“I'm not going there to see the art.” She smiled at him. “I'm coming to see you.”
“You can do both. I'll be working a lot of the time anyway. And if you're into churches, there are about ten million of them, one more beautiful than the next.” It sounded exciting, and she had promised him she would come when Liz and Jane got back. They hadn't solved the problem of where they would live eventually, or even if they would live together, but little by little they were making plans together, and Coco thought the rest would unfold, if it was meant to be. If she left San Francisco, she would have to close her business. Her father had left her enough to live on comfortably, but she always felt guilty if she wasn't earning a living on her own. And her dog-walking business had proved to be more lucrative than she'd expected, and supplied all her needs. It allowed her to save and invest the rest, which provided a nest egg for her future. She didn't want to be dependent on him. Her mother and sister were both big earners and made a fortune at their careers. Coco had never made a lot of money, but she had a far more modest lifestyle than either of them.
He pressed her several times that afternoon about when she was coming to Venice. All she could tell him was soon, hopefully in a few weeks. Jane and Liz hadn't given her the exact date of their return yet, but she had already warned Erin that she'd be needing her services to cover for her when she left. She wanted to stay with Leslie in Italy for a week or two, although he was hoping to convince her to stay longer.
They went back to the city just after sunset. Leslie drove and Coco looked at the cliffs and the ocean view she loved, thinking about how lucky she was to live there. She didn't feel ready to leave that yet. She'd been happy in Bolinas for the past three years. It would be a sacrifice for her to leave her comfortable, safe haven at the beach. No one bothered her, or intruded on her. There was no press to worry about when she was at the beach cottage with him. It was totally, completely peaceful. But she knew that she would be lonely there now without him. Leslie had become part of everything she did. And his world was light-years away from this. She wondered if maybe, in the future, they could still spend time here when he was between films. He had loved being at the beach with her that summer, but he was used to bigger cities, and a much bigger life. She knew that to some degree, she would have to adjust her life to his. It was inevitable, since he had the more demanding career. For now, she had none at all, just a job.
They spent the night watching an old movie she had never seen before, and loved it. Leslie said it was a classic and he was right. He was knowledgeable about practically every movie ever made. And Coco loved learning about them from him. He wasn't just a handsome actor appearing in commercial hits, he had a profound interest and passion in his trade, and had studied both important and obscure films and what made them great. He had admitted to her once that he wanted to be Sir Laurence Olivier when he grew up, but knew he never would. But he at least wanted to be as good as he could be, in the kind of films he did. Producers tended to cast him in films that capitalized on his looks and charm, but he was a good actor nonetheless, and always had an eye out for more serious parts. He was an excellent performer despite the sometimes lighter roles he played. Jane had said as much about him too, and had a deep respect for his work. He loved doing comedy too, and had a knack for it. He brought his own flair for humor into play, and audiences loved the funny movies he did. But his heart always longed for something deep. Inevitably he had been lured by the fortune to be made doing commercial films. It was hard to resist that kind of money, and they paid him well.
They stayed up late that night, eating ice cream in the kitchen, and talking about the part he was going to play in the current film. He was trying to bring something more to it, and tried out several ideas on Coco, some of which sounded very good to her. She was impressed by how much thought, preparation, and study he put into his roles. She wondered if all actors did that, and Leslie laughed when she said it. “No. Only the good ones.” He admitted to being worried about working with Madison. He had heard from others who had worked with her before that she never knew her lines. It would make it harder for him, and he and the director had already had several arguments about how Leslie viewed his part. They attributed different motivations to the character, and so far the screenwriter was backing up Leslie, which didn't sit well with the director. He had a big ego, and wanted everyone to agree with him. It was going to be challenging for Leslie in Venice. And he was anxious for her support when she came over.
