by Judy Powell
CHAPTER FOUR
1969
“Miss Pauline!” Leonie called as she leaned against the doorbell, her arms full of bags. “Pauline, open up!”
It was already five-twenty and she was rushing to get to a six o’clock staff meeting in Ocho Rios. She had just enough time to stop at the house to drop off the groceries so that the nanny could prepare dinner for the children.
“Pau…” As Leonie opened her mouth to call again the door opened and the elderly woman greeted her.
“Lord, Miss Leonie. How you weigh down yourself so with the bags. Mind you strain yourself, you know.”
“It’s alright, Miss P. Just help me with these.” She handed a couple of the bags to the woman then struggled down the hallway to the kitchen where she dumped the rest of them on the table. “Where are the children?”
“Lionel in him room doing homework and Princess in her bed. She don’t wake up yet.”
“Really? She fell asleep late?”
“She didn’t go into that bed until about five o’clock. Just romping, romping all day. So you know she won’t be up for another hour or so.”
“Don’t let her sleep past six-thirty or I will have hell to get her to bed tonight. Anyway, I have to head back for the staff meeting so just put these away for me and make sure Lionel is in bed by nine, okay.” She headed for her son’s bedroom and peeked in. He was sitting on the floor, pushing a red and blue train back and forth.
“Hello, Lionel,” Leonie whispered. He looked up with a start then smiled broadly at her.
“Mama! What you doin’ here? Miss Pauline said you coming home late tonight.”
“Well,” she smiled as she went over to kneel on the floor beside him, “I have to go back to school for a staff meeting, so she was right. I’ll be home late. I just dropped off the groceries but I’ll have to get going in a few minutes.”
“Aaw, Mama. You always goin’ to staff meetings.”
“Come on, Lionel,” Leonie soothed. “They’re only once a month. And you always love it when I bring goodies home from the meeting.”
“Oh, yeah.” His pout was replaced with a smile. His small, white teeth were like pieces of chalk against the blackboard of his handsome face. Leonie marvelled at how much he was beginning to look like his father, even at eleven years of age.
“So where is this homework I hear you were doing? I don’t see any books.”
“Cho, it too boring. I just taking a break.”
“Now, now, Lionel…”she began, but he cut her off.
“I know, I know. I can’t become a doctor if I don’t do my homework.”
“Yes, so get cracking, hear me?” She leaned over and kissed his forehead then got up and headed for the door.
“Hey. I just remembered something.” She turned and smiled broadly. “I have something special for you.”
“You got me another train?”
“No, something for your collection.”
With a gasp, Lionel jumped up. “Did you get it?”
“I got it.” Leonie grinned and pulled a crisp bank-note from her pocket and held it up between both index fingers and thumbs for her son to see. “The new Jamaica Dollar. One of the first set issued by the Treasury.”
“Wow,” Lionel held out his hand and took it gently from his mother’s fingers. “This goin’ to look so good in my album.”
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? No more pounds and shillings for us, Lionel. Jamaica’s all grown up now.”
“Like you?”
“Something like that.” She grinned again, and ruffled his hair. “Anyway, I’ve got to go. See you later.”
After she had pulled the door shut behind her she made a quick stop in Princess’s room where she stroked the child’s forehead for just a few seconds and kissed a soft cheek.
As Leonie drove the six miles to Ocho Rios her thoughts were on her family. She was proud of Lionel who would be starting high school in September. Princess would be entering the local infant school. She was finally beginning to have some stability and order in her life.
Her early years at the University of the West Indies had been rough. Her mother had been her only source of support and money had often run short. When she finally found a part-time job on campus it eased the pressure to a great extent.
While in her third year at the University of the West Indies Leonie met and fell in love with Raphael Ramjeet. She loved his free-thinking spirit and radical views. She also loved his sense of adventure and his brilliant humour and wit. But most of all she loved his zest for life. He seemed to enjoy everything he did. He studied with zeal, he played hard and he ate as if every meal were his last. He savoured every bite and even licked his fingers in public. He ate practically everything and anything, but especially if it had been curried. After just two months with him Leonie learned to prepare curried chicken, curried mutton, curried beef, curried vegetables and she was even prepared to curry his desserts if he wished. Thankfully, he never asked.
In 1957, after knowing each other for only nine months, they got married. A year later Lionel was born. The couple enjoyed a happy marriage for about six years - until his mother moved in. Mrs Ramjeet and her son looked nothing like each other. While Raphael was thin and dark, she was a fat, light-skinned Indian woman who was as old fashioned and conservative as they came. She could not fathom why her son, a full-blooded Indian, had chosen to marry a black girl. There were so many young Indian girls from their village who would have loved to catch this university-educated man. There were not that many Indian men in Jamaica, anyway, so the ones who were available were pursued aggressively. But while the Indian girls of Old Harbour awaited his return Raphael did the unforgivable - he crossed racial lines and chose a black woman instead.
Mrs. Ramjeet was beside herself with anger. She could not bring herself to be on friendly terms with Leonie - she did not even try. Leonie’s distress could not have been greater when Raphael told her that he wanted his mother to come and live with them.
