middle living of the Hersland family, three governesses, a foreign woman, and a tall blond foreign American who later married a baker, and then Madeleine Wyman who was with them when Mrs. Hersland had in living, her most important feeling. This is now a history of the three of them and then there will be a little more history of Mrs. Hersland and Mr. Hersland and of them with them, and then there will begin a history of the three children, a long history of each one of them.
The first governess then was a foreign woman. She was a good musician.
It is very interesting that every one has in them their kind of stupid being. It is very important to know it in each one which part in them, which kind of feeling in them is connected with stupid being in them. There is then stupid being in every one. It was hard to know it in the foreign woman who was such a good musician and the first governess the Hersland family had living with them, it was hard to know the stupid being that was surely somewhere in her. It was hard to know her enough to know where to find it in her. She had a sister, in that way perhaps one could find it in her. This is now a history of her, and the sister and the Hersland family with her.
The sister was much younger. She was then in Gossols, then studying to be a teacher. She was always a little afraid of her sister. She always addressed her as sister Martha. It was very hard to find the stupid being in the governess even when she was with her sister. It was very hard to find stupid being in her then even when her sister was with her. She was then a woman nearly forty. She had been a governess ever since she was twenty. She had been, the last ten years, in America. She had brought her young sister with her, she wanted her to be educated to be a teacher, she wanted her to live in America where life would be easier. She herself did not like it in America, she wanted to go back to her old living where people spoke french and German and where it was natural for her to be a musician. It was not to her, natural to be musical in Gossols. She did not stay very long with the Herslands, her sister soon got a position as teacher and then the elder sister left her, she wanted then to leave America, this did not come to her, she got as far as Cincinnati and then somehow she never got farther. She stayed there and she gave music lessons and she never got any further and she stayed there always until she died there, and she never had left America. As I was saying it was not easy to know it in her the stupid being in her. As I was saying every one has in them their kind of stupid being. In almost every one sometime to every one it is clear in them which kind of feeling in them is connected with stupid being in them. There is stupid being in every one. It was not easy to know the stupid being in this first governess of the Herslands As I was saying she was a good musician. As I was saying she had been then almost twenty years in the occupation of governessing. She had been ten years in America, she had not much gayety in living, she had not in her anything of dreary being.
It is then very interesting always to know the stupid being in each one. It was hard to see it in this one. It was hard even to see it in her living with her sister and in this way it often comes out in women.
It was hard to know the stupid being in her for no one came close to her not even her sister. No one came close enough to her to know easily the stupid being in her. With some, you have to come close to them to know the stupid being in them. This first governess of the Hersland family was such a one. She had come to have some queerness in her. Was it queerness of herself inside her or was it governess queerness in her. It is hard to tell it in one when no one comes close to that one whether it is queerness in that one from the character, or from the life that one is leading, from conditions or to earn a living. There are many then who have queerness in them. This first governess of the Herslands was such a one, no one, not even her sister Olga even dimly inside her, ever was very certain what was stupid being in her. She had queerness in her but not enough to make a strange creature of her, just enough to keep herself together. No one was ever very certain whether keeping herself together was the queerness in her, whether it was governess queerness she had in her, no one was ever very certain of this in her not even her sister. To be sure her sister was a young girl when they were together. Later Olga the sister stayed in Gossols and her sister left her after having established her. There was almost twenty years between them, Olga was afraid of her sister, and then she was separated from her, and they never afterwards saw each other. And so Olga never came to be sure about her sister as to what was the stupid being in her. Perhaps it was the having to keep herself together. Perhaps it was the queerness in her. Perhaps it was the not having real queerness in her, just enough to keep herself together.
