“I haven't met the right man yet,” she answered honestly. “My mom asks me the same thing.”
“Do you have brothers and sisters?” Chloe wanted to know everything and wasn't afraid to ask.
“I have a sister named Jane. She's eleven years older than I am.”
“That's old,” Chloe said, looking sorry for her, as they drove down the hill to Stinson Beach. There was a haze of fog on the ocean, but the sky was blue and the weather was still good. The climate was always unpredictable in August, and cold and windy in the city. The locals were used to it, and tourists were always disappointed, but Chloe didn't seem to care. She was just happy being with her father and Coco. She didn't seem to mind sharing him with a woman. She had met a lot of his girlfriends over the years. She had informed Coco of that over breakfast, and Coco just nodded as she listened. “Is your sister married and has kids?” Chloe asked hopefully. She liked playing with other children, but she was comfortable alone with grown-ups too, just as Leslie had said. She seemed totally at ease in her world, and even someone else's. She had been exposed to a very sophisticated life in her six years.
“No, she's not married either,” Coco said apologetically, “and she doesn't have any children. She lives with a friend, kind of a roommate. Her name is Liz.”
“Is she gay?” Chloe asked with wide-open eyes, and Coco nearly fell off her seat. She turned to look at the child with a cautious smile, and Leslie chuckled. He'd survived many interrogations of that sort at his daughter's hands. It was all new to Coco.
“What does gay mean?” Coco asked, feigning ignorance, to see what she would say.
“Don't you know? That means when boys live with boys and girls live with girls, and they kiss sometimes. And they can't have babies because only boys and girls can do that. Do you want to hear how people make babies? My mom told me about it,” she announced with a knowing look and then hugged her bear. She was the oddest mix of child and adult, adorable pixie and tiny woman. Coco had never met anyone like her, and already loved her. It was hard not to. She was the funniest little girl.
“I don't think I need to hear how people do that,” Coco said quickly. “My mom told me too. I was a little older than you when she did,” like about fourteen, and by then Coco had already heard the essential mechanics from Jane.
“It sounds weird, doesn't it?” Chloe commented, as they drove past the tiny town of Stinson Beach heading toward Bolinas. “I don't want someone sticking their penis in me when I'm older. That's disgusting,” she said, looking incensed, and then she turned wide eyes to Coco again. “Does my dad do that with you?” she asked clearly as Leslie choked and glanced at Coco, who was stumbling over her words.
“Errr… uh… no, he doesn't,” she lied, but she was not about to admit it to her. Some things were impossible to admit to a six-year-old, no matter how well informed she was.
“That's why you don't have children,” she said matter-of-factly “You'll have to do that one day if you want to have a baby. My mom did it with my dad.” She said it like something silly they'd done a long time ago, or a trip they'd taken. She obviously didn't understand the full meaning of what she'd been told, or the implications, although she had the mechanics right.
“Well, I'm very glad they had you,” Coco said blithely, trying to recover from the conversation, as Leslie took the turnoff to Bolinas, and they continued down the bumpy narrow road until they reached her house. “Here we are,” Coco said, ready to get out of the car, before Chloe could embark on any more delicate topics. Coco hadn't been ready for that.
All three of them got out of the car, and Coco unlocked her tiny house, as Chloe bounced in behind her. The dogs who had been cramped in the back of Jane's station wagon bounded off to the beach.
“Oh, it's so pretty!” Chloe said, clapping her hands, with her bear tucked under her arm. She set him on the couch and looked around the cottage. “It looks like where Goldilocks lived, or Snow White.” Coco laughed in answer. They had gone from sex to Snow White in under five minutes. Chloe walked out onto the deck then, as Leslie grinned at her.
“That's my girl,” he said in a whisper. “I told you she's very adult. Her mother treats her like one. But she's still very much a child at the same time. You handled that very well. And I promise never to do that disgusting thing to you again that she mentioned, unless we want to have a baby.” Coco laughed out loud, and they followed his daughter out to the deck.