Despite her protests her mother-in-law was moved in. It was then that Leonie realized how much influence the woman had over her son. On campus Raphael had been his own man, defending radical views and leading groups of students in protests but at home with his mother he was a little boy again. It was as if he were afraid to contradict her on anything. He never even told Leonie why he had decided to move her into the house. It was not until six weeks after the move, when she received a phone call from the doctor, that she realized that Mrs. Ramjeet was dying from cancer.
The situation got worse when medical bills began to pile up and they began to run into debt. Mrs. Ramjeet’s health deteriorated rapidly and it demanded a constant supply of medication to help her fight the pain. The rounds of chemotherapy were scheduled but they did not seem to help. As his mother moved closer to death Raphael grew more distant. Eventually, he stopped coming home for dinner.
Instead, he started drinking. With the drinking came the quarrels and fights and then the beatings.
Mid-thought, Leonie suddenly remembered that she was low on gas. What she had in the car would definitely not take her as far as Ocho Rios. Seeing a Shell gas station a little distance away she headed towards it and pulled in. As the attendant pumped the gas her mind raced back five years…
Whack! The heavy palm connected with Leonie’s jaw with full force. Her head snapped back and she staggered backwards, crashing into the wall.
“Mama!” Lionel’s scream pierced the sudden blackness that threatened to envelop her. He ran to her and threw his chubby arms around her head.
“Mama,” he sobbed.
“Get back to your room. Now!”
Lionel shrank away from his father but still clung desperately to his mother’s arms. Leonie shook her head and moaned as her eyes slowly began to clear. She heard Lionel wailing loudly by her side and raised her eyes to see her husband standing over them, hands on his hips, glaring. Raphael took a menacing step towards them and Lionel shrieked and ran from the r
oom.
Suddenly, he stopped. It was as if his son’s scream hit a nerve. He looked down at his wife then shook his head in confusion. With a growl deep in his throat he turned and stomped out of the room.
Leonie slowly pulled herself up from the ground and leaned against the chest of drawers by the closet. There was a humming sound in her ears and her eyes were brimming with tears. This was just another in the many episodes that she had to endure with her abusive husband. It did not take much to trigger his anger. This time it was because she had ‘disrespected’ him by not opening the front door fast enough when he rang the bell.
According to Raphael, he had forgotten his house keys and had been ringing
the doorbell for quite a while before she finally came down to let him in. All she remembered was waking from a deep sleep to the knocks, pulling on her robe and heading for the front door.
As soon as he entered he started shouting at her. She realized that he was terribly drunk and tried to calm him down but it was to no avail. Eventually the shouting woke Lionel who came out of his bedroom, crying. Despite the presence of his son Raphael’s sneers got even uglier.
“Where you been? I been out there twen’y minutes knocking. Where the hell you been?” His voice was slurred and spittle flew from his mouth as he spoke.
“Raphael…I was asleep.”
“Asleep? You expect me to believe that? You knew I was out there. You think I’m a fool?”
“But I came as soon as I heard the knocking.”
“Shut up, you lying…I bet you wanted to teach me a lesson, eh?”
“No, Raphael…”
“I said shut up! I don’t want another word coming out of your lying mouth. Getting all high and mighty, eh? Think you’re too good for me now, eh?” With every word he took a step closer and Leonie backed away. She could see Lionel standing at the door, wide eyed and trembling.
“Raphael, stop this. Please!” Leonie pulled the robe tightly around her and walked quickly back to the bedroom. She tried to push the door shut behind her but he was right on her heels. He stuck his foot in the door and shoved with such force that he slammed her back against the wall.
“Where you think you’re going? I’m talking to you.”
“Raphael,” Leonie pleaded, but he was beyond reasoning.
“Where is the respect?” His voice was slurred but his anger was palpable. “You know what they’ve been saying on the streets? That ‘him woman haffi mind him’. You been spreading all kind of scandal about me.”
“Raphael, what are you talking about?”
“You know what I am talking about. Ever since I lost my job at the ministry I know you’ve been lauding it over me and telling people how you have to cover the expenses. You think I don’t know?”
“I have never discussed our finances with anybody. What do you think I am?”
“You’re a liar…” he swayed then grabbed the door jamb for support, “…a liar and a slut, that’s what you are.”
Leonie gasped as if she had been punched in the stomach. She stared at her husband and whispered, “How could you? I’ve been faithful to you from the day we met and you dare say something as cruel as that?”
“You’re jus’ like any other woman. As soon as a man is down you…you take full
advantage. So is who now, eh? That teacher guy who dropped Lionel home last week? Or that insurance agent I walked in on two days ago?”
“I don’t have to listen to this. You’ve gone mad!” And with that, Leonie pushed as if to go passed him. And that was when it happened.
“Don’t walk away when I’m talking to you!” He grabbed her arm and dragged her backwards. She struggled against him and tried to push forward. With a growl of anger he pushed her backwards then raised his hand and slapped her full on the jaw. As Leonie fell she heard Lionel’s scream ringing in her ears.
