On the first day the university reopened, there was an interdenominational memorial service for the fallen students and professors who had lost their lives in the shooting. Alix and Ben went with Faye, and they walked around the campus afterward, and Faye ran into a few people she knew, fellow students and an assistant professor who’d been injured too. They put their arms out and hugged each other, and three girls came to Faye’s room to visit her when they went back. They knew she’d be lonely without her roommate, and Alix suggested she request to transfer rooms, which seemed like a healthier solution than staying where she was, even for a short while. But Faye didn’t want to, for the brief time she’d be there.
They left Faye with her friends, and Ben and Alix went back to their hotel. She had a heavy heart, thinking of what Faye was going through, and she didn’t want to leave her, but she knew that sooner or later, Faye would have to pick up the threads of her normal life again, and she was trying to.
“She’ll be all right,” Ben tried to reassure her, and Alix nodded as he put an arm around her. He had been such a comfort to them both. He was so warm and compassionate that it made her wonder why he had never gotten seriously involved with another woman since his wife. He had so much to offer someone, even as a friend, and he had been so kind to them, letting them stay with him during the threats to Alix, and now coming to Duke with them, and right after the shooting. He was such a kind, gentle person, and it was obvious that he cared about Alix and her daughter.
“I know she’ll be all right,” Alix said thoughtfully, “but this is going to be with her forever.” She would never forget what had happened there that day, nor would Alix forget when she saw her daughter covered with blood on the screen when she was watching TV in New Orleans.
“So will the good things that happen to her. Life is about balance. She’ll have both,” he said, and Alix couldn’t help thinking about Ben’s son. They chatted for a while sitting on a bench outside the hotel. It was a peaceful evening, under a star-filled sky, as Alix thought about how quickly the years had flown by. One minute Faye had been a baby and Alix was terrified, and now she was almost grown up, and on her own at college. Sometimes it made her want to turn back the clock and start all over again. She realized now that at times you didn’t know how much fun you were having until you looked back. She said something about it to Ben, and he laughed.
“I felt that way about the SEALs once I got out. I didn’t realize at the time how great it was. I was too busy going on missions and staying alive. Some things in life are better with hindsight. I feel that way about our assignments too. I wouldn’t necessarily want to do them again, but they make for some incredible memories.” He smiled at her as he said it.
“I didn’t understand how fast she would grow up,” Alix said, and he nodded, understanding what she meant. Faye had been only fifteen when he and Alix started working together, and she used to talk about her and complain at times about how difficult it was to have a teenaged daughter, and now Faye seemed like a woman, and Alix was lonely without her at home. “My mother says the same thing about me.”
They left each other outside their rooms, and met again in the morning to take Faye to breakfast off campus at a coffee shop she liked, and then Alix went back to her room with her to help her unpack the rest of her things. Faye was feeling better than she had the day before, and was happy she had made the decision to return to school. But she was still considering doing the fall semester of junior year abroad, in France. She could even take classes in French, since she was still fluent.
The afternoon went by too quickly and Ben and her mother had to leave at six o’clock to catch their flight to New York. Faye had some studying to do, and she met up with friends right before they left. There were two good-looking boys in the group. One of them had lost his roommate too, and he and Faye were talking about it. He was shocked to realize she’d been shot, and thought she was very brave to come back after that, but she said she was glad she had. They were able to comfort each other since they’d all lived through it, and Faye felt better with them than she had with her friends at home. Here, they understood. They were all going out for Thai food when Faye held Alix in her arms and kissed her, with tears in her eyes as she said goodbye, and Ben was moved too.
They could hear the boy talking to Faye, asking her if Ben was her father, as they walked away, and she said he was just a friend. Ben and Alix smiled at each other, and Alix was glad he was with her. They drove to the airport, talking about the weekend, as Alix tried to convince herself Faye would be fine without them. They returned the rented car, and had cappuccinos at the airport Starbucks before boarding the plane.
“Thank you for being here with us,” Alix said seriously, with a white foam mustache on her upper lip that made her look like Santa Claus, and Ben smiled.