It was two in the morning by the time they got to bed, and he had to get up at seven, in order to leave by eight. They made love hurriedly when they woke up, and took a shower together. He ate a hasty breakfast, kissed her frantically before he left, and promised to call her when he arrived, as she wished him luck with the movie. The house seemed shockingly silent the moment he was gone, and even more so when she came home for a break at lunchtime. She hated knowing that he was going to be far away, but she knew that if she was going to exist in his life, she had to get used to it. He was away on location a lot. Either that, or if she stayed with him, she would have to go with him, which meant she could no longer have a job or even a life of her own. She was afraid of giving up her life for him and living in his shadow, but he had insisted for months that that wasn't what he wanted. He wanted a partnership with her, not a groupie, a handmaiden, or a slave. Unlike her sister, who thought her main purpose in life was to take care of all her minor needs, as though she were a lesser person, which in Jane's mind Coco was. Coco thought Leslie was right the day before when he said that Coco's arrival in their family had upset the applecart for her, and she hadn't forgiven her younger sister for it yet, and maybe never would.
The house was agonizingly quiet that night. Coco watched one of Leslie's old movies, a favorite of hers, hoping to feel less lonely, and instead it only made her miss him more. She sat in her sister's bed, staring at his face on the screen, as it hit her just who she was in love with. “Oh my God…,” she said out loud. She was madly in love with one of the most successful actors in the world. He may not have been Laurence Olivier, but in the eyes of his fans, he was even bigger. She could suddenly hear in her head all the things her sister had said, and wondered what she was thinking, and what he was doing with her. She was nothing and no one, she was just a dog-walker who lived in a shack in Bolinas. Maybe Jane was right. She was overwhelmed by a wave of terror, and cried herself to sleep that night. The only thing that consoled her was a call from Leslie in the middle of the night when he arrived in Venice. He sounded exhausted after two long flights, one of which had been delayed in Paris.
Coco tried to explain to him everything she had felt when she went to sleep that night, the raw terror of realizing who he was and who she wasn't.
“That's total garbage,” he said, after listening to her. “You're the woman I love, and don't you forget it.” But all she could think of after they hung up was the question that was dancing in her head and had been after watching his movie. For how long? And if Jane was right, what gorgeous, glamorous movie star would replace her? Coco shuddered at the thought.
Chapter 14
Jane and Liz returned the week after Leslie had left for Venice. Coco moved back to Bolinas the night before, and she came by to drop off the keys on her way to work on Monday morning. She had left everything as neat as possible, made sure the kitchen was scrubbed, and the sheets and towels in the master suite were changed, and had even left flowers for them. Liz had called to thank her when they got home on Sunday. And Coco was stunned when Jane opened the door on Monday when she dropped off the keys. Jane was wearing black leggings and a tight black sweater, and there was an enormous bulge in her middle. She was five months pregnant. The rest of her was as thin as it had always been, but she looked as though she had a basketball in her leggings. In comparison to the rest of her, her belly seemed huge. Coco laughed the moment she saw it.
“What's so funny?” Jane asked testily, as Coco smiled at her.
“Nothi
ng. You just look really cute.” She pointed to her niece or nephew as Liz walked up behind Jane with a broad smile.
“Pretty impressive, don't you think?” Liz asked her proudly and then hugged Coco. The two sisters exchanged a cursory hug and kiss, and her belly bumped into Coco as she did.
“It looks great,” Coco confirmed as she handed the keys to her sister.
“Thanks for bailing us out for four and a half months,” Liz was quick to say. They were home a month earlier than planned. The filming had gone well.
“It worked out for me too,” Coco said, and then blushed. “I mean… well, anyway… I enjoyed it.”
“I'll bet you did,” Jane said crisply. “Where's Leslie?”
“In Venice. He'll be there till Thanksgiving, or maybe even Christmas.”
“That'll give you both time to come to your senses,” Jane said unkindly. “Mom sent me all the clippings. You started a hornets' nest when you went down to L.A. It'll only get worse if you two stay together. I hope you're ready for it,” she said bluntly.
“We're taking it one day at a time,” Coco said, echoing his words.
“Do you want to come over for dinner tomorrow?” Jane asked her.
“I can't. I'm busy,” Coco said without hesitating for a second. She had no desire to get beaten up by her sister, or listen to her say how quickly Leslie would dump her after he fell in love with his costar in Venice. She didn't want to hear it. She was worried enough about that herself.
