Either way, it reminded me I didn’t have a chance with Nolan. He was way out of my league. Maybe even more so because he’d once been my best friend. He knew all my quirks.
And this was why his staying in my apartment was a bad idea. That, and just knowing he was in the room next to mine, just knowing how much I wanted to kiss him, just knowing how much my body ached to have him touch me like I wanted to touch him…all of this would turn his stay into my own personal torture. The Spanish Inquisition had nothing on this.
I’d planned to stomp my foot like a petulant toddler if it meant I’d get my way. What I hadn’t counted on, though I should’ve known better, was for Nolan to challenge me to a game of foosball.
He knew I couldn’t say no. I should have, given I hadn’t played the game in five years. But if I was out of practice, so was he.
“Okay. One game. I win and you’re out of here.” I wanted to add that he would be on the next plane back to L.A., but I didn’t want to push my luck. I knew him well enough to be aware that, much like me, once he got an idea in his head he’d follow through on it. And if I was completely honest with myself, a large part of me was thrilled I still meant that much to him. He was putting his life and his girlfriend on hold to help me remember.
He might not have wanted to remember what happened the night his mother and sister were murdered, but I wanted to know why I’d been in Westgate and figure out why I’d been attacked. Bonus points if the guy was caught and tossed in jail.
“What color do you wanna be?” he asked.
“Red.” Why break tradition? Especially when tradition usually had me winning.
We got into position. It didn’t take long for me to realize my original belief was way off center. I might have grown rusty at the game during the past five years, but clearly I was the only one to have suffered that fate.
“You’ve been practicing,” I huffed as my player pelted the ball down the field.
Nolan’s player intercepted it and kicked it in the opposite direction. “Actually, I haven’t.”
Before I could react and block the ball, his player sent it flying into the goal.
To win the game.
The stupid sun picked that moment to peek from behind the clouds. Sunlight streamed into the room, highlighting Nolan in its warm, muted glow. Even the angels were conspiring against me.
I silently cursed my goalie for its betrayal.
To his credit, Nolan didn’t burst into a cheer at his win. His mouth, though, couldn’t resist enjoying my moment of defeat. It jerked into that sexy smirk of his. The sexy smirk I wanted to slap off his face.
Or kiss off.
“How about best of three?” Hey, it was worth a try.
Nolan shook his head. “To echo what you said earlier: sorry, not happening.” He laughed, and my traitorous body responded to the deep sexy sound. Only my brain agreed that having Nolan stay with me was a terrible idea.
“Fine.” No one had ever accused me of being a sore loser. “I’m going back to work tomorrow. So you’ll have the apartment to yourself for most of the day.”
“Already? But you just got out of the hospital.”
“I know, but maybe I’ll remember something if I go back.”
He couldn’t argue with that.
“I’m coming with you.”
I barely fought the urge to roll my eyes. “I don’t need a babysitter, Nolan. It’s not like anyone will attack me there. Not in broad daylight. I promise you, I’ll be safe.”
“I know you don’t need a babysitter, and I’m not applying to be one. But it wouldn’t hurt if I asked around, see if anyone knows anything that might help the cops.”
“Don’t you think they’d have already done that?”
“Maybe, but I’d feel better if I could at least talk to a few people there. Besides, I can’t let my body turn to flab while I’m here.” He patted the rock-hard abs that girls would pay thousands of dollars to lick. I kid you not. I’d read it on a fan page a few months earlier. A group of girls actually had bid for the honor to lick them, as if Nolan had consented to it. At least I didn’t think he had.
And no, I hadn’t thrown in a bid. Not for real, anyway.
“I can hit the weight room while I’m there,” he added. “Maybe even the running track.”
Since I didn’t have a good reason for him not to come with me, I quit trying to dissuade him. Sometimes it was better to just accept defeat and move on.
“So…” The word was drawn out, filled less with curiosity than with the need to change the topic. “I hear things are going well between you and Alyssa Graham.” I almost patted my back at the lack of jealousy in my voice. At the very least, I deserved a reward for it.
“There’s nothing going on between me and Alyssa. We’re just friends.” He said it with a straight face, like he’d practiced the line a hundred times to keep his feelings for her out of the words.
I snorted. “Sure you are.”
“I’m telling you the truth.” While I might have succeeded at keeping jealousy out of my voice, the same couldn’t be said for Nolan and the impatience leaking in.
