by Grace Risata
Dixon lay curled in a fetal position while clutching a pillow to his ears as though that would drown out the sound. I immediately crawled into bed and wrapped my arms around him protectively. There was nothing I could do to help him, but at least he didn’t have to suffer alone.
Another loud blast of thunder shook the entire room and Dixon sat up long enough to launch his pillow across the room in a fit of fury.
“The thunder…sounds just like explosions. The blast…that took Jack…was an IED. I should have been paying more attention to what I was doing and not joking around about stupid shit. Then he would have watched where he was going…he would have seen it and raised an alarm…he’d still be alive.”
“It’s not your fault,” I soothed, gently stroking his hair in a futile attempt to console the man.
“Yes, it is. We were walking ahead of the convoy looking for anything suspicious after we got a tip about some insurgents in the area. It was a normal day like any other. But then…everything changed. I began walking towards the armored vehicle to radio back to base that it was quiet…and that’s when it happened. A deafening bomb blast went off, I was knocked to the ground as I heard screaming and gunfire, we were ambushed…and they got Jack. He was gone. My best friend in the world was killed. Just like that. It happened in the blink of an eye. I should have been with him. I should have sensed the danger and not went back to the armored vehicle to check in. I should have been with him. I should have died too, Alyce. There’s no reason for me to still be here when he’s gone.”
“Put yourself in his place. He would want you to live. Maybe your guardian angel was looking out for you that day. You’re still here for a reason.”
The rain began to pound against the window pane in full force, but there hadn’t been any more lightning or thunder. Hopefully the worst of the storm had passed while I was on my way here, and we were just left with a downpour.
I sat up and cradled Dixon’s head in my lap, wishing I had words to take away some of his pain. Instead I let my fingers do the talking and softly massaged his forehead, shoulders, and neck.
“I don’t want to be like this,” he howled in misery.
“I know. Is there anything that eases the pain? Does it help to talk about it?”
“No. That only makes me see the images in my head. After we got ambushed, all the soldiers in the convoy behind our truck began to take offensive measures and rallied around us. I was pulled to safety and they loaded me into one of the vehicles where I tried to figure out what the hell was happening. I got a mild concussion when I was thrown from the blast of the IED and I lost my hearing right after it detonated. It’s pretty much a blur after that. But I’ll never forget the sight of Jack’s body as they…they…wrapped him up…brought him back…kept him safe…no one would ever hurt him again.”
Dixon jumped out of bed, ran to the bathroom, and started to dry heave into the sink. This was going to be a long night.
I walked into the kitchen to search for a bottle of water or some carbonated soda to settle his stomach. His fridge revealed a general lack of anything edible and I groaned inwardly. How did the man not waste away entirely? I saw a box of pizza, a jar of mayonnaise, and a dozen eggs. Making a mental note to get him some food, I grabbed a bottle of water sitting on the bottom shelf. At least he had a full case of that so I knew he wouldn’t die of thirst.
When I returned to the bathroom, Dixon was standing there waiting for me. Slumped against the door frame, he sadly shook his head.
“Go away, Alyce. There’s no hope for me. I’m not worth the trouble. Not at all.”
“Quit telling me what to do, jackass,” I demanded, finally scared for the first time since we met. I could handle ‘defiant Dixon,’ ‘angry Dixon,’ and even ‘stubborn Dixon.’ This helpless version that refused to fight back…well…he frightened me the most. “Drink some water, get back to bed, and don’t argue with me.”
Running a hand through his wild hair, the man paused and mumbled something incoherent about not even succeeding in fixing his appearance, whatever that meant. I thought I heard something about barbers being too full of appointments and failing at life.
“Life sucks, Dixon. I’ve realized that a long time ago. It’s not fair. It never was and it never will be. Nina learned that tonight, too. We’re all stuck on this giant ball of doom and gloom, spinning around helplessly waiting to find out what comes next. But what if nothing good comes next? Might as well try and make the most of the time we have here.”
“Who’s Nina?” he sputtered in confusion.
“She’s the one who woke me up at one in the morning looking for a shoulder to cry on. I’m super popular tonight.”
At this point, I realized that Dixon handled things better with a little tough love instead of me coddling him. If I let him have the ‘you poor baby’ act and smothered him with sympathy, he was going to freak the fuck out. Honestly, I think he just wanted to be treated like a normal person and not babied in the slightest.
“Do you want to hear what happened with Nina?” I asked. Since they didn’t know each other, I assumed it wouldn’t betray her trust if I told him the story. “Why don’t you crawl back into bed, settle down, get comfortable, and let my hypnotizing voice tell you a story to put you to sleep. You’re the one who said I bored you into dreamland, right? Let’s give it a try. At this point we really have nothing to lose. When you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up.”
Dixon slowly took the bottle of water from my hand, chugged it down in a few quick gulps, and tossed the empty plastic container into the bathroom garbage can. He sighed, went back to bed, and looked at me expectantly.
Story time it is then.
Following his lead, I snuggled into the covers next to him and resumed the stroking of his hair. It was soothing for me, and his luscious mane was silky soft.