“Another time, then. We need you to stay here again next weekend, by the way,” she said offhandedly as the three of them stood at the front door. It didn't even occur to her to ask Coco if it was convenient. She just assumed she'd do it. She always had before.
“I can't,” Coco said, savoring the unfamiliar words. It was hard for her to get them out, but she did. Jane would always be the domineering, slightly scary older sister to her. There were too many years between them for Coco to feel like an adult, with needs of her own, when dealing with her.
“You have to. We're going to L.A. to set up post-production. We have to see a couple of houses to rent, and I want to meet Mom's boy toy. I take it you haven't met him yet.” Jane gave her an inquiring look, prepared to pounce on her if she had and failed to tell her.
“No, I haven't,” Coco confirmed. “Mom was working on a book when I went down to see Leslie, so I didn't see her.” They both knew that their mother didn't take calls or see visitors when she was writing. They wondered if those rules applied to Gabriel too. Maybe they did. In any case, they applied to them. And Jane said their mother had just finished her book, so she had agreed to see them.
“Anyway, I need you to stay with Jack for the weekend. You can take him to Bolinas if you really have to. Once we rent a house, we can take him with us.” Coco knew they would be in L.A. for post-production for several months. “But we're flying this weekend, so we have to leave him here.”
“I won't be here,” Coco said simply, looking her sister in the eye. It was the truth.
“Why not?” Jane looked stunned. She couldn't remember when Coco had ever said no to her. This was a first. It had taken Leslie to free her. Liz didn't say a word but wanted to cheer, and smiled at Coco over Jane's shoulder, to give her courage.
“I'm leaving for Venice on Friday. I'll be there for a couple of weeks. I'm sure Erin can walk him for you. She's covering my clients for me. I was going to ask you if I could leave Sallie here, but I guess I can't.”
Liz was quick to answer for her. “Yes, you can.” She wanted to validate the bold move she had made. “Erin can walk them both, and Jack won't be so lonely if Sallie is here with him.” The two dogs had just lived together for four and a half months and got along well. Jane didn't say a word, she just stared at Coco in disapproval and disbelief. Errand girls and slaves didn't just get up and leave, and make their own plans. This was going to require some serious rethinking for Jane.
“Have you thought about what it's going to be like dealing with the paparazzi in Venice?” Jane asked coolly. It was as though she wanted to punish Coco for her independence.
“Yes, I have,” Coco said quietly. “We'll do the best we can. We're going to try and go to Florence for a few days, during a break.”
“That sounds fabulous,” Liz said enthusiastically, and Jane just looked at her, wondering who and what her sister had become. The change in Jane was more obvious, and physical. The one in Coco was far less visible, and ran deeper. So far motherhood didn't seem to have softened Jane's heart. She was as tough as ever.
“We got the results of the amnio,” Jane suddenly volunteered. “The baby's fine.” She looked faintly disappointed for just an instant. “It's a boy.” They had both wanted a girl, but Liz said she didn't care as long as it was healthy. “That's going to be a lot harder to deal with. Boys are not exactly my thing.” She smiled as she said it, and Coco laughed.
“I think you'll do just fine.” And Coco privately thought that she was much too tough to be the mother of a girl. In fact, she couldn't see her as a mother at all. This had been an interesting choice for her, and a big surprise to them all. Their mother hadn't recovered from it yet. The prospect of being a grandmother didn't thrill her. It just made her feel old, and she had never been enamored with babies, even when she was young and they were hers. She was even less so now, particularly with a man twenty-four years younger in her life. “What are you going to name him?” Jane and Liz had talked about it a lot, and were leaning toward naming him after Jane's father. Liz's father had been named Oscar, which neither of them liked.
“We'll probably name him after Dad. We want to see him first and see what he looks like.”
“I can't wait to see him myself,” Coco said sincerely. It was still hard for her to believe that they were going to have a baby. It was the most unlikely turn of events she could imagine. “You look great, by the way. The only thing different is the basketball under your shirt.”
