I sit there pleading with the tears to stay put. I grab our dirty dishes and take them to the kitchen. I decide on using the dishwasher tonight because I just want to get out of here. I hate being here alone and I don’t know when Tommy will be home or if he’ll be angry or not. Since I have clothes at my parents there’s nothing to pack. I grab my purse, phone and keys and head out.
I pull in the driveway a little after seven. My dad is home since he took the weekend off for Mike’s graduation. I sit in my car praying that he is in a better mood than he was on Monday. I really don’t want to go from one hostile environment to another. I finally find my strength and make my way to the front door. I use my house key to let myself in.
“Hey guys, I’m home,” I yell as I enter the house.
“Hey princess, how have you been?” Dad asks.
Wow, he’s no longer mad at me. It’s the relief that I need. No more walking on eggshells or being yelled at. This is a safe haven for me. “I’ve been alright, Dad. I’ve missed you and Mom.”
“We’ve missed you too, baby.”
“Where’s Mom?”
“I think she’s taking a shower. Why don’t you sit here with your old man and shoot the breeze?”
“Ok Dad, what do you want to talk about?”
“College, when do you plan on enrolling?”
I can’t go to college and care for two babies. This is going to end in a fight, I know it!
“Dad, I have babies coming at the beginning of next year. I can’t manage school and raising two babies.”
“Yes you can, Abby. Hear me out. You can get one semester of college in before the rug rats are born and then you can take a semester off to recover and adjust. You can go back next summer and your mom and I will babysit the kids and help you out while you do what you have to do in order to finish college. I’m still willing to pay for school for you. You have no excuses to not go to college and better yourself so you can provide more for those babies.”
The tears begin to swell. If I talk they will fall over the dam and I don’t know when they would ever stop. I get up and wrap my arms around my dad’s neck. He surprises me by hugging me back and whispering, “I’ll always love you; nothing you do will ever change that, little princess.”
I feel my mom’s arms wrap around me as the dam opens and the tears start to flow. I am so lucky to have such amazing parents. They never hold a grudge for long and they always remind me how much I am loved. Dad continues to hold me as Mom leaves for the kitchen. I sit in my dad’s lap and just cry while he holds me. His touch lets me know that I am safe and loved.
When Mom walks back in, she’s carrying a cup of cocoa for me. I get up and sit on the couch and drink my cocoa that has just the perfect amount of mini marshmallows on the top. Mom sits next to me and puts her arm around my shoulders.
“You know we can’t stay mad at you for long, baby girl. We’ve had time to think and we’ve talked to Michael. We want to turn your brother’s room into a nursery for the babies for when they visit and, when they get older, we will turn your room into a play area. We want those babies to be a part of our life. And, Abby, we are keeping your room just as it is because we want you and those babies here in our home where you have help. You can stay here part of the time if you want to continue to stay with Tommy too.”
“Oh, Mom, that would be great! I would love for you guys to be active in their lives. They are going to need their grandparents just as much as they are going to need their parents.”
“I’m so glad you agree. We already love those babies just as much as we love you.”
I give my mom a hug, “I’m going to head to bed Mom. I love you and I’m glad I’m still welcome here.”
I walk in my room and it’s just the way I left it. This room gives me peace and that’s exactly what I need right now. I grab some clothes from my drawer to sleep in and begin to undress. I stand in front of my mirror in just my panties and bra. My belly has definitely grown in the past few weeks. It’s round and hard. I run my hands over it and imagine what my babies look like in there. These little ones were not expected but are definitely wanted.
I finish changing and crawl into bed. I think of Tommy and all of the stress I’ve been under this week. Maybe we need our time apart. Life has changed dramatically for the both of us and he doesn’t seem to be handling it well. I think of my babies and tomorrow’s festivities as I drift off to sleep.
* * *
I am awakened fairly early by my phone vibrating across my nightstand. I reach over and look at the locked screen. I have 2 missed calls and a text message from Tommy. Why the hell is he calling me? He sure acted like a jerk last night. I figured I wouldn’t hear from him for a few days.
