My head is foggy the next morning as I wake up. There are voices in the house and I know there’s not supposed to be. It all comes back in a rush, and the pain comes back with it. Everything hurts. I’m just physically and mentally exhausted. Today was the day I said I would start new, but I’m not ready. Sitting up, I realize that I’m bundled up with blankets and my head had been lying in Teagan’s lap. Unrolling myself from the cocoon of blankets, I ignore the voices as I make my way into the kitchen. The empty pill bottle in the sink is like a kick in the stomach. Turning around, I find Maverick leaned against the wall with his arms crossed against his chest. He’s still in his suit from yesterday, only he lost the jacket, and the sleeves of his white button up are rolled up his forearms. I’m torn between wanting to punch him in his smug rich boy face and begging him to take me right here on the counter.
Instead, I narrow my eyes and walk back towards my bathroom. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. I dig through the medicine cabinet and just as my hand closes around the bottle that I’m looking for, I feel him come up behind me. It could be any of them, honestly, but there’s something about Mav’s presence that refuses to go unnoticed. His hand whips out and snatches it from my fingers. I turn just in time to see him stuff it in his pocket.
You don’t get to tell me what to do. Especially after what you did, I want to scream. Splaying my palms against his chest, I shove him back as hard as I can. If he would have known it was coming, I probably wouldn’t have been able to make him budge. As it stands, I caught him off guard and he slams into the bathroom wall. His nostrils flare and he lunges, pressing me back against the sink. Fists down on the counter top on either side of my hips, his face is only inches from mine when Teagan comes around the corner.
Maverick doesn’t flinch or take his eyes off my face as Teagan says, “There’s some guy here to see Kendall. Something about the lot for the house.”
With the way that Mav is standing, I’m trapped until he decides that he wants to let me move. It’s almost as if Teagan and I both are holding our breath waiting to see what he’s going to do. He makes me meet his eyes before pulling away, only far enough for me to have to squeeze by him. Teagan puts his hand at the small of my back and guides me through the hallway. By the time that I’ve made my way into the living room, I’ve had time to wipe my sweaty palms against my dress.
The property manager stands up from the couch where he was sitting glaring at Goose in Gramps’ chair. When he sees me, he plasters a fake smile on his face, “Kendall. Good to see you, kiddo.” I watch his eyes glance down to Teagan’s hand still on my back and then over our shoulder to where I can hear Mav leaving the bathroom. His smile turns disapproving, but he doesn’t say anything about it.
He motions to some papers and a casserole dish laid out on the counter, “I’m sorry to hear about your grandpa and I know it’s only been a day, but we’ve got to cover some legalities of the property. Do you happen to have his will?” They might be in that packet Mr. Bishop gave me, but the thought of this weasel putting his grubby fingers on it makes me want to puke. When I don’t say anything, he points back to the papers, “We need to know who the property is passing to after someone dies. If we don’t have his will or have you sign this paper right here saying that you’ll take over then we’ll need you to pack your stuff and leave the premises no later than thirty days from now.”
“May I see that?” Tegan asks him. I remember from one of our conversations months ago that Teagan’s dad is a lawyer of some sort.
The manager scoffs at him and snatches the papers off the counter, “This is no concern of yours, boy, and you, missy,” he says turning to me. “Your grandparents are probably turning over in their graves right now knowing that you’ve got all these men in their house. It’s so disrespectful with your grandpa barely cold in his grave yet.”
My chest feels like someone stabbed me right in the heart, but I’m not longing for the numbness this time. I’m so angry I feel as though my blood is boiling underneath my skin.
“Don’t fucking talk to her like that,” Goose says stepping into the man’s space. He isn’t naturally the leader of the quad, but he is the most intimidating physically. Point proven by the manager almost pissing himself.
He backs away from Goose, “You better not threaten me, boy. I’ll call the law out here and have you arrested for taking advantage of such a young, girl.”