Six weeks later Leonie sat staring in shock at Doctor Robinson’s face. “What do you mean, pregnant?” Her heart thumped hard in her chest and she prayed it was all a dream.
With a broad smile on his dark round face the man said, “Yes, Mrs. Ramjeet, you’re pregnant. You’ll have an addition to the family in approximately seven months. Congratulations.”
“Pregnant.” Leonie’s voice left her in a whisper. This was just about the worst thing that could happen to her right now. She had only missed one period but she had thought it was due to stress. Now her worst fear had come true.
“Th…thank you, doctor.” She smiled weakly as she rose and picked up her handbag.
As Leonie drove her mind raced. She had been holding on to a traumatic marriage for the sake of her son and now there would be another complication in her life. She just could not deal with it. She had avoided Raphael’s rare advances until the night he had overpowered her. As she surrendered to his manhandling she prayed that the incident would pass and simply be a bad memory but she knew now that it would be much more than that. It would lead to another person becoming a part of her life. She could not let that happen.
“Oh, God,” she breathed, tears trickling down her cheeks as she drove. “Why this? Why now?” She had suffered at Raphael’s hands but, because of her son, she had endured it all. She knew he needed his father so she suffered humiliation, indignation, and abuse for his sake. It was not for her, it was never for her. She loved her son and would do anything to make things right for him.
Raphael knew this and he took full advantage of the situation. He played on her love for Lionel and even taunted her about how she would sacrifice anything for the child. But Leonie knew she could not bring another one into the world right now. There was just too much going on in her life, things she could not manage, things that were overwhelming her. Right now all she had energy for was herself and her son, nobody else. She was going to end this before it even started. That was the only way out.
Her mind made up, Leonie wiped the tears away with the back of her hand. There was no alternative. And, of course, Raphael would never know.
That weekend Leonie took Lionel for a quick visit to his grandmother’s house in Bonny Gate. While he ran off to play with the goats she sat on a low stool in the kitchen and helped Beth peel the potatoes. As usual, her mother was plying her with questions.
“Mama,” Leonie shook her head in frustration, “there is nothing wrong with me. Will you stop bugging me?”
The older woman only grunted as she stood in front of the stove, stir-frying onions and green peppers in a skillet.
“You come from right out of this womb here. Not because you big. You are my daughter and I know you. I know something wrong.”
“So you are a psychic now, Mama?”
“Not psychic - I just know mi pickney.”
Leonie smiled ruefully and shook her head. She could never get things past her mother.
The older woman wiped her hands in her apron and sat down heavily in a nearby chair. “I know you going through a lot right now. But you have to be strong for you and your son. And don’t sacrifice your life for anybody.”
“Mama, you know it is only because of Lionel that I stay. He needs his father. If I have to sacrifice my life for anybody it would be for Lionel. He’s my son.”
“You think when Lionel grow big him going to thank you for sitting in this and suffering like a dog for his sake. Do better than that, Leonie. I never raise you like this.” Beth’s voice was sharp.
“What you mean, Mama? I don’t like where this is going, you know.” She dropped both potato and knife into the pan and stared at her mother’s stern face.
“You don’t like when I talk about this because I don’t mash my words. Leonie, you can’t make somebody strong unless you make yourself strong first. What you think you teaching the child when you sit down and let a man batter-bruise you so, in front of him. You think you teaching him to be a man?”
“But Raphael never hit Lionel. You know he loves his son. How can I take Lionel from him? And Lionel would miss his father.”
“Yes, hide behind that. When your son grow up to be a man and start to slap women all over the place don’t question where he get that from. I tell you before and I will tell you again. You hurting the child more than you helping him. You are my daughter but you know I have to speak me mind. I’m not into this pussy-footin’ round the truth. You weak, Leonie. All you teaching your son is how to be a victim.”
“Mama, you can say anything. You never had to go through what I’m going through now, so don’t tell me I’m weak. I’m making choices for the sake of my son and if you can’t deal with it, well so be it. Until Lionel is old enough I will stay with his father and I will make sure that they have a good relationship because I think that is the best thing for him.” Leonie picked up the large knife and began to peel again. “When he is old enough I will leave.”
“And when will that be?” Leonie did not reply but kept on slicing the potato, her eyebrows knitted as if in deep concentration. Beth grunted and continued, “Next thing you know another one will be on the way and then you have to wait on that one to grow up, too. You know, I can see that you working hard to never leave that man.”
Leonie blinked rapidly as tears stung her eyes. The rest of her mother’s words were lost as she felt her heart tighten. Without looking at the older woman she rose, picked up her handbag, and said, “Mama, go get Lionel. I’m ready to leave now.”
It was days before Leonie could think of the conversation with her mother without feeling pain. As she packed up her books from her last class her thoughts went back to the conversation and she shook her head in frustration. Her mother would never understand. It was not that she wanted to continue suffering but she wanted what was best for her son. And then there was that little complication of still loving Raphael.
With a sigh she threw her bag over her shoulder and walked to the door. Suddenly a little boy of about nine or ten years ran up to her and said, “Miss, the principal say you must come to him office right now.”
“Now? But I’m getting ready to leave.”
