“Was that before or after he got stuck to that furry—”
“Enough! Fuck me, enough!” I couldn’t stand it anymore. “Please…just stop already.”
“Look, Hoss,” Willard said in a soothing man voice. He continued to pat the top of my head like I was a fucking dog. “It’s okay if ya do like that kinda stuff, even though it’s damn disgusting if you ask me.”
“Well I’m not askin’ ya!” My neck felt like it was going to explode as I stood up, blood rushing to every one of my extremities. I looked at both of them, giving major stink eye and attitude…right after I literally stomped my foot like a whiny kid. “I do not like animals. I do not like messing with animals. And I do not want to hear anymore fucking shit about it! Do both of you understand?” I shot a pointed look over to Bucky. “And I do not like dudes.”
Willard and Bucky looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders as if nothing was off kilter.
“Welp.” Bucky said, slapping his hands together and turning to his son. “I guess we’re good here.”
“Yeah, I need to get shit ready for the barbecue tonight.” Willard rubbed his hefty stomach and smacked his lips. “I’m gonna eat the shit outta them dogs and burgers.”
I just stood there naked and well, naked, looking at those two fools talk about eating as if this whole embarrassing shit storm hadn’t happened. While I previously thought that Willard was the only one a few screws short of a complete tool box, I was beginning to think it ran in the family.
“Cover your pecker, Hoss!”
“Yep, better get a move on, son, before Ethel comes out here. And ya don’t want that ol’e horn dog catchin’ an eyeful of your little fella.”
“He’s not little!”
Chapter 14
~Lanie~
A whole day of shopping with Jasmine was the equivalent to sticking an enema up a rhinoceros’ butt. Something that should never, ever be attempted. Ever.
She was complaining about everything under the sun. From the fit of her dress, to the hem, Jasmine was not a happy camper. I, however, thought it was beautiful, looked beautiful on her, and was even better than I thought she would have ever picked out for herself.
When I think wedding dresses and Jasmine, I instantly think camouflage and chew, boots and mud wrestling.
I laughed inwardly at the thought.
Lunch was another deal all together. I had told Jasmine that I wanted to treat her for lunch, seeing as she opted to not have a bachelorette party–apparently Mitchell is a damn prude–Jasmine chose a barbecue joint. Not only did I watch my cousin, bride-to-be, inhale ten large beef ribs slathered in thick barbecue sauce.
Oh, and she topped off the afternoon with a ride on the mechanical bull.
“You’re next, Lanie! Woo-Hoo! Giddy Up, baby!”
Embarrassed was not the correct word to describe how I felt. I was mortified and very, very uncomfortable. My eyes scanned the joint and I soon realized that Jasmine and I were the only women in that place besides the waitresses that literally looked like something straight out of a big titty jack-off magazine, that is. “I’m gonna go to the restroom!” I yelled out to Jasmine over the music. “Be right back!”
Jasmine waved at me, somehow holding onto that bull with one hand. “You got it!”
Shaking my head and smiling at the ridiculousness of my cousin, I headed for the nearest bathroom. I passed a small group of men gathered off to the side of the dimly lit long narrow hallway leading to the restrooms, keeping my eyes diverted.
The last thing I needed was to give any one of them a reason to make conversation with me. As I neared the restroom door, a familiar voice rang out. I instantly went into panic mode as one large hand slapped against the wall, effectively stopping me from entering. Without looking up, I went to move to my left and another large hand grabbed me by my arm and whipped me around.
“Well lookie what we got here.” The strong pungent stench of tobacco and cow manure surrounded me like a thick fog of ugly. I wanted to puke. It was almost like being in a bathroom, suffocating with all the windows up while the hot water was running. Only I was trapped between two very muscular arms, unable to go anywhere. “Peachy, Peachy, Peachy, I was hopin’ that I’d run into you, sweetheart. And might I say that you are lookin’ fine enough to eat, baby girl.”
I had my eyes closed, hoping that he’d leave but he didn’t and when I looked up, I instantly wished that I hadn’t. It was the cowboy from the airport, the same one with the gnarly tobacco breath and creepy looking handlebar mustache.