“Get. Out,” I grind out. It’s the first words I’ve said in over a month out loud and it makes my throat feel funny.
Holding up the papers he starts, “Listen here, girl…”
“I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT!!!” I scream. I know it sounds manic and with my eyes closed I can only imagine the faces on the five of them.
I hear him scrambling around Goose, “Thirty days and I’ll be needing that dish back too.”
He runs out the door, slamming it behind him. He needs the fucking dish back? I grab both sides of it and sling it across the counter. Glass and whatever nasty concoction inside is slung all over the room as it shatters against the wall. It makes a mess that I’ll have to clean up later, but between that and screaming at him I’m feeling so good that when Goose touches me on the shoulder, I wheel around on him.
His palms fly up in front of him in surrender. It doesn’t matter. I feel like a fucking crazy person. I swing and hit him right in the chest with the bottom of my fist, “I said get out!”
Shock and sadness war on his face as I hit him again, “I don’t need your fucking pity.”
I hit him again, “You didn’t even stand up to Mav when he said all of that horrible shit about me.”
My next swing lands in Maverick’s hand instead of on Goose. I jerk it free and shove him again like in the bathroom. He sees it coming this time and only rocks back a little. Half a second later, my back connects with the wall. Hard. I see spots dance across my vision right before Mav’s lips come down on mine. I yank at his dark hair and even bite his lip hard enough to draw blood, but it still isn’t enough to stop him. He kisses me until my anger fades into pure fucking want. I’m not sure where he starts, and I end, but even more, I don’t care. I know the other three are standing there, and if they haven’t worked out the shit between them, then I can’t help that either. All I know, it that I need this. I need them.
A sob rips from my throat, and I cling to Mav for dear life. He pulls me away from the wall and squeezes me tight against his body. My face is turned to the left and I open my eyes to see the others eyes wet from what they just witnessed. Goose is looking at the floor with a devastated look on his face. I reach out and grab a handful of his shirt and pull him to us. Mav never lets go as I pull Goose’s lips to mine. It’s not a kiss like what just happened between Mav and I just now, but I need it all the same. He wraps his arms around the two of us, and before I know it, Teagan and Lucas are on the other sides of me. They hold me together as I fall apart.
The What Ifs In Life
Somehow, we end up as a heaped mess on the floor. I sit between Goose and Teagan with our backs against the wall facing the kitchen. Mav and Lucas sit across from us with their backs against the counter. The middle space is nothing but legs everywhere.
I’ve got my eyes closed with my head back against the wall when Mav starts talking, “I know this isn’t the best of times, but I need to tell you that I’m sorry Kendall.” When I look over to him, he has his glasses off and is twirling them in his fingers, “There are a lot of things that you don’t know about me. I want you to, but that’s something that we can save for later. Let’s just say that I don’t let people into my life that can walk out just as easily. These guys are my brothers and I love them as such. I saw how fast they latched onto you, and I was jealous.” He huffs out a small laugh, “And believe it or not, it wasn’t just for them. Every time I saw the way that any of them would look at you or vice versa it would piss me off to the point that I acted like a complete asshole. That’s why I told you the truth about not sharing. Honestly, I
was hoping you would choose one and the rest would have to accept it and move on. I never expected my brothers to fall in love with you.”
Teagan shifts a little beside me as if the ‘L’ word makes him nervous. Goose squeezes my hand and Lucas winks when our eyes meet.
Putting his glasses back on his face, he runs a hand through his hair that isn’t laid back in its usual style, “I never expected to fall for you. In the few months that we’ve known you, you’ve turned our lives upside down, and not in a bad way.”
Goose kisses the hand that he’s holding before saying, “This past month was absolute torture. You’re the first thing that I thought of when I woke up, and right before I went to sleep. I even tried calling and texting you a few times. When I didn’t hear anything back, I just figured that our actions were unforgivable, and I can’t really say I blame you if you feel that way. I’m sorry doesn’t even begin to cover it.”