“Close your eyes and let all the stress drain away from your limbs,” I commanded. “Once upon a time there was a very radiant young lady named Nina that started working with me a few weeks ago. She was totally happy, cheerful, and had a zest for life. Unbeknownst to Nina, her world was about to come crashing down when she received the startling news that her boyfriend and best friend from back home were doing the nasty. It turns out that some men have a hard time keeping their dick in their pants…”
“This is a very unique fairy tale,” Dixon mumbled, tossing and turning until he got comfortably nestled with his head resting on my tits. “Keep talking.”
I proceeded to tell the story, but it only took a few minutes before he began to snore. Truthfully, I don’t think there was any magic involved in my words or tone of voice. In this case, I just assume the man got himself so worked up before I got here that he reached a peak of anxiety and erupted, eventually losing steam. Panic attacks aren’t meant to last forever. Maybe he just needed to get it out of his system. For some strange reason, he obviously sees me as a calming influence.
I contemplated this unpredictable evening as I slowly drifted off to sleep myself. What a night.
Chapter Nineteen
Dixon
I woke up with my faced shoved in between Alyce’s tits. Talk about a nice way to start the morning. I could get used to this all too easily. I wonder if she’s up for some playtime? Judging by the solid wood in my pants, I was absolutely ready to make things happen.
Moving my hand down to her thigh, I began to slowly rub my thumb in lazy circles, eager for her to wake up in as horny a mood as I was. Yeah, last night was a total clusterfuck and I’d rather forget it, but each day is a new dawn. Or whatever the fuck psycho nonsense ‘fresh start’ bullshit the Doc was trying to drill into my head.
I felt Alyce begin to stir, hopefully leaving dreamland in favor of a sex-filled romp with yours truly. A small part of me was afraid she might get all soft and give me the wounded bird treatment. The worst thing I hated was when people realized I was messed up in the head after my time in the service and treated me with kid gloves. But Alyce
was…Alyce. She always surprised me by doing the exact opposite of what a typical person would do. Take last night for example. Instead of coddling me, she shoved a bottle of water in my face and demanded I get into bed and go to sleep. I can appreciate it when she takes charge and bosses me around. Sometimes she does know best, but I’m certainly not telling her that. She’ll get a big head.
My girl yawned and stretched, taking a second to look around and realize where she was. Giving her my best sexy gaze, I waited for her to get the hint of what I wanted. In case she was oblivious, the slow massaging of my hand toward her panties should paint a perfectly clear picture of my intentions.
Alyce turned her head in my direction, her face softened, and she gave me a look of pure pity.
“How are you feeling?” she asked in a quiet voice, hesitant, dripping with sympathy.
I closed my eyes, every muscle in my body tensing up in anger. There it was. The one thing I was trying to avoid at all costs. The wounded bird treatment.
“Fine,” I choked out, silently giving her one last chance to turn things around. My thumb traced the outline of her cotton panties and I held my breath in anticipation of her next move. Don’t fuck this up, Alyce. Please.
“Are you sure? Last night was pretty…intense. I was worried about you.”
And there it was. Let’s treat the wounded warrior like a fucking baby instead of a grown man. My morning erection went limp in an instant and all hope of having a decent day went right out the damn window.
I rolled away from Alyce’s warmth, got out of bed, and dug around for a semi-clean pair of jeans.
“Thank you for coming over to save me from myself, Alyce, but your services are no longer needed or wanted.”
In an effort to convey just how finished I was with this conversation, I gave her an icy glare and pointed to the door.
She sat up in bed and returned my steely expression.
“Just like that? You’re giving me the heave-ho without any explanation? If you’re not running away from me, then you’re kicking me out? What the fuck is your problem?”
“You’re my problem, Alyce.”
That was the absolute truth. I wanted her in the worst way…the most important way that a man craves a woman. But she looked at me like I was a vase that fell off the shelf, shattered into a hundred pieces, and got super-glued back together in a hurry. Like I was re-assembled wrong, missing sections, and would never be right. Never complete. Never whole.
She took a deep breath, shook her head in disappointment, and wordlessly climbed out of bed. Without a second glance in my direction, she walked out of my bedroom, out of my apartment, and out of my life.
I knew she hated me right now, but I would rather see anger than pity etched across her face. No man wants to feel broken, like their woman has to take care of them all the time. I want Alyce to view me as a protector, a provider, someone she can count on and turn to. Not a fucking shell of a person that needs to be fixed or saved.
I’m a man. Well…I used to be. It’s about damn time I get my mojo back and prove to Alyce how a real man behaves.
No more pity, no more sympathy, no more coddling.
I’m not a victim and I’ll be damned if she treats me like one. I could have any woman I wanted before I enlisted in the service. They were falling at my feet and begging me to take them home for the thrill of a lifetime.
Enough of this shit.
If the Doc says a change is in order, starting with my appearance, I was all for giving it a try. Even if my only motive was to make Alyce drop to her knees in a lust filled trance…hell…that was good enough for me.
Watch out sweet cheeks, you have no idea what you’re in for. If you want to experience the art of seduction, I’ll show you how to play. No one beats me, Alyce. No one.
Challenge accepted.
