by Caroline Lee
If it wasn’t real, if he couldn’t trust his own feelings, then… What could he trust? What was he supposed to believe?
Off in the distance, the sun reflected off River’s End Lake, and Joshua felt his heart lighten. Just a few days ago, he’d felt Allison’s arms around him as they raced the wind across that lake. He’d felt something he’d never felt before, and now Aunt Jaclyn and her fairies wanted him to believe it was wrong? How could it be wrong, the way she made him feel?
Well, forget that! If Aunt Jaclyn had somehow gotten it into her head Allison Ravenwing wasn’t the woman for him, he’d just have to prove her and her fairies wrong.
Stupid fairies! Meddling in business that isn’t their own! Joshua kicked a rock in the path away from him. How could they possibly think they knew better than he did when it came to his own heart? How could they tell him his feelings for Allison were wrong, when they felt so right?
And how in the world was he going to convince them?
That thought stopped him instantly in his tracks, in the middle of the path, and he replayed the last few angry mutterings through his mind. At what point had he accepted the idea of Jaclyn’s fairies actually having merit? At least, enough merit to consider discrediting?
Joshua groaned and pulled off his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose.
Maybe Jaclyn was right; maybe he had inherited some of her crazy.
Ugh. He needed to talk to Allison. Find out if she’d heard from Peggy the social worker in the last two days. Find out her thoughts on this ridiculousness.
There! Joshua’s eyes flashed open. There was proof the fairies were wrong! He was afraid he was going nuts? He needed someone to talk to and reassure him? So his first instinct was to call Allison! If that wasn’t a sign he loved her, he didn’t know what was.
He took another five steps before that last thought caught up to him, and he stumbled over his own feet.
Wait! Love? He…loved Allison?
Joshua stared at the path in front of him, then the sky above the ranch, then the blue of the lake stretching into the distance, where he’d spent the best date of his entire existence.
I love her.
The knowledge crashed over him with a certainty he felt deep in his bones. Force equals mass times acceleration, the Gravitational Constant is six-point-six-seven-four times ten-to-the-negative-eleven, oxygen has eight electrons, and I love her. These are scientific certainties.
It was freeing. Uplifting.
Nuts to those stupid fairies. He loved Allison Ravenwing, and that was all there was to it. And as soon as he could, he was going to ask her out on another date and find out how she felt about him. They’d only been on one real date, and it had ended in—well, not disaster, but not quite what either of them had expected.
He’d ask her out again, and make sure she felt the same way about him that he did about her. Well, maybe not the love part, since he didn’t want to push her, but… But could she maybe one day come to love him?
And when she said yes, he’d rub it in the noses of those stupid fairies. How dare they go around messing in other people’s business?
He’d prove she was the woman for him, because she was....
Wasn’t she?
CHAPTER SIX
“Have you spoken with the kids again?”
Allison looked up from spooning some crispy duck onto her plate, and answered Joshua, “No, not since Tuesday.”
“Yeah,” he said, lifting a bite of beef with his chopsticks. “I guess you would’ve told me if you had, huh?”
Allison nodded, her mouth already too full of fatty duck goodness to politely respond. But he was right; they’d spoken about the kids frequently, and of course she would’ve mentioned if she’d had the chance to talk to them. After all, he’d been the one who’d been eager to call her on Tuesday, excited to relay that his background checks and reports had come back—clean, of course—and he was allowed to visit Nellie and Colin. They hadn’t arranged a time yet, but only because her social worker friend hadn’t gotten back to them yet, and she was checking with the kids.
The kids. Ha. It was kind of funny the way she and Joshua had fallen so easily into calling them that, as if they were a normal part of Colin and Nellie’s everyday lives. Truthfully, Allison had spent a good portion of the last week thinking about the two little ones, and wondering how they were doing. She spoke with their social worker each day, and the woman was beginning to wonder about her interest, but Allison wasn’t sure she could explain it. All she really knew was, once she’d looked into Nellie’s eyes, once she’d held Colin’s hand, those two had become a part of her forever. She felt the least she could do was check up on them daily, even if she wasn’t allowed to see them yet.
Of course, judging from Joshua’s comments during their daily lengthy phone conversations, he was thinking about the two kids just as often. She could tell he was trying to be casual when he brought them up in conversation, but he must’ve been anxious for word about the kids. She remembered the way he’d been with Nellie, the way he’d reacted to Colin’s injuries. And her chest grew a little tight. Here was a man who had so much love in him he was able to give it at a moment’s notice to two children he’d never met before.
It might have only been their first date, but having him beside her when they helped Nellie and Colin escape their old life… Well, she’d fallen a little bit in love.
“Try some beef chow fun.”
Joshua pushed the plate towards her, and Allison was happy to scoop some of the wide, thin noodles with meat and bean sprouts on her plate.
“Mmm. I’m so glad you suggested we do this family-style, like they do in China.”
During one of their conversations last week they’d discussed their travel goals, and Joshua had told her he’d visited China several years before. He even spoke a little Mandarin, which had led to laughter when he’d tried to order their lunch in Chinese, because Lin, their server, only spoke Cantonese. But his experience meant Allison was getting a world tour through the Golden Palace’s menu.