“He crossed a few boundaries when he said some of what he did,” Teagan says, pulling my attention to him. His hair must have been pulled back behind his neck since he’s playing with a hair tie and all those long blonde strands hide his face. They don’t, however, hide those chocolate eyes when they turn to me, “But some of what he said is true. None of us give half a shit about what our parents say. They didn’t exactly set the bar too high with examples of healthy relationships. Well, except Lucas’ parents.”
I look over to him and he winks at me again and Teagan fidgets with the hair tie again, “I don’t get the dynamics of how this is supposed to work. I don’t get crazy jealous like Mav does, but what if I’ve had a bad day and want you to myself, but you’re with one of them instead? Can you sit there and honestly say that there’s enough of you to go around the four of us?”
He’s so right. It was so easy with Will, Casey, and Brian. Everything just was, and nothing felt forced. The same way that the quad felt before things exploded on the mountain, but I’d tried to keep it strictly platonic. I can’t help that the four of them broke down walls that were made of concrete. The tears that come this time make my face hurt from trying to hold them in.
Lucas taps my leg with his foot and when I look up to him he smiles at me, “It’s not going to be easy. There’s going to be jealousy.” He motions around the group as he says that, “There’s no doubt in my mind that there will be judgement for it, and even more so outside of our families.”
He leans up and grabs my toes, “But that’s a risk that I’m willing to take. Like Mav said, this is way beyond the appropriate time for us to be talking about all of this, but you need us right now.” When I don’t deny it, he continues, “And I, for one, am not going anywhere, even when you feel like you don’t need us anymore. In all the years that we’ve known each other, we’ve never fought over anything, and I’m not saying that you’re not worth it, because baby you are and so much more. But there’s no reason to start now. If Kendall thinks she can handle all of us, then it’s at least worth a shot, right?”
For the first time in well over a month, I feel my lips pull up into a smile. Only Lucas could have pulled off a speech like that. My brain wants to tell them no. I don’t want to have to deal with it when they leave again, but my heart isn’t going to give me a say on the matter. With me not using it for so long and then screaming, my voice is scratchy, “How did you know where to find me?”
Teagan knocks his shoulder with mine and when I look up to him, he bends down and kisses the tip of my nose, “Ryleigh. She misses you, you know. She tried to call you for a few days, and when you didn’t answer, she gave up, thinking you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her because of me. Then she saw the obituary from dad’s paper yesterday. She wanted to come with us, but she doesn’t think you want her around.”
I shake my head, “It didn’t have anything to do with her. I left my phone here when I went to the hospital and I don’t remember too much in between.”
“Do they know exactly what happened?” Mav asks in his quiet deep tone.
Thinking about it makes my chest and stomach constrict. Goose squeezes my hand again and it gives me the courage to tell them, “They say it was a stroke. He umm...” I choke back tears, “he was here for a few hours before our neighbor found him.”
Letting go of his hand, I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes as I whisper the thought that has been in my head for weeks, “He was here alone. If I had been here, I could have done something. But I wasn’t. I wasn’t here.” A sob racks my chest.
I feel Teagan shift beside me before he pulls me into his lap like a fucking baby, “Did they tell you that you being here would have helped?” I shake my head as he rubs a hand up and down my spine, “Do you honestly feel like you being here would have made a difference?”
His questions are so logical and serious, highly unusual for his normal laid-back fun-loving self.
“I don’t know,” I tell him, “But now I’ll always have to wonder, what if. What if he fell and it somehow caused the stroke? What if someone was here to call 911 and it would have saved him?” By the time I get to the last what if, I’m in full blown hysterics, “What if he laid right there in the floor and called for me until he couldn’t anymore?”
He tucks me underneath his chin and rocks me back and forth as they let me purge the guilt that’s sitting heavy in my heart.
