Nicole crossed one leg over the other and clasped her hands on her lap. “I’m a mess.”
Abby scooted closer. “Oh, no. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing and everything.”
“Did something happen with Stephan?”
Nicole shook her head. “No.”
Abby looked at her with a sympathetic expression. “You have to give me something to go on here.”
Nicole took a deep breath then asked, “Do you ever not want to go over to the Andrades’ for the holidays?”
Abby laid a hand on Nicole’s in support. “Sometimes. They’re wonderful, but their gatherings can be overwhelming. Thanksgiving was over one hundred people. It’s not exactly the way I grew up.”
“Dominic loves it there, doesn’t he?”
Abby gave Nicole a long look before answering. “He loves them. I don’t know if he loves the chaos that always ensues at their parties, but we’re grateful they’ve welcomed us into their family. It means we can spend more time with you and Stephan, too.”
“Do you ever miss spending time with just your sister and her family?”
“I do that, too. Lil and I have our own holiday, but we do it a week before. We consider it our warm-up to the festivities, and it gives us time to reminisce, keep some of our family traditions going. Things like that.”
“I didn’t realize you did that,” Nicole said, feeling some of her guilt fall away.
“We don’t make a big deal out of it. We don’t want anyone to feel excluded, but it’s our time when we remember our parents and our own childhood. Is that something you want to do with Dominic? You should have said something. We can get together.”
“I’d like that.” Abby was an angel, and a perceptive one at that. “Lately I’ve been thinking about my family and our Christmas traditions. Does Dominic ever talk about them?”
“No,” Abby said with a sad shake of her head.
Nicole took a deep breath and shared a story she’d kept to herself over the years. “Our father didn’t believe in the holiday, and our mother was too afraid to push the issue. He considered presents and decoration clutter. We had a formal holiday dinner; that was all he allowed. When Dominic and I were little we used to have secret celebrations. We were too young to have money of our own, so we would steal things out of each other’s rooms and wrap them up in paper we’d beg off the staff. We didn’t care that we were giving each other things we already had; it was our special tradition.”
“That’s so sad, but beautiful in a way.” Abby sniffed and wiped a corner of her eye. “Dominic doesn’t like to look back at that time.”
“I know. I tried to bring it up once, but he got angry.”
Abby put a hand on Nicole’s. “Not at you, Nicole.”
“That’s what I told myself, but it hurt. Dominic and I used to be so close. We could talk about anything. But now I feel like our relationship depends on me pretending our whole childhood never happened. But it did, Abby, and I don’t want to be ashamed of who I am anymore.”
“Ashamed? Nicole, you have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I wish I were as certain. Our mother left us, and I’ve always considered her weak for it, but I stayed because I was too scared to leave.”
“Oh, Nicole. You and Dominic had an abusive father. Nothing that happened to you was your fault. All any of that says about you is that you were a normal child who should never have been faced with the choices you were given.”
Nicole brought a shaking hand up to her mouth. “I’m pregnant, Abby, and I’m terrified. Our mother let us believe she was dead for years because she was too afraid to stand up to our father. I want to think I’m better than that, but I don’t know if I am. When I think of a mother, a good one, I think of someone like you. You’re strong. You don’t let anything scare you. I’m not like that. I worry about things and then overthink them and hate that I can’t stop myself from going in these circles in my head. I know I should be happy. I have a wonderful husband and so many people who care about me, but I’m still too scared to stand up and say what I want. What kind of mother is that?”
Abby gave Nicole’s hand a little shake. “Stop. What do you want that you’re so afraid of asking for?”
Nicole had asked herself the same question many times recently and was only beginning to figure it out. “I miss Dominic. I don’t want to only see him when we’re in a crowd of other people. I want my big brother back. Christmas is a time for new beginnings. I know my baby will have many wonderful holidays with the Andrades. My child will never be lonely or want for anything. I know that. But, this year, before everything changes, I’d like to have a small Christmas: you, Dominic, Judy, Stephan, and me. For just one year, I don’t want to go to the Andrades’ Christmas. There. I said it.”
“Have you said anything to Stephan about this?”
“No.”
“Oh, sweetie. I’m sure he’d understand. Does he know you’re pregnant?”
“Not yet.”
“Are you afraid he won’t be happy? That man loves you. He’s going to be over-the-moon happy when he finds out.”
“Every time I think about telling Stephan, I get all confused. How do I tell him that the baby makes me want more? His family has been nothing but amazing to me. What if he thinks I’m ungrateful? What if . . .”
Abby put an arm around Nicole’s shoulder. “Nicole, your feelings are normal. You and Dominic are survivors. What you saw, how you were raised, it doesn’t go away. You both dealt with it in different ways, but that doesn’t make one more right than the other. Dominic chose to fight, and he still struggles with seeing everything as a fight. You feel you were left behind, and that’s why you worry that people will leave.” Abby’s eyes teared up. “I’m a perfectionist because I was left in charge, and I thought I had to be perfect or everything would fall apart. Trust me, we’re all screwed up in our own way, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want better for our children. You want to work through your issues with your brother before you bring your child into the world. I’d say that’s not only natural, but it’s a sign that you’ll make an amazing mother.”