This would’ve been the perfect time for that hole I wished for to open up and suck me in. It wasn’t enough that I’d had to sit through fifteen minutes watching my cousin rock her vagina all over the mechanical bull, but now I had to deal with the cowboy that looked at me like he was ready to eat me for dessert.
“Were you planin’ on ridin’ that bull, baby, ‘cause I got a ride for ya that’ll make your rear tingle, sweetness.” I almost threw up. He flashed a cocky smile. “And I don’t see that man of yours. Finally figured out that ya needed someone that can handle that pretty little ass of yours?”
“As a matter of fact,” I muttered, trying to slowly maneuver my way out of his encasing arms, “he’s on his way right now. So, if you’ll excuse me.”
His smile grew sinister, and he pushed his weight against me. “C’mon, darlin, playin’ hard to get don’t look good on you. I saw you two on that plane. Ain’t no way he’s your old man. Ya didn’t act like it. So let’s not play, huh?”
I cringed when I felt hot, nasty tobacco breath waft across my nose. We were mere inches apart from one another, and I could’ve sworn that he was salivating. He had one hand securely cemented to the wall behind me and the other still gripping my arm. When I flinched, turning my head to the side, he got even closer and ran his nose up the shell of my ear.
I fucking froze.
“C’mon, Peach, I ain’t no good at beggin’.” He gripped my arm to the point of severe pain. “And I sure as fuck know a tease when I see one. So, why don’t ya give it up already, girl? ‘Cause I ain’t gonna ask again.”
“You’re hurting me,” I whimpered, and he was. I could feel the circulation being cut off at my fingertips. He was trying to bend me and I was losing the fight. “Please just let me go.”
“Now what fun would that be?” A dark, throaty chuckle slithered up the asshole’s throat. He gripped my other arm and held me flush against the wall. “So whad’ya say, darlin’, ya gonna let ol’e Trever get a taste of that sweet pie?”
A million things ran through my mind, and when I saw the douche nozzle spread his legs, a fire lit under my ass. I smiled up at him and in return he licked his fat, ugly, chapped lips. I choked back the idea of buttering him up, making him feel confident before I lifted my leg with all the strength I could muster.
“Son of a wild hairy bitch!”
And with that, I watched the douche nozzle hit the ground with a hard, earth shattering thud. The last time I dick-checked someone, I had felt horrible because it was Lucas, but this guy? Well, he fucking deserved a solid knee to his junk.
I leaned down and stared at the asshole. “And that, dickhead, is exactly why you never mess with a southern girl who’s been trained in kickboxing.”
“Jesus, Lanie!” Jasmine came to a stop in front of the asshole’s limp body and pointed. “What the hell did ya do?”
“Nothing,” I said, linking arms with my gaping cousin and walking away from him. “He just needed to learn how to treat a woman with respect, is all.”
Jasmine snickered and swung her head to stare behind us. “By the way, ya do realize who that was, right?”
“No.”
“Remember Trever Miller from our Senior Prom? The same Trever Miller that tried…well, you know.” Jasmine’s face sunk at the memory.
No way. That had been Trever Miller?
Trever Miller had been the supreme asshole jock from Silver Springs High. All the girls wan
ted him because of his stature, and all the guys hated him because of it, and for some reason they all flocked around him like flies on shit. He was also Jasmine’s date to our prom. Later that night, I found out that he’d tried to take advantage of her. “Thanks, Lanie, even though you didn’t know that was him.” Jasmine looked over to me with soft eyes, catching me by surprise. “I’ve wanted to do that for years.”
I laughed at that. “By the way, where the hell were you back there? I could’ve used some help.”
“Well.” Jasmine’s eyebrows rose and she shrugged her shoulders. “I wanted to go for another ride. And damn if that thing doesn’t give ya the biggest camel toe in creation.”
I laughed again and shook my head, not believing the day we’d just had. “C’mon, we have a barbecue to get to.”
Chapter 15
~Lucas~
“What the hell, Hoss? You’re killin’ the dogs!”
