by Grace Risata
Nina wore a very short denim miniskirt, rhinestone studded cowboy boots, and a tight red checked shirt unbuttoned and tied off right under her ample bosom. She reminded me of that chick from the Dukes of Hazzard. Daisy Duke. A cowboy’s wet dream.
Debbie, on the other hand, looked straight up pole dancer. With a sunshine yellow lace dress that was nearly see through and fit like a second skin, it was perfectly clear the woman was trying to get noticed. I had no doubt she’d succeed. The matching yellow heels and expertly applied make-up added to her ‘look at me because I’m hot and I know it’ perfection.
Then there was me. The dark haired Asian among the blonde bombshells. I couldn’t flash the boobs like my friends, namely because I didn’t have them, but it didn’t stop me from turning some heads. Since I had no idea what type of place we’d end up at, I dressed for every possible scenario. What did I choose? I opted for black stiletto boots that allowed me to dance, yet had a high enough spike that I could still stab an attacker. Added to that were a pair of ass hugging black leather pants showcased my tight rear end, yet didn’t expose me the way a dress would have granted access to what lie beneath. Up top I was secured by a royal blue sleeveless number with a cut out back. Very sexy. Hey, I knew I’d be competing with the hot blondes and I didn’t want to look like garbage. After all, most women dress to impress their friends and not solely to attract male attention. Guys can be pretty easy to catch. Just make eye contact, give them a certain type of smile, and they were putty in your hands.
Or you could make them brownies, watch them get spit on, and end up bent over the hood of your car. Either way…whatever works, right?
Why did my thoughts always gravitate towards Dixon? I shook my head and snapped out of yet another daydream centering on his cock and where it might pleasure me, forcing myself to instead focus on the task at hand. Showing Nina a fun night out.
“So what’s the plan tonight, ladies?” I asked for the fourth time since Debbie picked me up at my apartment.
“Get Nina drunk and then get laid!” Debbie shouted. Although I couldn’t argue because this was a solid answer, it was not the one I was looking for.
“Be safe, have fun, and try not to get arrested,” I replied, hoping it finally sunk in. What I assumed would be a tame evening of having a few drinks and dancing, was actually spiraling out of control. One example? Nina seemed to have started drinking long before we arrived at her place.
“I like Debbie’s idea better,” Nina screamed, shoving a fist into the air. “I’m going to get over my cheating ex by getting under someone else! You two bitches are my wing-women and I expect you to deliver the goods!”
I sighed in resignation and asked a question that I didn’t want to know the answer to.
“How much have you had to drink tonight?”
“I had one wine cooler, Alyce. Maybe two. Don’t be a stick in the mud. I’m high on life right now.”
Wonderful.
“Okay, Nina,” Debbie held out a hand as though she meant business. “Tell us one more time about the kind of dude you’re looking for.”
“I want a blonde cowboy with thick muscles, no facial hair, and an innocent face. I’m in the mood to corrupt a virgin!”
Oh fuck. What have I gotten myself into?
“That sounds perfect,” Debbie replied. “I’m on the prowl for a tall, dark, and handsome man in a business suit. You know, dress pants, button down shirt, sleek and expensive Italian shoes. He should give the impression that he’s a millionaire. I honestly don’t care how much money he has, as long as his cock is at least nine inches and ready to get to work.”
Whoa. Okay. It just keeps getting better. Instead of the Asian girl amongst the sultry blondes, I was going to be the sane girl amongst the horny creatures from the planet ‘fuck me now.’
Was it too late to jump out of the moving car and take my chances hitchhiking home?
As I contemplated that very action, Debbie’s GPS lady beeped and advised, “Your destination is coming up on the left. You have arrived at Badlands.”
Since we were driving at fifty-five miles an hour on some desolate country back road, Debbie slammed on the brakes and I almost ended up in Nina’s lap. Sure enough, looming not more than a few hundred feet ahead of us stood an ominous building with a blue neon sign proclaiming it as ‘Badlands.’ The place didn’t look like anything remarkable from the outside. Square brick building, no windows, one entry door, and a few neon signs advertising different brands of beer.
