She smiled. “Can I invite my mom?”
“Yes,” I said. “Invite everyone.”
And she did invite everyone. Thank goodness we’d delayed the party a couple of weeks to let me and Judson get adjusted. But Peyton is a smart girl, and when the party came around and the fifteen candles were blown out, she let me know her demands for having a delayed birthday party.
“For my birthday,” she told the small crowd of teenagers. “All I want is my Mom, Mandy, to let me teach her to ride. I’ll give her a few months to prepare, but she’s going to ride with me.”
I must have looked shocked because the room broke out in laughter, but at that moment, I was so overwhelmed with the fact she’d called me mom. I would’ve agreed with anything. Even getting on the back of a large beast that could trample me in a heartbeat.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I don’t know why I always underestimate God. He really came through for me this time. Motherhood suits me, and I’m not just talking about the baby, either. I’m talking about Stevie and Peyton. I love them so much, and I have banished every Disney DVD with an evil stepmother from our library of home movies.
My kids have an unconventional family, I admit it, but who doesn’t? Think about it. Most families don’t fit that conventional bill, and whether it is Grandpa living in the guest room or a single mom working double shifts while Grandma babysits, what’s important is that the kids know their parents love them. As I watched little Judson wrapped in the blanket I knitted him and saw the way his big brother and sister doted on him, I realized more and more that I no longer cared about what people thought about my divorce, or Judy, or the fact that Stevie called me Mommy and Peyton didn’t, even though she did take me and Judson to the mother-daughter banquet at her school a week after he was born. I wanted to do for my kids what my dad did for me, let them know they are loved, loved, loved.
Keith’s last ride happened the next year in Tucson. I sat with Peyton behind the chutes, all cowgirl even if I do say so myself. I felt like I finally fit into this crowd just a little bit. I turned back to the chutes, smiling. This time, I had Peyton’s camera and Peyton beside me. She squealed. It had been a last minute decision, but Keith and I had surprised her when we checked her out of school on a Wednesday afternoon to head off to the rodeo.
“I can’t ride my last time without you,” he said.
She had shrieked and hopped up in the truck. “But who’s going to help Grandpa and Marta with the kids?”
“They can handle it,” I said. “Grandpa has raised two kids already.”
She grinned. “But I need my boots, and my suitcase.”
“I got everything you need, honey.”
She smiled. “Everything?”
I nodded, innocently. “And a few new things, as well, for the special occasion.”
“Oh no. Does that mean you’re going to make me wear something pink and blingy?”
“Pink? Of course not. Blingy? Well…”
“I saw it,” Keith said. “You’re going to need sunglasses when you put that shirt on.”
In the end, she loved it. It was turquoise blue and was the same as mine. It was blingy, but it had her dad’s name emblazoned on the front, so she didn’t care.
There was a tent for the families of the cowboys and cowgirls, but I wanted Peyton and I to be right behind the chutes.
“I guess my mom used to do this a lot.” She commented.
“Yes, she did,” I said. “Do you remember her barrel racing?”
“No. I guess I was there a few times, but I don’t really remember.”
“That’s okay,” I said. “Maybe you’ll be next.”
“Maybe,” she said. She was pretty talented, having made a name for herself at the more local rodeos.
When the time finally came for Keith’s ride, Peyton’s face filled with excitement, and so did mine.
“Go, Dad!”
The crowd whistled and called out as the chutes clanged and rocked. Keith was up. The announcer made a real big deal over it being Keith’s last ride. I wished he’d hush, in case he made Keith nervous, but when I saw Keith’s face, I knew he wasn’t listening.
“Ladies and gentleman, let’s hear it for Keith Black, at his age, he’s one of the grandfathers of saddle bronc riding! If that sounds rude, ladies and gentleman, in saddle bronc riding where the competition are all young men, it’s a compliment to be called one of the grandpas of the sport.” I hoped Keith felt the same way.
