She tried hard to be prosaic, he thought. Her reactions to him were down-to-earth and practical, and she tried to tone down her reactions to the birds, but he watched her face, he watched the awe as she saw the birds dive and come up with beaks stuffed with rows of silver fish, he watched her turn her face to the sun and he thought, Here was a woman who’d missed out on the joy of life until now.
It was a joy to be able to share.
They returned to the castle late afternoon to find all the tasks done, the castle spotless, the grass mowed, the cattle tended. Jeanie entered the amazing great hall and looked up at the newly washed leadlight, the carpets beaten, the great oak balustrades polished, and he thought he detected the glimmer of tears.
But she said nothing, just gave a brisk nod and headed for her kitchen.
The baking was done. A Victoria sponge filled with strawberries and cream and a basket of chocolate brownies were sitting on the bench. Jeanie stared at them blankly.
‘What am I going to do now?’ she demanded.
‘Eat them,’ Alasdair said promptly. ‘Where’s a knife?’
‘Don’t you dare cut the sponge. The guests can have it for supper. You can have what’s left.’
‘Aren’t I a guest?’
‘Okay, you can have some for supper,’ she conceded. ‘But not first slice.’
‘Because?’
‘Because you’re the man in the middle. Guest without privileges.’
‘Guest with brownie,’ he retorted and bit into a still-warm cookie. ‘So tomorrow...otters?’
‘What do you mean, otters?’
‘I mean Maggie’s mam and her friends are hired to come every weekday until I tell them not, and I haven’t seen the Duncairn otters for years. They used to live in the burns running into the bay. I thought we could take a picnic down there and see if we can see them. Meanwhile I’m off to work now, Jeanie. You can go put your feet up, read a book, do whatever you want, whatever you haven’t been able to do for the last few years. I’ll see you at dinner.’
‘Guests eat out,’ she said blankly, but he shook his head.
‘Sorry, Jeanie, but as you said, I’m the man in the middle. I’m a guest, but I’m also Lord of this castle. I’m also, for better or for worse, your husband.’
‘There was nothing in the marriage contract about me feeding you.’
‘That’s why I’m feeding you,’ he told her and at the look on her face he grinned. ‘And no, I’m not about to whisk you off to a Michelin-ranked restaurant, even if such a thing existed on Duncairn, but Maggie’s mam has brought me the ingredients for a very good risotto and risotto is one of the few things in the world I’m good at. So tonight I’m cooking.’
‘I don’t want—’
‘There are lots of things we don’t want,’ he said, gentling now. ‘This situation is absurd but there’s nothing for it but for us both to make the most of it. Risotto or nothing, Jeanie.’
She stared at him for a long moment and then, finally, she gave a brisk nod. ‘Fine,’ she said. ‘Good. I...I’ll eat your risotto and thank you for it. And thank you for today. Now I’ll...I’ll...go do a stocktake of...of the whisky. There’s all the new stuff you’ve bought. I keep a ledger. Call me when dinner’s ready...sir...’
‘Alasdair,’ he snapped.
‘Alasdair,’ she conceded. ‘Call me when dinner’s ready. And thank you.’
She fled and he stood staring after her.
She was accepting his help. It should be enough.
Only it wasn’t.
* * *
She felt weird. Discombobulated. Thoroughly disoriented. For the first time in over three years she had nothing to do.
Except think of the day that had just been.
Except think of Alasdair?
He was her husband. She should be used to having husbands by now. He was nothing different.
Except he was. He’d spent today working for nothing except her enjoyment.
He’d seen puffins many times before—the way he looked at them told her that. He also had work to do. She’d heard him at the computer almost all the time he’d been here. She’d heard the insistent ring of his telephone. Alasdair McBride was the head of a gigantic web of financial enterprises, and one look at the Internet had told her just how powerful that web was.
He’d spent the day making her happy.
‘Because I agreed to keep our bargain,’ she told herself. ‘I’m saving his butt.