“What are you smiling at?” She didn’t feel it.
“You’ve got a mustache,” he explained, and she laughed as she wiped her face with a napkin he handed her.
She looked thoughtful for a minute, and then turned to him as they waited for their flight to be called. “I’ve been wondering something all weekend, now that we’ve been staying at your apartment and I know you even better than when we go on assignments. Why aren’t you married? You’d be good at it. You’re incredibly patient and domestic, and good with kids. I have a lot less patience than you do. I get nervous at times around kids. Faye and I used to fight a lot,” she confessed and took another sip of the froth on her coffee, which was delicious.
“I remember. You used to tell me about it.” But she hadn’t in a long time. They got along well now, and had for a few years. “I guess I don’t like labels, to answer your question. I was young when I got married, so I didn’t think about it. I was twenty-four, in the navy, and that’s what people did. They got married as kids. At this age, it’s a lot more complicated, you expect more. You want it to be a perfect fit, you have to like the same books and movies, have the same political opinions, and compatible ideas about how to spend your money. There’s a whole checklist people want to be a match by our age. I don’t want to be anyone’s checklist, and I honestly don’t think I could conform that way anymore. I’m too independent after doing what I want for all these years. I don’t want anyone telling me what to do.”
“Neither do I,” she admitted. “It’s one thing living with your child, and you make the rules. But I’ve never met a man I wanted to live with, or even had a roommate, except my daughter. I would drive someone crazy, and I would kill somebody who interfered with my life. I don’t have a need to get married,” she said honestly. “My mother says I’ll regret it one day when I’m old. She and Gabriel seem to have a lot of fun together, but she doesn’t want to get married either. I think he would, and has asked her a few times. And I don’t want to take a chance on a relationship not working, and having it affect Faye.”
“She’s not home anymore,” he reminded her. It was a poor excuse. And Alix had opened the subject, he hadn’t, but she was curious about him, having seen how good he was with Faye, and even with her. It had been different from when they were working, when they were both more rough and ready, climbing in and out of military Jeeps, hanging around with soldiers, and living with a kind of wartime camaraderie. Staying at his apartment had been more like playing house, which neither of them was familiar with anymore, but it had gone well, much to her surprise.
They threw away their coffee cups when the flight was called, picked up their bags, and boarded the plane. She did some work on the way back, and used her computer on the plane since they offered Internet, and Ben read magazines. He looked over at Alix again.
“I wonder when they’re going to ship us out again,” he mused out loud. “Has Felix said anything to you?” She shook her head. There had been too much going on about the Vice President. For once, all the action had been here at home.
“Probably pretty soon. There’s no big story for us at the moment, but as soon as something comes up, I’m sure h
e’ll send us on assignment.” And now that Faye was back at school, Alix was willing to travel, and Felix had been true to his word and kept them at home.
They were both wondering where Tony Clark was, and assumed he was somewhere in Saudi Arabia in his new life. She couldn’t imagine how he would adjust to it, and there was no escaping the choice he had made, even if he regretted it later. Ben didn’t envy him either. There would be no turning back for him. His bank accounts had been confiscated since it was all ill-gotten gains from bribes and tax evasion, so he had no funds of his own, and was completely dependent on the men who had facilitated his escape and taken him to wherever he was. It was a totally different culture, and he was at their mercy now, an unenviable position to be in, and one that wouldn’t change, since he couldn’t work in Saudi Arabia. He would just be there, doing nothing and relying on his previous business partners for every penny he needed to spend. Pelham had discovered that he had paid them a vast amount of money before his escape to ensure his safety in future, so they didn’t kill him. And he had pointed out to them that one day he might be of use to them in some kind of negotiation, or information trade. And on the off chance that he was right, they must have agreed to keep him alive, although he was of no use to them now.