I watched as the pickup men took their places and Keith adjusted his hand on the hack rein. He pulled his hat down low, rock music blared over the speaker, and time stood still for just a moment. I shivered, could hear Peyton breathing beside me, the fans around us hummed with excitement, and then the chute gate swung open and there he went on the back of a beautiful black horse that seemed to me appropriate for his last ride.
“Go, Dad!!”
I was torn between photographing him and watching him. I finally decided to hold the button down and just watch. We would see what pictures turned out, but I wasn’t missing this firsthand. I had seen Keith ride enough to know that this was his best, maybe ever. The announcer was about to spin off his rocker with excitement as Keith maintained his form, losing his hat halfway through, holding on until that horn sounded at eight seconds and the pickup man plucked Keith from that horse. I thought I was going to pass out.
What a beautiful ride.
Peyton and I screamed, hugged, screamed again.
“Oh, Peyton. I’m so glad you came.”
“Me, too,” She squealed. “My dad is a superstar.”
“He sure is.”
She turned around and yelled the same thing to the audience and then we hugged again.
Keith sauntered across the dirt arena, picked his hat up out of the dirt and waved it to the audience. Finding Peyton and I, he waved at us, dropped to his knee, and held his hat over his heart.
“I love you, Dad!” Peyton’s voice carried over the crowd.
“I love you.” I mouthed.
Before he left, he obliged the announcer and the audience by walking out to the middle of the arena one last time. The last time ever, turning in a circle, saluting the fans, forever grateful, I knew. He held his hat over his heart again to show it and tossed the hat up in the air.
There would be interviews later and parties to go to. Everyone wanted to know what he would do now, the next generation of cowboys wanted to congratulate him, and pictures, boy, did he get tired of the pictures, but the whole time, he just smiled and thanked everyone. I was so proud of that man. Just so proud. It was bittersweet for him, and that night, I think I fell in love with that cowboy all over again, and his daughter, too.
Chapter Twenty-Six
“Are you sure?”
It was the Christmas season and Keith and I sat drinking our coffee. Judson kicked in his high chair. Stevie was still asleep. It was a Saturday morning and he was exhausted from a busy week of first grade.
“I’m sure,” I said. And I was. I’d been thinking about this for months now.
One look at his face told me how grateful he was. His relationship with Judy was complex, hard to understand for anyone outside of the family, but nobody else needed to understand. Keith didn’t choose this situation, and neither did Judy. Sure, she set it up this way, right or wrong, but she didn’t choose the disease. And let’s be honest. What is the right thing to do in a situation like this? She was trying to make a plan for Keith and the kids, so they would have a better future. She didn’t know they might have had a better future with her still in their lives. She didn’t know that Keith wouldn’t have divorced her. She only wanted him to be free to find a new wife, a new mother, for their kids. And he had. I was indebted to her for that.
Believe me, I’d gone through all the what-ifs in my mind. What if she hadn’t done this and he’d dedicated himself to taking care of Judy. What if we’d never gone out on a date because he wouldn’t have been dating? What if it was wrong for us
to be married? What if Judy actually wasn’t in her right mind when she drew up divorce papers and disappeared, all for the love of her family?
The answer was, there was no answer, but what was I supposed to do? Keith and I had never even discussed it. We weren’t getting divorced. We hadn’t known any better before, and we loved each other still. No, not still, but even more, after having gone through this.
And what about the kids? The kids definitely didn’t ask for this. And this solution? It would be best for them, because right now, what really mattered was the kids and Judy. For the short time she might have left, they deserved to be part of that.
“Stop dropping the presents, Stevie.” Peyton stooped to pluck a few brightly wrapped gifts out of the snow.
“Sorry,” Stevie said. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know,” Peyton said, patting him on his head. She was just nervous. It was so obvious. Ever since she found out we were going to see Judy for Christmas, she hadn’t been able to concentrate. We hadn’t spent Christmas with Judy last year because the weather had prevented us from going all the way to Pillar Bluff.”
That morning we had let the kids open their presents, met Marta, Quentin, and Daddy over at the farm for breakfast, and then announced we were all headed over to see Judy.
