Liz had prepared a beautiful dinner for all of them. They started it off with caviar, followed by roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, mashed potatoes, minted peas, salad, and dinner rolls. It was an elegant meal, and to top it all off she had prepared traditional plum pudding with hard sauce for dessert. By the time they sat down to the meal, Alyson was sound asleep in her playpen. She was the perfect child. She was going to sleep in their room at the Ritz-Carlton that night. Florence said she had brought earplugs in case she cried, and Gabriel just laughed. He seemed to have endless tolerance for Florence's quirks, and looked at her with adoring eyes.
They went back to the hotel around ten o'clock with Alyson sound asleep in her father's arms. They had a limousine waiting outside, and they left with Florence in a swath of fur, and Gabriel in a good-looking black cashmere coat, as they thanked them for the meal and promised to be back at noon the next day. After that, the three younger women hung out in the kitchen and cleaned up. Liz was making turkey the next day. Jane had hardly been able to eat that night. The meal was delicious, but she said she had no more room. The baby was hogging it all. And she had heartburn all the time.
“This isn't as easy as it looks,” Jane complained, rubbing her back. She was getting more and more uncomfortable now.
“I'll give you a backrub when we go to bed,” Liz promised. She was truly the perfect partner, and Coco told her sister she was a lucky woman. It didn't strike her as odd that her sister was gay, and never had. Coco had always known her that way, and was very comfortable with it. She had always told her friends at school that Jane was a lesbian, and didn't see anything unusual about it.
“You were actually pretty funny then,” Jane reminisced with a chuckle as the others cleaned up. “You told someone I was a leprechaun once, and when I corrected you, you said you thought it was the same thing.”
It was midnight when they all went to their rooms, and Coco lay in bed downstairs, thinking of the months she had spent with Leslie in that house. She wished that he and Chloe were there. Christmas would have been perfect for her then. As usual, she was the odd man out. She wondered what they were doing that night. She knew that Chloe was with him, and wondered if they had put up a tree, if they were with friends, what kind of Christmas they were going to have, traditional or free-form. She would have loved to share it with them, but she couldn't. The paparazzi that were part of his life had changed everything. Her life was simpler now, she reminded herself. But also incredibly sad. The next day she would go back to her house at the beach, and Jane and Liz would have each other. And her mother and Gabriel would be flying to L.A. and then Aspen. She had made a decision that had seemed the right one at the time, and now she had to live by it. The alternative was too hard. Whether or not she loved him was not the question. Being able to share his life for better or worse was the key issue for her and the answer was that she couldn't.
Coco was up before the others the next day. She went to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea, and saw that Liz had already started the turkey. She had gotten up at six to do it, and gone back to bed.
Coco wandered around the house while she waited for Jane and Liz to get up. It was an odd feeling being back here again. She saw Sallie and Jack lying side by side in the kitchen, and even that made her think of him. She didn't know what to do anymore to drive him from her mind. Probably only time would do it.
“You're up early,” Liz said, when she came down to check the turkey again at nine. Coco had been up for hours. She'd been sitting by the tree, looking forlorn when Liz saw her. She didn't say anything about it to her, but she could see what she was thinking. Missing Leslie was written all over her, and Liz felt sorry for her. They sat in the kitchen for a while and talked, but not about him. And at ten o'clock, Jane came downstairs and joined them. She said she already had heartburn.
“You're having the next one,” she said, looking pointedly at Liz.
“I'd be delighted,” Liz said, as Coco offered to make breakfast.
“You're a menace in the kitchen,” Jane growled at her, and Coco laughed.
“You're right. I inherited it from Mom.”
“You did not,” Jane disagreed with her. “Dad was a lousy cook. Mom doesn't even know where the kitchen is.”
“I think Gabriel likes to cook,” Coco added. “At least we know she won't starve in her old age, if she ever lets the cook go.”