A gravel covered parking lot was nearly full of pickup trucks, dirt covered SUVs, motorcycles, and the occasional sporty convertible thrown in for good measure. I had to admit that the bar was surprisingly packed for a Thursday night.
“This place is hopping,” Debbie commented as she looked for a spot to park.
“That’s because it’s ladies’ night,” Nina replied. “There’s no cover charge for us and I think the drinks are cheaper too.”
We all jumped out of the red compact sedan that Debbie proudly explained was now officially paid off since last week, and made our way to an uncertain destiny.
“Check my teeth for food,” Nina demanded, while Debbie whipped out a bottle of perfume and over-spritzed herself causing a floral scented cloud to form. One look at my watch told me that it was only nine-thirty. Fuck. I was in for a long night with these two.
There was no line at the door since we were out in the middle of nowhere, and we walked right in.
Wow.
Not what I expected.
At all.
Instead of a sophisticated club full of sweaty dancers, tiny tables offering bottle service, and dark lighting to set a seductive mood…this was just…just…cowboy central.
“What the hell?” Debbie asked in confusion, no doubt as shocked with the place as I was. “Did we just time warp to the wild, wild west?”
“I don’t think Wyatt Earp looked like him,” Nina advised, pointing to a certain strapping young stud that appeared to be a cross between a cowboy and a male model. All jaw line and blue eyes and pouty lips.
I couldn’t form a coherent reply, what with still being speechless and taking in my surroundings. Debbie was pretty spot-on with her assessment of the joint. Instead of a modern dance floor, the ground was littered with hay. Instead of an elaborate bar stocked with bottle upon bottle of top shelf liquor, there was a rotting wooden abomination with old whiskey barrels for stools. Wagon wheels, rope lassos, and saddles lined the walls as decorations. Don’t let me forget to mention the rope lights that were strung around the room hanging from steer antlers. Horns? Were they called horns and not antlers? I have no fucking clue. I lived in the present day and not the eighteen hundreds.
“This place is amazing,” Nina proclaimed, eyes wide as she took it all in. “I think the live band goes on at eleven. You guys are going to love them!”
Sure enough, a small raised stage sat empty in the corner of the room, no doubt waiting for whatever country western group might grace us with their presence.
“Is there any chance it might be the Blues Brothers?” I asked hopefully, aware that her answer would most likely be a solid ‘no.’
“Alyce! This is a cowboy bar! They only play a certain type of music. Haven’t you ever line-danced before?”
I shared a look with Debbie, who slowly shook her head. At least I wasn’t the only one who wouldn’t be kicking up my spurs or whatever the fuck one did in a line dance.
Blinking my eyes a few times and forcing myself not to walk right back out the same door we just entered, I decided I needed a drink. A stiff drink.
“First round is on me, ladies. Name your poison.”
Nina grabbed my hand and dragged me off to the bar with Debbie following not too far behind us. While the birthday girl tried to figure out what to order, I mouthed an “I’m sorry” to our third companion.
“All hope is not lost, Alyce,” she whispered in my ear. “Just pretend like this music doesn’t make you want to throw u
p in your mouth and play along for Nina’s sake. I don’t care about the lack of playboy millionaires. One could do a lot worse than taking home a cowboy that’s hung like a horse. Where’s your optimism?”
Nina began to question the bartender about flavors of wine cooler, and Debbie took the opportunity to point out her top selections of beefcake.
“Bachelor number one in the white shirt is playing with a toothpick. Look at the masterful way his tongue moves it in and out. I bet he’s amazing at oral. Bachelor number two might have a hideous mustache, but look at the size of his boots. You know what they say about boot size and the size of other parts. Let’s not forget bachelor number three over there. See? The guy with the ten gallon hat. He’s leaning over the pool table and I could just grab that ass with both hands right now.”
