“Ten days,” he corrected absently.
That irritated her even more. “So tell me what do you think I really want?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I do know that those things—a husband, kids, a nice house—those are things you’ve been told you want. It’s the story you tell about yourself, that you tell other people, because it feels safe. It’s not really you.”
“What do you mean? It’s not really me?”
“It’s a front you put up, your way of getting through the world. You want people to think you’re a nice person, a good girl. So you do things to please other people. But all the while, you’re hiding behind your façade of niceness, judging people and hoping they don’t see you in there making calculations about what they want and what you’re willing to give in exchange.”
Her mouth fell open. “How can you say that about me?”
“Maybe it’s unconscious, this pretty way you have of dealing with people.” He looked at her harder. “But I think you know what you’re doing. That you think things out. That you rarely do anything by impulse. Even what happened with me the other night. You thought that through, put everything on the scales, and made the choice to ask me back to your place.”
Pinned, she felt pinned like a dead butterfly. Every scallop and color block catalogued, and put in her proper place according to size and type.
He’s right, she thought helplessly. She couldn’t have spoken for the world. She felt naked and exposed, even more than when she had been lying naked on her coffee table with her shirt over her face. Her shirt over her face! No wonder she liked it. To be hidden from his prying eyes. To be able to relax and not have to think and wonder…
His arm went around her shoulders. It felt better than anything she had ever felt before. “It’s okay, Kali. Everyone has their shining armor they wear when they battle life. But you can’t get lost in thinking that the way you learned to deal with other people is really you. You’re in there, struggling to get out. To find what’s really important for you. Maybe it’s SunTech and the environment. Maybe it’s something different. But you have to give yourself space and the freedom to make mistakes, to take alleyways and go down side paths. Because sometimes that’s the best way to find yourself.”
She let out her breath in a long stream. Why did it feel like he could see right inside of her? Like he had ripped off her protective shell and was calmly surveying the grubby worm that squirmed in front of him.
But his eyes were compassionate. Like he really cared about her. Like he saw potential in her that no one else had ever seen.
“How do you know?” she managed to get out.
“Because I’ve been there. You have to strip everything bare to be a real artist. And it’s not easy. But easy isn’t always the best.”
Things felt so different now for her. In only a few blocks, she felt the light romance of their date slip away and turn into something much deeper. A true intimacy. He saw her. And he liked her.
Something eased inside of her, letting go. She didn’t have to guard herself with him. She didn’t have to pretend.
She wasn’t sure it was real, but it felt glorious. He stayed silent, letting her absorb it, reassuring her by walking with his arm around her. Her throat was so tight she couldn’t have spoken at that moment.
They crossed over the walkway to the edge of the island, and it was like they stepped into another world with the lights reflecting off the river. The open air and the sound of the lapping water, the moonlight and tiny streamers of glowing clouds far above were the opposite of the closed-in city streets. The muted sound of traffic was behind them, and in front nothing but the black river that sparkled on the surface with a million lights.
They boarded a little yellow ferry taxi. They were among a couple of dozen people taking the ferry back to Brooklyn.
As the lines were cast, and the boat smoothly turned into the river, Hunter asked, “Are you cold?”
As the wind picked up, Kali shivered. “A little.”
“We can go inside.”
“No, I like it out here. Let’s go to the back.”
She went to the corner of the railing in the stern closest to Manhattan. Behind them was the dark outline of much lower buildings in Queens and Brooklyn. In front, Manhattan spread out with its crowded skyscrapers. Lit windows made a checkerboard pattern everywhere she looked.
Hunter put his arms around her, surrounding her with his warmth. She leaned back into him, feeling how solid he was. Her head rested in the curve of his chest next to his breastbone, and he nuzzled her hair with his face.
Finally!
The way he held her, and breathed deep of her, made her close her eyes and sigh in pleasure. It felt so good!
She didn’t dare speak, her heart was too full. She turned her face up to him, to his questing lips. Then they were kissing, and she was twisting in his arms, reaching up to touch his face with her fingertips.
She had never touched him before. He had always touched her, holding her arms or her hair.
For the first time, they kissed like lovers.
His lips were soft and eager on her mouth, as he pulled her close by the waist. She stroked his face as he kissed her, loving the roughness of stubble on his cheek. Then his hair, so silky that her eyes opened in surprise as she caressed the back of his neck.
It was heaven! Everything she had dreamed of. His own passion drove her higher and higher—
Hunter suddenly broke off, glaring over her shoulder at a guy who was leaning against the rail, edging too close to them. She could feel his body changing to defensive in an instant, as he shifted to stand between her and the stranger, curling his arm around her protectively.
But the guy didn’t take a hint and move away. She could feel Hunter getting tenser, like pressure was building inside of him.
“Come on,” Hunter murmured to her.
He took her hand and led her inside the ferry. But the bright lights made them both wince, and when he opened a door, she followed him instantly without realizing where they were going.