“You’re not even friends with benefits?”
Deep lines formed on his forehead. “Absolutely not.”
“So you and she have never had sex?” I wanted to bang my head against the wall the moment those words came out. If he had had sex with her, I’d rather not know. It was hard enough reading about his erotic trysts with his lucky fans. At least those I could pretend were make-believe, nothing more than wishful thinking by those girls.
Before I could tell him to ignore the question because my vivid imagination was enough, thank you, he replied, “Not even once. Which also means any rumors you may have heard that I’m going to be a father next year are false.”
“That you know of.” My heart tugged hard at the possibility.
“I always use a condom.” He studied my face, his head tilted to the side like a curious golden retriever. As if he wasn’t already adorable enough.
My heart rate kicked up. On the bright side, I was no longer attached to a heart rate monitor.
“What about you? Any little Haileys running around?”
A smirk lifted the corner of my mouth. “Not that I know of. At least no guy so far has come forth claiming to be carrying my child, or to have fathered a child with me. Besides, like you, I always use a condom. And I’ve been tested. So I’m clean.” No idea why the sudden need to share that with him.
His gaze dropped momentarily to my lips. “Me too.”
“Is it…is it hard being known by a different name? I mean, doesn’t it get confusing at times?” I asked, quickly changing topics again. Or have you forgotten who you used to be?
“Do I wish I could be Nolan Kincaid instead of Tyler Erickson? Yes. Do I want everyone to know the truth about my former life?” He shook his head, the sadness in his eyes unmistakable.
And that’s when I did the one thing I hadn’t done since Nolan returned home—I hugged him. He didn’t stiffen or pull away. He held on to me like I was the air he needed to breathe. I rested my head on his shoulder and let my own grief at what he had gone through smother me. I’d loved his mother and his sister. I still felt their loss every day.
And for the thousandth time since their deaths, I wished I’d done things differently. Maybe if I had, they would still be alive, and Nolan wouldn’t be so torn apart.
“As much as I wish I could be Nolan,” he murmured in my hair, “that’s not who I am anymore.”
“You’re wrong,” I said, my head still on his shoulder, his scent of lemons and sunshine soothing me. “It’s exactly who you are. Even if the rest of the world doesn’t realize it yet.”
—
I wasn’t sure what woke me up. The room was dark, other than the red numbers glowing on my alarm clock: 2:13 a.m. It was that irritating time of night where if you didn’t get back to sleep in, say, the next thirty seconds, you could cross a good night’s sleep off your l
ist of daily accomplishments.
The air was still and eerily quiet. I felt oddly out of balance, and it had nothing to do with the time.
It was a feeling I recognized all too well.
I climbed out of bed, wearing my favorite worn-out tank top and sleep shorts, which were more about comfort than sex appeal. I slipped out of my room and walked the short distance to Nolan’s room. A faint light crept from under the door. Without knocking, I opened it.
Nolan was pacing in the small confines of his room, his head down, the carpet muffling his footsteps. He was lost in his own world, oblivious to me in the doorway.
“Hey, you can’t sleep?” I asked.
His head shot up, eyes wide. He visibly relaxed when he spotted me, although I couldn’t say I felt the same. More like the opposite. Blame that on his half-naked body, every muscle in his torso strong and defined.
Ever since he’d become popular, I couldn’t remember a time I’d seen pictures of him without a T-shirt on. Now I could see why. He didn’t want anyone to see the thick, five-inch scar along his otherwise perfect abs, halfway between his ribs and the waist of his low-rise jeans. I was surprised none of his one-night stands had ever mentioned it on the social media sites. If they had, the news would have gone viral.
I stepped into the room and surveyed the area. The room was dimly lit, a lightbulb in the ceiling fixture burnt out. The bedding was a tangled mess, the casualty of heavy tossing and turning. Other than the bed and Nolan’s acoustic guitar propped against the wall next to the head of the bed, the place was empty.
Nolan sighed and scrubbed his face with his hand. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”
I plopped down on the edge of his bed. He joined me.
“You didn’t.” I suspected it was a lie, but I couldn’t tell him the truth and upset him. I didn’t want him to feel worse than he already did. And maybe it was just dumb luck I’d woken up. “Why don’t you play something?”