“On Christmas morning?” Peyton said, disbelieving. “It’s snowing outside. I thought you said we were going tomorrow when the weather was better.”
Keith shrugged. “I have a truck.”
“I know,” she said, “But…”
Daddy piped in. “So you don’t want to go, Peyton? That’s probably good, because I need someone to help me clean up all these dishes.”
“Of course, I want to go, Grandpa.” She ran to the door and grabbed her coat off the hook.
On cue, we all stood and grabbed our coats, too.
“What about the dishes?” she asked.
“Oh, the dishes.” Daddy paused, like he’d forgotten. “We can do them when we get back.”
“They’ll be gross.” She warned. “And why is everyone going?”
We all made various silly excuses, carried the presents for Judy out to the car, Stevie dropping them in the snow, and we all piled into our different vehicles.
Peyton shook her head. “Whatever.” Then she rolled her window down. “But hey, wait. There’s Pia! And her parents! What are they doing here?” Her cell buzzed. “Hmmm. Pia said they’re going to see Judy, too. They’re going to follow us. That’s nice, isn’t it?”
“That’s very nice,” I said. “I’m glad Brett brought their truck.”
“Me, too,” Peyton said. “What a long drive in the snow. It’s really coming down. Are you sure it’s okay to go, Dad?”
“Are you trying to tell me how to drive, cowgirl?” he said, pulling out of the driveway. The snow crunched under the weight of his truck, even sliding a little, which I was sure Keith made happen on purpose. I hid a smile.
We drove for a while, a caravan behind us that Peyton kept turning to look at, but didn’t say anything more about it. I guessed she’d accepted that grownups were weird and was glad that Pia was coming along.
“Can we stop somewhere, so I can get in with Pia?”
“Of course,” Keith said, even though, unbeknownst to Peyton, there would be no need to stop at all.
“Awesome.” She looked down, obviously to text Pia and let her know. She didn’t look up as we drove across Castle Orchard and turned up a road just right outside of town. When, just a little bit later, we found a parking spot at our real destination, Peyton looked up.
“What are we doing here?”
She looked out the window. We didn’t say anything. We just got out of the truck, Keith unbuckling baby Judson and handing him over to me. Stevie hopped out.
“Come on, Peyton!” He took her hand.
“Everyone else parked near us and walked across the parking lot towards the entrance. Peyton just stood there.
“I thought we were going to see my mom.”
I placed my arm around her. “We are, honey. We’re here.”
It all hit her then, the sign that said Lodgepole Manor, the presents, everyone together.
“This is a lovely place,” I said.
“She’s here?” Peyton asked.
Keith grinned. “We arranged with your uncle to have her moved here to this home, so she could be closer to us. Now she’ll almost be living just down the road from you.”
Peyton smiled ear to ear. I loved when she smiled like that. Then she jumped up and down like a giddy kindergartener. Keith reached out to steady her in case she slipped in the snow.
“Oh, my gosh! Dad! Thank you so much! Thank you.” Happy tears ran down her cheeks and I decided once and for all that the saying everyone in this family always quoted was a big joke.
Cowgirls do cry.
Judy was waiting for her visitors, mostly Cowboy Man, in the lobby. She was dressed in her best white rodeo outfit. The manor had fixed it up to be cozier than usual with poinsettias, Christmas trees, and tinsel. Christmas-themed country music was playing on the speaker and the TV set was tuned into It’s a Wonderful Life. I had avoided Lodgepole Manor since Momma had been there, even though Keith and I were supporters, just as we were for Magnolia Manor. Some things were just too hard, but I was over that now. Stronger, tougher, maybe even a little bit wiser. I did whatever I needed to do for my husband and family. Judy was now my family.
Judy’s face lit up when she saw us all walking in her direction.
“Oh!” She cried. “Oh! Oh! Oh!”
For a minute we were all worried. She looked like she was going to cry. I thought of the fits she used to have when her brother showed up to see her.
Kim broke away from the group. “Hi, honey.” She sat down in front of Judy, who was now looking away into space, seemingly suddenly lost who knew where in a memory from who knew when.
