by Ashley McLeo
The transformation happened as if Lily had commanded it.
The woman stopped laughing, wiped away a few stray tears, waggled her fingers in their direction, and threw the car into gear.
Lily peered in the side mirror to see tail lights and bits of rock flying through the air as the woman disappeared down the gravel drive.
They returned hours later, laden with wine, complimentary treats from one of the specialty shops Hazel supplied, and a considerable amount of cash.
Lily spent the day laughing and reuniting with people she hadn’t seen in years. No one that saw her would have guessed that her attention was split, half on them and half on the bob-haired stranger.
Will she be there when we get back? Lily wondered. Or was she just an emotional woman who took a wrong turn? As much as Lily would have liked to believe the latter, the niggling feeling that she knew the woman had not disappeared.
As they jostled down the commune’s circular thoroughfare, Lily craned her neck, hoping to spot the sleek car in someone’s driveway. It wasn’t until they pulled up to Rena’s cabin that she caught a glimpse of black paint and polished chrome tucked behind Annika’s large diesel truck.
The woman hadn’t taken a wrong turn, and even more intriguing, she was still at Terramar hours later. Lily wondered if Rena would bring up Annika’s visitor or if she would have to ask. There was no question that Rena knew about the visitor. Rena knew everything that happened at the commune. Whether she felt the news was appropriate to gossip about was a different matter. But it wouldn’t be the first time Lily had tried to wheedle information from Rena. She’d had an entire lifetime of practice with that.
After all, Rena had been the one to find Lily when she was an infant. Abandoned in a baby carrier on the side of a road, with only a half dozen bottles of warm milk and a note indicating her date of birth tucked into her soft blankets, Lily had been fingering the petals of a wild leopard lily and looking perfectly content with her situation. Rena brought her home and inquired about adoption. She was granted temporary custody until what the state saw as a more suitable family unit came along. None ever did, and Lily became Rena’s adoptive daughter a year after Rena found her.
Lily had taken Rena Whiplark’s last name, though Rena always joked they should have added at least twenty hyphenations over the years, as she was the definition of a child raised by a village. It was true. The women of Terramar gave love and knowledge in spades, and while each held a special place in Lily’s heart, none could compare to Rena. Even during Lily’s moodiest teenage years, both recognized their bond was special. So special it was best celebrated with copious amounts of personal space to avoid the sour feelings that often arose between their different personalities. It had been Rena who suggested Lily move in with Em. It was a move that saved not only their relationship but the sanity of other commune residents during those tumultuous years. It was during those same years that Lily, who Rena had homeschooled her entire life, demanded to be enrolled in public school. She wanted to make friends, meet boys, and most of all compete in athletics. For weeks Rena refused, insisting Lily would be too advanced to feel comfortable at a public school.
In the end, it was Annika who won the battle for Lily. “Do you want her to waste all her talent running the river trails? Think of the scholarships Lily could get if she competed!”
Lily enrolled in public school the following week.
Though she stuck by her decision, Lily had to admit Rena had been right about the quality of schooling. She’d spent exactly two weeks in general classes before skipping a grade and advancing into the honors curriculum. Even there Lily was an oddity. Normal teenagers, even super smart ones, knew next to nothing about ancient Egyptology, botany, symbology, mysticism, or Rena’s favorite subject, feminist history.
As it turned out, it was the education Rena provided that inspired Lily’s undergraduate work. A double major in political science, emphasis on women’s rights, and botany. While she had been unsure of her double major, Rena had been all for it. Lily remembered that call home like it was yesterday.
“I don’t know what to do. I feel as if a part of me will die if I choose the other,” Lily had cried into the receiver, practically begging Rena to decide her major for her. Lily’s career, her whole future could depend on this choice. She didn’t want to be responsible for something so huge.
“I don’t know why you’re even bothering to worry!” Rena said, her dismissive tone startling Lily out of self pity. “Do both, of course! Be bold! I assume they’ll give you two degrees at once at that fancy school of yours?”
