“Wait a second—”
“You don’t have to worry about me getting in the way or saying anything to Colette.”
“But—”
“And I know how to be professional, okay?”
“Felicity—”
“Nothing will change with our working relationship. You can forgive me if I don’t want to carry on as friends just yet, though, can’t you?”
He dropped the blue-labeled Barolo Chinato wine and chocolates on a side table with a thud. “You done?”
“What?” she asked with exasperation.
“You done talking?’
“Em . . . yeah, sure.”
“Then listen to me. I was sloppy and weak about it, but I did break with Colette. We are not getting married. We are not together.”
This was too incongruous to accept. “But you were just together, all over New York.”
“As I said, I was sloppy about it. I lost my nerve to approach it when it turned out she had a friend with her and plans to go out. But, eventually, I got to it. And it’s over.” He nodded for confirmation. “Now, do you want some wine?”
She didn’t know how to respond. The news he had revealed was huge but he was brushing past it as if it were of little consequence. He had changed his whole life and now he was offering her wine?
“Any glasses around here?” he asked.
“There’s a kitchenette,” she said. “I’ll just go see.”
She found two tumblers in one of the top cabinets of the kitchen and hesitated before going back. Taking a deep breath, she tried to clear her mind and think about what this all meant, if anything. What did he want from her? His thin relationship history made it clear he didn’t know what he was doing in matters of love. Colette was proof of that, but so was the footage she had watched of him with Sophie. She had seen in his face a look of pure adoration for her. Just remembering it now made her chest tighten. She found herself feeling more jealous over that look than the thought of him being with Colette. Because she could see the love that had existed with Sophie.
Rolling her eyes at the mess he had made of things, she tried to shake off any expectations. When she returned she found he had made himself comfortable by taking off his leather jacket and leaning back in one of the chairs at the console.
“What were you in the middle of here?” he asked.
Taking the chair next to him, she placed the glasses on the console and poured the wine from the bottle he had already opened. She took her time, trying to decide what she wanted him to see. Then she manipulated the controls, sweeping backward in the footage.
“Hit that button there,” she said and indicated which one. “You may want to see this before I have it destroyed.”
His eyebrows rose but he didn’t question her. They watched together as the screen showed the New York dinner scene she had just viewed. They sipped the wine without speaking and she stole glances at him to see his reaction. His face remained impassive.
“Can you destroy it now?” he asked when the screen went black.
“Em—”
“Please destroy it now.” He leaned forward in his chair, agitated.
“I should wait for the—”
“It serves no purpose. Other than to showcase my fuckups. You think I want proof of how I can still tear Gavin apart?”
“No, I’m sure you don’t.”
She watched him as he rubbed his hands over his face, the regret clear.
“Fuck’s sake. I’m not after her. And I haven’t been in a long time. That video makes it look like something’s going on but it’s not.”
She considered him for a moment. The way Sophie had responded to Conor in the kitchen made it clear she had been in love with him, too. Regardless of their lack of a traditional relationship, they had shared genuine love for one another. That kind of connection wasn’t something to be dismissed, as he was doing now out of fear that it would hurt her or Gavin. That love meant a tremendous amount—as both something in the past to be savored and something to strive for in future relationships. And he deserved to own that, just as she deserved to own the good times she had with Richard.
“You have a history with her,” she said. “That’s not something that can be undone.”
“But—”
Now she cut him off. “You wouldn’t be human if the past wasn’t still a part of you. It’s okay, Conor.”
This statement seemed to resonate with him. Little by little, she saw the tension leave his body as he gave himself permission to acknowledge what he had had with Sophie. She could see that Sophie would always be a defining figure in his life, just as Richard would be in hers. It seemed a good sign that they could both recognize this and move forward.
“How’d you get so bloody wise, anyway?” he asked.
“Funny, I don’t feel all that wise.”
“Accepting, then. You’re the most accepting person I’ve ever known. You have this amazing ability to break things down and just accept them for what they are.”
She cocked an eyebrow and gave him a half smile. “Lucky for you, CQ. Because you need all the help you can get.”
“Don’t I know it.”
His smile was one of appreciation but his eyes soon moved suggestively from hers to her mouth and back again.
“Let me show you the other thing that needs to be rubbished,” she said in an effort to change directions.
“Am I ready for this?”
“You’ll have to be, won’t you?” She couldn’t help but give him a teasing smile.
He watched the footage of his fight with Colette at the rehearsal space with the same passivity as he had the previous video. Afterwards, he crossed his legs, ankle on knee, and sat back.
“Says it all, doesn’t it?” he said.
“I—”
“Destroy it. What else have you to show me?”
It took her a moment to recover from his abrupt dismissal of the video. But she moved on and showed him the rehearsal footage. He was more interested in watching the band perform. He tapped his fingers on the armrest in time to the music, flinching when he saw himself make mistakes.