‘The best way for him to keep his butt safe is for him to keep a low profile.’ The dogs, well-fed and exercised, were sprawled in front of the kitchen range. They were fast asleep but she needed someone—anyone—to talk to. ‘He must know that, and yet he risked it...
‘To make me happy?’ She thought of Rory doing such a thing. Rory was always too tired, she conceded. He had long spells at sea and when he was home he wanted his armchair and the telly. He’d taken time to spend with her before they were married but afterwards...it was as if he no longer had to bother.
And Alan? That was the same thing multiplied by a million. Pounds. He’d had well over a million reasons to marry her but when he had what he wanted, she was nothing.
And Alasdair? He, too, had more than a million reasons to marry her, she thought, way more, but she’d agreed to his deal. He’d had no reason to spend today with her.
‘Maybe he thinks I’ll back out,’ she told the dogs but she knew it wasn’t that.
Or maybe it was that she hoped it wasn’t that.
‘And that’s just your stupid romantic streak,’ she told herself crossly. ‘And, Jeanie Lochlan, it’s more than time you were over that nonsense.’
Her discussion with herself was interrupted by her phone. Maggie, she thought, and sure enough her friend was on the line, and Maggie was almost bursting with curiosity.
‘How did it go? Oh, Jeanie, isn’t he gorgeous? I watched you go out through the entrance with the field glasses—I imagine half the village did. Six hours you were out. Six hours by yourself with the man! And the amount he’s given Dougal for the Mary-Jane, and what he’s paying Mam and her friends... Jeanie, what are you doing not being in bed with your husband right now?’
She took a deep breath at that. ‘He’s not my real husband,’ she managed but Maggie snorted.
‘You could have fooled me. And Mam says he was just lovely on the phone and he’s thanked her for the sponge cake and the brownies as though she wasn’t even paid for them, and he’s organised her to go back tomorrow and he says he’s taking you to see otters. Otters! You know the old cottage down by the Craigie Burn? There’s otters down there, I’m sure of it. You could light a fire and—’
‘Maggie!’
‘It’s just a suggestion. Jeanie, you married the man and if you aren’t in bed with him already you should be. Oh, Jeanie, I know he’s not like Alan, I know it.’
‘You’ve hardly met him.’
‘The way he said his vows...’
‘We were both lying and you know it.’
‘I don’t know it,’ Maggie said stoutly. ‘You went home last night, didn’t you? One night married, three hundred and sixty-four to go—or should I multiply that by fifty years? Jeanie, do yourself a favour and go for it. Go for him.’
‘Why would I?’
There was a moment’s silence while Maggie collected her answer. One of the guest’s cars was approaching. Jeanie could see it through the kitchen window. She took a plate and started arranging brownies. This was her job, she told herself. Her life.
‘Because he can afford—’ Maggie started but Jeanie cut her off before she could finish.
‘He can afford anything he wants,’ she conceded. ‘But that’s thanks to me. I told you how Eileen’s will works. He gets to keep his fortune and I...I get to keep m
y independence. That’s the way I want it, Maggie, and that’s the way it’s going to be.’
‘But you will go to see the otters tomorrow?’
‘Yes,’ she said, sounding goaded. Which was how she felt, she conceded. She’d been backed into a corner, and she wasn’t at all sure she could extricate herself.
By keeping busy, she told herself, taking the brownies off the plate and rearranging them more...artistically.
One day down, three hundred and sixty-four to go.
CHAPTER SEVEN
THEY DID GO to look for otters, and Alasdair decreed they would go to Craigie Burn. It was the best place to see otters, he told her, the furthest place on the estate from any road, a section of the burn where otters had hunted and fished for generations almost undisturbed. The tiny burnside cottage had been built by a long-ago McBride who’d fancied fishing and camping overnight in relative comfort. But at dusk and dawn the midges appeared in their hordes and the fishing McBride of yore had soon decided that the trek back to the comforts of the castle at nightfall was worth the effort. The cottage had therefore long fallen into disrepair. The roof was intact but the place was pretty much a stone shell.