“Can we play on the beach?”
“Of course, that's why we came here. Do you want to build a sand castle, or just run around?” Coco asked her.
“A castle!” she said, clapping her hands again. In answer, Coco took a series of pans and mixing bowls out of a cupboard, and a little pail to carry water in. And a moment later, after taking off their shoes, all three of them headed down to the beach.
Coco carried the water for them, and Leslie did most of the building. Chloe decorated the castle with rocks and shells and little bits of driftwood and sea glass. She was very creative. And by the time they were finished, it was a very impressive castle, and all three of them were pleased. It was late afternoon by the time they went back to the house.
Coco had two frozen pizzas in the freezer, and enough lettuce to make a salad for all of them. Coco and Chloe toasted marsh-mallows on the stove before dinner, and Coco promised to make s'mores for her for dessert. They ate dinner at the battered old kitchen table, and afterward they sat out on the deck and ate the s'mores at dusk.
After dinner, Leslie told stories about how funny Chloe was as a baby. She had heard them all, but loved hearing them again. And then they put her to bed in Coco's bedroom. Coco had volunteered to sleep on the couch that night, although Leslie insisted he would, but she thought he should sleep with his child, and she didn't mind. The living room was cozy and warm with a heater. And they lit a fire after Chloe went to bed. Coco had gone in to kiss her goodnight, and she had held up her bear for Coco to kiss too.
“Thank you. I had fun today,” she said, yawning.
“So did I,” Coco said, smiling at her, and almost as soon as she left the room, the little girl was fast asleep.
“She is the funniest kid,” Coco whispered to Leslie, as they sat on the couch together.
“I know,” he said proudly. “I just love her to pieces. I never would have thought it, but Monica is actually a very good mother. A little too modern for my taste at times, the sex education and all that, but I think Chloe is a very well-adjusted child. No thanks to me, I fear. I would spoil her rotten and keep her home from school every day to play with.” He smiled happily, and Coco nestled close to him on the couch.
“You're a very good father.” He was patient, and kind and loving, just as he was with her.
“That was a very handsome sand castle we built,” he said, smiling at her. “You should have been an architect.”
“I'd rather be a beach bum.” She grinned.
“You do that very well too,” he said as he kissed her, and then ran a hand under her sweatshirt to touch her breasts.
“You're not going to do that disgusting thing to me that Chloe talked about, are you?” she teased him, and he looked mock serious as he fondled her.
“Never! I would never do a thing like that, especially not with Chloe asleep in the next room… but under other circumstances I could be talked into it… if you ever want a baby…” His voice drifted off and she smiled mysteriously.
“Maybe one day.” She had thought of it several times recently. And the thought of having a little girl like Chloe was strangely appealing.
They lay together on the couch until midnight, talking, and then walked out on the deck to look at the sky. There were a million stars shining brightly, and a big, beautiful moon above them. They sat on the deck chairs and talked for another hour, about nothing in particular, and then reluctantly Leslie left her in the living room and went to bed with his daughter, while Coco settled in to a sleeping bag on the couch.
All three
of them woke up bright and early. Leslie made breakfast. He made Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes with bananas in them, which Chloe said were her favorites, and afterward he went next door to help Jeff work on his car. He had seen him tinkering with it all morning and was dying to lend a hand. Coco smiled as she watched him from the window while she and Chloe cleaned up the kitchen, and afterward she read her stories on the deck.
Leslie joined them two hours later, his hands covered with grease, with a look of delight, and said they had fixed Jeff's car. It had been a perfect morning for him, under the hood of Jeff's car.
After that, they drove to Stinson, and went for a long walk on the beach with the dogs. They came back to Coco's place in time for lunch. Leslie and Chloe played checkers, while Coco watched, and afterward, they all ate sandwiches and chips, and eventually lay on the deck chairs in the sun. They were all sorry to leave the beach that evening, after they ate hot dogs and toasted marshmallows. Chloe slept in the car on the way back. It had been a perfect weekend.