“But it’s impractical. I’ll have to take summer courses to graduate on time, not to mention the added expenses,” Lily stammered. She’d called for sound, level-headed advice, not pipe dreams.
“Vegas is the definition of impractical, but it’s there, isn’t it? This! Coming from a girl who grew up in a commune of all places. You surprise me, Lily Whiplark! And here I was thinking I raised an open-minded go-getter!” Rena exclaimed with a finality that closed the subject.
Lily enrolled in both programs the next day. Her scholarships, she was shocked to discover, covered the extra credits. If she was fine with subsisting on ramen for a couple of years, taking summer courses, and working in the summer months when her course load was lighter, she could do as she wished.
“Here, chica,” Selma said, as a case of wine slammed into Lily’s chest.
“Ooopph! Thanks for the heads up Sel.”
“Chica! We don’t have time for daydreaming! We’ve got a party to prepare for! Expectations to live up to! Take those and go say hello to your mother.” Selma gestured to the door where Rena stood, dark eyes crinkled, and full lips stretched wide into a smile.
“Hey, mom!” Lily beamed, setting the wine at the bottom of the steps before bounding up the stairs.
“My Lil. I’m so glad you’re home,” Rena said, her wild, curly hair brushing against Lily’s cheeks as they hugged. “Let’s get all this inside. Then I’ll make us tea.”
Lily was reminded, as she always was at Terramar, that many hands made light work. The unloading that would have taken one person half an hour was done in minutes.
“I’ll have to start charging you and Hazel a courier fee if you keep bringing in this kind of money.” Richard set the last case of wine in Rena’s entryway and handed over the sum Rena’s painting had fetched.
“What do you say I buy you a new truck instead?” Rena suggested, only half joking. She was convinced Richard’s truck was going to fall to pieces on the road any day now.
“Aww, come on now, Rena, Margo’s got a few thousand miles left in her old wheels. Don’t cha, girl?” Richard said, winking out the window at Margo and eliciting eye rolls from the women.
“Well, we best be moving on. We still have to drop off Em’s wine and Hazel’s cash. Stop by our place later, won’t ya’, Lil?” Richard said, swinging an arm around Selma.
Lily nodded, waving the pair out the door.
“Green tea alright?” Rena asked as a kettle began to whistle in the kitchen. “I haven’t cooked anything in days. You know how it is around solstice, but Ann and I picked strawberries yesterday. I could wash those up for you?”
“Sounds great,” Lily said, following her mother to the kitchen, relieved not to be subjected to Rena’s cooking.
“How was the drive? You got in earlier than we anticipated.”
“Knew you’d bring that up,” Lily threw her hands up in defeat. “I admit, I skipped a couple of scheduled stops, but I swear I wasn’t tired. To be honest, I felt like I was running on rocket fuel. You know I would have stopped if I felt a single eyelid droop.” Over the years Lily had learned Rena responded best to a quick and full confession. At any rate, it was her only hope to avoid her millionth lecture on road trip safety.
Rena’s lips twitched upward.
“You are a full grown woman, Lil, able to take care of yourself. Though, I am happy you haven’t forgotten the virt
ues of rest stops,” Rena handed over a cup of green tea and bowl of strawberries. The familiar smell of the coconut oil Rena used on her skin slid over Lily, mixing with the tea and strawberries comfortingly.
Lily smiled, bemused but unwilling to question how she had gotten off so easy.
“So how was graduation? I know you didn’t want to walk, but did you and your girlfriends have one final hurrah?”
Lily cringed. “No party. I packed and left pretty fast.” She stared down at the tea, and the temperature in the room seemed to increase as Rena waited for her to elaborate.
“Hmm. Well, there’s still much to do so we could use you. And did I mention we have a visitor?” Rena said flatly, setting her untouched cup by the sink.
Lily shook her head and took a compulsive sip of the scalding tea. That was it? No probing questions? And why did Rena look tense?
“She’s at Annika’s becoming reacquainted. An old . . . friend of the commune, though she hasn’t visited in years. Would you like to meet her?”
