He watched them glide sleekly back up the burn, past him, then drift together again, once more forming a raft—then close their eyes and proceed to do it all over again.
Trust...
And suddenly it was as if invisible cords were breaking from around him. He felt light, strange—free.
Thoughts came after the sensation. It was as if his body already knew what his mind would think. He had to watch the otters for a while as his mind caught up.
But catch up it did.
The otters trusted.
Rafted together, two lots of senses looked onto the outside world. Who knew if otters hunted together, but, if they did, two must be able to work more effectively than one. Two had devoured a truly excellent salmon that might well have been too much for one. Rafted together, they seemed a larger animal, a bigger presence to possibly deter predators.
Rafted together, they could have fun?
Fun.
Trust. Dependence.
Love.
The thoughts were almost blindsiding him. He wasn’t sure what to do with them but when he finally rose there was only one thing he knew for certain.
He had to share.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
‘COME AND SEE.’
Three words. He said them but he hardly knew whether she’d accept or not.
He’d brought the dogs home, settled them, given them a bone apiece. He’d fetched another pair of field glasses and then put a rug into a backpack and a bottle of wine. Hopeful, that. Then he’d searched for Jeanie. She was in the library, wiping her whisky bottles clean. She was polishing...for the sake of polishing?
‘Come where?’ She didn’t turn to face him. There must be a smear on the bottle she had in her hand. It was taking all her concentration.
‘To Craigie Burn. I need you to come, Jeanie. Please.’
She shouldn’t come. She shouldn’t go anywhere near this man. He...did things to her. He touched her without touching her.
He made her feel exposed and raw, and open to a pain that seemed to have been with her all her life.
‘Please,’ he said again and she set down the whisky bottle with a steadying clink.
‘The guests arrive at four. I’ll be back by then?’
‘You will.’ It was a promise and it steadied her.
‘Give me five minutes to change.’
What did he want? Why was she going? She was an idiot, she told herself as she went to fetch a sweater and coat. A blind idiot.
Come and see, he’d said, so she went.
‘I was born a fool,’ she told herself as she headed for the back door where he stood waiting. ‘Have you no idea how to defend yourself?’
Come and see, he’d said and she had no weapons at all.
* * *
The otters were gone. Of course they were; they were wild creatures who went where they willed. They’d hunted and eaten and moved on. Who knew where they were now? Alasdair stood on the cliff and surveyed the water below.
No otters.
It didn’t matter.
‘Come and see...what?’ Jeanie asked beside him. They’d walked here in almost total silence. Who knew what she was thinking? It was enough that she trusted him to take her here, he thought. He wouldn’t ask more.
‘I want you to see the otters,’ he told her. ‘They were here this morning. They’re not here now but I still want you to see them.’
She looked at him in silence for a long moment. ‘Right,’ she said. ‘You know they might not appear again for a week?’
‘They’ll appear if you close your eyes and let yourself see.’
There was another silence, longer this time. And then she closed her eyes.
‘I’m watching.’
Trust...
It took his breath away. It was a small thing, doing what he’d asked, coming with him, closing her eyes on demand, but that she would put her trust in him...
He wanted to take her into his arms, tell her he loved her, sweep her into the moment.
Instead he made himself take his time. He spread his blanket on the ground, took her arms and pressed her gently to sit.
‘What can you hear?’
‘The burn,’ she said, promptly. ‘The water rippling down over the rocks. The waves in the distance. There’s a bird somewhere...a plover? If it’s thinking about swooping while I have my eyes closed...’
‘It’s not thinking about swooping. You’re safe.’
‘I trust you. Thousands wouldn’t. What do you want me to see, Alasdair?’
And there was a note of restraint in her voice that told him this was hard for her. Trust was hard?
She had no reason to trust him. No reason at all.
‘I want you to see the otters,’ he told her, gently now. He sank down beside her and took her hand. He felt her stiffen, he felt the sharp intake of her breath and then he felt her consciously force herself to relax.
‘Word picture?’ she said and she had it. He had to smile. He might have guessed this woman would know what he was about.
‘I watched them this morning,’ he told her. ‘Imagine them just below this overhang, on the great rock covered with weed. Two otters. I don’t know if they were young or old, male or female, mother and cub, but I’m imagining...something in them was like us. Two creatures blessed with having all Duncairn as our domain.’
‘I won’t—’
‘Stay with your eyes closed, Jeanie. Keep seeing the otters, but while you do I need you to listen to what I want to tell you. I need to say this first because I can’t talk of the future without clearing the past. Jeanie, I would never marry you for the castle. I’m asking you to accept that. I’ve been thinking of this all night. Thinking it makes it impossible to ask...but today, looking at the otters, I thought, maybe I can ask you to trust. But before I ask...Jeanie, the castle is yours.’
Her forehead wrinkled. ‘I don’t understand.’
He put his finger to her lips. ‘Hush, then. Hear me out. This has nothing to do with you or me. It’s a legal opinion. I’ve had Duncairn’s best legal minds look at the mess that Alan left you with. He assigned you his debt, he died and you were somehow lumbered with it. You’d signed contracts...’
‘I know. I was stupid.’