Kim squeezed Judy’s hand. “We all came to see you. It’s Christmas.”
Judy smiled, and then she frowned. She did that a lot. We usually just sat beside her, hoping that somewhere inside, she knew we were there, or that our presence maybe reminded her of some moment of love from people she used to know. There just wasn’t really any way of knowing. I didn’t know if any of us would ever get used to it, who could? But it was how things were. We made the most of it.
Peyton sat on her other side, held her hand, chatting about what she got for Christmas. Stevie, still too young to know that his funny friend Judy was his mother, sang her Christmas carols he had learned at church in his Sunday school class.
After a while, Judy stood up and walked away. She sometimes did this, too, so we waited until finally Kim went to her room and brought her back.
When she walked back into the lobby, her face lit up, her eyes landed on Keith.
“Hey there, Cowboy Man.” She glided toward him, her back straight and her neck long like a rodeo queen. He greeted her with a hug. I knew he’d been hoping for that greeting, because it meant there was some sort of recognition there, even if it was very blurry.
“Judy, I got you a present.”
She sat down and pulled the paper back from the gift he handed her. Peyton was smiling. Judy held the old, but still glossy, magazine in front of her. Scrawled across the picture of Violet and Keith from their rodeos was Keith’s signature in black Sharpie. We’d forgotten about it, but when we were packing her things up to move her to Castle Orchard, we found it and were reminded of her innocent request for Keith Black to sign her magazine. She ran her fingers over the glossy cover.
“Keith Black signed my magazine?”
“He did,” Keith said.
“How’d you get him to do that?” She gazed at him with a wondrous look.
Keith grinned. “Well, I had to pull a few strings, but I managed to get him to do that for you.”
“For me?”
“Yes. But only for you, is what he said.”
Her eyes lit up and she smiled. “Thank
you, Cowboy Man. This is a lovely present.” Then she frowned. We waited for her to be lost again, but she looked at Keith and said sadly, “I don’t have a present for Cowboy Man. I’m sorry.”
He chuckled. “Cowboy Man doesn’t need a present. You’re a good enough present.”
She giggled. “Well, I have no idea what that means.”
We all laughed and she looked around, as if seeing us all for the first time, and in her mind I guess she was. She greeted us all again, paying this time, special attention to Peyton.
“I used to know a little girl who looks like you.”
“Yes.” She said, not letting an ounce of sadness show on her face. “And guess what, Judy. I have a present for you, too.”
It was one of those pictures with two holes. I’d helped Peyton choose the rustic western hand carved frame from the shelves of The Southern Pair. I hadn’t even done anything to refurbish it because it was beautiful just the way it was. On one side was a picture of Peyton herself on a horse, and the other was of Violet, also on a horse. Violet was very young in her portrait, not much older than Peyton, really.
Judy brightened. “Twins!” Somehow she’d never caught on that Marta and I were different people, but she thought she and Peyton were twins.
Peyton laughed and agreed, and I wondered again at the grace she exhibited. It was difficult to know how she’d work through this all in the future, after her mom was gone. Maybe she would need counseling, which sometimes I think I could use myself concerning my own momma, but no matter what, the two of us would be there for each other, because like she’d told me, we understood each other’s situations.
I watched as after a while, Judy’s eyes landed on Judson who was now playing on Keith’s lap.
“A baby!” she called.
Keith sat the baby in Peyton’s lap as Judy cooed and sweetly made over the baby.
Marta, Kim, and I unpacked some snacks we’d brought for everyone. It wouldn’t be Christmas without cookies, now would it? We even shared them with others in the lobby and it warmed my heart, knowing that some of them probably never had visitors, but waited in the lobby all day for their loved ones to come. I always wondered, were their loved ones gone from this earth? Living thousands of miles away, or was it just too painful for them to face a place like Lodgepole Manor? Of all people, I could understand that. I hoped for these people who waited all day every day for them to come, that their loved ones would be able to get over whatever their reasons were and come for a visit.
The Real Thing Page 22