Jeanie hadn’t intended telling Alasdair about Craigie Burn—but of course he knew.
‘I spent much of my childhood on the estate,’ he told her as they stowed lunch into the day pack. ‘I had the roaming of the place.’
‘Alan, too?’ she asked because she couldn’t help herself. Alan had hardly talked of his childhood—he’d hardly talked of his family.
‘My father and Alan’s father were peas in a pod,’ he said curtly. ‘They were interested in having a good time and not much else. They weren’t interested in their sons. Both our childhoods were therefore lonely but Alan thought he was lonelier here. The few times Eileen brought him here he hated it.’
He swung the pack onto his back and then appeared to check Jeanie out—as she checked the guests out before they went rambling, making sure boots were stout, clothing sensible, the wildness of the country taken into account when dressing. He gave a curt nod. ‘Good.’ The dogs were locked in the wet room. Maggie’s mam would see them walked, for if the dogs were with them the possibility of seeing otters was about zero. ‘Ready?’
‘Ready,’ she said, feeling anything but. What was she doing traipsing around the country with this man when she should be earning her keep?
But Alasdair was determined to give her a...honeymoon? Whatever it was called, it seemed she had no choice but to give in to him. She was still getting over sitting at the kitchen table the night before eating the risotto he’d prepared. It was excellent risotto, but...
But the man had her totally off balance.
They set off, down the cliff path to the rocky beach, then along the seafront, clambering over rocks, making their way to where Craigie Burn tumbled to the sea.
The going was tough, even for Jeanie, who was used to it. Alasdair, though, had no trouble. A few times he paused and turned to help her. She shook off his offer of assistance but in truth his concern made her feel...
As she had no right to feel, she told herself. She didn’t need to feel like the ‘little woman’. She’d had two marriages of being a doormat. No more.
‘Tell me about your childhood here,’ she encouraged as she struggled up one particularly rocky stretch. She asked more to take Alasdair’s attention away from her heavy breathing than out of interest—she would not admit she was struggling.
But instead of talking as he climbed, Alasdair turned and gazed out to sea. Did he sense how much she needed a breather? He’d better not, she thought. I will not admit I’m a lesser climber than he is.
But...without admitting anything...she turned and gazed out to sea with him.
‘I loved it,’ he said at last, and it had taken so long to answer she’d almost forgotten she’d asked. But his gaze was roving along the coastline, rugged, wild, amazing. ‘My father and my uncle hardly spent any time here. They hated it. My grandparents sent them to boarding school in England and they hardly came back. They both married socialites, they lived in the fast lane on my grandparents’ money and they weren’t the least bit interested in their sons. But Alan loved their lifestyle—from the time he was small he wanted to be a part of it. He loved the fancy hotels, the servants, the parties. It was only me who hated it.’
‘So you came back here.’
‘We were dumped,’ he told her. ‘Both of us. Our parents dumped us with Eileen every school holidays and she thought the castle would be good for us. Alan chafed to be able to join his parents’ lifestyle.’ He gave a wry smile. ‘Maybe I was just antisocial even then, but here...’
He paused and looked around him again. A pair of eagles was soaring in the thermals. She should be used to them by now, she told herself, but every time she saw them she felt her heart swell. They were magnificent and Alasdair paused long enough for her to know he felt it, too.
‘Here was home,’ Alasdair said at last. ‘Here I could be myself. Eileen usually stayed when Alan and I were here. You saw the place before she renovated. She and my grandfather didn’t appear to notice conditions were a bit...sparse. I don’t think I noticed, either. I was too busy, exploring, fishing, trying not to think how many days I had left before I went back to school. Alan was counting off the days until he could leave. I wanted to stay for the rest of my life.’
‘You didn’t, though. You ended up based in Edinburgh. You hardly came here until...until Eileen got sick at the end.’