Since they didn’t have checked bags, only carry-ons, Ben and Alix walked past baggage claim when they got to JFK, went outside, and hailed a cab at the curb. Faye had sent her mother a text while they were on the plane, saying how much she appreciated their coming down to help settle her in and make her feel comfortable. She said that it meant a lot to her, and to thank Ben for her too. Alix relayed the message as they drove into town. They didn’t stop to buy groceries, there was enough to throw something together for dinner that night. When they walked into the apartment, it was eerily quiet without Faye, even though she hadn’t stayed there for long, and Alix had been there without her, after the first threat.
They each made a sandwich with what was in the fridge, which wasn’t much. He had a ham sandwich, and she had turkey, and there were some apples in a bowl for dessert. They ate without talking, as Alix thought about Faye and missed her. And after they ate, they wandered into the living room. On every front, the war appeared to be over, and life had to go back to normal, whatever that was now.
Alix looked at Ben reluctantly, as though she had an announcement to make. “I guess I’ll move back to my place tomorrow. I’ve trespassed on your hospitality for long enough.” She had been there for several weeks, since the threats had started, and Faye had been there for nearly two of them. It was a long time to be staying at someone else’s place, although he insisted he liked it, but she did have a home of her own to return to.
He looked crestfallen when she said it, and sat down next to her on the couch. He seemed disappointed, which surprised her. “I was hoping you’d stick around for a while.”
“I don’t have a good excuse,” she said wryly and laughed. “No one’s trying to kill me. I’m not getting death threats, there’s no flood in my street, no broken water main, the heat is working. Looks like I’ll have to go home,” she teased him. They were all the standard reasons for staying at a friend’s apartment. “I don’t have an abusive ex-boyfriend I’m afraid of, and I’m not being evicted,” she added two more reasons, and he laughed.
“Could we just invent something? Like you want to move to Brooklyn and would like to check it out. Or your next-door neighbor is a hooker, and you don’t like the look of her clients, who keep ringing your doorbell by mistake.”
“I like that one!” Alix brightened. “Let’s go with that. The hooker story.”
“What about just staying here for a while because we have a good time together, and you’re good company and I like you?”
“I have a perfectly good apartment, though, which I like. How do I justify just letting it sit there and not going home?”
“Is someone keeping score?” he asked her. “Is it anyone’s business and do we care? You don’t answer to anyone, and neither do I.”
“I’m not sure what I should tell Faye.”
“It makes me happy when you stay here,” he insisted. “You’re such great company. I have someone to talk to at night who listens to my stories, and we can talk about our day.” They were all the reasons people lived together, but not usually as friends at their age.
“I might cramp your style,” she reminded him, assuming he had some form of love life. They’d never discussed it.
“There’s nothing to cramp,” he said without embarrassment. “I haven’t had a date in six months, and it was a disaster. Besides, I’ll worry about you if you go home. What if the threats start up again?”
“If they do, I’ll let you know.” She smiled at him, and saw that he really meant it and wanted her to stay with him. “Are you serious?”
“Yes, I am. I’ve been thinking about it all week, and I don’t want you to go back to your apartment. I want you to stay here.”
“For how long?” Maybe he only meant another week or two.
“As long as you want,” he said grandly. “We can leave it open-ended and see how it goes.” She looked puzzled as he said it, and she wasn’t sure she understood the invitation, although she thought she did. And what he was suggesting was a little bit naïve. She thought they were both too old for roommates, and they were used to their own space and could afford it. They didn’t have to share an apartment so they could share the rent, which was the prime reason for most young people, which they weren’t, or romance, which didn’t apply to them either, since they were only co-workers and friends. But she had to admit there was some merit to the plan, but maybe not enough.
“Let me get this straight.” She looked him squarely in the eye before she asked him the next question. “Are you volunteering as a roommate or a bodyguard, or a little bit of both?”
“All of the above, and maybe some extras thrown in,” he said, seeming shy for a minute, which was unlike him. This was new territory for them, and he had taken her by surprise. She hadn’t expected him to want her to stay, and she had been planning to move back to her place the next day.
“What extras?” she asked, frowning at him.
“You know, whichever ones you want.”