The first governess, then, did not stay a long time with the Herslands. It was not that any one of them wanted she should leave them. She did not make much of any impression on any of them. It made no difference to any of them her leaving or staying. She knew some funny foreign songs and the children liked to hear them and she was a good musician and that was all the meaning she had for them. As I was saying she had a little queerness in her but not enough to make her important to those near her. She had queerness enough to keep her together. As I was saying her sister was always a little afraid of her but she was twenty years younger and they did not live a long time together, her sister never came to know the meaning of queerness in her. She was to her, sister Martha, who gave the money to make her a teacher, who had given money so she had been kept at school after the father and mother had died and left her with no one to support her. Later when she had gotten a position and was earning her own living, she, sister Martha left Gossols and went to Cincinnati. They never again came together.
As I was saying the first governess of the Herslands had queerness in her, not enough to make any impression on any of the Hersland family in the time they had her, enough to keep herself together, enough to keep her sister from ever knowing any stupid being in her, enough as I say to keep her together, to make her. She had queerness in her. She had stupid being in her. Some have more and some have less character. This is the amount she had in her. Later there will be a history of her sister.
There are then many being made, many always existing of every kind of men and women. There are always, there always have been, there always will be everywhere in every kind of living millions of every kind of them. There are then always many millions of every kind of men and women. In all the millions of each kind of them there are all degrees of successful living. Some kind have more successful living in more of them than other kinds of them. But in all kinds of them there are all degrees of success in living in the many millions always existing of that kind of them.
The first governess the Herslands had with them was of a kind of men and women who most of them are successful enough in living and many of them come pretty close to complete failing but few of them completely fail in living, not many of them are really successful in living. Mostly they keep themselves from failing, this is mostly the successful being in them. Successful being in many of them is keeping themselves from failing. Some have more, some have less concentration in them, some have very much concentration in them, all of this kind of them have some concentration in them even if like in this one it is only as queerness, enough queerness to hold together the whole of them.
This first governess of the Herslands, who did not stay a long time with them, had in her, dependent independent being. The two, dependent and independent being were so balanced in her that resisting was almost attacking in her, that dependence was almost independence in her. It never really came to be a force in her, she had enough concentration of it all in her to make it in a sense seem like successful being in her, it was just enough in her, the concentration in her, to keep her from failure, it was as queerness in her and that gave her for some who saw her, more concentration than was in her. There was just enough queerness in her to hold her together. There was just enough concentration in her to keep her from failure. There was enough queerness in her to make character for her. There was not enough concentr
ation in her to make success or failure, there was enough in her to keep her from failure, to keep people from coming close to her, to make her younger sister afraid of her, to give enough dignity to her to keep her always from giving way or failure. There was not enough in her to make any impression on any one around her, though when any one thought about her they remembered her as one having character, more character than they felt when they were with her.
She had dependent independent being in her. These were so balanced in her, that dependent being was like independent being, independent like dependent being in her. She was kept together. She had queerness enough in her to keep her together, to keep her from failure. This is a history of her. There are always many millions made like her, some have more some have less concentration in them, some have more some have less success in living. She always kept from failing to her dying. She never really had any success in living.
As I was saying she was a good musician. They liked her well enough, the Herslands, when she was governess to them but she made no impression on any of them. She did not give to Mrs. Hersland any important feeling of herself to herself inside her, to her feeling. Mr. Hersland had a theory of her in the beginning, he wanted to have a real foreign woman, a real governess with concentrated being, with German and french and who was really a musician. She was what he wanted then for his children and he employed her. When he remembered about her, when he saw her, or his wife or children mentioned her he knew she was what he felt they needed to have as governess in the house for the children. Theoretically, she was important to him, really she had no existence for him. What she was was just what he wanted for his children, a foreign woman who knew German and French well and was a good musician. Then he forgot about her for she had never when with them any existence for him. Then when she left them after a little while with them because her sister had become a teacher and so she could leave her and she wanted to leave America, when she left them Mr. Hersland thought it was better that the children should have American training. They were American, they did not need french and German, they did not need to bother about music then, they could do that later, now they needed strength and gymnastics and out of door living, and swimming and shooting. And that was the end of the first governess for all of them.
The Making of Americans, Being a History of a Family's Progress Page 36
