by Joanna Bell
"Where's the land?" I asked, pointing to a spot just upstream of where we were standing, on the other side of the river. "There?"
He took my hand and moved it a little further north. "There. Around about there, anyway. Do you see how the land is a little higher there? I thought the high point would be the perfect place for a studio. You'll get the light all day."
We'd been looking at property and vacant land for months, daydreaming about a life spent nestled in the dry foothills, overlooked by the snow-capped Rockies. There was a 40 acre parcel of land for sale on the opposite side of the river from where we were standing.
"Yeah," I said dreamily, trying to picture a studio bathed with prairie light.
"And I –" Jackson started before abruptly stopping and pressing his fist to his mouth."And I could buy a few head of cattle," he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "Like we talked about. I know how to work a ranch, you know."
"I know you do," I whispered, pulling him down to me so I could kiss his face. "I know you do."
We fell quiet, thinking about the past – and the future – as the sun dipped down towards the peaks of the mountains. I knew my mom and aunt wanted to move back to Montana. Word was Tiago did too, after his years in North Dakota. Lili was undecided, having recently met a decent man in New York. Even if she stayed, though, we would still see each other often. I had more money than I ever thought I would – and what's money if it doesn't help you stay close to the people you love?
"So I guess we're doing this, huh?"
I leaned back against Jackson's broad chest. "I think we are."
"How do I know you mean it?" He continued. "How do I know you won't change your mind?"
I turned around, confused. Weren't we well past worries about changed minds?
Jackson Devlin was down on one knee. My initial reaction was to laugh, because surely he was joking – right? Playing a trick on me?
"What are you doing?" I finally asked, shocked, when his face showed no signs of trickery.
"Making it official," he replied. "I can't have you running back to the city without me, can I?"
"I wouldn't do that."
Jackson caught my eye. "I know."
"So why –"
"Why what? Why do I want to marry you? Why do I –"
"Jackson!" I cut in as it began to sink in that he was serious. "You want – you want to get married?!"
"I don't know what the hell else you think I'm doing down here, Hailey. Now stop talking before I forget what I have to say."
My whole body began to tremble. I wasn't sure why. I wasn't cold. I wasn't nervous or afraid. Maybe I was just suddenly fully awake.
"I love you," Jackson said, not taking his eyes off mine. "I know you know that already. I used to think I knew what that meant. Back when the only thing I knew about anything was that being with you made me happy, and not being with you made me want to be with you again. I thought that was love. And it was, in a way. Even then, I couldn't have a single thought or experience without immediately wondering when I could tell you about it. What's Hailey going to think about this? Is she going to think I'm a dummy for thinking this, or is she going to be impressed? I always hoped you would be impressed. It was –"
"Did you?" I asked.
"Why do you sound so surprised?" He replied. "Are you trying to say you didn't see through me? That you didn't understand, even then, that the only thing I ever gave a shit about was what you thought of me?"
My heart softened. Jackson's jaw, as solid and square as ever, was shaded with a couple of day's worth of stubble. His body was broad and strong, my haven of safety and security. But he was vulnerable the way we are all vulnerable when we love someone. When we care what they think of us. He wouldn't have shown that side of himself to me in the past. He would have hidden it away, convinced it made him weak.
"I don't know," I replied, almost unable to stop myself from falling to my knees and wrapping myself around him. "I feel like you, uh – like you..."
"Like I wouldn't have admitted it. It's OK, you can say it. It's true, I wouldn't have. You're the only reason I can right now. You're the –"
"No I'm not," I protested. "You have to give yourself credit for –"
But Jackson laughed. "Naw," he shook his head. "I mean, yeah, I've tried pretty hard this past year to make things up to you. To be a better man. But I'm trying to be honest here. No one wants to admit they do things for other people these days, have you noticed that? It's all about self-actualization and self-knowledge and self-this and self-that. I'm starting to think it's all a load of bullshit, to be honest. Maybe I could have been a better man without you. But I wouldn't have been. Do you get it? I wouldn't even have tried. Because what would there have been to try for? I told you months ago I was done with lying – to you, but also to myself. And it would be a lie to say I'm capable of being happy, or living a full life, or of truly being myself – without you. I need you. I've always needed you."
"I need you too," I replied quietly, drawing in a shaky breath.
"I know you do. We need each other, and there ain't a single damn thing wrong with that. This is almost a formality, but it's an important one. I want you to be my wife, Hailey. And I want to be your husband. I want us to say the words in front of the people we love – in front of our son and the mountains and the land and God himself, if He's up there somewhere."
The man I had loved since before he was a man pulled a small box out of his jacket pocket.
"Hailey Nickerson," he said, taking my left hand in his own. "Loving you is the best and most important thing I'll ever do. Will you marry me?"
I lost it. Jackson stood up so I could fall into his arms, and then he twirled me around in a slow, gentle circle.
"Well?" He said a few minutes later, smiling because he already knew what I was going to say. "You still haven't given me an answer."