“Do you really think they'll last?” Jane asked with a look of disbelief. It was hard for her to imagine. She was sure it was a passing thing, and he would eventually come to his senses, and find someone his own age. But she had to admit, he seemed happy with her mother, and not in the least bothered about the vast expanse of years between them.
“I think if she were a man, we wouldn't even ask that question,” Coco answered. “Men Mom's age marry women younger than Gabriel all the time, and no one even questions it. Sixty-two and thirty-nine wouldn't surprise anyone, if their sexes were reversed.”
“Maybe you're right,” Jane said. “The weird thing is that they actually look right together. He's kind of stuffy for a young guy.”
“I wouldn't go out with him,” Coco said, and they all laughed. He seemed a lot older than Leslie, and in fact was only two years younger.
“Well, you know we wouldn't go out with him,” Jane said, and they laughed harder. “But I know what you mean. He's kind of old-fashioned. Nobody wears suits all the time these days, but he does. Mom loves it. Actually he looked like that the first time I met him, long before he got involved with Mom. I guess he has a thing for older women.”
“Apparently,” Coco said. “Or just Mom. He worships the ground she walks on. And the truth is that if he sticks around, it'll make life a lot easier for us in a few years. She'll be happy.” Jane nodded as she thought about it. Coco had a point.
“What happens when she gets old? I mean really old?”
“The same thing that happens to all of us,” Liz added. “You hope your partner doesn't die, or leave you. At some point, it happens,” she said, looking tenderly at Jane.
“I'm never going to leave you,” Jane whispered softly. “I promise.”
“You'd better not.” Liz leaned over and gave her a kiss.
“Well, I'm leaving you both,” Coco said with a yawn as she got up from the table. “I have to get dressed. Mom will be here in less than an hour,” she reminded them. They all went back to their rooms then and reappeared, nicely dressed, shortly before noon.
As always their mother arrived promptly, in a white Chanel suit, black alligator pumps, and the sable coat she'd worn the night before. She was wearing pearls, and her makeup was perfect. Gabriel was wearing gray slacks and a blazer and another Hermès tie with his pale blue shirt. They looked like a spread in Town & Country. Coco and Liz were more casual, and had worn nice slacks and sweaters, except for Jane who was wearing a bright red tent, and looked miserably uncomfortable all through lunch.
They exchanged presents before lunch, and everyone loved what they'd been given. Their mother had given them the same thing she did every year. She gave them each a check, and a slightly smaller one for Liz. She said she was always afraid of buying the wrong thing and preferred that they shopped for themselves. She had given Gabriel a Cartier watch that he was wearing, and she was wearing a very good-looking diamond pin on her suit, from him. And Florence gave Alyson an enormous doll in a pink dress that was almost as big as she was.
They sat down to lunch at two o'clock, and stayed at the table until four. After that, they sat in the living room, talking and drinking coffee. And then, their mother and Gabriel and Alyson left with all their presents. They were flying back to L.A. that night to drop Alyson off at her mother's, and leaving for Aspen in the morning.
Coco stayed till six to help them clean up, and then she said her goodbyes. They told her she could spend another night, but after two days of family, she thought they'd want to be alone, and she wanted to get home. So she took Sallie and drove back to Bolinas in the
van. The house seemed empty and cold when she got in. She lit a fire, and sat down on the couch, staring at it, thinking about the past two days. She didn't allow herself to think of Leslie, or even Chloe. She had to be grateful for the life she had. And it had been a very nice Christmas. Her new rapprochement with Jane was a blessing in both their lives and was long overdue.
Coco went to bed early and was up at seven. She sat on the deck and watched the sun come up. It was a new day, a new life, and she was reminding herself again of how lucky she was, as she heard the bell clang on her gate. No one ever rang the bell. Most people just walked up to the house and knocked. She was still wearing her pajamas with the hearts on them, and she wrapped herself in the blanket she'd been wearing on the deck and walked around the house to see who it was.