Is there a female version of Viagra? Had Debbie sucked down a handful of them before she went out tonight?
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“I’m familiar with the friendly blonde lady who greets me at the veteran’s center every day. I had no idea underneath that perky exterior was a cougar waiting to pounce on every man within a ten mile radius. What the fuck?”
“Yeah, I get like this a few days before my period comes. I’m horny as hell right now. It’s always been a problem for me. I have pent up tension that needs to find an outlet. That’s why I tend to be the type who’s always in a relationship. If I don’t get regular action, I go feral.”
Am I being punked right now? Had someone set me up? This is why I had no friends. People were insane.
“Alyce, your turn to order,” Nina giggled, holding up a wild berry wine cooler. “They have strawberry too. I’m getting one of those next.”
I shook my head in disappointment at her girly beverage and ordered something entirely different.
“Give me a bottle of Bud Light and two shots of whisky.” After getting a soda for Debbie, I placed the money on the bar and waited for our drinks.
“I’m not doing shots, Alyce,” Nina protested. “No one wants to carry my drunken butt out of here after I pass out. The primary goal is to get laid.”
Debbie grabbed her soda and said, “I’ll drink to that!”
They clinked glasses while I downed both shots of whiskey and chased it with several pulls of my beer.
“You two are lightweights,” I responded. “Now let’s go find a spot to sit so we can get a decent view of the menfolk. I have some wing woman duties to attend to.”
Nina selected a clean table with a perfect view of the front door. Her reasoning was that it was the best place to scout for eligible bachelors and grab the new arrivals before anyone else got a chance to snap them up. The birthday girl acted like a kid in a candy store, unable to make up her mind on who to choose. No less than five cowboys had the perfect baby-faced innocence she was searching for. In return, a wide assortment of men were eyeing up the fresh meat. I’d guess we had about three minutes to get comfortable before a stampede of dudes moseyed up to our table.
Fuck. Stampede? Moseyed? Now the lingo was even rubbing off on me.
“These guys definitely don’t look like heart-breakers,” Nina sighed dreamily, happily surveying a wide assortment of beefcake. “My ex was a complete jerk, so I’m going for something different this time. I don’t want an alpha male asshole.”
“Then you should probably stay away from that one,” Debbie advised, pointing in complete disbelief at the man that just walked through the entrance.
I swiveled my head to see what caught her attention and I nearly choked to death on my beer.
Dixon Wade.
“What the fuck is he doing here?” I muttered aloud to no one in particular.
Standing up straight and filling every square inch of the doorway, Dixon narrowed his eyes as he scanned the room. The man appeared tense, angry, and looking for a fight.
That is, until his gaze landed on me. He instantly relaxed and confidently strode over in our direction.
“Who’s that?” Nina asked in awe. “He’s pretty ripped, but it doesn’t exactly look like he belongs here.”
She was absolutely right. With a pair of black combat boots, dark jeans, and a white t-shirt that clung to every muscle on his chest and beautifully showcased his deep tan, Dixon stuck out like a sore thumb. While most of the other guys wore cowboy boots, flannel, and reeked like a Stetson bomb had erupted, my man was pure biker badass.
I was too stunned to answer Nina, so Debbie took the opportunity to do it for me.
“That’s Dixon. He’s one of the Veterans where I work. The guy is a major jerk and does nothing but sit in the corner and stare out the window. I have no idea why he’d actually go out in public since he clearly hates everyone.”
He hadn’t taken his eyes off me the entire time he made his way to our table. I licked my lips in anticipation of what might happen next. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt that I was the intended target for his approach.
“Alyce.”
My name was the only word that left his mouth. Was it a greeting? A question? A demand?
“Hi.”
Without waiting for anymore pleasantries to be exchanged, Dixon took a few steps closer so that we were face to face. He wrapped a massive hand around the back of my neck and kissed me for all he was worth.
As his mouth claimed mine, I heard Nina gasp and mumble, “I guess he doesn’t hate everyone, Debbie.”