I let out a squeaky little half-laugh, half-sob and looked up into his eyes. "Yes. Yes I'll marry you. Of course I will!"
I watched as he pushed the ring onto the fourth finger of my left hand. The diamond flashed in what remained of the sun's rays.
"What are those?" I asked, noting a halo of tiny, blue-green stones set around that larger diamond.
"Don't you like them?"
Why did his worry make my heart want to explode with love? Did any part of him think I wasn't happy with my ring? There could have been glass where the diamond was and it wouldn't have mattered.
"I love it, idiot," I giggled, holding my hand up. "I've just never seen gems like that before."
"They're sapphires," he said. "Montana sapphires – mined just a few miles away from here, near Rock Creek. They're not worth much, but I thought –"
"I don't care how much they're worth," I murmured. "They're beautiful. I love them. I love that there's a piece of home – an actual, physical piece of home – in my ring. It's perfect, Jackson. Really. Everything is perfect."
"Is it?"
"Yeah," I replied, looking behind me at the land across the river, then down at my ring and then finally up at the man who was going to be my husband. "It is."
Epilogue: Jackson
I married Hailey 9 months later, under a cloudless blue Montana sky as our loved ones looked on. I had 2 best men – one of whom, Lacey Sharrock was actually a woman. The other was my uncle Dave. Instead of her absent father, Hailey's mother and our son walked my bride down the aisle. In her hands she held a bouquet of mountain flowers, picked that morning on the land we bought beside the Yellowhead River.
It wasn't a traditional ceremony, if traditional means fathers walking daughters down aisles and churches instead of rolling foothills. It felt traditional, though. It felt like laying the cornerstone in a foundation, or writing the opening sentence of a story without end.
Later that summer we threw a party to mark the end of construction on Hailey's new studio and invited everyone we knew. Candy flew in from New York. So did Lili and her boyfriend. Lacey came from Lo
s Angeles. Uncle Dave and all our friends from Sweetgrass Ridge were there and so – perhaps surprisingly – was my brother Cillian. We spoke before the wedding, he acknowledged my dad's plan all those years ago had been to get me drunk, mess with my phone and basically keep me knocked out on Darcy's sleeping pills until they were sure Hailey was gone. He apologized for his own role in it and said he thought he was doing the right thing at the time, that my dad convinced everyone else I was throwing away the family legacy. I accepted his apology, because I could tell he meant it and I knew I wasn't the only one our dad did a number on. Also, I wanted my son to know at least one of his uncles – and to understand what forgiveness was.
My dad didn't come. No one wanted him there. Neither did any of my other brothers. Maybe in time, all Jack Devlin's sons would work their issues out. Maybe we wouldn't. It wasn't that I didn't care, it was that I had different priorities. I had my own family to tend to, a wife and a son who deserved the best of me.
Lili and Hailey spent the day of the party stringing lights in the trees and squeezing lemons for fresh lemonade. Brody spent it with me, walking around the newly enclosed pasture and checking on the cattle. We had 16 newly arrived Angus calves, born that spring. We also had a breeding pair of rare Kerry cattle, a gift from my wife after much discussion regarding the kind of ranchers we wanted to be.
Well, the kind of rancher I wanted to be. Hailey was an artist, not a rancher, and she was an artist whether she lived in New York City or the foothills of Montana. I built her studio myself, a labor of love if ever there was one. Most days, she spent the afternoon hours hard at work, emerging only at dinner time, her face smudged with clay or paint. Her work was in ever higher demand – in such high demand, in fact, that she could afford not to work all the time.
"Why is it licking that thing, Daddy?"
I looked down at my son's blond head. He was pointing at one of the Angus calves, confused. A city boy through and through, but not for long.
"It's a salt lick," I told him. "It has salt and minerals that the cattle need to stay healthy."
"Is a salt lick expensive?"
I laughed. "No."
"Can we ride them?"
"No. We can ride the horses, though. They're coming next week."
"How many?"
"Three. Three to start. One of them is the horse I used to ride before you were born. His name is Trigger."
It was Brody's turn to laugh. "That's a funny name!"
I leaned my head back and enjoyed the warmth of the summer sun on my face, and the smell of cattle and hay and dry grassland on the breeze.
***
Later that night, as the party was in full swing and the house my son would grow up in filled with the sounds of music and conversation and laughter, I spotted Cillian standing alone on the back deck, staring out over the foothills.
"Hey," Lacey said, suddenly appearing in front of me and giving me a big hug. "Long time no see, stranger! This is a beautiful place, Jackson. Really beautiful. Almost enough to make me consider selling Sea Vista."
I grinned. "Almost."
My ex-boss shrugged. "It would be difficult to be away from the ocean. But your wife says I'm welcome here anytime, so don't go thinking I'm not going to take her up on that offer."
"I hope you do," I replied. "We're building a guesthouse towards the back of the property. Maybe I can finally repay you for everything you did for me?"
Lacey smiled. "You're my friend. That's what friends do for each other. Besides, it wasn't all altruistic. Having you around surely increased my business with Malibu's lonely housewives."
