'He's a caveman, Gabi,' he said softly, standing very close to her and speaking so only she could hear, although the lift was stopping on every floor and more and more people were getting in. 'And do you know what a troglodyte did when he fancied a woman? He threw her over his shoulder and carried her back to his cave, where he flung her down onto a soft pile of animal skins and had his wicked way with her.'
The words, together with his closeness, generated so much heat within Gabi she wondered about spontaneous combustion, and when Alex added, 'Probably more than once,' she thought her bones would melt.
But she knew he was only teasing her, giving her a little of her own back after she and his mother had teased him. Alex had been gone for twelve months, but months before that he'd lost interest in her as a woman, so letting herself be seduced by his words would only bring on the pain and misery of frustration she'd suffered in the last months of their marriage.
The lift had reached the ground floor, and she followed the rest of the disembarking passengers out into the hospital foyer. She just hoped she wasn't as red as her top.
'I'm popping into A and E to have a look around,' Alex said in his normal voice, not the throaty, spine-tingling one he'd used in the lift. 'See what's changed since I was last there so I don't make too many mistakes tomorrow.'
Tomorrow!
Gabi raised her eyes to heaven—she'd been right about malign fates. Though having Alex working in the same department would make her push much harder for a transfer to Paediatrics. However, right now she had to change her plans for keeping out of his way. She'd been going to duck into A and E herself, not to check out the area but to tidy up some paperwork she'd left undone the previous morning.
Now that he was going there it wouldn't work. So she said casually, 'See you later.' And tried to block images of cave entrances and piles of thick animal skins out of her mind as she walked away from him.
Once outside the hospital, her feet turned automatically to the right, following the old familiar route home. At least, as she could have walked it blindfolded, she could think and walk, and not feel obliged to look around her.
OK! So she'd blocked out the cave and pile of animal skins, but could she continue to block other things out of her mind if Alex stayed on at the flat? Could she maintain the focus she'd need to change her life, or would she slide back into the welter of doubt and confusion that had begun earlier but had deepened when she'd first been pregnant and had discovered her joy at this admittedly badly timed mistake had not been shared by Alex.
Maybe Kirsten's pop psychology was right. She was a 'soul-mate' type and, thinking she'd found her perfect match, someone who shared every facet of her life, she'd been shattered as much by the realisation of her misconceptions as she had by Alex's reaction.
Death of a soul-mate! It would make a moody country- and-western-type song. But Alex hadn't died, he'd just shown himself to be human, with needs and a focus that didn't fit with hers after all.
For the first time she realised what a great part her disappointment in the person she'd thought Alex to be had played in their estrangement. And when she looked at it like that the burden was all hers, because Alex had never pretended to be anything other than what—or who— he was.
A sudden screech of car tyres pulled her out of the useless speculation, and she stepped back onto the kerb as Josh Phillips pulled up in front of her and climbed out over the door of his classy black convertible.
'Gabi! I thought it was you. What on earth are you doing, woman? Trying to commit suicide? If I wasn't such a great driver you'd be raspberry jam beneath my wheels by now.'
Gabi grinned at him. For all his lack of commitment in relationships it was hard not to like Josh, who was a top-class paediatrician and totally committed to the children in his care.
'I was thinking, but I'm sure I looked before stepping off the kerb. I bet you came around that corner far too fast.'
'Like the wind!' Josh admitted, then he flipped her hair.
'Love the new look,' he said, his blue eyes travelling admiringly up and down her body. 'Surely you're not doing anything boring, like going home, when you should be being seen somewhere special.'
'I was on my way home,' Gabi admitted, 'but I'd been thinking about you earlier. There's something I wanted to ask you. Have you time for a coffee, or a drink somewhere?'
'You have but to command and my steed awaits you!' he declared, executing a sweeping bow towards his car. 'I do have to call at the hospital, but I'll only be a couple of minutes. Then we might try that new wine bar on the river. That suit you?'
Gabi nodded, then looked dubiously at the little sports car, not sure about the mechanics of climbing in.
Josh must have sensed her hesitation.
'For you, I open the door!' he said, doing the job with a flourish. 'Now, a scarf for that beautiful hair.'
He dug in the glove box and produced a patterned scarf Gabi recognised as Kirsten's.
She took it without comment, though she wondered how someone who longed for commitment as much as Kirsten did could have fallen for a flirt like Josh.
He continued to chat as they drove around the corner to the hospital, where he pulled up right outside the front doors and with a 'Back in a tick' leapt out, again over his door, and disappeared through the automatic doors.
But it wasn't Josh walking in that Gabi saw as the doors opened, but Alex walking out.
Maybe the fates weren't so malign after all.
CHAPTER FOUR
A drink led to dinner but, though Josh flirted outrageously, Gabi knew it was just his way and played along, pleased by the fact he seemed to think her chances of getting a short stint on the paediatric ward were good.
'There's always someone going off on holidays or to a conference, and the place, like most of the hospital, is usually understaffed. It might take a week or two to work out, arid longer before they can slot you in, but I'll let you know.'
Though she'd expected it, at the mention of the delay Gabi's heart sank; then she reminded herself that A and E was usually so busy she wouldn't have time to be bothered by Alex.