Chapter Twenty
Today was a true Monday and I actually questioned why I even bothered to show up at the veteran’s center. After Dixon’s freak out on Sunday morning, I was starting to think he really didn’t have any feelings for me at all. I’ve never met a person who ran so hot and cold in my entire life.
Yet I couldn’t get his words out of my head.
“Don’t give up on me, Alyce.”
Don’t worry, I’m not a quitter. I can’t shake the feeling that if it weren’t for me, Dixon wouldn’t really have anyone at all. So I’ll just swallow my pride and see what kind of mood he’s in today. Hopefully there’s no confrontation and I can sit against the wall and take a little bit of a nap. I had a stressful day at work because Kennedy went home sick at ten o’clock in the morning. She seemed perfectly fine to me, except for the frequent checking of her watch every few minutes. Very unusual. The woman was also strangely silent when I asked about her sister. I suppose if there were any exciting Kassie gossip, I’d find out soon enough.
I had every intention of stopping for a brief ‘hello’ at the welcome desk to check in with Kassie and Debbie, but that didn’t play out at all like I’d assumed it would.
“Hello, Alyce,” Debbie stated slowly, drawing out my name in an odd tone. “How are you?”
“I’m fine,” I replied, looking around to see if anything might be amiss. Raising an eyebrow questioningly in her direction, I silently gave the ‘what’s wrong?’ face.
She used her hand to quickly point to Kassie, whose back was turned to us. What now? Another catfight? I didn’t have time for this junior high drama.
“Kassie, Alyce is here,” Debbie said. “Aren’t you going to say hello to your friend?”
The blonde instantly spun around in my direction, and my eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets. It was Kennedy…and her right arm was in a sling.
“You’re probably surprised to see me with an injury,” Kennedy blurted, speaking about ninety miles an hour, “and wondering to yourself why I’m so clumsy. You know me, good old Kassie always seems to find trouble wherever she goes. My sister Kennedy is the lucky one because she has her head on straight. I wish I was more like her.”
Does Kennedy think I’m a fucking idiot? She couldn’t be more obvious in her attempts to let me know that she was pretending to be her sister. Jeez. Let’s give me some credit for not having my head totally up my ass. They’re not entirely identical. One sister has a mole right below her eye and the other one does not.
“How on Earth did you manage to mess up your arm, Kassie?” I asked demurely, playing along with the con.
“It’s a long story.”
“Really?” Debbie mumbled in confusion. “Since when? You told me that you fell down your front stairs and sprained your wrist. That doesn’t seem very long to me.”
“I’m crabby because I’m in so much pain, okay? Cut me some slack here,” Kennedy snapped, rolling her eyes. It was plainly obvious that neither one of the twins cared much for Debbie.
“I’d love to stay here and listen to you two squabble all day, but I have to go check on Dixon.”
Debbie’s whole demeanor suddenly brightened and she said, “You’re going to freak out when you see him, Alyce. He underwent a bit of a transformation over the weekend.”
My heart instantly leapt into my throat. I saw him this weekend…he was dry heaving in the bathroom after having an epic anxiety attack. Had he been worse on Sunday after I left? Shit.
But why did Debbie look amused? Surely she wouldn’t find joy in Dixon’s suffering?
Noting my panic, the woman simply nodded her head in his direction and said, “You’ll see. Maybe you can explain it to me.”
I anxiously hurried off to find the man, desperately scanning the crowded room and grumbling in frustration when a group of tall people blocked my line of sight. Once I got around them to get close enough for a clear view of Dixon, several realizations hit me like a ton of bricks.
Number one, he was staring at me even before I laid eyes on him, as though waiting for my arrival. No matter how much he tried to push me away, some part of him still sought me out.
Thirdly, and most importantly, Dixon had the makeover to end all makeovers. His normally untamed hair had a whole new look. The sides were buzzed, but the top still had some length to it and was currently slicked back into a short Mohawk-ish style. It looked trendy and hot as hell. But that wasn’t all. His beard was trimmed way down to a level of sexy scruff that gave him a ‘bad boy’ vibe.
The new look didn’t end with a trip to the barber. My man went shopping too. Judging by the fresh sneakers, blue jeans that had no holes or stains, and skin tight t-shirt that showcased his rippling muscles…I’d say he spent some serious cash.
I felt all the saliva in my mouth form a pool that threatened to drip down my chin in appreciation. Dude looked fine with a capital F. It didn’t help matters that I hadn’t gotten laid in eons. Days? Was it mere days? I’d lost count. All I knew was that I wanted Dixon badly. Honestly, I wanted him all the time, but this just made things worse. Part of me was hoping he might text me on Sunday, telling me he regretted kicking me out, he felt better, and he wanted to fuck…but that never happened.
I honestly had no idea what went wrong that morning. He seemed to wake up in a decent mood, evident by his erection pressing against my leg, but things turned ugly in a hurry. All I did was ask if he was feeling okay. It would be totally whorish if I just starting making out with the guy after he had such an anxiety attack the night before. I had feelings. I wasn’t a monster.
Why the sudden change in his appearance then? No matter how long I knew this guy, I was beginning to think I would never be able to figure him out.