It was marvelous, but that shouldn’t be a surprise. Every moment she spent with Joshua was marvelous.
“Sooo…” Joshua looked like he wanted to say something important. He was toying with his chopsticks—which of course he used like an expert—and squirming in his seat. But when he spoke again, it was entirely innocuous. “How was work?”
She’d bet money that wasn’t what he’d intended to say, but she smiled and went along with it. “Good! Any day I get to hold an infant is a good day.” One of her mamas had gone into labor early this morning, and Allison had texted Joshua to let him know she might miss their lunch date. Luckily, the birth had gone fast. “Her blood pressure spiked, so we had to transfer mama to the hospital. But I was with her the whole time—I act as her doula if the doctor takes over primary care—and I got to hold the baby right after Dad had his turn.” Allison’s whole body glowed at the memory. “She opened her tiny little eyes, and I swear she looked right at me.”
“Wow.” Joshua was staring at her, a chopstickful of noodles halfway to his mouth. “That’s…” He blinked. “Wow. You’re very lucky.”
Allison smiled. “I really am.” She was only halfway referring to her job. “So? How about you? How’s the writing going?”
“Good!” Joshua shoved the noodles in his mouth. “Good, good,” he muttered while chewing. Then he swallowed, took off his glasses, and rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I’m totally lying, of course. I haven’t touched my book in weeks.”
He hadn’t worked on it since she’d met him? “How come?”
“Oh, you know…” He slipped his glasses back on and used his chopsticks to gesture at her, the restaurant, and the town outside. “I got distracted.”
She had to laugh. The last few weeks certainly had been distracting, hadn’t they?
“How’s Ellie doing?”
His question made her blink, and she took a moment to consider how to answer. Normally,
HIPAA regulations meant she couldn’t speak about a patient’s care to a non-family member, but Joshua seemed pretty close to Will’s family. She hedged. “Have you spoken to Will lately?”
Joshua nodded as he dug into his orange chicken. “He says she’s really ready to be done with the whole thing, and she’s been feeling much better since you all ganged up on her and made her relax a little bit. Oh, and that they’re both beyond ready to meet their little one.”
Allison relaxed a bit. “Yep, that sounds about right,” she said with a laugh. “Ellie is a really neat person, and I’m so glad she opted to go with a natural home birth. I think it’s because of her years in hippy southern California, even though she’s as far from hippy as possible.”
He nodded. “I never thought I’d see Will married to someone as organized as she is, but they seem perfect for one another.”
They really are. “Yeah. Perfect.”
Behind his glasses, his eyes widened slightly, and she wondered what he was thinking when he looked back down and attacked his lunch with a vengeance.
They ate in silence for a few more minutes, which was unusual. Normally, they were able to talk about anything and everything, laughing and debating with equal passion. Today though, Joshua seemed to have something on his mind, and it was a while before he finally spoke again.
“Do you ever— I mean, do you believe…?”
Apparently, whatever he had to say wasn’t getting any easier. She tried to help him out. “In God? Of course. My grandfather taught me all about the old ways, but Grandmother raised us Catholic, like most everyone else on the Rez.”
“Oh.”
She raised her brows. How had they not had this conversation already? “You seem surprised.”
“What? Oh, no, no.” His smile was a little too tight and told her that hadn’t been what he wanted to ask at all. “That’s great, really. But I guess that means… You don’t believe in…well, supernatural stuff?”
She put down her chopsticks. “Joshua, ‘supernatural’ is practically my grandfather’s middle name.”
“So have you, like, ever seen anything?”
“Anything like what?”
He met her eyes. “Like fairies.”
There was something about his tone of voice that told her he wasn’t joking, and warned her not to make light of his question. So she pursed her lips in thought. “No…” she said after a moment. “But just because I haven’t seen them, doesn’t mean I don’t believe. Why do you ask?”
He shrugged, then nodded, then shrugged again. “It was just something my Aunt Jaclyn said recently that had me thinking…”
“About fairies?”
He snorted. “If you’d met Jaclyn Hardy, you wouldn’t have to ask that question. Seems like everyone on the ranch knows she claims to speak to fairies.”
“And you don’t believe that?”
Another shrug. “I’m not sure what to believe. Most things in my life, I have to see to believe. I have to touch, understand, before I can accept something as the truth. But with Aunt Jaclyn…I’m not sure anymore.”
She wasn’t sure what to tell him, but it was pretty obvious he was having a hard time. “I can tell you must be really conflicted.” She tried to think of something supportive to say. “I spent almost eight years in school studying medicine, but I believe beyond a shadow of doubt that there are things in this world I can’t see or touch.”
His eyes lit up. “Really?” he asked eagerly, leaning forward slightly in his chair. “Like what?”
“Well…” She shifted uncomfortably. It hadn’t been her intention to prove anything one way or the other, but now that she was in for a penny, she might as well be in for a pound. “How about love?”
