by Maegan Abel
I nodded, rising from the chair and turning my back to Tish. I didn’t speak, I just stared at the phone in my hand and then, without a conscious thought to do so, threw it with all my strength against the door of the room. Tish flinched back as the pieces of the device shattered and rained down to the floor.
“What the fuck?” he asked, his eyes wide as he stared back at me.
“If he calls you, if he texts, I don’t wanna hear about it.” Tish started to speak but I continued. “If that’s a problem, feel free to leave.”
I slammed the bathroom doors again as I seethed. I turned on the water, not bothering to actually climb under the stream or even undress this time, just using it to mask the sounds as I slid to hard, faux wood floor and let go again.
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been in the bathroom but when I finally came out, Tish was still there, staring at the sketchpad in front of him. He watched me silently as I climbed under the covers of my bed. I turned my back to him, facing the wall as I continued to fume.
“Are you going to at least tell me what the fuck that was all about?” Tish asked, his voice hard. I hated hearing him talk to me that way but I’d flown off the handle. And honestly, the last time Tish and I had disagreed this way, I’d disappeared on all of them. He was obviously trying to keep his cool this time but his attitude insinuated that he thought I was acting childish again.
Probably because I was.
He deserved to at least know why I didn’t want to hear from Zane. Hell, he probably assumed I was just being a bitch about the fact that he was letting Conner see her. Honestly, that didn’t bother me. It was the lying and hiding it from me that would’ve upset me more. But now, it was the complete betrayal.
Sighing, I rolled over to face Tish. I wished I hadn’t destroyed my phone. It would be so much easier to show him rather than actually say the words out loud. I felt my wall cracking ever so slightly but I couldn’t decide if the pain or the anger was the correct response, so I forced the emotions back again.
“He told me Conner was having a bad day so he was taking him out and he would be busy tonight. Then he sent a text to me that was for someone else asking if someone was staying the night tonight.” I took a deep breath. “It ended with ‘call when you head this way, baby.’”
Tish’s expression flew through several emotions before landing on anger.
“Don’t,” I said, shaking my head as I begged him silently to just let me sleep. “It’s not worth it anymore.”
Waking to pounding on the front door, I rolled out of bed. I made my way to the door quickly, hoping the sound wouldn’t wake Conner as well. When I looked out and saw Kas, I was immediately irritated.
“What the hell?” I asked once I got the door unlocked. She shoved past me, into the house.
“What the fuck is the matter with you, Zane? Are you really that stupid?” Kas spat as she stomped through the house toward my bedroom.
“Where the hell are you going?” I asked, confused and still groggy from the rude wake-up call. I paused to glance in Conner’s room, thankful he was still sound asleep. He hadn’t been feeling well the last few days and we’d been out late last night.
“I guess you weren’t dumb enough to let her stay the night at least,” Kas said as I caught up to her, nearly running into her as she stepped back out of my room.
“Who?” I asked. “What the hell is going on? Would you stop and fucking talk to me?” I continued, reaching for her as she started to storm past me again.
“How dare you! You know what she’s dealing with right now and you of all people know what it’s like to be cheated on!” she ranted, her hand landing loudly against my cheek as she slapped me. Shocked, I grabbed her wrist to stop her from striking me again.
“Conner is sleeping,” I hissed, nudging my head toward his door. She yanked her arm free and stepped up into my face.
“You don’t fucking deserve her,” Kas said and the words, as sharp as glass, cut me the way she no doubt intended them to.
“You think I don’t know that? Fuck, I’ve never deserved that girl,” I said, keeping my voice low.
“How could you?” she asked, her face disgusted. I shook my head, still trying to process her words.
“How could I what? What did I do?” I ran my hands through my hair in frustration as her words started to register. “What do you mean I know what it’s like? Do you think I cheated on Lili?”
“Don’t play innocent with me. If you knew how bad she was hurting… if you had to listen to her make herself sick over this you wouldn’t be treating it like it was some sort of game!” She kept her voice down but her inflection was clear.