The three of them watched Mary Poppins on the huge screen in their bedroom that night, and when Chloe fell asleep, Leslie carried her to her own bed in the guest room. Coco had promised to take her to Chinatown the next day, where they were going to have dinner at a Chinese restaurant, “with chopsticks,” Chloe insisted. And they were planning to go to the zoo later that week, and ride on a cable car for sure before she left.
“Thank you for being so sweet to her,” Leslie said as he climbed back into bed with Coco.
“It's not hard to do,” Coco said, looking happy. And with that, Leslie got up again and locked their bedroom door. “What are you doing?” she asked, as she nestled under the covers and smiled at him. She was loving these precious days with both of them.
“I thought we might have a few minutes of privacy. It's not easy with a child in the house.” They had gotten spoiled by being alone till then. But they both loved having Chloe with them.
Leslie turned off the lights, and took Coco in his arms. He was delighted to discover that she was already naked and had taken her pajamas off while he put Chloe to bed. He took his boxer shorts off, and within seconds they were lost in their love for each other once again. It almost seemed as though Chloe's visit had brought them even closer. And Coco realized that she had never felt anything was missing before, but now she felt complete.
Chapter 10
In the two weeks Chloe spent with them, they managed to do everything they had promised her and more. They went to both the Oakland and San Francisco zoos and the wax museum at Fisherman's Wharf, which Coco thought would be too scary for her, and Chloe loved. They went to Chinatown twice, and wandered around Sausalito. They went to the movies, rode the cable car, went back to Bolinas for the weekend, and made another castle, an even bigger, more elaborate one this time. And Coco took her to a toy factory she'd read about, where they let Chloe design and stuff her own teddy bear. Alexander had a friend, a girl bear this time with a pink dress, whom Chloe named Coco, the ultimate compliment. She showed it to her father proudly, and on her last night, they all swam in the pool, and Coco cooked dinner. She even made a cake with pink icing and candy sprinkles on it. It was lopsided, but Chloe loved it anyway. Coco had spelled out her name on it in M&Ms.
Chloe asked them both over dinner if they were going to get married, and her father looked vague. He and Coco hadn't gotten that far yet, although they had touched on the subject of having babies. He was still trying to talk her into coming to live with him in L.A., and had gotten no commitment from her yet. She had an aversion to the city where she'd grown up, and the lifestyle of the people in it. They had a number of hurdles to get over before the subject of marriage could be discussed, but it had crossed his mind. He didn't want to say anything to Chloe about it, for fear of disappointing her later, if things didn't work out. She was in love with Coco, which was mutual, and she even liked the dogs.
“I think your sister might be gay,” she had said pensively to Coco one afternoon, “to have a dog like that. Girls have things like poodles or Yorkies, or little tiny fluffy dogs. Only boys have dogs like Jack.”
“You could be right,” Coco had said noncommittally “I'll have to ask her.” She didn't want to lie to Chloe, but she wasn't ready to answer her either. She didn't want her going back to her mother and announcing that Coco had a lesbian sister. She might think she had said too much to the child, although Monica didn't seem to hesitate to discuss anything with her daughter. But Chloe was her child, so she had that right. Coco wanted to keep firmer boundaries than that, and Leslie was very proper and more traditional too. They seemed to have similar ideas on that and every subject.
They had only one small mishap during Chloe's entire stay. On her very last night, Chloe burned her finger toasting marshmallows with Coco over the stove. She got too enthused and touched the red-hot fork, trying to get the melted mass of marshmallow off. She let out a yelp and burst into six-year-old wails and tears immediately as the finger came up in a blister. Coco acted quickly and ran it under cold water, as Leslie ran into the kitchen when he heard Chloe cry.
“What happened?” he asked, looking panicked, as tears rolled down his daughter's cheeks. “Did she cut herself?”
“She burned her finger,” Coco said, holding Chloe close to her and the wounded finger under the stream of cold water in the sink.
“Did you let her play at the stove alone?” he asked accusingly, and Chloe instantly turned to her father and the tears stopped.