The recordings moved on through the next several days of rehearsals and then through some of the band’s business meetings on merchandising, the tour and other appearance scheduling, as well as a couple of interviews. When these came to an end, they had finished the wine and half the chocolates.
“I see what you meant about there being a lot to review,” he said as he leaned back in his chair and stretched. “What’s the angle? Day in the life and the like?”
“Pretty much, although I think James wanted to talk to you all about doing some sit-down interviews to add in.”
He didn’t reply and instead simply looked at her. She felt slightly buzzed and on edge at the same time.
“And now I don’t know what you’re thinking,” she said and stood up, ready to put an end to the ambiguity of his visit.
He reached out and grabbed her arm, pulling her down onto his lap and kissing her tenderly on the lips. “Come home with me,” he said. He held her face in one hand, stroking his thumb over the freckles on her cheek as he looked into her eyes.
“And then what?”
He raised his eyebrows with a smile. “It won’t be quick and dirty, for starters,” he said. Then he reconsidered. “Well, it won’t be quick, but it will be a bit dirty.”
She laughed. “I meant, are we trying this? Us?”
“Absolutely,” he said without hesitation.
“Are you sure you want to jump right into—”
“I said, absolutely,” he told her slowly, firmly.
She watched him for a moment. It was now or never to put it out there. Why start something with him if it wasn’t going to be real and honest? “At the risk of assuming this to be serious, you need to remember that I can’t give you children.”
“I know that.”
“It’s something you want. Something you deserve.”
He se
arched her face. “Is this why you were pushing me away?”
She looked away and started to get up from his lap but he put his arm over her legs to stop her.
“That’s what you meant when you said she could give me things you couldn’t?”
“I don’t want to deny you something this important.”
“You’d deny me nothing, Fee. You can give me every other happiness. And, we can adopt when we get to that point.”
When. Not if. He had said when they got to that point. Still, she couldn’t let him gloss over an issue this important.
“You need to think carefully—”
“Felicity, remember when you said I was good at making memories?” he asked.
She recalled something to that effect when he had taken her to the London Eye and nodded.
“All I want is to make memories with you. And I want us to start now.”
She caught her breath. It wasn’t a promise of forever. That was a good thing. She would have been suspicious had he made a play for some big commitment after all they had been through with other people. But it was something genuine and honest. There was a feeling of certainty that settled over her as she looked into his eyes. She felt herself open up to him without fear, willing to take the chance that he’d care for her heart. Because he was the man she knew she wanted a chance with, in spite of their complicated histories and inconvenient timing.
“So, come home with me?” he asked again and kissed her with more passion this time.
“Absolutely,” she murmured between kisses.
~
When Conor woke up in the morning he saw Felicity beside him in bed and he smiled. Here it was, he realized as he took her in. Here is what he had been waiting for for nearly ten years. Felicity was the one who challenged him to be a better version of himself while at the same time appreciating who he was, imperfections and all. And all he wanted was to go on this journey with her, to nurture and explore the love he had found with her.
He didn’t allow her to wake on her own, instead wrapping his arm around her and pulling her even closer.
She looked at him sleepily as she entwined her leg through his.
“Sleep well, CQ?”
“CQ?”
“Hmm?” She opened her eyes wider now and watched him as she ran her fingers through the short cropped hair at his temple.
“You only use that when you’re taking pains to be casual.”
“Do I?”
“We’re not casual, Fee.”
“Certainly not at the moment,” she said with a grin, feeling him stir against her.
He kissed her lips and then her neck. “So this is what it feels like.”
“What?”
He moved so he could focus his blue eyes on her. “This is what it feels like to be with the right woman.”
“Damn,” she whispered and looked away from him.
“What?” He touched her chin to draw her gaze back to him.
“I didn’t want to tell you this until we were further down the road . . . .”
His brow creased as he grew concerned. What now? They had only just given themselves a real chance and now she was hinting at some sort of obstacle?
“What is it?”
“It’s just—”
“Yes?”
“I love you, Conor. I do. I know it’s terrible to put it all out there so soon and you’re probably going to miss the chase and your games because, well, I’m yours.”
The sweetness of her smile, the pure contented joy she radiated washed over him and he let out his breath. “Honey, you don’t know how good it is to hear you say that. In fact, feel free to tell me all day long. Because I love you.”
“Who would have thought? The two of us?” she asked.
“It was always in the stars, Fee. We just needed our worlds to align to see it.”
“Oh, Con,” she whispered. “That’s so corny.”
He raised his eyebrows at her rebuke.
“And yet so lovely.” She touched his cheek with tenderness. “Don’t ever stop.”
“I won’t. Not so long as you’ll let me.”
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
It was nearly eleven o’clock and the party had been underway for several hours. The music filling the house included a playlist handpicked by Gavin of old classics from The Rolling Stones, The Who, U2, David Bowie, Rory Gallagher, The Clash, Van Morrison, Oasis, and newer cuts from The Arctic Monkeys, Radiohead, The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, The Strokes, and Muse. Remnants of dinner sat abandoned in the formal dining room but the rich scent of garlic mashed potatoes and game hen with a caramelized onion jus lingered.