Nicole’s sight blurred with tears. “You really think so?”
“I really do.”
“I always feel better when I talk to you.”
Abby cleared her throat. “After years of hearing the opposite from my sister while I was raising her, those are welcome words. Now, let’s see if we can unravel this mess you think you’re in. First, congratulations, Nicole, you’re going to have a baby.”
Nicole hugged Abby, who warmly hugged her back. “I’m going to have a baby.”
“Second, come to dinner tomorrow night, and we’ll see if we can’t get you the Christmas you’re yearning for.” Abby straightened and met Nicole’s eyes. “And third, holy shit, Nicole, you need to tell Stephan you’re pregnant.”
Stephan Andrade pushed back from his office desk and took out his cell phone. He was late to what would be a packed afternoon of meetings. There was a time when they would have been his first priority, but he was a different man, and until just recently, he would have said a happier one.
He thought back to the day his wife had walked into this very office and asked him to help her block her brother from taking over her family’s company. His heart had been dark back then, and all he had seen was the opportunity to take down a man he’d thought had once hurt his family.
How times had changed. He wouldn’t say that he and Dominic were the best of friends, but they were on the same team now. Their love of Nicole was a bond that made all else irrelevant.
Nicole was, and would always be, the best thing that ever happened to him. She’d brought joy back into his life and smoothed over the rift between him and his family. She was his lover, his best friend, and one day the mother of his children. He’d thought her beautiful the day she’d walked back into his life, but years together and his love for her had deepened his attraction to her.
In his family, she w
as a swan in a gaggle of wild geese. Standing out was something he knew she worried about, but he loved her more for that. Her beauty, inside and out, was a delicate one. No matter how many times he woke up beside her, or came home to her, the wonder that she was his didn’t lessen.
Although he considered himself lucky to be part of a large extended family, raised by parents who loved him, being an Andrade was a blessing and a curse at times. He didn’t say it, but there were times he yearned for the peace he’d found when he’d lived in California.
Family, even one as wonderful as his, could be draining in large doses. He wondered if that was why Nicole seemed withdrawn. Normally she said she loved to be with his family, but he’d noticed at Thanksgiving she hadn’t been happy. The signs were subtle and no one had mentioned it, but he was certain something was bothering her.
She’d denied she was upset when he’d asked her. Still, a husband knows his wife. He knows when she’s not happy, when she’s pretending to sleep instead of welcoming him into her arms at night, and when she’s lying.
What he didn’t know was why.
Stephan looked out the window at the New York skyline. Nicole’s childhood hadn’t been an easy one. He knew she struggled with anxiety at times, especially around the holidays. It wasn’t something she was comfortable discussing with him and that was the only area of his marriage that concerned him. He had hoped time would prove to her that his love was unwavering.
Instead, she kept her fears to herself and lied. They were small lies. She’d told him she was going shopping, but he’d found out she’d visited the doctor. She said she was visiting a friend, but she’d gone to her father’s grave. Ever since their family had been threatened by the man who had almost taken Stephan’s life, he’d paid a security team to watch over Nicole. Unlike Dominic, his security knew to blend into the background, so discrete it was easy to forget they were there. Apparently, Nicole had.
He could have confronted her, but he understood Nicole needed time to work things out before she brought them to him. He’d grown up in a house where issues were resolved much more quickly. People got angry, yelled things out, then made up. It had taken Stephan time to understand that in Nicole’s experience, questions were traps, and tempers were something to be feared. For her, he’d learned to keep his tone low and his patience high. Waiting for Nicole to come to him with a concern had at times driven him nearly insane, but it was worth it when she finally opened up and let him in.
He thought of the time he had suggested his company absorb her father’s. Financially it had made sense, and she had moved on from wanting to run it to working with charities with his mother. She’d agreed to the plan, but as they met with lawyers to formalize the move, she’d grown more and more withdrawn. Eventually she’d come to him and said she couldn’t bear to close the doors on her father’s company, even if the employees were brought into Stephan’s. Reversing the decision had proven tricky, but he’d done it for her.
He’d do anything to make her happy. She was his wife, the reason he woke up smiling each day. Nothing was more important to him.
He felt a little guilty when he called the head of his security team and asked where she’d been. She’d gone to see her brother’s wife. Even though there was nothing out of the ordinary about that, Stephan’s stomach twisted at the news.
Something was wrong. He could feel it. Was she sick and afraid to tell him? She was a part of him, and he would be by her side no matter what challenges came their way.
He told his secretary to clear his afternoon and reschedule his meetings. He called Nicole as he drove back to their house, but she didn’t answer, and a hundred possibilities flew through his head. None of them good.
He rushed into the house and came to a stop just before entering the family room. Nicole was sitting at her small desk in front of their large bay window. From where he stood he could see his wife’s profile and the worry she hid from him was clearly displayed in her expression. Her laptop was open, but the screen had gone dark, and she was staring out the window lost in her thoughts.