“It's not her fault!” she said fiercely in defense of Coco, having heard the tone of accusation in her father's voice. “She told me not to touch the fork, and I did anyway,” Chloe said, leaning into the warmth and safety of Coco's arms. “It's better now,” Chloe said bravely, as all three of them examined the small, raised white blister. Coco put ointment and a Band-Aid on it, as Leslie looked at her apologetically.
“I'm sorry. That was stupid of me. I was just afraid she was badly hurt.” He felt terrible to have implied that Coco had been neglectful in any way, but when he had heard Chloe's anguished cries, it had gone straight to his heart. But he could see that Coco was just as concerned, and had done a great job with first aid.
“Don't worry about it,” Coco told him reassuringly as she lifted Chloe off the stool where she had sat her next to the sink.
“I love you, Coco,” Chloe said, throwing her arms around Coco's waist and squeezing her tight as Leslie smiled at them both.
“I love you too,” Coco whispered and bent to kiss the top of her head.
“Can we make more marshmallows now?” Chloe asked, smiling at them, holding the injured finger in midair.
“No!” both adults said in unison and then laughed. Leslie still felt terrible for his comment to Coco, but she had taken it in stride, and knew it was only due to fear and concern for his child.
“How about ice cream instead?” Leslie suggested, and Coco looked relieved. It had frightened her when Chloe got hurt and she felt badly about it, but the child was happy and fine again by the time they left the kitchen, and she lay in bed cuddling with both of them, watching TV as all three of them savored their last night. Coco realized how much she was going to miss her. Chloe had lodged herself deep into Coco's heart.
And all three of them looked sad as Leslie drove them to the airport. Chloe was carrying both her old bear and her new one, and Coco almost cried when she said goodbye to her, and they handed her over to the ticket agent who was going to walk her to the plane for New York.
“I hope you come back to visit soon,” Coco said, as she hugged her. “It won't be the same without you.” She meant it, and Chloe nodded in answer, and then pulled away to look at Coco with a serious expression.
“Will my dad be here if I come back to visit?”
“I hope so. Sometimes. You can both come back anytime.”
“I think you and my dad should get married.” She echoed the same opinion she'd voiced earlier, not long after her arrival. The bond between Coco
and Chloe had been almost instantaneous and had gotten stronger every day.
“We'll talk about that sometime,” Leslie said, and hugged her tightly. “I'm going to miss you, you little monkey. Say hi to your mom for me, and call me tonight.”
“I promise,” she said sadly.
“I love you,” he said, hugging her for a last time, and then called it out again, as she went through security and turned to wave at them, smiling brightly. She was waving to both of them, and Coco blew her kisses and touched her heart and then pointed at her. They stood there until she disappeared into the crowd at the airport and headed for the gate, holding the ticket agent's hand.
They stayed until the flight took off, in case it was delayed for some reason, and once it was in the air, they went back to the garage to get the car. They were both silent for the first few minutes, thinking about Chloe, and how empty the house would seem now.
“I already miss her,” Coco said sadly, as they drove away from the airport. She had never lived with a child for two weeks before, and now she couldn't imagine life without her.
“So do I,” he said with a sigh. “I envy people who live with their children. Monica is so lucky she has her all the time.” But he couldn't imagine being married to her either, and never had. “If I ever do it again, I want to stick around. It breaks my heart when she goes, or I do, every time.” He looked mournful as they drove back to the city, and they decided to go to a movie, to keep from going back to the empty house. They felt like two lost souls.
The movie was violent and action-packed, which kept them both distracted, and by the time they got home, Chloe was halfway to New York.
Coco went to swim laps in the pool, and Leslie sat in the study making notes on a script he'd been reading to decide if he wanted the part they were offering him. They met in the kitchen later, and sat staring sadly at the cake Coco had made for Chloe the night before. It was hard to shake the mood of loss as they sat there, and then finally Leslie made them both a cup of tea and sat down with a smile.
One Day at a Time Page 14