I wish you would answer your phone.
I check the times that he called. No wonder why I didn’t answer the calls. Both calls were after two in the morning. Does he really think I’m up waiting for him to call all night long? He’s sadly mistaken. I decide to respond to him.
I didn’t answer my phone because I was sleeping like a normal person does at that hour. I’ll come over tomorrow evening.
With that, I’m up and starting my day. Since I’m up so early, I decide to call Katherine and see if she wants to head to Bayford earlier so she can spend time with Michael before graduation.
“Hey, are you awake?” I ask her as she answers the phone.
“I am now,” she grumbles. “ What’s up, Abigail?”
“I was just wondering if you wanted to go to Bayford earlier.”
“Oh, yes, definitely. What time do you want to leave?”
“Well, I just woke up and have to shower, but I can be at your house about nine o’clock.”
“That’s only an hour from now. Don’t you realize it takes an hour just to do my make-up and I still need to shower and do my hair?”
“Well Katherine, I’m leaving in about an hour. You can shower and do your hair before I get there and do your make-up in the car or you can wait until my parents leave tonight. The choice is yours.”
She sighs, “Fine, pick me up on your way out. I’ll deal with make-up that looks like a child did it because you hit every pot hole in the road. I swear, you do that shit on purpose, Abigail!”
I giggle and hang up. She’s the same old Katherine. I miss her and can’t wait to see her. I go to grab clothes from my closet and realize that I forgot my larger shirts at home and all I have is the shirt I wore last night. I open my closet to grab a clean pair of jeans and realize there are maternity shirts hanging in there. My mom must have picked them up this week because she knew I wouldn’t remember to bring a change of clothes. I love my mom.
After my shower, I realize that I’m ready in less than thirty minutes. I told Katherine one hour and I can’t leave before then without hearing a bunch of drama from her so I make my way to the kitchen for something to eat. Mom and Dad are at the dining table eating their breakfast. “Hey baby, why don’t you join us?” Mom says.
She’s made a breakfast casserole with egg, ham, potatoes and biscuits in it. It smells amazing and, since I started taking my prescribed medications, my morning sickness has subsided. I decide that my mom’s breakfast casserole is a much better choice than a yogurt and banana.
Mom is filling my plate while I grab a glass of milk. It feels so good to be eating with my parents again. I missed them. “So what are you doing up so early?” Dad asks.
“I couldn’t sleep so I thought I would get ready and head to Bayford to see Michael before graduation.”
“Are you taking Katherine with you?” he almost pleads.
“Yes Dad, I called her and she’ll be ready to go soon.”
“Good! I love that girl but she’ll be the death of me. What is it with her and screaming the words to every song, Abigail?”
A giggle escapes, “I don’t know Dad, just something weird that she’s done as long as I’ve known her.”
He rolls his eyes and a grunt comes out of his mouth and Mom and
I both laugh. Dad is judgmental sometimes but it’s funny.
When breakfast is done, I decide to help Mom with the dishes. As I stand my dad looks at me with a little twinkle in his eye. “Abigail you’re already starting to show,” he says.
“Yea, it seems that way. None of my old clothes fit anymore and the belly just keeps getting bigger.”
“Well, I think your mom and you need to go shopping tomorrow for some new clothes. We can’t have you wearing clothes that don’t fit, now can we?”
“Are you sure, Dad? I don’t want you to feel you have to take care of me and the babies because I know how hard you work for what money you have.”
“Abigail, knock it off. You’re my baby and you’re carrying my grandbabies. It’s my job to care for you guys until you and Tommy figure things out and get on your feet. I’m not going to make you three suffer when I can easily help. I prefer that you leave him, but it has to be your choice and I’m not going to make you or the babies suffer while you figure life out.”
I go around and hug my dad, hard, around his neck.