‘He was your husband. You weren’t stupid, you were trusting and you were intimidated. But you were also conned. But the lawyers have demanded copies and it’s taken time. The contracts contain pages of small print, but on all of them your name appears only on the first page. Did you read all those contracts?’
‘I didn’t even see the rest,’ she confessed. ‘Alan only ever gave me one page. There was no hint of more. He said it was so he could use the house Eileen had given us as security for business dealings. I thought...it was Alan’s right—Eileen’s gift had been to Alan.’
‘Eileen wanted to keep you safe, but that’s beside the point. The lawyers say there was no financial advantage to you included in the contracts Alan had you sign. If you’d initialled each page, if there was proof you’d read them in full, then the contracts could have held water, but as it is...Jeanie, those debts aren’t binding. There was no need for you to be declared bankrupt. If Eileen had given you a decent lawyer instead of offering you a place here as housekeeper, she would have been doing you a much bigger service.’
‘But I love it here.’ She still had her eyes closed. She was feeling the salt in the autumn air, listening to the ocean, to the water rippling over the rocks. What he was saying seemed almost dreamlike. She didn’t want to think of Alan and contracts and debt. Or even the castle. They all seemed a very long way away. ‘What are our otters doing now?’
‘They’ve just caught fish,’ he told her. ‘A fish apiece. They’re eating them slowly, savouring them. They must be sated
—the fishing must have been good this morning. Jeanie, we can discharge your bankruptcy right now. The lawyers are already instigating proceedings. As of now you’re free of debt, and if we can manage to stay together for the next ten months, then Eileen’s wishes are granted. You get the castle. I get the remainder.’
She had to force herself to focus. ‘I don’t want the castle. You’re the Earl of Duncairn. It’s your right.’
‘I don’t have rights. The otters are finishing their fish, right now. They’re doing a little grooming.’
‘I love watching otters groom. Are they sleek? Are they beautiful?’
‘The sun’s shining on their coats. The one on the left has fish caught in his whiskers. He’s using his paws to get himself clean, then grooming his paws as well. How can we train the dogs to do that?’
‘That’s...my problem.’
‘I’d like it to be ours.’ He said it almost nonchalantly, as if it didn’t matter at all. ‘They’ve finished grooming now. They’re slipping back into the water. They’re slipping under, doing a few lazy circles, maybe getting rid of the last trace of fish. Jeanie, I had to tell you about the castle. I don’t mean I’m reluctant to tell you. It’s just that you need to know before...before I ask you something else.’
‘Why?’
It was a tiny word, half whispered.
‘Because what I’m about to say demands trust,’ he told her. ‘Because if I ask you to marry me properly, then you might think that I’m doing it now because of the castle. For castle, for keeps. I wouldn’t do that, Jeanie.’
‘I don’t—’
‘The otters have come together now,’ he told her and he took her hands in his. She was shaking. Hell, he was shaking. She tugged away but when he went to release her she seemed to change her mind. Her hands held his as if he were an anchor in a drifting world.
‘They’re floating,’ he told her. ‘But the burn is running down to the sea. They’ll end up on the rocks where the surf breaks.’
‘They’ll turn.’
‘I know they will.’ His grip on her hands tightened. What happened in the next few moments was so important—all his life seemed to be hanging in the balance. ‘But look what they’re doing now. They’re catching paws. Catching hands.’
‘I’ve seen them do that,’ she whispered, unsure where he was going but willing to still see his otters. ‘It’s called rafting. A raft of otters.’
‘So have I but I didn’t get it until this morning,’ he told her. ‘I’m watching them float almost into the surf. They have their eyes closed, as yours are closed now, but one’s aware. Just as the rocks grow sharp and jagged, just before they’re in peril, his eyes fly open, and he moves and his partner’s nudged and they dive away to safety. And then watch them, Jeanie. They disappear under the water, they glide unseen...and then they’re upstream and they’re rafting again and they’re floating down, loving the water, loving the sun on their faces, but this time it’s the other otter who stays aware, who does the nudging. Who keeps them both safe.’
‘Why are you telling me this?’ She seemed breathless. Her face was turned to the sun. Her eyes were still closed as if she didn’t want to let go the vision.
‘Because they’ve learned to trust, Jeanie,’ he said softly. ‘And because they trust, they can have fun. Because they trust, they can eat together, hunt together, float together. And as I lay on this rock this morning and I watched them, I thought of the way I’ve compartmentalised my life. I thought of how you’ve been hurt in the past by just such compartments and here I was doing it all over again. I’ve hurt you, Jeanie, and I’m sorry.’
He was finding it hard to keep talking. So much depended on this moment. So much...
‘Jeanie, now, with the castle, you must know that it’s yours,’ he told her. ‘You know the only way I can have any claim on it is to marry you properly so I need to say it upfront. For you need to know that I want to marry you no matter what you do. If you want to sell the castle to care for all the dogs of Europe, then it has to be okay with me. As long as you let me share your life. As long as you let me take your hand and let me float beside you.’
Her eyes were still closed. He was watching her face and he saw a tiny tic move at the corner of her mouth. Revulsion? Anger?
‘You want me to float?’ she demanded at last.