Maverick waits until my loud crying turns to sniffles, “Come here, Kendall.” He uses that tone that leaves no room for argument. Teagan releases me, and I crawl the little bit of space over to sit between his legs. I feel like I’m going insane, because I can’t help but to notice how fucking sexy he is in this moment. The black pants of his suit are in a tighter style, so it shows off just how well built his long legs are. And holy fucking suspenders. I never thought that such a small thing could be so attractive. Taking a second to look at the others, I see that Mav is the only one with them. Doesn’t make them look any less appealing though. Teagan’s shirt is unbuttoned and untucked making him look very much the carefree spirit he is. Lucas’ sleeves are pushed up like Goose’s showing off his tattoos and I find myself wondering when I’ll get the chance to see the others like he promised. Glancing up, I find his blue eyes studying me. He’s got one of those half smile things on his face, like he already knows what’s been floating around in my psychotic brain. My eyes flick back to Mav to see that he’s watching me as well. It makes me nervous, because there’s no way in hell that he missed me checking out the others just now. Right after I just bawled my eyes out, none-the-less. Goddamn it. I’m such a fucking wreck.
I close my eyes and shake my head. The sides of my face are surrounded by his hands and I feel him lean into the space between us. His lips cover mine for one quick moment, “You can’t worry yourself sick over the what ifs in life. That’s no way to live. Everything happens for a reason, and you’ll look back on this one day after you’ve forgiven yourself, and you’ll know that there was nothing that you could do, even if you would have been here.”
As his lips come down on mine again, I can only hope that he’s right.
Soft Smiles
After a few more hours of sitting on the floor talking, all of our asses are numb, and the guys start to get hungry. They give me shit for a few minutes about how much weight that I’ve lost. I don’t really care about how much I weigh. Skinny or fat, I’m still the same person. Albeit a little less on the inside now, but they are doing what they can to help fill that void. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s going to be rainbows and fucking cupcakes overnight. It’s going to take time, and I’ll never fully heal. There are still days when I think about Casey, Brian and Will or Nana, and it makes me want to hide myself away. Gramps and I had each other after Nana, and he tried his best to be there for me after the accident. Even with the guys here, it hurts worse than words could ever express. I can’t even imagine what it would be like without them right now. If they would have come back and offered nothing but their friendship, I would have taken it. I just need that li
feline to keep me from falling into that nothingness again.
Mav and Teagan are talking about going to get clothes, so they can get out of their suits, and stopping for pizza on the way back. Lucas throws that option out there, walking out of the hallway, because he knows it’s my favorite and I won’t turn it down. Goose stands to my left, propped against the counter with me, his arms crossed against his chest. He’s got a blonde shadow on his face where he hasn’t shaved in a couple days. The other guys do too, but his and Mav’s are the worse. It’s easy enough to turn my body to where we’re chest to chest. His arms instantly unfold, and wrap around me as he places a kiss on the top of my head. Between the sound of his heartbeat underneath my ear and the warmth that radiates from him into my body, I let out a breath that I feel I’ve been holding in for weeks.
When I look up to him it’s to find him already looking down at me, “I’m sorry I hit you.”
His smile is soft, and I love the way that it crinkles the skin around his green eyes. Damn, I didn’t realize just how much I’ve missed it. How much I’ve missed him. “It’s ok, babe. No worse than taking a hit from a toddler really,” he teases, then laughs at my expression. The rumble of it through his chest hits me in places that it probably shouldn’t be right now.
Reaching my hand up to run my fingers across the stubble, I like the way it feels against my skin, “Why don’t you keep this?” He’s got that natural pretty boy look about him, but facial hair makes him look older, and dare I say, fucking sexier. That’s when I feel it. I know for sure, without meaning to, I’ve fallen so hard for them.
The next words that leave his lips are just one of the reminders why. He shrugs, “I’ve just always shaved it. I’ll keep it if you like it though. Does it make me look more rugged?”
With me still in his arms, he pulls off a pose with his body and it makes me laugh, “Definitely yes. But you don’t need it. You’re hot with or without it.”
Reviving Kendall (White Trash Trilogy Book 1) Page 15