It was a tiny bathroom, not much larger than the one on an airplane. There was barely enough room for both of them to stand in front of the toilet, with a sink on one wall. There was a hatch overhead that was lifted up, letting in a fresh stream of air. It was not as bright in the bathroom with only one dim light bulb.
He cupped her face and kissed her again. Suddenly she didn’t care that she was in a bathroom. She didn’t think about anything. She had to touch him, any way she could.
Kissing him was like waltzing to music only they could hear. By turns tender and fiercely eager, he kept pausing as if to try to cool them both down, as they stood there breathing each other in, their foreheads pressed together and his hands gently touching her face.
His eyes searched her, wondering and amazed, as if he was surprised to be so overwhelmed. She felt the same way. It was sudden, almost shocking how quickly she wanted to dive into this man.
Hunter saw it, like he saw everything with his piercing eyes. He reached down to her dress, pulling it up, letting his palm trail over her naked thigh. His teeth caught his lip, and she drew in her breath in a long release, lifting her face for him to kiss again.
“Please, Kali,” he murmured in longing. “I must have you.”
He ran his hands over her butt cheeks, squeezing and lifting up her skirt.
It felt so good. “Yes,” she breathed.
“Are you sure?”
“Yes!”
Suddenly it was all movement, like they couldn’t do it fast enough. He helped her pull down her panties and they ended up somewhere, she had no idea where and she didn’t in the least bit care. All she wanted was his skin on hers, his hot, musky smell, the way his cheek scraped against hers as he pulled her against him, lifting her leg high. She braced her foot against the wall behind him, shamelessly opening her legs for him as he pulled out a condom and tore it open. He smoothed it down his dick, letting her see it
for the first time. She gave his erection a stroke through the condom as he slid it all the way on. A cock so long, and fat enough she couldn’t touch her finger and thumb around it. So fine…
He drew in his breath with a hiss. So she stroked him again, feeling his cock jump in her hand.
Hunter pushed her hands away, grabbing her thigh and pulling her against him again. “I must have you,” he demanded, as if he couldn’t stand it another moment, not being inside of her.
She arched her back and lifted herself for him, letting his cock press just a bit inside her pussy. She was so wet and ready! But he was so big that he had to ease inside her with gentle pressure.
She grabbed his shoulders to brace herself, her butt resting on the edge of the sink and one leg against the wall. He slowly sank his cock all the way inside of her, drawing a deep moan from her. They were locked together, his arm around her waist and holding up her leg, his fingers digging into her thigh. She could hardly move, she was pinned against the walls of the tiny space, as he began to plunge into her again and again.
He moaned out loud, throwing his head back. She held onto his neck as she panted faster, tension building inside of her, muscles straining to hold on, ready to burst. Never had it happened so fast! So hard, so fast…
Then he was staring into her eyes again, piercing her inside and out, demanding she surrender to him. “Yes, Kali,” he growled. “Give it to me!”
Unable to look away, mesmerized by his eyes, her climax ripped through her. She cried out, on and on, as she came. Until she couldn’t see him anymore. Until the bursting lights tore her away from herself.
He made a strangled sound. “Kali!” he cried out.
It almost made her come again, pleasure washing through her. She wasn’t sure how long it went on. “Kali,” he kept murmuring into her hair.
They clung together, supporting each other, breathing heavily. She was flushed and moist now, and his neck was sweaty. She gave his skin a lick, loving the fresh saltiness. She wanted to kiss him all over, like he had done with her the other night.
His cock was still deep inside of her. Impaling her like she would never be able to break free.
All of a sudden she remembered where they were. There were people sitting on the seats just on the other side of the door; a barely adequate door with a large crack along the bottom.
Embarrassment shot through her. “Oh, no!”
“Oh, yes!” He laughed out loud at the shock on her face.
Chapter 8
Hunter thought she was even more beautiful, all bashful and ducking her head when they finally left the bathroom. The boat was docking and there was only one guy who was close by watching them as they came out, but nobody else seemed to have noticed. Hunter stared at the guy until he backed down and looked away. He wasn’t taking any chances with Kali again. Everyone would know he was in complete control.
Even if he wasn’t.
He didn’t want to admit it to himself, and he didn’t want Kali to know, but he wasn’t in control. He never came like that, surprising himself, unable to hold back. He was known for fucking for hours if he wanted to.
It was shocking. He wanted her so bad he could taste it, like the tang of blood on his lips. His hand tightened on hers, feeling not at all like the conquering hero, even though she had just given herself to him in the bathroom of a ferry taxi. Instead he felt like she was about to float away from him, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Do you need help?” Kali asked an older woman who was trying to push a wire handcart over the lip of the ferry onto the Brooklyn dock.
Hunter called his mind back to order and he lifted the handcart over the ledge and carried it all the way up the dock. It was too bumpy to pull it on the uneven boards of the dock. Kali walked next to the old woman, patiently listening to her explain something about feeding the cats in Gracie Mansion Park.