She looked up as he entered the room, stood, and smiled. “Stephan, you’re home early.”
He walked over to her and studied her face. Had he not seen her a moment before she’d heard him, he would have thought she was in a good mood. “I called, but you didn’t answer.”
“My phone must still be in my purse.” She scanned the room then gave him an apologetic look. “I bet I left it in the kitchen. Sorry.”
He pulled her gently into his arms. “I was worried.”
She looked up at him and gave him another sweet smile. “I’ll try to be more careful.”
He kissed her then with all his pent-up questions and love for her. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and they were transported above everything else temporarily. When he broke off the kiss they were both breathing raggedly. He swung her up into his arms but carried her to the couch instead of their bedroom. His hunger for her came second to his need to know what was going on. He sat down with her across his lap and held her captive in his embrace. This time he couldn’t wait for her to come to him. He had to know. “Nicole, I know you’ve been lying to me about where you’ve been going.”
She stiffened and her eyes widened, but she didn’t deny it.
“I’m not angry, Nicole, but we will sit here until you tell me what’s going on. Whatever it is, we’ll face it together. Just tell me.”
She inhaled sharply and blinked tears back. “I’m pregnant, Stephan. We’re going to have a baby.”
It took a moment for her words to sink in. “Are you sure?” Oh, my God. I’m going to be a father.
She nodded. “The doctor confirmed it last week.”
A joy like none he’d felt before surged through him. “How far along are you?”
“Ten weeks.”
He kissed her forehead and hugged her to his chest. “You went to the doctor? Which doctor? How do we know he’s the best? Or is she a woman? Would a female doctor be better? We want someone who knows what they’re doing.”
“I went to the one my doctor suggested. Everything looks fine, but I made an appointment with Abby’s obstetrician for tomorrow. Just to meet him.”
“Tomorrow. What time? It doesn’t matter. I’ll clear my day. How do you feel? Does anything hurt?” He ran his hands down her arms.
Nicole took one of his hands in hers and laughed. “I’m pregnant, not dying.”
“I’ll call Dominic and see what he thought of their doctor. Have you told him yet?”
Nicole shook her head. “No, I thought we’d do it together.”
Stephan kissed her on the lips briefly. “Good thinking. What are we going to do about a room for the baby? We should make it in the one right off ours. Do you want a nanny? I know my family says they aren’t important, but in the beginning you might want some extra help.” He put his hand on her stomach. “Can I get you anything? Are you hungry? Do you feel sick?”
Nicole took his face between her hands. “I’m fine, Stephan. Take a deep breath. I feel fine.”
“Do you know if it’s a boy or girl yet?”
“It’s only about this big,” Nicole said and demonstrated an approximate size with her fingers.
“Right. How soon can we know and do you want to? Some people don’t. I’d want to, but I can wait if it’s important to you.” Nicole kissed him then with such love that all coherent thought left him. He kissed her back, losing himself in the passion he never took for granted. When she ended the kiss, he couldn’t stop smiling. “What was that for?”
“I love you.”
He hugged her to him. “I love you, too. A baby. We’re having a baby, Nicole.”
Nicole returned his smile.
“My parents will lose their minds when we tell them. They love children in general, but their first grandchild? You don’t even want to know what Christmas will be like this year. It doesn’t matter that our little one isn’t here yet; my parents will be flying relati
ves over from Italy just to congratulate us. Hold on to your socks, Nicole. If you thought last Christmas was wild, wait until you see one where my parents have a grandchild to celebrate.”
Nicole’s smile wavered, then returned. “Sounds wonderful. Hey, Abby asked us over for dinner tomorrow night. Will you be home in time to go? I’d like Dominic to hear the news from us.”
Stephan looked into his wife’s guarded eyes for a long moment. She was happy about the baby, he’d bet his life on it, but something was troubling her. “What’s wrong, Nicole?”
She shook her head, but her smile didn’t reach her eyes. “Nothing. I’m just tired, I guess.”
That made sense. Coming from such a large family, Stephan had plenty of experience with pregnant women. A child in his family was a gift from above, and he’d been brought up to respect the experience of bringing one into the world. He picked Nicole up and carried her to their bedroom, placing her gently down across the bed. “I know what you want.”
The warmth in her eyes lit a fire in him, but it could wait. Nicole was precious to him, and he would take his time showing her that. He slid off her shoes, sat beside her, and took one of her feet into his hands. He worked the tension out of one before reaching for her other.
Nicole burst into tears and he froze. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re so good to me,” she said through her tears.
He crawled up onto the bed beside her and pulled her into his arms. “Don’t cry, Nicole. You deserve it. You’re going to be a wonderful mother.” She sobbed softly against him and the sound broke his heart.
Oh boy, this is going to be a long pregnancy.
Chapter Three
Abby checked the details of the dinner with their cook. She often made the meals for their family, but this was different. She had a feeling Nicole would need her at the table instead of running back and forth to the kitchen.
A Corisi Christmas Page 2