“I didn’t do anything!” I shouted.
“That’s bullshit and you know it!” she replied. When I started to open my mouth again, I saw a tiny head peek around the corner of Conner’s room.
“Wait here,” I whispered, holding a finger up to Kas, my eyes not leaving Conner. I watch his eyes widen as I approached and he backed into the room. I popped my neck, trying to ease the tension and reign in my anger as I put aside any thoughts other than calming him down. I tapped on his door and my eyes scanned the room, finally spotting him ducked behind the slide on his bed.
“Hey, buddy,” I said softly. His head tilted, one wary eye appraising me. I hated myself when I saw how scared he was. What the fuck was wrong with me? He’d seen more than enough of me and Lizzie fighting and I’d promised myself I’d never let him see my temper that way again.
“Why were you and Aunt Kas yelling?” he whispered, his head coming out a little further.
“I’m sorry. We didn’t mean to wake you. It was a mistake. I won’t yell anymore, okay?” I didn’t know how to answer his question because I didn’t even know what we were yelling about. I couldn’t think about that right now, though. I needed to calm Conner down first.
“Aunt Kas said a bad word,” he said, his voice still a whisper. Then suddenly, he disappeared again behind the slide.
“You’re right, Conner. I did. And I’m sorry. We were mad and we shouldn’t have been yelling,” Kas said, coming up beside me just as Conner’s head started to tilt out again. His eyes were glossy with tears and it tore at me deeper than anything else. The last thing I ever wanted was to scare him.
“No more yelling?” he asked and I nodded my head immediately, kneeling down on the floor.
“No more yelling, buddy. I promise,” I said, meaning every word. I had no idea what was going on but no matter what it was, it wasn’t worth scaring him. He nodded slowly, stepping out from his hiding spot. When I opened my arms, he walked slowly over to me and I carefully pulled him into a hug. “Hey, why don’t I go make you a bowl of cereal and you can eat it in the living room and watch cartoons? Sound good?”
He nodded enthusiastically before darting toward the living room. I sighed in relief and hung my head for a moment. When I glanced back up at Kas, she had her eyes closed. “Take care of him and I’ll meet you in the garage,” she said, her voice calmer.
As I poured Conner’s cereal and got him all set up in the living room, knowing I would probably spend weeks getting the smell of milk out of the carpet when he made a mess, I tried not to dwell on what was happening. I couldn’t afford to upset Conner again.
“Eat up. I’m gonna go to the garage so I’ll be back to check on you in a few. Okay?”
He nodded, his eyes glued to the TV as he used his left hand to grab the spoon. He was getting better at it but I would be glad when he could take the sling off and use his right hand again.
I checked the front door, making sure it was locked, and reset the alarm before heading down the hall to the garage. Kas had her back to me when I stepped out but as soon as I shut the door behind me, she spun to face me.
“Here’s how it’s going to work,” she said, her tone sharp. “I’m going to ask a direct question and I expect a direct answer. I want the truth. Got it?”
I nodded, fighting the urge to cross my arms ove
r my chest defensively. I didn’t want to set her off again. I had questions of my own and fighting wasn’t the way either of us was going to get answers.
“Are you fucking Lizzie?”
My jaw tightened at her blunt question. “No,” I answered through my teeth.
“But you’ve been seeing her?”
I sighed and scrubbed my hands over my face. “The lawyer said I needed to let her see Conner if she asked.”
“Is that all it is?”
“Yes. Jesus Christ, Kas, do you really think I’d go down that road again even if I weren’t with Lili? I’m fighting to get my kids away from that woman.”
“Then explain the text you sent last night,” Kas said, still unconvinced. I blinked, my mind scanning through the previous night.
“What text?”
“The one sent to Lili’s phone by mistake. The one that asked if someone was staying the night and calling them baby.”