I grinned. "You are welcome, though. Anytime."
She saw me looking out at Cillian and followed my gaze. "Your brother, I presume?"
"Yeah."
"He looks just like you – and Brody. Those Devlin genes are strong."
We chatted for another couple of minutes and then Lacey left to join the rest of the guests outside, where people were starting to gather around the fire-pit as the evening drew in. I slid the door open and stepped out onto the deck. Cillian, apparently lost in thought, looked up.
"Oh," he said. "Hey, man."
"Hey. What the hell are you doing out here all by yourself?"
For a minute it looked like maybe he was going to tell me, but then he just shook his head and took a swig of beer. "Nothing. Thinking. This is a great place, Jackson. I mean it, really great. You're a lucky man."
I joined my brother in gazing out over the back of the property. "I know it. Trust me, I know it."
Cillian turned to me, an oddly fervent look in his eyes. "Hold onto it."
"I will."
"No," he insisted, grabbing my shoulders. "I mean it. Hold onto it. Don't let it go. You've got a good one in Hailey. You treat her right, you hear me?"
"I – uh, I plan to," I replied, noting that his eyes were a little red. "Are you OK? How many beers have you had?"
My brother sighed. "Just the one."
"OK. Are you hungry? Hailey booked that food truck with the great burgers – they should be here in a few minutes."
"Really? Yeah. Yeah, I'll have to grab one of those. Listen, I gotta use the john. Thanks for inviting me though. I know things were rough between us for a long time and I'm – I'm glad we're good now."
He was leaving. He was trying to make it sound like he wasn't but I could tell he was ready to head out.
"Yeah. Me too. Are you sure you're OK? You look a little –"
"Yeah," he repeated, slapping me on the back and offering me a half-assed grin. "Yeah, great! No problems! I'm gonna fuckin' piss myself if I don't take a leak, though. I'll probably catch you when the burgers get here, OK?"
Cillian disappeared back into the house and I took his spot on the deck, thinking I'd give him a call the next day, talk to him then. I cast my eyes out over the rolling hills of the property, the guests milling around close to the house and the stands of cottonwood trees that got thicker and more interspersed with aspens and firs the closer you got to the back property line. 40 acres wasn't much, but it was a start – and one I wasn't ashamed of.
Lili, Hailey and their respective mothers appeared in front of me about 30 feet away, deep in conversation. The second house on the property was finished, and both moms were already moved in. It was important to my wife that the family who had supported her so steadfastly would never again have to think about paying rent, or worry about where they would live in their golden years. And what was important to Hailey was automatically important to me, so we built the second house. It was about a ten minute walk from our own, with raised beds in the back so they could grow vegetables and unobstructed views of the mountains from most of the rooms.
Hailey was wearing jeans and a red and black checked coat and the sound of her laughter filled me with a deep sense of contentment.
"Hey!" She called, spotting me and jogging over. "What are you doing up here all by yourself?"
"Nothing," I smiled, kissing the top of her head. "Watching you. You smell like wood smoke."
"I was at the fire-pit. Brody has discovered the joys of roasting marshmallows over an open fire."
She leaned into me, nestling her head into my chest.
"You look like a country girl again," I told her, slipping one hand down her back and giving her a swat on the ass. "Not like one of those New York power ladies."
She burst out laughing. "And what the hell is a 'New York power lady,' Jackson?"
"Candy is one," I told her. "They wear a lot of expensive black clothing and have drivers to take them wherever they need to go. I thought maybe you were going to turn into one."
Hailey grinned. "And what if I did? Would you still want me?"
I wrapped my arms around her. "I would still want you if you were the biggest power lady in America."
We both fell quiet as we watched our guests talking and mingling. Brody was running around his grandma, waving a stick in the air and laughing out loud.
I brushed a
lock of hair off my wife's cheek and she leaned her face into my hand. She trusted me to love her. To protect her, to look after her, to stay by her side for the rest of my days.
"Do you know what?" I asked, pulling her close.
She looked up at me. "What?"
"I think this is the happiest moment of my life."
She kept her gaze steady on mine. In the distance, a future I couldn't wait to see lay in front of us like the unread pages of a book I never wanted to put down.
THE END
About The Author
Joanna Bell lives in the PNW with a menagerie of rescue animals, a tendency to daydream and a healthy fear of earthquakes. She is always happy to connect with readers.
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To contact Joanna please e-mail her at: [email protected]
Devlin Brothers Ranch Series
Book 2 in the Devlin Brothers Ranch series, starring Cillian Devlin, will be released in April 2020. To be notified of each new release, please sign up to the Devlin Brothers Ranch Reader's Club:
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Other Books By Joanna Bell
Joanna's last project was the beloved and highly-rated 4 book 'Mists of Albion' Viking/Time Travel romance series.
Mists of Albion Series
Mists of Albion Book 1: Eirik
Mists of Albion Book 2: Ragnar
Mists of Albion Book 3: Ivar
Mists of Albion Book 4: Magnus