Her long auburn hair was blowing in the wind and she hadn't combed it. It was cold out, but the sky was clear and blue. When she looked toward her gate, she saw them. Leslie was standing there, his hand on the latch, and his eyes locked on hers. He wasn't sure if he had done the right thing. Chloe was standing next to him in a bright blue coat, with her long braids and her big smile. And she was holding a present. The minute she saw Coco, she waved and bounded through the gate by herself.
“She wanted to see you,” Leslie explained as Coco hugged her and walked through the sand on bare feet. She stood looking up at him as though she were seeing a vision.
“I wanted to see her too,” Coco said, “and you. I miss you.” And before she could say anything else, he took her in his arms and held her. He didn't want to hear another thing, he just wanted to hold her and smell her hair and feel her in his arms again.
“It's cold out here,” Chloe complained, as she looked up at them. “Can we go in?”
“Of course we can,” Coco said, as she took her hand, and turned around to smile at him. He had done the right thing.
The house looked the same to him, and he saw the photograph of him and Chloe. He smiled a long slow smile at her, and she mouthed “I love you” over Chloe's head.
“I love you too,” he said clearly.
“What's for breakfast?” Chloe intervened, and then handed Coco her present. She sat down on the couch to unwrap it. It was a small brown teddy bear, and Coco smiled, gave her a big hug, and told her she loved it.
“How about waffles?” Coco answered her question. “And s'mores.”
“Yes!” Chloe clapped her hands in glee as Coco went to the kitchen, and put the kettle on for tea. She kept glancing over at Leslie as though he might disappear. It had been a long two months without him, and she wasn't sure yet what this meant. She was just glad he was here.
They sat down to breakfast together, as Chloe told her all about their Christmas. They had decorated a tree, and gone to a hotel for dinner, and last night, they had decided to come and see her. They had taken a plane to San Francisco, and they were staying at a nice hotel because her father had said that it was too late to drive to the beach the night before. He said it would be rude, even though Chloe didn't think so. So they had come this morning instead. And now here they were. She beamed at both of them as she said it, and Coco smiled first at her, and then at Leslie.
“That was a very, very good idea,” Coco said.
Chloe looked at her father immediately. “See, I told you she'd be happy to see us!” The two adults beamed at each other over the child's head.
Coco got dressed after breakfast, and they went out for a walk on the beach. It was the day after Christmas, and a number of people were walking.
“I missed you incredibly,” Leslie told her, as Chloe ran ahead to pick up shells on the sand.
“Me too.”
“I didn't know what you'd think if we just showed up. I didn't think you'd want to see me. Chloe said you did.”
“She called me on Thanksgiving, it was the next best thing to talking to you.” She looked up at him again, as though he were a dream.
“Coco, about Venice…”
She shook her head and put a finger to his lips as they stopped walking and looked at each other. “You don't have to say anything … I realize that I don't care about the paparazzi, or the fan magazines, or any of it, even if it does scare me to death… I just want to be with you. I love you too much to let that keep us apart.” She knew it the minute she saw him. It was what he had come here to hear, but hadn't dared to hope for. She had been sure of it when he appeared at her gate. And what Jane had said on Thanksgiving had haunted her, about not giving up on him yet.
“I love you. I swear I'll never let anything like that happen to you again. I'll kill them first.”
“I don't care… we'll get through it together… if they drive us crazy, we'll move. We'll go somewhere else. We can always hide out here.” She smiled at him, and he held her.
“I was dying without you,” he said in a deep husky voice.
“Me too.”
“Where do you want to live?” He was willing to go anywhere for her.
“With you.”
They walked slowly down the beach after Chloe. And when the wind picked up and it got too cold for them, they went back to the house and lit a fire.
Coco made lunch for them, and afterward Leslie took out the trash for her. It was overflowing. He saw Jeff, the fireman, at the garbage cans, and he gave Leslie a broad grin and a slap on the shoulder.
“Nice to see you back,” he said, shaking hands with him. “I hear you were making a movie in Venice. We missed you. My damn car's a mess again. I think it's the transmission.”
