“Because he’s next,” she said softly.
“What do you mean?”
“He’s next to join the gang.”
My blood chilled. Hot horror settled in my stomach. “Not true.”
She pulled back, not an ounce of lies in her eyes. “Yes, it is. Raf told me.”
I shot to my feet, swallowing her words. Until they landed inside with an inaudible, awful thump. “We missed the bus.”
I tore off my shirt and replaced it with a fresh one, no longer concerned with my appearance. I put my hair into a ponytail and grabbed Kenzie’s makeup wipes, scrubbing the damp cloth over my face until I looked like my old, empty self.
“Can we walk to school together? I can’t stand this freaking city. It’s like we have to either become what we hate to survive or get the hell out. And we can’t get out without any money.” She grumbled in frustration, taking her clothes off and going over to my drawer.
I glared at her.
“What? All of my clothes are dirty. Mom hasn’t done laundry in forever.” Her eyes were splotched red, and her nose was tender from crying. There was such regret in her eyes.
Part of me felt guilty for not seeing how upset my sister was, but she’d never needed me to see it before. “Fine. Just don’t wear my underwear.”
She pulled down the waist on her sleeping shorts, showing the pink, lace band on my favorite panties. “Oops.”
“Kenzie!”
She laughed, ducking out of my way on hers to the bathroom.
“Hurry up and get dressed.” I snatched up my backpack. “And burn those.”
Mom was kissing Dad goodbye when I came out. He looked at me, shook his head in disappointment, and then left for work.
I sighed. “Nothing happened, Mom. We ate dinner and then we just hung out and talked.”
“I know nothing happened,” she said, surprising me. “That’s what’s so scary.”
“What do you mean?”
“Most boys don’t want to sit down and talk until three in the morning. In fact, few of them even will. Not unless they want to listen. Not unless they care.” She rubbed her belly. “Your father and I aren’t ready for that. You’re our little girls.”
In the bathroom, Kenzie hollered, “We’re seventeen!”
In response, Mom turned the TV on. Loud. “Be home right after school.”
The air felt more like summer than it ought to. It was the beginning of October. In New Hampshire, the leaves were probably already turning red and gold, and the spicy comforting smell of fall would be in the air. In Kings River, the sun was burning, and the air smelled of smog and hot asphalt. Kenzie was quiet, picking at the bracelet on her wrist. I guessed I was quiet too.
Lost in our thoughts.
But wasn’t that the problem? Focusing on our own problems instead of each other?
“What was it like?” I asked.
“What?”
“You know. Sex.”
She smiled despite herself. “Honestly? It wasn’t awful. He was really sweet about it. Which makes no sense what he did to me after.”
“Maybe…” I didn’t know if I should say it. Didn’t know if it would help.
“Maybe what?”
“Maybe he had no choice? Maybe he didn’t choose to get jumped in. I mean he screwed over Romeo, who’s supposed to be his best friend. It doesn’t sound like Raf’s doing anything right.”
“It doesn’t matter why he did it. It only matters that he did. And it sucks, Rya. It feels like he ripped my heart out and shot it. And then handed it back to me all full of holes and expects me to be the same. I don’t want you to feel like this. You won’t be able to stand it.”
I bit my lip, staring straight ahead instead of at her. “What’s your point?”
“Stay away from Romeo. He isn’t an angel. You are.”
When we got to school, we went our separate ways. Thankfully we didn’t have much time left to spare, and I could head to class without dealing with anyone. Romeo was in my first class. I was both excited and nervous about seeing him. I sat in my seat, tapping my fingers on my desk top. But after ten minutes preceding the last bell, I had to accept that he wasn’t at school.
I got a sinking feeling in my stomach, but I tried to brush it away. I had no reason to be worried, and I wasn’t entirely sure what I was worried about per se. Only that I was.
I tried to reason with myself.
He didn’t owe me anything.
We weren’t dating.
We’d barely started talking again.
And even though those reasons were all true, they didn’t make me feel better. Not the way he made me feel in the middle of a ruined city.