Declining Josh's invitation to go dancing—'Look at me! I'm hardly dressed for it'—she agreed to a lift home, firmly ending the evening by mastering the 'getting out of the car without opening the door' technique in front of the apartment building, then turning to thank him and say goodbye. .
She handed him back the scarf, and saw the way he glanced up at Kirsten's window.
Was the flirt ready to change his ways?
That's for Kirsten to find out, she told herself, but in the meantime Josh had had his uses. She unlocked her door and pushed it open, listening for noises that might tell her if Alex was in or not. No TV blaring, no hard rock music— curiosity warred with relief.
Well, she hoped it was curiosity, and not the more sinister, green-eyed dragon of jealousy.
Either way, she was really too tired to care, so she made her way to bed. Surely, after a proper night's sleep, she'd be able to think rationally about Alex's return and work out how to cope with it—both at home and at work. The 'at work' thing was beyond her control, but she didn't have to give in to his assumption that he could stay on in the flat.
She closed her eyes and tried to think of other things— then remembered the bags still stacked neatly in the corner of the room. She could move out. After all, she was already packed, and she'd slept in Alana's spare bed often enough to know where the broken spring was and how to curl her body around it.
And she was already packed.
More or less.
Some time during an internal debate on the wisdom or otherwise of this course, and whether moving out diminished or enhanced self-focus, she fell asleep, waking again to the smell of coffee and the sound of music. Only this time she was in no doubt as to whom it was in her kitchen, and she curled into a ball and hugged herself hard as a rush of longing so strong it took her breath away held her hostage.
If only she could
turn back time...
But how far? Further than one year, that was for sure. Two? Would that be far enough, or had she and Alex already begun to drift apart even then?
Anyway, such speculation was useless. And she was going to be late for work if she didn't move right now! She hauled herself out of bed and rustled through the plastic bags, sure she must have bought some 'going to work' clothes.
Ha! Denim skirt with a demure split to just above her knees, pale blue T-shirt with a splashy red hibiscus on the front. Underwear? She hadn't time to sort through it for what Kirsten had considered appropriate so grabbed the first set that came to hand. Very lacy, but they'd have to do. She grinned as she admitted to herself that wearing sexy underwear did, as Kirsten had promised, make her feel special.
She managed the return journey to and from the bathroom without seeing Alex, though noises from the kitchen as she came out suggested he was still in the flat.
'Are you going to eat before you go to work, or is eating, like sleeping, something else you no longer consider important?'
He was definitely still in the flat, and if this kept up her attempt at self-focus would be trampled to death before she'd had a chance to get properly started.
Ignoring him was the only possible answer.
Back in her room, she grabbed her usual handbag, pleased to see it matched the tan sneakers she'd chosen to wear with today's outfit.
'I have a date with a Danish pastry in the canteen,' she said, trying to sound as casual as possible, though seeing Alex, dressed for work in serviceable jeans and crisp white shirt, made casual very difficult.
In fact, it made breathing very difficult.
With a garbled sound she hoped might sound like 'goodbye', or perhaps 'see you later', she hurried out the door, only to find, as she waited for the lift, that he was also ready to go. Which meant walking to work together. More memories, more breathing problems. It was too late, if she wanted breakfast, to take a different route, and she could hardly walk on the other side of the road.
Surely self-focussed people should be more confident than this! The lift doors slid closed and her nerves tightened as she remembered the words he'd spoken in another lift just yesterday.
But today he stood in stony silence and somehow that was worse. Fortunately, Alana got in on the second floor and, after flicking an admiring glance over Gabi's outfit and winking at her, she greeted Alex and demanded to know where he was off to so early.
'I'm sure A and E will be pleased to have you,' Alana said, though the look she shot Gabi was filled with sympathy. 'I'm still in Eight B,' she added, in response to Alex's question about her work. 'And likely to be there until I either retire or drop dead from shock because one of the specialists arrives on time.'
As they all headed towards the hospital, Alana continued to chat about the problems of running the hospital's admission ward, while Gabi, seeking distraction from thoughts of Alex, considered her friend.
Alana was confident, passionate about her work, a regular at the gym and a first-class tennis player who still played fixtures. She had theatre tickets for the first night of every new production at the State Theatre, a great social . life and to all intents and purposes perfectly fitted the description of a self-focussed woman which Kirsten had detailed for Gabi's benefit on Saturday.
So, statistically, she should be one of the people who'd found happiness with someone.
'And, statistically, you should have your head examined for even considering the secondhand version of some couch potato's psychoanalysis!'
'Was that something you want to share, or were you talking to yourself?' Alana asked, turning back at the staff entrance to wait for Gabi to catch up.
'Just telling myself how stupid I am to be even thinking about the latest of Kirsten's "perfect match" theories.'
Gabi looked around, wondering where Alex had gone and when.
'Into A and E and some time ago,' Alana told her when Gabi wondered aloud. 'He said he wanted to be early so he could meet the team, but that you're having breakfast before you start. I'll join you for a coffee. Sue Croft is coming off duty, and if I'm late enough she'll deliver the handover report to someone else and I won't have to listen to how hard it is to work on Eight.'