‘With me.’
‘In the burn? You’d be out of your mind. It’s freezing.’
And the tic was laughter. Laughter! ‘Metaphorically,’ he said, with all the dignity he could muster.
‘You don’t really want to float with me?’
‘If you want to float, then I’ll float,’ he said heroically and the tic quivered again.
‘In your kilt?’
‘If you ask it of me.’
‘For castle, for keeps,’ she mused and he couldn’t bear it.
‘Jeanie, open your eyes.’
‘I’m still watching otters. They’re having fun.’
‘We could have fun.’
‘You’d want to share my whisky.’
‘Guilty as charged. And your dogs. I’d want to share your dogs.’
‘I might want more.’
‘Okay.’ He was ready to agree to anything. Anything at all. ‘But...can we get smart ones?’ he suggested, cautiously, and then even more cautiously... ‘And maybe eventually a bairn or two?’
The tic quivered. ‘Bairns! With you spending thirty days a year away from the castle?’
‘I’ve been thinking about that. Jeanie, I do need to travel to keep the company viable. I’d like the castle to stay as our home—if you’re happy to share—but if I need to leave...would you fancy travelling with me?’
‘Floating, you mean?’
‘It would be my very great honour to keep you safe from rocks and rapids, but I’m looking forward now, Jeanie, and I can’t see rapids. If you agreed to marry me, if we can both find it in ourselves to trust, then I can’t see a rock in sight. But right now I’m thinking about flying.’
‘Flying...’
‘If you’d truly like to learn to fly—and you can’t make shortbread forever—then flying’s an option. Jeanie, what I’ve been doing for the last few days is complicated. I’ll explain it all to you later, in all the detail you want, but, in a nutshell, Eileen’s best friend in the company has betrayed her trust, a thousand-fold, leaving a legal and financial nightmare. That’s why I had to leave in such a hurry. For a while I thought the foundations of the company might give, but we’ve done some massive shoring up, and this morning’s legal advice is that we’ll survive. The insider trading Don was involved in will fall on his head, not the company’s. We might well need to adopt economies, however, so combining roles might be just what Duncairn Enterprises needs.’
‘How...how do you mean?’
‘Your role, for instance.’ He wanted to tug her into his arms. It took an almost superhuman effort not to, but he had to keep control. So much hung on what he had to say right now.
‘If you would like to reach for the sky,’ he managed, ‘how about a new role? Not Jeanie McBride, Alasdair’s wife. How about Jeanie McBride, pilot and partner? You’d need lessons—lots of lessons—and that could be...fun?’
‘Lessons?’
‘Flying lessons. If that’s your dream, Jeanie, I don’t see why you shouldn’t have it.’
‘You’d teach me to fly?’ Her eyes flew wide.
‘Not me,’ he said hurriedly. ‘I’d sit in the passenger seat with my eyes closed. It’s not a good look for a teacher. But we could find someone to teach you, and if you were flying, I’d be right with you. Trusting you like anything.’
She shook her head in wordless astonishment and he had to force himself to keep going. All he wanted to do was to kiss her, but he had this one chance. Don’t blow it
, he told himself. Say it like it is.
‘It’s not for castle, for keeps, Jeanie love,’ he said, gently but urgently. ‘If you agree...it’s for us, for keeps. It’s for us, for fun. For us, forever. Jeanie McBride, I love you. Whatever you do or say now, that’s unchanged—I love you whatever you decide to do. But I do need to ask. Jeanie, I’d like to say our vows again, but this time for real. This time I’d like to say those vows aloud, and, if you let me, I’d like to mean them for the rest of our lives.’
There was a long, long silence. She blinked in the sunlight. Her gaze was a long, in-depth interrogation where he couldn’t begin to guess the outcome.
‘You’d trust me,’ she said at last. ‘With the bad things as well as the good?’
‘I might try to protect—’
‘No protection. Just trust.’
‘Okay,’ he said humbly. ‘Trust first.’
‘Really with the flying?’
‘Really with the flying.’ And then he added honestly, ‘Unless you end up stunt flying, in which case no love in the land is big enough.’
‘Coward.’
‘I’d rather be a chicken than a dead hen.’
She grinned at that. ‘I can’t see the Lord of Duncairn as a dead hen.’
‘And you can’t expect the Lord of Duncairn to be a complete doormat,’ he agreed. ‘I might try to protect, but I’ll do my best to let you fly free, stunt flying not included. Any other exclusions you want, just say the word. Meanwhile, if there’s any company details you might like to know, just ask. Jeanie, I’ve been thinking, watching our otters...’
‘Are you sure there were otters?’
‘There were otters. Jeanie, I really would like to share. I’m not sure how to yet, but I need to try. If you trust me, that is. If you’d trust me to share, to love you, to hold you in honour...’
‘And make me watch invisible otters? And help me fly?’
‘Yes. Yes and yes and yes.’
There was another silence then, longer than the last. The whole world seemed to be holding its breath. Alasdair had almost forgotten how to breathe. This slip of a woman, this sprite, his amazing Jeanie, she held his heart in the palm of her hand.
The Earl's Convenient Wife (Harlequin Romance) Page 17