At lunch, I picked up my food and walked it out to the same place I sat every day. On the lawn on the edge of everyone. There was an oak tree a few feet away, and the shade it offered was much appreciated. I opened my book and lay back on the grass. I was only partway in when I felt someone sit down beside me. I sat up to find my sister wearing a broken look and lonely eyes.
She wasn’t looking at me, but straight ahead. I followed her gaze to find the group she had been hanging out with functioning perfectly fine without her. Raf was nearby at his own group, his tattoo seaming to beam from outer space. He no longer had any bruises, which means Kenzie had been dealing with this for a lot longer than I thought. He didn’t look like his normal, goofy self. He sat still, elbows on his knees, staring off into the distance. He looked off. Different. Broken.
He looked defeated.
And sitting right beside him was Rosa, the snake in her own nightmare. She rubbed his back, whispering in his ear. He leaned into her; she kissed his earlobe.
Kenzie made a small sound.
“Don’t look.” I crawled over and sat in her line of sight. “Look at me instead.”
She brought her knees to her chest. “So, this is where you’ve been losering all this time?”
“This is where I’ve been eating my lunch, yeah. And losering isn’t a word, fyi.”
She grabbed for my only slice of pizza. “Whatever.”
“Sure, sure, you can eat my lunch. It’s not like I have any money left for another one.”
She offered me a bite. I took one, figuring I’d better get some while there was any left. “I’ll save you the crust.”
I tried to think of something to take her mind off of Raf. “Want to study later?”
She stared at me, either considering whether to punch me or pull my hair out.
“Right.” I cleared my throat. “Want to help Mom budget baby clothes?”
She shoved pizza deep into her mouth.
I was losing her; she’d rather torture herself with Raf rather than turn to her lame sister.
“Want to sneak out tonight and go to a party?”
She froze, mouth open mid-chew. With her mouth still open, she mumbled through it. “You’re kidding me.”
“Nope.” I totally was. “Let’s do it.” I didn’t want to do it.
She narrowed her eyes at me. Sometimes, when she did that, I had to wonder if I looked that dang suspicious. “Rya, as awesome as that sounds, I don’t think you’re up for it. Have you ever been to a party? Like with drinking and drugs?”
I gulped. “One time one of the guys on the football team drank a beer a few bleachers down from me.”
She was quiet for a moment, and then doubled over, laughing so hard she spit up the bite of pizza in her mouth. “You are such a dweeb.”
“Yeah, yeah, so I’ve been told.” Her lack of faith in me stung. It shouldn’t have. I’d never given her a reason to think otherwise, but I was starting to wonder if feeling free went along with breaking some rules. Not a lot. But a little. “I can handle it. I’ll be the DW.”
“DW?”
“Designated Walker. We’re walking, aren’t we?”
Her giggling tapered off. “You’re serious. You want to go to a party?”
I nodded boisterously, hoping that hid my absolute terror. �
�I do. I bet there’s one on Winchester.” I pulled the name from when Romeo asked me to hang out. He’d mentioned the name. “Is that a street?”
“It’s a street in the college housing area. That’s probably not a bad idea to go check. If there isn’t one, we’ll come home, okay?” She handed me the crust.
I took it, gnawing on the stale end. “Okay. But if there is one, you have to promise not to ditch me. And don’t drink anything that you didn’t open yourself.”
She held out her pinky, smiling shyly. “Yes, Mom.”
I wrapped my pinky around hers. “I’m not Mom. I’m Rya. Far more neurotic.”
“Not until she finds out we snuck out and went to a party.” She grinned, bouncing in the lawn. “This is so cool!”
I smiled, so she wouldn’t see how nervous I was. “Cool.”
She laughed again, getting to her feet. “Catch you later, sis. Meet you out front after school?”
I waved. “Later.”
Feeling eyes on me, I looked over my shoulder to find Raf’s gaze bouncing between my sister and then me.
They stayed on me for at least a full minute. His gaze chilled me.