Willard was a certifiable idiot. Anyone who knew how to ‘que it up knew that burgers and hot dogs tasted better when they were dark and crispy all the way around.
“We made them like this when I was a kid.” I shrugged and regarded the slightly darkened wieners. “They were good.”
He came up beside me, nudging me to the side with his big ass arm. “Some goddamn ass clown must’ve told ya how to work a damn grill, because that,” he said, waving his hand wildly around the pit, “is not how ya make a hot dog. It looks like a burnt turd!”
I stood back and crossed my arms. Willard was getting on my last fucking nerve. And not only that, I was starting to wonder where Lanie was. As much as she hated her cousin, those two had been gone, together, for hours. If she took any longer to get there and save me, her brother was going to get gut checked.
“So, Hoss, have ya thought about that little thing we talked about?”
“I don’t think it’s such a good idea. That shit could end badly.”
“For who? I ain’t worried about us,” he said, shaking his head. “All I’m thinkin’ is how beet red that evil bitch is gonna be when we do it. And I think I got some of my boys on board with it, too. That shit right there is gonna be fuckin’ epic!”
Okay. One: what Willard had asked me to do was something I would’ve done back in college. Two: doing this certain something in front of Lanie’s family, no matter how crazy they were, was not my idea of a good time. And three: we could very well get arrested, and there was no way in hell that I wanted to ever end up in hillbilly jail.
Ever.
“Can’t you figure out something else?”
Willard flashed a devious smile. “Yeah. I’d thought about throwin’ some horse shit in her burger, but the dumb ass probably won’t know the difference. And then there was that whole thing with the itching powder, but what I have in mind is gonna kick some major ass.”
“We could get arrested, dude. Seriously, figure something else out.”
“Ya think too much, Hoss.” Willard actually turned his nose up at my response, and went back to roasting his dogs. And the fucker was good at blackmail. He was about to prove it. “Remember the deal we had?”
I hated him. So much hate!
“If ya don’t, I’ll tell Mama.”
Asshole!
“Fine.” I leaned in close to his ear, pissed off to no end. “But if my ass gets hauled off to prison, you better bail me out.”
He waved me off. “A pretty boy like you? Ya sure to end up someone’s honey. You’ll be alright.”
A thousand ways on how to murder the bastard popped up in my head right before the distinct sounds of giggles drifted our way. Lanie and Jasmine were wearing full, cheeky smiles, and to be honest, it completely threw me off. My first thought was that they’d taken some seriously heavy drugs to be that friendly with each other, or that they committed some sort of crime together and had gotten away with it. Whatever was going on, those two were all chummy.
“Hey you.”
My dick started acting like a damn Jack in the Box, knocking against the seam of my jeans. Her smile always made my blood run thick and hot through my veins. And the way her eyes sparkled when she was happy made my skin freaking tingle. Jesus, if I could’ve bottled that look on her face right then, I would have kept it well hidden and preserved for the spank bank later.
“What did she give you?” I asked, raising my brow.
Lanie playfully slapped my arm and smiled yet again. “Nothing. I’m just happy to see you, is all.”
She was happy to see me. Now that did shit to my balls and my dick. And for the love of everything that was sinful, that smile was definitely going to be the death of me.
“You left me alone this morning.”
“Are you whining? Because I thought that you’d wake up,” she said, running her hand down my back and sliding her palm across my ass. She got up on her tip toes and whispered in my ear, “A happy camper.”
Yep. My cock and the spank bank definitely had a date later.
“What the fuck is Jasmine the Evil Devil Bitch so happy about? And why in the fuck were ya touching her?” Willard shuddered. “Ya better go see Doc Parsons. Ya might’ve caught scabies from that beast.”
“Easy, Willard,” Lanie said, sliding over to her brother and wrapping her arm around his big ass shoulders. “We have an understanding. We’re cool now.”
“Whatever. “Willard scowled in Jasmine’s direction. “And by the way, Dad caught Hoss over here naked in the barn. Shit was funny as hell.”
Lanie’s eyes went wide, and then shifted toward me. Her face was comical. “What? Um…why were you naked in the barn, Sparky?” She gave me a look that clearly said, “You better play along”.