Gavin surveyed the scene in his living room, happily taking stock of the fact that everyone he held dear was here to ring in the New Year. Sophie was standing with Felicity by the lit fireplace, deep in conversation, Martin and Celia and Conor were seated on the sofa laughing at something, and Shay was chatting with James and Maddy. Jessica hadn’t come and Shay had not offered an explanation. Christian and Patsy had even come in response to Sophie’s invitation. It was their first visit to this home and they were braving the chill out on the deck, taking in the lit-up view of the peninsula.
Gavin and Sophie had spent Christmas Eve with his father here at the house. The visit had been uneventful until Brendan had lamented the fact that Gavin and his brother Ian were still not on speaking terms. Gavin took pains not to rehash his feelings on Ian’s betrayal over selling their mother’s story to Vanity Fair. He also hadn’t shared with his father that he now knew where his mother was. She had pleaded with him to remain “undiscovered” to the rest of the family until she could determine when and how she wanted to come forward.
This had, in part, kept Gavin from visiting with her again after that initial bizarre encounter. He hadn’t wanted to have more experiences with her that he would have to keep secret from his father. The other, more overwhelming, reason for keeping his distance was that he still didn’t know what to make of the person she was to him.
Sophie and Gavin had spent a quiet Christmas Day together, sleeping late, cooking an early dinner, and exchanging simple gifts. One of his gifts to her was a song he wrote that he hoped to incorporate into the imminent tour. It was part apology, part love song, and entirely intended to take the edge off of the way he would be attacking her on a nightly basis in several of the songs from Ache & Swell.
At Sophie’s urging, they made a visit to his mother the next day. It was another confusing, disappointing experience as his mother showed herself to be emotionally and mentally unpredictable. But Sophie had handled it wonderfully and with such generosity. She was not only a welcome buffer, but she was able to express the kind of patience and empathy for Bernadette that he had trouble offering freely himself.
They had left her home with promises to keep in touch, though Gavin had confessed to Sophie he was glad that the upcoming tour would keep him busy for the next eighteen months.
The pregnancy had been progressing well. At eleven weeks she was barely beginning to show and they had been assured during the course of several doctor’s visits that the fetus was developing as it should. They hadn’t told anyone the news, but they had ceased trying to conceal it. On this night, Sophie wore a Badgley Mischka glittery nude slip dress with sequined bodice. It hugged her body, including the petite baby bump.
Gavin watched now as Sophie played her thumb against the backside of her ring, a small smile lingering on her face as she talked to Felicity. Conor approached her then and put his hand on her upper arm, smiling as he moved past to Felicity’s side.
Sophie had asked everyone to wear cocktail attire for the occasion. Conor was strikingly handsome in his black on black Armani suit and shirt. The narrow lapels of his blazer were trimmed with velvet and his dress shoes were shiny black patent leather. He had a week’s worth of beard growth. Of course, he had manicured it a bit, so it looked tidy rather than scruffy. And he wore it well. During the moment when he was passing by Sophie, Gav
in could see what a stunning couple they would have made. But he knew Sophie hadn’t fallen for Conor for his looks. He also knew with certainty that that wayward period in their lives was over.
Sophie glanced over at him and smiled. And then Gavin watched as Conor put his arm around Felicity’s neck and leaned down to kiss her cheek. The two had been MIA for the past few weeks. This was only the second occasion that Gavin and Sophie had seen them together as a couple. But it felt right. They complemented and challenged each other with an easiness that was impossible to deny.
Gavin skirted past the group and into the kitchen. They had a case of Veuve Clicquot champagne on ice, and he asked the catering staff to pour enough for everyone to have a glass. He took one of the champagne flutes and poured sparkling water into it. The servers followed him into the living room with glasses on silver trays and set about distributing them.
Sidling up to Sophie, he kissed her softly on the lips and handed her the glass he had prepared.
“Thank you, baby.” She wrapped her arm around his waist.
“Thanks for putting this together, darlin’.”
“My pleasure.”
Once Christian and Patsy came inside and everyone had been given a flute, Gavin used a remote control to lower the music and called for their attention.
“Well, I’m not one for speeches,” he said and there was laughter. “Okay, I’ve been known to have a thing or two to say. But this one time, I think I’ll keep it brief. I want to thank you all for being here. Each of you is very special to us and we’re so thankful we are together as we move forward into the new year.”
There was a round of “here here!”
“And we thought this a good time to share with you something we’re very happy about,” he continued and placed his hand on Sophie’s lower back. But his eyes lingered on the small bump barely pushing her dress outward and she reflexively rubbed her belly.
A chorus of howls was soon followed by applause. The crowd of well-wishers moved toward them with slaps on the back for Gavin and words of congratulation to them both.
“Fantastic news,” Conor told Gavin and then kissed Sophie on the cheek.
Playing At Love: A Rogue Series Novel Page 32