She was trying hard not to make her words an accusation but she didn’t get it right. It sounded harsh.
There was a long silence. ‘I didn’t mean to be accusatory,’ she ventured at last and he shook his head.
‘I know you didn’t. But I need to explain. At first I didn’t come because I was immersed in business. I took to the world of finance like a duck to water, and maybe I lost perspective on other things I loved. But then... When Eileen started spending more time here, I didn’t come because you were here.’
That was enough to give a girl pause. To make her forget to breathe for a moment. ‘Did you dislike me so much?’ she asked in a small voice and he gave an angry shrug.
‘I didn’t know you, but I knew Alan. I knew I hated him.’
‘Because?’
‘Because he was the sort of kid who pulled wings off flies. I won’t sugar coat it. My father was older than his, so my father stood to inherit the title, with me coming after him. Alan’s father resented mine and the resentment was passed on down the line. I don’t know what sort of poison was instilled in Alan when he was small but he was taught to hate me and he knew how to hurt.’
Whoa. He hadn’t talked of this before. She knew it instinctively and who knew how she knew it, but she did. What he was saying was being said to her alone—and it hurt to say it.
His eyes went to a point further along the coast, where the burn met the sea. ‘It came to a head down here,’ he told her, absently, almost as if speaking to the land rather than her. Apologising for not being back for so long? ‘I loved the otters, and I used to come down here often. One day Alan followed me. I was lying on my stomach watching the otters through field glasses. He was up on the ridge, and he’d taken my grandfather’s shotgun. He killed three otters before I reached him. He was eighteen months older than me, and much bigger, and I went for him and he hit me with the gun. I still carry the scar under my hairline. I was dazed and bleeding, and he laughed and walked back to the castle.’
‘No...’
His mouth set in a grim line. ‘Thinking back...that blow to my head... He nearly killed me. But I was twelve and he was fourteen, and I was afraid of him. I told Grandmother I’d fallen on the cliffs. Soon after that his parents decided he was old enough to join them in the resorts they stayed at, so I didn’t have to put up with him any more. I never t
old Eileen what happened. In retrospect, maybe I should have.’ And then he paused and looked at her. ‘But you... You loved him?’
‘No.’
‘It doesn’t matter. It’s none of my business, but these last years... Just knowing you were here in the castle was enough to keep me away.’
‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You shouldn’t have to apologise for your husband’s faults.’
‘But as you said, I married him.’
‘I can’t see you killing otters.’
‘Is that why you took me to look at the puffins first?’ she asked. ‘To see how I reacted?’
‘I was hardly expecting a gun.’
‘I’d guess you weren’t expecting a gun from Alan, either.’ She sighed and took a deep breath—and it wasn’t only because she needed a few deep breaths before tackling the rise in front of her. ‘Okay, I understand. Alasdair, we don’t need to go there any more. I’ll stop judging you for not spending more time with your grandmother if you stop judging me for being married to Alan. I know I’m still...tainted...but we can work around that. Deal?’
He looked at her for a long moment, seeming to take in every inch of her. And then, slowly, his face creased into a smile.
It was an awesome smile, Jeanie thought. It was dark turning to light. It lit his whole face, made his dark eyes glint with laughter, made him seem softer, more vulnerable...
A warrior exposed?
That shouldn’t be how she saw him, but suddenly it was. He was the Earl of Duncairn, and he wore armour, just as surely as his ancestors wore chain mail. His armour might be invisible but it was still there.
Telling her about the otters, telling her about Alan, had made a chink in that armour, she thought, and even though he was smiling she could see the hint of uncertainty. As if telling her had left him vulnerable and he didn’t like it.
She had a sudden vision of him as a child, here in this castle. It was wild now; it would have been wilder then. Eileen had told her she’d brought both boys here during their school holidays. Jeanie had envisaged two boys with a whole estate to explore and love.
The Earl's Convenient Wife (Harlequin Romance) Page 11