“The doctor says he's pretty big,” Jane said, looking anxious for a minute. She wasn't looking forward to the birth. The thought of it terrified her, but Liz would be there coaching her. More than once she had wished that they had impregnated her instead. “His father was six foot five, so he should be pretty tall.” Jane was quite tall herself, and Coco was the same size, although in her mind's eye, Jane was always much taller, since she had been when she was a child. That was the memory that had stuck with her.
Coco left them to go to work then, and she dropped Sallie off at their place on Thursday afternoon. They were leaving for L.A. the next day, and Coco was flying to Venice via Paris. She was already packed and wildly excited about it. She and Leslie were talking two and three times a day, and he was thrilled that she was coming.
When she dropped Sallie off, Jane was out, and Liz invited her in for a cup of tea. Coco had just finished work, and she was leaving at the crack of dawn the next morning.
“How are things going with Leslie?” Liz asked her as they sipped their tea.
“Unbelievably well,” Coco said, beaming at her. “I still can't believe it happened, or figure out why he wants me.”
“He's lucky to have you,” Liz said with a look of conviction. She had always hated the way Jane gave her such a hard time. The dynamic between the two sisters pained her, and she had always hoped that Coco would break the ties that bound her one day. But Coco hadn't gotten there yet. The age difference between them, and their history, had always done her a disservice.
“We seem to have gotten off pretty lucky with the press so far,” Coco said cautiously. “It scares me, but hopefully they won't get too crazy over us. I know Jane thinks they'll eat me alive, but it's not like I just got out of jail or am a drug addict or something.”
“Dropping out of law school, living in Bolinas, and running a dog-walking business are not felonies, the last time I checked,” Liz said wisely, “contrary to the impression your sister may have given you. You're a respectable person, work for a living, and you're a terrific
woman. They can't do much with that,” Liz reassured her, and Coco sighed.
“Jane thinks he's going to dump me for someone else in a hot minute. And I worry about that too,” she confessed. “There's a lot of temptation in that business, and he's human like everyone else.”
“He seems to be a human who's very much in love with you,” Liz reminded her. She had heard from Jane about the dressing-down Leslie had given her, which Liz thought was a good sign of his love for Coco. “There are plenty of solid relationships and good marriages in this business. You just don't hear about them, because the tabloids would rather talk about the bad ones. Have a little faith in yourself, and in Leslie. He's a good guy.” Coco basked in the warmth of what she was saying and visibly relaxed.
“I can't wait to see him in Venice,” Coco said with a happy smile.
“You deserve a break. I can't remember the last time you took a vacation.” Not since she had gone on vacation with Ian three years before, as far as Liz could recall. It was about time she came back to life again, and it was obvious that she had. “I can't wait to hear about it when you get back.”
They talked about the baby then, and how excited Liz was about it. She said Jane was too, and was getting used to the idea that it was a boy. She said they were turning the guest room into a nursery, and planned to interview baby nurses in L.A. Coco was excited about it too. She had never expected to have a niece or nephew, and Chloe had reminded her that summer of how great kids could be.
She was leaving just as Jane returned, and for once Jane looked happy and relaxed in an outfit that showed off her protuding belly. Coco couldn't help smiling at it and told Jane she had just dropped Sallie off to stay with Jack.
“Have fun in Venice,” Jane said, sounding gentler for a change. She was in good spirits and said she had just seen the doctor again. Everything was fine, and the baby's heartbeat was strong. She had already started an album with pictures from their sonograms, which sounded funny to Coco. The sentimental gesture was so unlike her, she wondered if she'd be a good mother after all. Neither of them had a strong role model on that score, since their own mother had been anything but maternal. She was competent and responsible, but much more interested in her career and her relationship with her husband than she had ever been in her children. She had forged a relationship with Jane ultimately, as she grew up, but had never managed it with Coco. They had too little in common. Coco had always been the odd man out. She had come along too late, and was too different from all of them to ever feel welcome in their midst. “Call us when you get back!” Jane said as she left, and Coco drove back to Bolinas, thinking about Leslie and Venice and everything they would do there together. She couldn't wait to see him on the set, and to take a few days traveling around Italy with him. He had already promised her a gondola ride under the Bridge of Sighs, which, he had been told and reported to her, would ensure that they would be together forever. It sounded good to her.
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