“Is this visitor the classy brunette I saw earlier? The one driving a little black car down the drive like she was street racing?” Lily asked, hoping to come off like she hadn’t been wondering about the woman all day.
“That’d be her,” Rena said, her full lips flattening. “I’ll have to have a word with Nora regarding the commune speed regulations. Did you speak with her?”
“No, we saw each other by the highway turn off. She almost flew past and turned in at the last second by the looks of it. She missed Margo by an inch. I think we startled her. She got kind of hysterical.”
Rena’s frown deepened, emphasizing the dark lines in her skin.
“So she’s been here before? I felt funny seeing her, like I’d met her but couldn’t place her.” Lily paused, unsure how or if she wanted to articulate the strange feelings she’d felt.
“She hasn’t been around since you were small.”
Lily gulped down half the hot tea, unreasonably eager to see the woman again. “Well, I’m ready whenever you are.”
The walk to Annika’s cabin was a short one. Rena and Annika had worn a narrow path through the thick trees over their decades as partners. The path had given them the privacy they craved in the early stages of their relationship. Many years later, the path continued to be worn deeper into the dirt. A symbol of their connection and need for personal space all at once.
The door swung open before the second knock, as if Annika had been waiting on the other side.
“Come in, come in! It’s wonderful to see you, Lil. Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea? Juice?” Annika said, her ice blue eyes shining as she folded Lily into a hug and kissed her cheeks. She switched her attentions to Rena and Lily was struck, as she always was, by the stark contrast the pair made. Pale and dark, willowy and strong, pin straight hair and wild afro, they were perfectly opposite as well as perfectly suited for one another.
“She’s obsessed with her damn juicer,” Rena commented, kicking off her shoes.
“It’s healthy! You’d like it, Rena, if you only gave it a chance.”
“It’s preposterous! You lose all the fiber and waste the produce. Do you realize how much produce grown here is worth in town?”
“Water’s good, Ann,” Lily cut in.
“Alright, but if you want to try some later let me know. It does wonders for your skin, and I’ve learned a few combinations I think you’d love. It’s all about the cucumber,” Annika said looking resigned. “Nora’s waiting in the sun room. I’ll meet you two in there.”
“Hmph,” Rena grumbled.
“Thanks, Ann,” Lily said, grabbing Rena’s arm and pulling her down the hall.
They found Nora examining Annika’s Nataraja statue and looking distinctly out of place amid Annika’s collection of wellness books and yoga gear.
Nora smiled as they entered and extended her manicured hand to Lily.
A faint, arousing tingle ran up Lily’s arm as their skin touched. What is it about this woman?
“I’m Nora McFadden,” Nora announced, her voice brimming with confidence and panache.
Her accent had an ambiguous origin and lovely musical quality. Irish? Lily guessed as she met Nora’s piercing blue eyes.
“Lily Whiplark. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ms. McFadden.”
“Nora, please.” Nora waved her hand. “I can’t stand being reminded that I’m becoming old. Particularly by a beautiful young thing such as yourself.”
Lily nodded, unsure what else to say.
“Welcome back, Nora. You’re looking well. I heard you may have had some trouble finding us again?” Rena raised an eyebrow over her tight-lipped smile.
“Ah! So you heard about our near collision, did you? You should consider a sign. At the very least pave the fecking road. I’d wager my car has as many holes as your bloody drive now. Good thing it’s a rental.” Nora turned to face Lily. “I am sorry if I startled you, Lily, though I must say you weren’t the only one crapping her knickers.”
“Yes. Well, as you know, our need for privacy has been paramount these past years,” Rena said, her chocolate brown eyes narrowing.
Their need for privacy? What did that mean? Rena was meticulous with words, a trait she’d tried to drill into Lily with marginal success.
Annika bustled into the room a wide grin on her face. “I know no one requested anything but I thought a few munchies might be in order.” She shot a look at Lily as she set a tray of lemon waters and trail mix on a spindle-legged table and began handing out waters, oblivious to her partner's stiff posture and stern gaze.