The boy was ruined.
I pictured Romeo with the same eyes and shuddered, gathering my things and heading to class early.
After school, Kenzie and I walked home together. She was quiet, snapping the bracelet on her wrist repeatedly. The sun boiled the sidewalk, radiating off of it and burning my eyes. Mom was on the sofa when we came in. The first thing I noticed was the heat. It was thick and horrid. The second thing I noticed was the mad look in my mother’s eyes.
Uh-oh.
She had a craving.
“Ice cream,” she gasped. “Cold, strawberry cheesecake ice-cream. Now.” She tossed her keys at me.
“But I’m grounded,” I reminded her, juggling to catch her keychain.
She shook her head. “And this is your punishment. Go get me some ice-cream. There’s a twenty in my purse.”
Kenzie slithered her way past us without being seen. A second later I heard our bedroom door close. Sighing, I grabbed her purse and pulled the twenty out. “Why’s it so hot in here?”
“The a/c unit broke.”
My heart dropped. “But it’s a hundred degrees outside and you’re pregnant.”
“I know. Daddy’s going to handle it.”
I gave her a worried look. She was flushed and sweating. “Can I buy some ice too? And I think there’s a fan packed somewhere in the garage. I’ll get it out when I get back.”
She rubbed her belly. “Are you trying to win me over?”
“I bet some vanilla caramel chocolate chip would taste good too.”
“Hmm,” she rumbled, and then groaned. “Gosh, it does. Get that too.”
I giggled, leaving before she asked me to kidnap Ben & Jerry and force them both to make ice cream in the sweltering heat.
I didn’t even realize my mistake until I was in the ice-cream aisle, and I spotted a familiar head of hair reflected in the frozen glass panes. I whirled around, finding Romeo stocking the chip aisle. He methodically packed puffy bag after puffy bag onto the rack.
Sensing me staring, he turned, our eyes latching.
He didn’t look ruined inside and he didn’t have a tattoo on his arm. Relief, hot and thick, settled in me. He wasn’t empty. He was still himself. His unfairly attractive crush-worthy self.
He turned back to the chips after a second. He fixed his face. That was my first clue something was wrong. To take the effort to wipe your eyes clean, when a second ago I could have sworn I saw something in them. When he looked back at me, it was gone. In its place was a slack, emotionless expression.
Because that’s what he wanted me to see.
But I had just seen the spark in his toffee midnight eyes. Why put it out?
Unless that spark wasn’t for me and that was his way of saying so. I made a fist at my side, railroaded with rage. I left the frozen section alone and marched up to him.
“Hi.” He was going to see me. No way was he brushing me aside. No freaking way.
He turned back to the chips. “Hey, Rya.”
I rolled my eyes. “Wow, I almost believe your bored tone.”
He let out a small breath of aggravation. “Can I help you with something?”
“Yeah, you can tell me why you’re acting like you don’t know me.”
He carried the empty cardboard box back to the cart where he grabbed another one. “You don’t want to know me. It’s safer for you not to know me.”
I hadn’t expected him to say that. To make this about me. It was either the rudest, coldest thing a boy had ever done to me, or the most coward. “Jeez, Romeo. If you don’t like me, I can handle that. You don’t have to be a lying coward about it.”
His back straightened. The plastic chip bags crinkled under his hands. He shoved them faster on the stand. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Well then, tell me. Are you going to pull a Raf on me the way he did to my sister?”
That caught his attention. “Raf hooked up with your sister?”
I nodded, feeling my eyes burn. “He stole her virginity and then chose the gang over her. Is that what you’re doing? Choosing them? When I know you don’t want to?” I couldn’t stop the stupid, scared, and hurt tears from escaping. I wiped angrily at my eyes.
Just for a second, looking into my eyes, I saw the boy at the ruins. The lost, damaged boy who just wanted to breathe. The real Romeo. Who was glad I hadn’t kissed anyone else and didn’t let me win to get one. And then he sealed himself shut and shook his head sharply. “I don’t know anything about that. I’m sorry he did that to her, but it’s got nothing to do with me.”