“Ok Abby, if you strangle me then I can’t help you guys.”
I laugh as I release him from my hug. I’m out of the house fifteen minutes later than I expected to be. I’m sure Katherine will enjoy the extra time she has to finish making herself proper for Michael.
Katherine is standing outside, ready to go, when I pull up in her driveway.
“You’re late,” she says as she climbs in the passenger seat.
“I know. I ate breakfast with my parents. Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. It gave me enough time to put my face on so I didn’t have to do it in the car. I’ll need a touch up before Mike graduates tonight, but it looks good right now.”
“Katherine, you’d look good with nothing on your face and wearing a paper bag. You need to quit beating yourself up over how you look.”
“Aww thank you Abigail, you’re a great friend. Oh, I see your belly is growing. I can’t wait to see the babies next year. You’re going to be a terrific mom.”
I give her a smile as we head toward the freeway. Katherine is twiddling with my iPod looking for the song she wishes to screech to. I am a bit scared when I hear the music for ‘California Gurls’ by Katy Perry start playing. Katherine always screeches and dances to this song. I glance over as the lyrics start and, sure enough, she’s sitting in her seat moving her butt around while dancing with her arms and belting out the lyrics. Yes, I am sure that she will never be a famous singer, maybe a comedian, but definitely not a singer.
We pull into the apartment complex thirty minutes later. The guys live off campus in a nice, two-bedroom apartment. Katherine is so excited to see my brother that she tries to get out of the car without unbuckling her seatbelt. A giggle escapes my lips. She shoots me a playfully evil look and whispers, “No one better ever hear about that.”
Jason knows that we were heading up here earlier than scheduled. I wanted to ensure that Mike would be home but that he didn’t know that I was bringing Katherine with me. Jason meets me at the car and wraps his arms around me in a bear hug.
“Katherine, Mike’s inside. Go ahead and walk in,” he says to her. “How have you been Abby?”
I want to tell Jason about Tommy’s demeanor lately and how miserable I am living with him, but I decide to keep my mouth shut and lie. “I’m good; adapting to the changes going on, but doing really well.”
“I see you’re changing,” he says as he places his hand on my belly, “Mike told me you’re having twins. I just want you to know, I’ll always be here for you. You ever need to talk, you have my number. I still can’t believe that little Abby is having two babies of her own. It’s still so surreal to me.”
I give Jason a hug and he puts his hand around my waist and walks me into the apartment he shares with my brother. Mike and Katherine are making out on the sofa. I feel awkward, so Jason asks if I want to go into his room to watch television. I agree and he leads the way. We sit on his bed as he finds something to watch. I can’t hold the tears in anymore and start to cry. Jason takes me into his arms and cradles my head to his chest. “What’s wrong, Abby?”
“I don’t know. I think I made a mistake but I can’t undo it.”
“Abigail, everyone makes mistakes and every mistake can be undone. You won’t be the same, but it can be rectified. What mistake do you think you made?”
“Tommy. I love him but I don’t think we are right for each other and now we have these babies and they deserve to have both of their parents. I think he’s on drugs but I can’t prove it and I don’t want to leave him because I think he’s doing drugs.”
“Abigail, many children live without their parents being together. Sometimes it’s best for them if their parents aren’t together. As for his drug use; that is definitely not good for the babies to be exposed to. If you even suspect that he’s on drugs, you need to get out. I’ve learned that our instincts are usually correct.”
“I have to try at least. Try to make it work. Can I confide in you?”
“You can tell me anything, Abigail. You know how I feel about you and I will always be here for you.”
“Tommy has some horrible mood swings and it’s causing me whiplash. I never know what type of mood he’s going to be in when I see him and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells when I’m around him.”
“Mood swings? Abigail, has he hurt you again?”
Shit, what do I do? I don’t want to tell him about him slapping me. I do want to try to make things work with Tommy.
“No, just hurts my feelings with the mood swings. I just think that he’s under stress over the babies and he’s not handling it well.”