“Annika, my dear, you are such a breath of fresh air,” Nora said, taking a sip of her water and placing it in the exact middle of a coaster. “Now, then, where were we?”
“You were explaining why you’re visiting,” Lily said, taking the chance to redirect the conversation.
“Ah, yes! Now, Lily, I doubt you’ve ever heard of me, but I’ve actually known you for quite some time. Your entire life in fact, isn’t that right, Rena?”
Rena’s head twitched in what could have been a nod.
“You see, Lily,” Nora said charging along with the story. “Almost twenty-one years ago I took on your adoption case. I’ve visited a couple of times since then to ensure your well-being. Other than that I’ve left your upbringing to Rena and the rest of the . . . commune,” she said, spitting out “commune” with a distinct air of distaste.
“Alright,” Lily said, bristling at the implied slight on her home. “You’re right. I don’t remember you, and to be honest I’d like to know why you’re here, creating all this tension? I’m twenty-one, a legal adult. Rena no longer has jurisdiction over my life, and neither do you.”
“You sure can read a room!” Nora exclaimed with a laugh that reminded Lily of wind chimes, the loud, obnoxious kind.
“Well, as you seem to have inferred, your mother and I have rarely seen eye-to-eye. Truth be told, I was holding out hope for a more traditional family to adopt you.” Nora’s large eyes grazed over Lily. “Though, I must admit, by the look of you Rena has done a fine job, as she said she would.” She nodded in a small concession to Rena and raised her glass to her lips.
Lily wished she’d get to the point and leave.
Nora set down her glass with a hard clink. “I’m here to inform you that we’ve found your biological parents. Would you like to meet them?” She delivered the words casually, as if she were asking if Lily wanted fries with her burger.
Lily’s head spun.
It had never been a secret she was adopted. How could it have been? Lily had been raised in the most unique environment she had ever heard of. She didn’t look at all like anyone who lived at the commune, so the daydream that one of them was secretly her parent had never even crossed her mind. Yet, searching for her biological family never had either. Everything she needed was here. Why would she spend time and energy searching for someone who had abandoned her? But that wasn’t to say she hadn’t dreame
d of what her biological family would be like.
A dream she hadn’t had in years resurfaced. The beautiful mother, the strapping father whom she resembled most. Except for her eyes, Lily had her mother's eyes. Behind them a small boy and girl threw a ball back and forth. They were younger than Lily, but not by much. In the dream Lily sat on her father’s knee, reading to him in the halting, high-pitched way of children. Her mother sat next to them, knitting a baby hat.
It was, Lily realized, the most idyllic of scenarios. Her mother and father were probably separated as most were nowadays. They could have been poor, teenagers or addicts of some sort. Why would they have left me otherwise? Don’t most people try their best for their children no matter the circumstances? In their young, drug-addled minds did they think abandoning a child on the side of a road was the best option? Who does that? She had to know.
She became aware of Rena and Annika holding her up, their hands soft and steady on her back. Would they be mad? No—they’d be happy she had this chance. Right? Lily glanced covertly at Rena and her heart sank. She’d take anger any day over the resignation she saw in Rena’s face. Has Rena been waiting for this to happen? Was it common for parents who abandoned their kids to want to reunite? Has Rena been looking over her shoulder for the one person who could have a better claim on her daughter?
A surge of protectiveness swelled in Lily’s chest. Rena had gone through a lot to raise her. Lily doubted her biological parents could have done better, and she wanted them to know that. To know that no one could replace her family here, the people who had given her all they had. I’ll have to practice what I want to say . . . oh my God! What if?
“Are they here, too?”
“Here? Heavens no, girl! I’m afraid you’re in for a much longer journey than a walk down the hall.” Nora reached into a black leather bag and pulled out an envelope. She held it out to Lily, who took it unflinchingly.
Lily ripped it open and found plane tickets. Three stiff, paper, old-school tickets, with stops in Seattle, New York and—“Ireland! I’m going to Ireland?” She had never even been out of the United States. She was suddenly thankful Rena had insisted she apply for a passport a couple years back.