I stared at Kas, still completely lost. “I didn’t send a text about seeing anyone last night. I spent last night with Conner watching Transformers because he was upset after…” I trailed off, shaking my head as the pieces started to fall in place. “After we met his mom for lunch and she had to leave so quickly. Fucking Lizzie. I thought I’d lost my phone somewhere and I was going crazy. I tore the house and my car apart last night while Conner was asleep looking for it. I thought for sure I’d left it at the restaurant or dropped it in the parking lot. Fuck!”
Kas studied my face as I turned, pacing the garage for a moment before dropping to sit on the bumper of my car. Realization ripped through me and my head snapped up to look at Kas. “Lili. Oh fuck. I need your phone.”
She opened her palm, holding it out to me with an expression that told me she was waiting for me to realize I needed it. I snatched it and immediately dialed Lili’s number. I was surprised when it went straight to voicemail. She never turned her phone off. I dialed Tish next.
“You’re up early,” he said as a greeting and it took a second for me to register that he thought I was Kas.
“I need to talk to Lili,” I said.
All I heard was complete silence followed by a slamming door. “You listen to me and you listen good. You will not talk to her. Not today, not any other day. You made your fucking choice. It’s done. Lili has been through enough and if you have any shred of decency, you’ll leave her the fuck—” The phone was snatched out of my hand as I listened to Tish’s rant, feeling every bit as guilty as if I’d done what I was accused of. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t slept with Lizzie. I still let her mess with my head. I allowed her to worm her way into my mind and screw with me again, and by doing so, I had hurt Lili.
Kas hissed in the corner of the garage as she spoke, possibly explaining what had happened, possibly planning the next step in their attack on me. I wasn’t sure which and honestly, the way I felt, it didn’t really matter. I sat on the bumper of the car again, running my hands through my hair as I stared at the polished concrete floor.
When I saw Kas’ feet, I glanced up and she held out the phone. I took a deep breath before I grabbed it and put it to my ear.
“It wasn’t me.” My voice sounded weak and I wasn’t sure who was on the line, but either way, it was all I could think to say.
Tish sighed. “Yeah, I know. Look, I’m sorry but Lili said she didn’t want to talk to you. I believe that it wasn’t you, I do. But you didn’t see what yesterday did to her. I can’t bring you up and dump this on her right before we leave to go back to that courthouse. She’s on the edge as it is with her parents and everything else. Just let me get her through today and I’ll tell her as soon as we get back to the room tonight. Okay?”
“No,” I answered as soon as he finished speaking. “No. Goddammit, Tish let me fucking talk to her.” My temper flared again at hearing what she was going through. I wasn’t mad at Tish, more at myself. None of this would’ve happened if I had gone with her. I should be the one there, not him. “She can’t walk into the courthouse without knowing I’m behind her. Don’t you see that? I can’t let her go through a day like today thinking she doesn’t have me. Please.”
Tish groaned, clearly torn. “Okay fine. I’ll try but I’m not making any promises.”
The phone muffled and I heard a door close followed by footsteps. Then two knocks. “It’s open.” Her voice sounded hollow, even through the distance, and it nearly broke me. I’d done this to her.
“Lee,” Tish started.
“No,” she hissed, her voice suddenly stronger. “I told you no. I warned you, Tish.”
“You need to hear him out. It was—”
“I don’t care what it was!” she yelled. I heard rustling as she spat, “Give me the fucking phone!”
Then, the line went dead.
“Fuck,” I huffed and redialed Tish’s number. It rang a few times and then cut off as the call was rejected and sent to voicemail. I stared at it, irritated that she didn’t answer. That was our deal in this. We always answered so we knew the other was okay. And she sent me to fucking voicemail? “I need to go to Lizze’s. This shit is going to end. Today.”
I held out the phone to Kas and she started to take it but stopped. “No. That’s a good idea, actually. I’ll take Conner to the shop with me and you take my phone. When you get to Lizzie’s, turn on the voice recorder and confront her about your phone. That way it’s all recorded. You can pick up Conner after.”