“You didn’t answer me. Are you going to do the same thing?”
He whirled on me. “Not if I can help it. Which is what I’m doing. Helping. So, get what you came for and don’t talk to me again. Please, Rya,” he added, softer.
There was such torment in his eyes.
So much fear and worry.
And defeat.
It was only a matter of time before his eyes were as dark as Raf’s.
I felt sick. But what more could I do? I didn’t understand his fears the way he felt them. I didn’t know how I tied into them, only that I did. He’d made himself clear.
“If that’s what you want.” I swallowed my emotions. “Can you tell Gabby and Antony that I’ll miss them?”
He hung his head. “Rya.”
“Tell them.”
“Fine. I will.”
I rose on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek.
Before I left, I whispered in his ear. “I guess it was nothing.”
That night, Kenzie and I lay awake in our beds. I had a sour feeling inside. I wanted to do something, anything to fix the dull ache throbbing inside me.
“Ten more minutes,” Kenzie whispered as she tied the strap on her high heels.
She was wearing skinny jeans and a lacy camisole. I insisted wearing what I wore to school. We weren’t even sure this was going to work. What was the point in getting dressed up just to spend the night walking back home? If we even made it out of the house.
I rubbed my thighs self-consciously, wishing I wouldn’t have let her put me in this skirt. The dark red mini was better suited with tights and a chunky sweater, not a sheer black top and black gladiator sandals. She’d straightened my hair and held me down until I was her true-blue doppelganger. We stood in front of the mirror behind our bedroom door to study our reflections when we were done.
“I can’t even tell us apart.”
She’d smirked and adjusted her boobs. “I know.”
Ever since, we’d been waiting for Mom and Dad to go to bed. It was a little after ten and they’d gone to their room a few minutes ago. I kept waiting, hoping, praying, they’d bust into our room with an obnoxious “ah-ha!” and save me from this impending disaster.
“Okay. Let’s go. You have yo
ur clutch?” she checked.
I grabbed it and wrapped the strap around my wrist. It had my phone, a few stray dollars, and the house keys in them. “Yes.”
“Good. Follow me. And don’t make a sound.” She turned our bedroom TV on low and then crossed for the window on the other side of the room. She expertly lifted the ancient wooden frame and looked outside. She swung her legs over the edge and fell to the side yard.
I followed, careful to keep my thighs pressed together as I landed awkwardly on the uneven pavement. I closed the window just barely, leaving enough of a crack to sneak back in. We crept out of the side gate and didn’t speak until we were past the neighbor’s shrubs.
She grinned and held out her hand for a high-five. “We did it!”
I slapped my palm against hers, unable not to smile at her excitement. “You’re the wild child for sure.”
She draped her arm over my shoulder. “Let’s party.”
We got two blocks before we realized how incredibly, naively stupid we were. We weren’t in New Hampshire anymore.
At night, Kings River looked different. More dangerous. Groups of men hung out on the street corners, and the one on our left let out a chorus of whistles.
“Hey, ladies! Where’s the party?”
“Not over here!” Kenzie called back, flipping them the bird.
I grabbed her hand and shoved her toward the road. Away from them. “Would you not do that?”
“They’re rude.”
“They’re dangerous. Or have you forgotten?”
She rolled her eyes, but I saw them skip around the streets. Anxiety ate away at my nerves the entire journey into town. Half-way through we decided to call it quits. Go back the way we came, but there was an even larger group of men at our backs that I could’ve sworn wasn’t there the last time I looked.
“Walk faster,” I hissed.
We clutched our arms together and tried to choose streets that were well lit. The entire time I was on the edge of tears. I felt exposed and in dire danger. Sweat broke out on the small of my back and even my brave twin sister wasn’t sassing back. When the bright lights of a park greeted us after we turned the corner, I let out a huge breath of relief.
Romeo and the Angel: Impossible Crush Chronicles Page 8