Gabi smiled because listening to Alana's usual complaint reassured her that the world was twirling properly on its axis and, although one of them might have begun a personal transformation, nothing would ever affect their friendship.
Speaking of which...
'I wondered if I might shift in with you for a few weeks—just until Alex finds somewhere to live.'
She met Alana's querying look with a slight shrug.
'It's uncomfortable,' she added, by way of explanation.
Alana grinned at her.
"That I can believe! Actually, it would really suit me if you did. I've been offered the chance to do a course down in Melbourne. It's a last-minute opportunity as someone else pulled out, and I'm leaving in the morning. I was going to ask you to look after my menagerie. If you're living there it won't be as much hassle for you.'
They chatted on as they finished their coffee, both carefully avoiding the subject of Alex's return. Gabi knew Alana would always be there to listen to her if she needed to talk, but she wouldn't ask questions or offer unasked-for advice. Though she did give Gabi's cheek a quick kiss as they parted near the canteen door.
'Hang in there,' she said quietly. 'You'll sort it all out in the end.'
Would she?
The question went unanswered as she arrived in A and E to find ambulances decanting people injured in a pile-up on one of the commuter ring-roads.
'Nothing really serious,' Roz told her, 'but it's all hands on deck while everyone's checked out. Paul Canty's team is on the swing shift and he's suggested we keep any doubtful ones down here for observation, rather than admitting them to a ward. They're mostly green, though Paul is in with a yellow at the moment.'
Gabi understood Roz's comment, though to an outsider she might have been talking about green and yellow people. An internationally accepted coding system prioritised patients, and green meant a patient had localised injuries with no obvious threat to any system or injury that might cause loss of life or limb. A green patient could wait for treatment for several hours.
A yellow was next best from the patient's point of view. He or she might have more serious injuries but could tolerate a wait of up to an hour. A yellow would always be seen before a green.
'Could you take the woman who's up the end? She's not badly injured, but pregnant and upset.'
Gabi made her way to the cubicle Roz indicated, where a pregnant woman in an advanced state of hysterics made Roz's description of 'upset' laughable.
'But you don't know it hasn't harmed the baby,' the woman was yelling. 'I want an ultrasound and I want it now, and I want to see my specialist. He comes to this hospital; I know he does.'
Gabi glanced towards the nurse, who obligingly filled her in.
'We put a foetal heart monitor on her as soon as she came in. You can see the baby's heartbeat's strong—perfectly normal.'
'That doesn't mean it mightn't have a broken leg or arm,' the woman yelled, and Gabi, knowing exactly how the patient must be feeling, moved towards the gurney and took her hand.
'We'll contact your specialist. It's better if he does the ultrasound because he'll have other images for comparison.'
She nodded to a nurse who held the patient file, and as the young man departed to call the specialist Gabi smoothed the woman's tangled hair back from her forehead.
'For the moment let's assume, because he's not showing any signs of distress, that the baby's fine. After all, you've got a lot of fluid sloshing around in there to keep him cushioned from any bump. It's as if he has his very own air-bag.'
The woman looked at her as if she were mad, but at least she'd stopped wailing and the cessation of noise eased everyone's nerves.
'I need to examine you—to make sure you're OK.
After all, you're the most important part of this pregnancy at the moment. Without you, that little one in there would have no hope of survival. Or not much. You're what? Thirty weeks?'
'Twenty-eight.'
Too soon for junior to be arriving, Gabi thought as she examined the woman for injuries, asking about the accident, where she'd been in the car, where the seat belt had been, relying on the woman's answers to give her some idea of where injuries might have occurred.
According to the patient, she'd been a passenger in a car driven by her husband and, though jolted forward when the car behind them had struck and shunted them into the stationary one in front of theirs, she hadn't hit any part of her body against the dash.
The nurse returned with the information that the obstetrician would be at the hospital to do his rounds within an hour and would see the A and E patient first.
Gabi explained to the woman that they'd keep her until he arrived, then left, wondering if self-focus was all that good. Except when she'd said he'd been driving the car the woman hadn't mentioned her husband, or asked for him.
An uneasiness in her own stomach suggested that either the Danish had been off—unlikely when they delivered fresh each morning-—or memories of her own behaviour were tightening her intestines.
Running into Alex as she passed the desk didn't help.
Admittedly, after her own miscarriage she'd shut herself off from his sympathy—from him—but that had been because she'd known he hadn't wanted the baby. Surely that was different.
'I've a male, thirty-three, in four. He looked OK when he came in and responded to questions, but is now showing all the classic symptoms of shock,' Alex said. 'Could you take a look at him?'
Gabi accompanied him back to the cubicle, and her eyes took in the measures already in place to counteract shock. Fluid was running into the patient's arm in an effort to expand his blood volume, and monitors showed his heartbeat was steady, but the man was sweating profusely and shivering at the same time, and Gabi knew, without feeling him, that his extremities would be cold and his skin clammy to the touch.
A mask over his nose was ensuring a higher than usual concentration of oxygen was flowing into his lungs and another screen showed good oxygenation in his blood.
Dr Graham's Marriage Page 6