I nodded, taking the phone from Kas as we headed back inside. This was the last fucking straw with Lizzie and I was going to let her know it.
Right after Kas left with Conner, I headed out to Lizzie’s. I tried to think about exactly what I wanted to say but I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep my temper reined in the entire time.
As I drove, Kas’ phone rang. I glanced down at the screen, surprised to see Tish’s name.
“Hello?” I asked, letting him know it was me.
“She’ll listen. You have thirty seconds,” Tish said and I heard Lili sigh into the phone right after he finished speaking.
“Pixie, listen to me, it’s not true. Okay?” I rushed through the words. “I didn’t… I couldn’t and I would never hurt you that way. You have to believe me. I’m yours.”
“You’ve been spending time with her,” Lili stated, her voice indifferent. I cringed.
“Yes, but—”
“No buts, Zane. Look, Tish explained about your phone and that sucks but you know it wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t with her. And I wouldn’t have cared. That’s what’s so sad about this. If you had told me you were letting Conner see her, that she was even asking to see him, hell, that she had an ultrasound last week, I wouldn’t have cared. But you didn’t. All that talk about honesty and being open with each other, I guess that was all one-sided.”
“No, I—”
“Stop. Please, just stop. I listened to what you had to say. I believe that you didn’t send the text. This does sound exactly like something Lizzie would do. But honestly, I just need some space. Okay? I’m still hurt that you lied—”
I cut her off immediately. “I didn’t lie.”
“A lie of omission is still a lie. I just…” she sighed and I could picture her face as I drove. “I need time. Okay? Let me deal with this here and I’ll deal with everything there when I get back to town.”
I noticed immediately that she didn’t say home. “Pixie—”
“Don’t. Don’t say ‘my heart’ because mine, too. Goddammit, mine, too, and it’s fucking…” She let out a sob. “Just back off. Please.”
The line went dead as she hung up on me again and I growled out a string of profanities at Lizzie as I drove. This was her fault. No, this was my fault. Lili was right, I’d hidden the fact that I was hanging out with Lizzie. I’d done it to try to protect her but in doing so, I’d hurt the woman I was in love with. I’d broken our pact to be honest with one another. But we’d also promised we would fight for this and Lili was breaking that by hanging up
on me rather than working things out.
I was still fuming and furious when I pulled into Lizzie’s driveway. I flipped on the voice recorder feature on Kas’ phone and slid it into my pocket before I opened the car door. I jogged up the steps and pounded my fist against the door, not letting up until she yanked it open.
“Zane? It’s awfully early. Did you finally get tired of waiting on the pet to put out?” Lizzie purred as she stepped forward to run her hands up my chest.
I knocked her hands away and pushed into the house. “Where is it, Lizzie? Where’s my fucking phone?”
“Your phone?”
“Yes, my phone. I know you have it.” I moved to the living room and immediately spotted it, sitting right out in the open on the coffee table. I snatched it up, almost afraid to look at the messages and see what she’d sent. I spun to face her, holding it up. “This phone, Lizzie! This phone that was right in the middle of your fucking coffee table! I haven’t been here since the accident so how did my phone end up in your living room?”
She sighed and stepped up to me again but I kept my distance, holding up a hand. “Stop yelling, God. Okay, I took your phone yesterday but I did it for us.”
“There is no us! My God, do you have any common decency at all? Who the fuck do you think you are? You can’t just step in and start fucking up my relationship!”
“You don’t really want her and you know it!”
“Bullshit! I love her and it’s none of your fucking business who I’m with! I don’t want you and I haven’t for a long time. In fact, between you nearly killing Conner and what you just pulled when I was trying to be nice and let you see him, I hate you.”
She gasped, taking a small step back as if I’d struck her. “You don’t.”
“Yeah, I do, actually. I fucking hate you. As far as I’m concerned, you’re nothing. I’m going to win this custody battle and when I do, you’ll never come near me or my son ever again!” I yelled before turning back toward the door, looking to make my escape before this escalated any further.