I suppose I should have swatted his hand away out of annoyance at that nasty little display of ownership. Or perhaps taken offense that he thought it was acceptable to treat me like an object to be claimed instead of a person.
But I didn’t. I was too busy sticking my tongue in his mouth while simultaneously savoring the taste of mint mouthwash and inhaling the intoxicating aroma of very manly cologne.
Then reality sank in and I abruptly pushed him away.
“You can’t do that!” I insisted.
He staggered back and anger instantly swept over him.
“Why not? You don’t want your friends to know that you’re secretly involved with a piece of shit like me? I embarrass you, Alyce?”
Is he fucking kidding me right now?
“No, you jackass! I don’t want you kissing me and tasting the alcohol on my breath. What if it makes you decide to have just one drink and then you spiral out of control and piss dirty next time there’s a random drug test? You think I want that?” I yelled in outrage. “You don’t embarrass me in the slightest bit…and it doesn’t have to be a secret that we’re seeing each other. I just thought it might cause some problems if anyone found out that the volunteer was banging the veteran.”
I nodded my head pointedly in Debbie’s direction.
He blinked a few times in surprise, and then cocked his head as though he still wasn’t entirely convinced that was the real reason I kept us a secret. Not that I even knew there was an ‘us’ at all by the way he ran so hot and cold all the time.
“Fine,” I said, slightly emboldened by the two shots of whisky I’d sucked down. “You want me to prove myself to you? Watch this!”
I stood up tall, threw my hands in the air, and then loudly made my declaration once I had the full attention of Debbie, Nina, and anyone else within earshot. Obviously their eyes were on us anyway after that kiss, so it was sort of a wasted gesture.
“Hey everyone! In case you were wondering, I’m fucking this guy right here. So…yeah. Carry on with your lives!”
I turned around, gave Dixon a middle finger, and returned to my seat.
“That is how it’s done.”
Debbie gawked at me like I had suddenly caught fire, Nina began clapping loudly, and Dixon just shook his head with a smirk of ‘I-can’t-believe-you-just-did-that’ written all over his face.
“Are we good now?” I asked.
“Yeah, Alyce. We’re good.”
“Then pull up a chair and join the party. You’re going to have to buy Nina a birthday wine cooler in about five
minutes, so I hope you brought some cash tonight.”
In response, Nina held up her nearly empty bottle and said, “I want strawberry next time, please. My name is Nina and it’s my birthday. My boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I hate men. But that’s not going to stop me from taking home a hot cowboy tonight. Are you the special someone that Alyce told me about? She said that you’re fantastic in bed, but I should keep you a secret from Kennedy. I guess you’re not a secret anymore!”
Nina dissolved into giggles and then suddenly turned serious.
“Fuckshit, Alyce. I texted Kennedy that we’d be here tonight to celebrate my age going up another number. A higher number. What if she shows up? What if she spreads her germs to us if she’s really sick? I can’t get sick. I’m trying to get laid!”
“Fuckshit is not a word,” I gently informed her, “and maybe you should ease up on the alcohol a little. Also quit worrying about Kennedy. I already told you that she’s not really sick. She was just faking for a couple days in order to skip work and pretend she’s Kassie.”
“What?” Debbie asked, head snapping in my direction.
“In the interest of full disclosure,” I explained, “Kennedy is not just Kassie’s sister. She’s her identical twin.”
“That’s absolutely correct!” Nina confirmed, “She works in a dentist’s office with me. Our boss is evil.”
“Kassie definitely seemed different this week,” Debbie grumbled. “I knew something was going on. You can’t put anything past me.”
Right. Like you knew she had a twin that was impersonating her? I think not, Debbie.
“But, Alyce, you’re forgetting one important thing,” Nina reminded me. “Why hasn’t Kennedy come back to work with us? What happened to her and her sister? Did they get kidnapped? Should we call the proper authorities? I will go round up a posse of cowboys and coerce them into helping us. I’ll lure them with sexual favors.”