His eyes widened behind his glasses, and he sat back in his chair with a force that might’ve been funny if she wasn’t so busy wincing. Love? Had she really just said that? Her chopsticks were suddenly awkward, and she fumbled with them, trying not to look like a fool.
He whispered something under his breath, but she was too busy making sure she didn’t drop fried rice on herself to hear.
“What was that?” When she looked up, Joshua definitely had a deer-in-the-headlights expression.
“What? Nothing. Nothing! I was just…” He flushed and looked down at his plate. “You’re right. You can’t see or touch love, but it’s there.” He huffed slightly under his breath. “It’s definitely there.”
Allison tamped down on the almost uncontrollable desire to read into his comment. She reminded herself they’d only known each other for a little while, and just because she was silly enough to be developing feelings for him, didn’t mean he was too.
It was definitely time to change the subject. She thought frantically, trying to come up with a new topic of conversation. What was it he’d said about his aunt…? Oh, yeah.
“Your aunt’s name is Jaclyn Hardy?”
He’d just bitten down on a piece of orange chicken, so he nodded instead of speaking.
“You said your mother was the one with the connection to the ranch, but you and Jaclyn share the same last name?”
Joshua was smiling when he swallowed. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised you picked up on that, huh? You’re the smartest lady I’ve met.”
Allison tried to ignore the tingle his compliment sent through her as she brushed off the praise. The man had spent years working with female rocket scientists, after all.
But he just smiled and continued, “I was born when my mother was very young, and my father didn’t stick around. I have my mother’s last name, which her father—whom I never met—shared with his sister, Aunt Jaclyn, because she never married. Aunt Jaclyn and my mother were very close, so when I was young, I would spend my summers here while my mother worked. That’s how I know the ranch and the Westons.”
Allison loved all of this insight into his childhood. She gestured with the chopsticks, urging him to continue his story. “Are you an only child?”
Something very much like pride came to his eyes when he shook his head no. “When I was fifteen, my mother married. He’s a good man, and I’m glad she found happiness. I have two younger siblings; Sess is twenty-seven and Roland is twenty-three.”
Wow. Alice’s eyes widened. “Your younger brother is almost twenty years younger than you? What’s that like?”
Joshua smiled happily. “Roland has Down syndrome, which means our relationship isn’t exactly typical. But he’s a neat guy, and is actually in college out near DC where his dad works. And he’s also a big sci-fi movie fan, which means we have a lot in common. We’re pretty close—he’s my best bud.”
“College?” Allison stabbed a piece of tofu. “Does that mean he’s really high functioning?”
Joshua launched into an explanation, and as they finished their meal, she learned all about the postsecondary education opportunities for people with intellectual disabilities and was utterly fascinated.
“That’s so cool,” she said for the fourth time as he signed the credit card slip. “Thanks for telling me about it.”
Was it her imagination, or was he blushing a little bit?
“Thanks for listening! I shouldn’t have gone on and on about myself. How about you? Tell me about your family.”
As if it were the most natural thing in the world, he held out his hand to help her stand up. And she took it, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. And they continued to hold hands, right out of the restaurant and down Riston’s main street on their way to their cars, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
It was marvelous.
Her brain kept skipping, refusing to focus on anything other than how good his hand felt in hers. How comfortable, how right. Luckily, he prompted her.
“I heard what you said to the kids last week, about your grandparents and your father. I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to know that.”
She shrugged. “I’m glad you do. My grandparents made me who I am today, and I wouldn’t have
had the opportunities I had without them. I don’t mind sharing my love for them with anyone who will listen.”
“And your younger brother? You’ve mentioned him once or twice, but never really told me anything about him. Just his name—Jonathan.”
“I didn’t?” she asked in surprise, as they passed a fancy-looking restaurant with a crowd out front. “Are you sure?” She usually loved to brag about her baby brother.
He pursed his lips as if he were thinking, then shook his head. “No...no, I don’t think you have. Pretty sure I’d remember something like that.”
She squeezed his hand and smiled impishly. “I know you’re more into superhero movies, but have you heard of Jack Raven?”
“The movie star? Sure, who hasn’t? He’s the one doing all those blockbuster action movies. He’s Native American too, but I don’t know—”
He cut himself off with a gasp and swung to face her. Allison’s grin grew as Joshua’s gaze raked her face—probably trying to see similarities between her and her much-more-handsome little brother.
“You mean to tell me that Jack Raven is really Jonathan Ravenwing, and I’m dating his sister?” Joshua finally asked incredulously.
“Oh, is that what we’re doing?” Allison teased. “Dating?”
He bounced a little. “Don’t argue semantics with me! Jack Raven is really your brother?
Laughing, she nodded. “Oh yeah, and I know all the juicy gossip.”
“How cool is this?” He grinned and squeezed her hand. “I can’t wait to tell the guys back at PSF.”
She was about to launch into her favorite story about Jonathan—his first audition in Hollywood—when Joshua surprised her by stepping forward. Her instinct was to step back, to give him room…but she discovered she didn’t want to give him room. She wanted him right where he was—close enough to see her reflection in his glasses, close enough to smell the Chinese food on his breath.