“He knows, Lanie.” I pointedly looked at Willard. “He figured it out. Or, he blackmailed me into telling him the truth.”
Her face blanched when her brother shot her a sly, sideways grin. It was the first time I’d ever saw Lanie at a loss for words. Willard began to say something, but Lanie threw her arms up and huffed. “Please don’t say anything. Please, Willie.”
“Oh, I’m not gonna tell. Ya see, me and Hoss here have a, what did ya call it, an understandin’?”
Lanie looked between the two of us and narrowed her eyes. It was a look I’d see a thousand times over since she and I had become roommates. Every time she suspected me of being up to no good, she narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.
“I don’t know what the two of you are up to, but I seriously hope it doesn’t cause too much damage.” She looked at me with knowing eyes and it kind of scared the shit out of me. “I have to go get ready.”
Neither of us could get a word out in response before Lanie took off to catch up with Jasmine, pointing two fingers to her eyes, basically letting us know that she had her eye on us.
“Yo, Hossy.” Willard jabbed me in the side with his elbow, nodding his head as he looked over at the two women, his cousin in particular, “We’re doin’ this shit. Tomorrow.”
~
Around five o’clock the rest of the wedding party started filing into the backyard, and the afternoon went on as planned. I truly felt out of my element with all the different faces wandering around; some old, some new, and a ton of little kids running around screaming like a bunch of lunatics.
I had to give it to Willard, though. He’d cooked up a mean ass spread that I appreciatively ate, inhaling what had to be the best damn barbecue I had ever tasted.
But not before he yelled out to the entire wedding party, “It’s gonna be like the mutherfucking Klumps up in here. That’s right, bitches, move outta my way, cause’ I’m about to eat the shit outta this food!” And he did. Willard literally wolfed down five hot dogs and three fully loaded double-decker hamburgers, with a double side helping of potato salad and three slices of grilled French bread.
I was impressed and grossed out all at the same time.
“Can I please get everybody’s attention please?”
I hadn’t realized that Lanie had left my side when I looked up
and saw her standing front and center at the head of the outstretched table. She looked gorgeous, wearing a light yellow, flower printed sun dress. Her long brown hair was pulled up into a wavy up-do. She had pinned in place with clips matching her dress, the rose she had wedged close to her ear was perfect. She looked amazing, and seeing her made my cock impossibly hard.
Lanie went through her speech, thanking everyone for coming and being a part of Jasmine and Mitchell’s wedding. As I scanned the people around me, I noticed a vast difference. While Jasmine’s family was camouflage and big ass belt buckles; Mitchell’s family was all Prada and Jimmy Choos. They reminded me a lot of my family, something that I didn’t want to think about.
“If everyone’s done with dinner, we’d like to get started with the—”
“Hold on! Give me two seconds to get over there. Oh for the love of God, is that cow shit on my heel?”
About a dozen heads whipped toward the house. I bent my head and chuckled out loud when I saw who had arrived. If Lanie thought that things were going to move slowly, she was in for a big surprise.
“Who the hell is that?”
I almost spit my gulp of beer across the table when I saw the look on Willard’s face. “Oh, no. I wouldn’t think about it if I were you. That one,” I said, pointing to the new arrival. “…is the equivalent of a succubus. She’s been known to drain em’ till they’re dry, my man. You aren’t ready for that shit.”
“Oh…” Willard raised a brow, giving the leggy woman a once over, “I’m so damn ready for that.”
I pulled in my bottom lip and shook my head. Things were about to get interesting.
“Hook me up, Hoss.”
I scrunched my brows together. “What?”
“Hook. Me. Up.”
I shook my head. “I’m telling you, man, you do not want any part of that. She will eat you alive.” I had no doubt that Deena would give Willard a run for his money.
“Look, Hoss.” Willard got close enough to me that when he spoke, nobody else would be able to hear him. “I want everything to do with that saucy, fiery broad. So, unless ya want me to spill your secret, you’ll hook me up. Comprende?”
Just A Step Away (Closer) Page 9