“Look at me, Abby. If he ever lays a hand on you again, you tell me. Do you understand?”
I nod my head.
“I will take care of him if he ever hurts you and I will make sure you and those babies are cared for. You don’t need that asshole. I understand that you want your kids to have a dad but a dad isn’t necessarily the one that helped create them, Abby. Your dad and Mike can be father figures and, well, I would be too. Those babies would have so many guys in their life that would show them the love that a father would show. Don’t settle for second best.”
I lay my head back on Jason’s chest and let the tears flow. It feels so good to release the tears of pain, fear, and sorrow. Jason just keeps his arms around me and kisses my hair every now and then. I feel safe. I know that Jason will always be there for me and I know that I am protected in his arms. I decide that I can no longer lie to Jason. “Jason, I have to tell you something.”
“Mhmm, I’m all ears, Abby.”
“Tommy slapped me earlier this week.” His arms wrap around me and hold me tightly. I hear his heart start to be faster. I just lay there waiting for, what, I don’t know but I need Jason to say something to me.
After a while he finally talks to me. “Abigail, you don’t deserve to be hit. I don’t see why you can’t see that. Abigail, I love you. I want to be with you and I will never lay a hand on you. That boy is just that, a boy! You need to get away from him. You need to tell your brother and your dad.”
I start to shake and cry, “No, Jason, please don’t tell Mike or Dad. I don’t want them to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Please don’t tell them,” I look up at him as I plead with him not to say anything.
“I won’t say anything, not yet anyways. But, Abby, if he hits you again or scares you in anyway, call me immediately. I will come to you and I will protect you. I mean it!”
I nod my head and continue to sob. It feels so good to not hold in my secrets anymore. Jason holds me tight and lays his chin on the top of my head and holds me close to his chest.
I guess Michael heard my sobs because suddenly he’s sitting next to me. “Sis what’s wrong?”
I’m too upset to talk, so Jason summarizes my issues without telling Mike that Tommy has hit me. “Nothing is wrong, really. She’s just upset about some of th
e choices she made and she needs to just cry it out. I’ve got her, Mike. You and Katherine go enjoy your time together.”
“It’s ok. I’ll sit in here with her for a few minutes. Why don’t you and Katherine go grab some lunch at the sandwich joint down the road and give me and my sister a few minutes together? Is that alright, Katherine?”
“That’s fine, Mike. Come on Jason, let’s go grab some lunch.”
My brother wraps his arms around me but says nothing. Just allows me to finish getting my tears out. I love my brother.
“I’m sorry, Mike. I didn’t mean to do this.”
“Do what, Abby? You’re pregnant and you’re young. Not only do you have the hormonal changes that come with pregnancy, you’re scared. This is normal, sis. You need to learn to open up to people and trust your friends and family.”
I am finally done sobbing by the time Jason and Katherine get back from the sandwich shop. Jason brings my sandwich in and tells Michael that Katherine is plating his. Jason sits down next to me and we eat in silence while watching a comedy on television. I could get used to this. This is how I should feel being with Tommy, but I don’t. Would Jason be there for me and my babies or would someone else’s children scare him? Jason can’t be for sure that he would be there for my babies. He doesn’t know what he’s getting into.
The day carries on with us going out to the mall. I wonder whose idea that was. By the time Katherine is done buying everything she can afford at the mall, we make it back to the guys apartment just as my parents are arriving. My mom and Katherine are swooning over Mike trying to help him get ready for graduation. Jason’s parents are back east with his older sister so we are the only family he has here. I knock on Jason’s door and walk in. He’s standing in front of his mirror struggling to get his tie knotted right. My dad taught me how to tie one a few years ago so I decide to assist him before he strangles himself with the darned thing. “Here, let me help you, Jason.”
“You know how to tie one of these wretched things?”
“Yes, Dad taught me a few years ago.”
On the Edge Page 13