Kali was truly a sweet person. There was no reason to be nice to a crazy old cat lady, especially while she was dealing with her own embarrassment over their very public sex. But it wasn’t just a show she put on for the world. She had been so gracious to the Chinese woman at the noodle shop, smiling and putting her hands together in a slight bow, imitating the woman’s thanks to them for coming to her shop. And then she had stood with him in the park long after it got dark talking to the director of the Conservancy Garden, when she had thought she would be relaxing with a drink on a date after a long day at work.
He took hold of her hand again, even though he wasn’t big on hand-holding. But he wanted contact with her. Actually, to be honest with himself, he needed that contact.
But it didn’t help. As they walked to Kali’s apartment, he felt himself pulling further and further away, in spite of their touch. She barely spoke, and only glanced at him a few times. He knew it was a natural reaction on her part to distance herself, especially if she had never done anything that wild sexually. For him, a little public sex was nothing. For her, she was confronting preconceptions about exhibitionism and slut shaming that every girl got growing up in America.
One thing he loved about her was how open and uninhibited she was when they were playing together. Still, she had no grounds for comparison, so of course she would naturally withdraw to regroup.
But for the life of him, it freaked him out.
And that freaked him out even more. He didn’t want to care that much, so his own defenses snapped into place. He could hardly keep holding her hand, but he knew if he dropped it, she might never come back to him.
By the time they got to her place, he didn’t feel like himself at all. He kissed her forehead, and then gently her lips. “I won’t come up tonight,” he said. “But I’ll see you tomorrow morning at work.”
She blinked at him like she did when she was confused. “Okay.”
Then she hesitated as if she thought he was going to walk off. But he waited at the bottom of the stoop for her to unlock the door and let herself inside. Once she went through the inner door, he finally turned away.
Screwed, I’m seriously screwed, he thought. She had been as distant as he had felt there at the end, and he hoped he hadn’t messed everything up. Why did he jump her on the ferry? Part of him desperately wanted to go upstairs with her, and curl up in bed with her, and wake up tomorrow with her.
That was the part of him that had let go of everything and came inside of her like a geyser. His dick throbbed in remembrance.
The other part of him, the sane part, said he needed to get a grip. He was letting his balls take over his brain, and that was the sure road to ruin. It was crazy to rush into things, especially when it involved the biggest project he ever got. This could be everything for him. Was he that self-destructive that he would self-implode just as he was reaching for the brass ring?
He swore to himself he would take a break. No matter what happened, he wouldn’t see Kali tomorrow. He needed to get some distance on this thing to get control of himself again.
***
Kali really wished their evening hadn’t ended that way. It had been going so well, until she made love to him in a restroom! Their first time… romance had left the building for good now.
Not that it wasn’t the most intense thing she’d ever felt. It was thrilling and awful at the same time. Just thinking about it made the muscles between her legs twinge, as if her body remembered and was begging for more.
But it was a public restroom! Why couldn’t she hold out until they got back to her place? It would have been so much better to lie with him on her bed afterwards and float in that wonderful feeling of release, rather than getting all freaked out because people were watching them as they came out. And the way that old lady had winked at her as they walked up the dock, she must have been listening, too.
Humiliating!
She knew from the start that she would get wild sex from Hunter. She knew this wasn’t the start of a life together. And now she had proof. He could have waited fifteen minutes. If he wanted to make love
to her like a real lover, he would have waited until they got to her place. But he didn’t.
And then he left.
Kali knew full well that she couldn’t handle casual sex with him. She needed to get out now, before her heart got crushed.
But she couldn’t stand the idea of not seeing him again. Not kissing him again. Never feeling his arms hold her so tightly…
She was suddenly crying and didn’t remember how she got started. It hurt so bad, but thinking about him felt so good…
One more time, she bargained with herself. I have to touch him one more time.
It was bound to fall apart sooner rather than later. Look what happened tonight! They both weren’t happy in the end. If they’d been happy, he would be here right now, lying in bed with her, his arms around her.
She turned off the light. One more time, she promised herself. If she could get it.
***
Hunter realized the next day at work that it was going to be hard to keep it cool with Kali while he was working with her. He kept admiring her curves as she leaned over the plans on the table, or the way she kicked off her heels when she sat down, sometimes dangling one to show her high arched instep. He hadn’t even explored her feet yet, or her legs, or even her pussy…
No, he had been too greedy, rushing to take her the first second he could, like a stupid teenager. And he was paying the price for it.
He found himself thinking about Kali rather than his project, and had to drag himself back over and over again. But he did it. He was determined to succeed. If he couldn’t control himself, he shouldn’t be allowed to control another person.
By the end of the day, his concentration had returned. He had closed the door on the Kali room in his mind, and focused on getting the last details in place for the demolition crew to start.
She also seemed to relax as the day went on, and they worked well together until it was past six. Then they ran into each other waiting at the elevator. There wasn’t anyone else around, and Lindy had already left the reception desk.
Good Girl Page 10