“I'll take a look at it later,” Leslie promised.
“We missed you around here,” Jeff said with an intense look, meaning Coco. But he had missed him too.
“Thanks. I missed you all too.” Leslie went back inside to Coco then, who was playing card games with Chloe. After that, they watched a movie on TV, he took a look at Jeff's car, and told him he might have to sell it. Coco made pizza for dinner. They tucked Chloe into Coco's bed, and they lay on the couch for hours, talking about their plans. He had to work in L.A. for the next three months, finishing the movie. His house was empty again, and he was living there.
“I can't leave for another month, but then I could come down and stay with you. We can see how it works, and if they drive us crazy. If they do, we can figure out something else. But we might as well try it down there first. That's where you live.” She had made her peace with it the moment she saw him. It was about the person, not the place, and Jane had been right again. You didn't run away because the going got tough, if you loved someone. She knew that. She just got scared in Venice, and after that she got lost in her own fears.
“How's your wrist?” he asked, looking worried, and he wanted to cry when he saw the small scar on her hand. He kissed it, and then she kissed him.
“My wrist is fine. It's my heart that was broken. You just fixed it. I'm all better now.” He smiled and pulled her into his arms.
“Chloe is a lot smarter than we are. She said I had to come here and fix things with you. I wanted to, but I was afraid to. Everything got so screwed up in Venice, I didn't think I had the right to do that to you again, or ask you to take that chance.”
“You're worth it,” Coco said quietly. “I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out.” He nodded and just held her. It didn't matter how long it had taken, he was back. And then he thought of something else.
“Why can't you come down for another month?”
“Jane's baby,” she said, smiling at him. “I promised I'd be there. He's due in five weeks. And I need to wrap things up here anyway.”
“What are you going to do with your business?”
“Give it to Erin, I think. I have to talk to her about it, but I'm pretty sure she'd like that. She hates her other job, and she can make a decent living at it. I did.” She smiled broadly at him. “I want to go back to school. I can apply to UCLA.”
“Art history?” She nodded.
“I want to figure something out so I can travel
with you.”
“I'd like that a lot.” He looked relieved. “My next two pictures are in L.A.” It meant he would be home for the next year. And they both hoped that the paparazzi wouldn't drive them insane. He had already hired a security service to stand guard in an unmarked car outside his house. He wasn't going to take a chance on another Venice happening again, to any of them. And once they lived together, hopefully they'd be old news.
He lay holding her for hours, and then finally went to sleep with Chloe in her bedroom. He hated to leave Coco alone on the couch, but she told him he should. She didn't want Chloe to wake up alone.
“She might think we were doing that disgusting thing she told us about once,” she teased him, and he laughed.
“You'll have to remind me how to do that. I think I've forgotten.”
“I'll remind you when I come to see you in L.A.”
“When will that be?” he asked, looking worried. He didn't want to go for another month without seeing her.
“How does next weekend sound to you, unless you want to come here?” All the pieces of the puzzle were falling back into place again.
“Either way,” he said, as he kissed her again before leaving her for the night. They had a lifetime to work out the details.
Chapter 20
For the next four weekends, she and Leslie took turns visiting each other, in L.A. and at the beach. Her visits to L.A. were uneventful. Paparazzi waited outside restaurants for them, and occasionally stood outside his front gate to take pictures of them as they drove away. A photographer followed them around a supermarket once, but it was so minor compared to what they'd experienced in Italy that neither of them cared.
They went to UCLA together to pick up an application. And he came to Bolinas twice after Chloe went back to New York. He was still on break from the movie for the holidays, and when he came to San Francisco, they had dinner with Jane and Liz. Leslie was startled when he saw how big she was. By then, she could hardly move.
“Don't laugh at me,” Jane scolded him. “It's not funny. You should try feeling like this. If guys had to do this, no one would have kids. I'm not sure I could do this again myself.”
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