“Ben!” She looked at him and started laughing. “What is going on here?”
“I told you, I don’t like labels. You can be whatever you want, with or without a name. Roommate, best friend, girlfriend, partner in crime, whatever you feel like that day.” It was the closest he could come to describing what he had in mind with her, which was hard for him to explain after their being work partners and pals for four years, but for him, something had changed, and he was having trouble putting it into words.
“Are you propositioning me?” She stared at him, half kidding, and he couldn’t tell if she liked the idea or not, which unnerved him, but he was in it up to his neck now, so he kept going on the path he was on.
“Actually, I was thinking that could be part of it. I like that idea, if you like it too.”
“Are you serious?” She was stunned and hadn’t expected that from him.
“I am. I’ve been thinking about it since you moved in. I realized around Day Two that I didn’t want you to leave. Well, maybe Day One, to be honest. I like living with you, you’re nice to have around, and so is Faye.”
“So are you. I just never thought of us that way before. I figured we’d be work buddies forever, although my mother thought I was crazy not to start a romance with you.” It was actually the first time she had ever thought about it, when her mother said something to her about what a great guy he was and how good-looking and why wasn’t she sleeping with him. But Alix didn’t think it was an option for either of them, although she had liked staying with him too.
“So what do you think? What part of the plan appeals to you?” He had offered a number of options, and they all sounded good to her. She was smiling at him, and he leaned toward her on the couch with a spark in his eye she had never
noticed there before. He thought the negotiations had gone on for long enough. He kissed her as they were sitting there, and took her in his arms, and a little while later, they found their way into his bedroom, out of their clothes, and onto his bed, and then Alix stopped him for a minute and whispered to him in the dark before they went any further. None of this had been part of her plans for that night, but she liked it, a lot, and him, more than she had ever expected to, or realized she did, and they already knew each other so well, which made it even better.
“Where’s the gun?” she whispered to him between kisses.
“Why? Are you going to shoot me?”
“I don’t want to bump into it and set it off.” She had never slept with a man who kept a gun at his bedside before.
“I took the bullets out and locked it up, after you scared me to death and I almost shot you that night. I figured I was better off fighting a burglar with my bare hands than shooting you.”
“Good. Can we leave it locked up forever?”
“If that’s what you want,” he whispered, far more interested in making love to her just then than talking about his firearms.
“Good…thank you,” she said, and then they lost themselves in their passion and discovered whatever they hadn’t known about each other and never suspected. It was the beginning of a whole new dimension between them, without labels. In an odd way, what happened that night was because of Tony Clark and the threats she had gotten while digging about him. As they lay in bed afterward, breathless and spent, Ben smiled down at the woman he had fallen in love with somewhere along the way. There were no words for what he felt for her, and they didn’t need them. They had what they never even knew they wanted, and had waited four years to find together. And when he fell asleep next to her, she kissed him, and realized for the first time that she loved him. And then she curled up in his arms and fell asleep too.
Chapter 16
A week later, Alix and Ben were still going over the last details of the Tony Clark story, and at Felix’s request, she had asked for an interview with Megan Clark in California, at her parents’ Santa Barbara estate, and been refused. Mrs. Clark was not speaking to the media. But Alix had been granted an interview with the newly appointed Vice President, and she had flown to Washington with Ben. The White House press secretary had set the condition that the newly disgraced Vice President was a taboo subject, and Alix had agreed to it. She was more interested in the current Vice President’s views on a variety of subjects than dwelling on Tony Clark. People wanted to move forward, although in circles where they knew him, the shock waves were still being felt about the criminal activities of the ex–Vice President weeks later. No one could fully understand how he had been so astoundingly dishonest and no one had noticed. He had played his game well, and had a vast array of masks to hide behind. The most disturbing aspect of course was the tragic murder of Bill Foster. The rest was just a variety of games that involved unthinkable amounts of money. But Bill Foster had lost his life, Olympia her husband, and his children a beloved father, which was far worse than anything else was or could have been. And Clark’s wife, Megan, and her children were casualties too.
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