“You should go to bed. You need to rest.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m pretty sure I need to listen to you play. Please.” I gave him my most pleading look. Besides, now that I was awake, I doubted I could fall back to sleep anytime soon. Not when I knew how much he was hurting.
“Okay,” he whispered, and leaned over me to retrieve his guitar. He started strumming the melody, and I instantly recognized it: “This One Moment.” My favorite song. It had done well on the charts, but it should have gone much higher. It should have been number one.
The moment Nolan sang the first verse, I was done for. His rich, clear voice melted my insides like a marshmallow in hot chocolate. I loved listening to his album, and I loved hearing him in concert, but neither of those compared to listening to him sing and play the song unplugged.
I wasn’t the only one the song affected, although I doubted Nolan’s insides melted like mine. The knotted tension in his muscles seeped away, the way it had whenever he used to sneak off in the middle of the night and play in the backyard shed. When you saw him like this, it was easy to understand how important music was to him. It was his lifeline, the thing that gave his life meaning.
I smiled at him. My blood heated at the way he smiled back. It was a smile he had perfected over the years and used to his advantage. It wasn’t a smile meant only for me.
Nolan leaned over my legs and returned his guitar to the bed. But for some reason, as if drawn to him like a magnet, I shifted forward as he straightened. His hand accidentally brushed against the side of my breast and I froze.
I might have frozen, but my blood didn’t. It heated to two hundred degrees as my heart hammered hard in my chest.
His hand remained in place even when I turned to face him. Almost as if his thumb had a mind of its own, it brushed against my nipple. I sucked in a hard breath but still didn’t move, silently willing him to keep touching me this way.
Neither of us said anything. I was afraid to break the silence and have him realize what he was doing—to me—and how I was reacting.
My gaze returned to his lips, and once again I wondered what it would feel like if his mouth melded with mine, if his tongue explored mine.
And then I discovered exactly what it felt like to have his lips caress mine. I didn’t know who moved first, him or me, but one moment I was thinking about kissing him and the next we really were kissing. Softly.
I closed my eyes and his familiar scent teased me the same way his mouth teased mine. I was losing myself in his tender kisses, and I didn’t care.
His lips parted, and the tip of his tongue traced along the seam of my mouth. We weren’t even kissing hard, but my breath was coming fast and eager. I opened my mouth and let him in.
The jolt shooting through me as his tongue stroked my tongue was almost my undoing.
It was also the splash of cold water I needed.
What the hell was I doing? This was Nolan, the guy who had been my best friend for much of my life, until he moved away. This wasn’t one of my one-night stands. I never felt anything for those guys, and that left the sex less than satisfying. I felt too much for Nolan, and that was dangerous. Because in the end, he could walk away unscathed.
Not so for me.
I pulled away, unable to look at him. “You can keep playing if you want.”
I didn’t wait for his response. Like the coward I was, I fled his room.
Chapter 12
Hailey
The next morning I woke up feeling like I’d played two soccer games back to back without a break. After fleeing Nolan’s room, I’d slept a grand total of an hour, if that. And it had nothing to do with Nolan and his guitar. His playing had only continued for an hour after I left. The real culprit for my lack of sleep was Nolan’s kiss. It had been everything I expected from him. Experience had taught him well.
Which meant the kiss was not so easily forgotten.
I was doomed.
I walked past his bedroom on the way to the bathroom. Nolan’s door was open a crack.
“I swear I’ve got this,” he said, voice low. “Everything’s gonna be all right. I promise.”
Giving him privacy, I left to get ready for work. Mom had texted at some point this morning to check up on me.
I’m fine, I told her. I just need things to get back to normal, then everything will be great.
Maybe Dad and I should cancel the Mexican cruise. She was referring to the trip they were going on after Christmas. She’d been counting down the days before she could trade the cold for the heat. Who could blame her?
Don’t you dare cancel!!!! Honestly, I’m fine.
If you’re certain…
Absolutely! But in case she wasn’t totally convinced, I’d speak with Dad later and make sure she couldn’t talk him into canceling their plans on my behalf. They deserved this break together.
Nolan, wearing jeans and a T-shirt, was in the tiny kitchen when I emerged freshly showered a short while later. The shower helped a little, but not as much as the smell of coffee waiting for me.
Nolan handed me a steaming mug and I almost kissed him, but for a different reason than last night.
I sipped it, and a satisfied smile slipped onto my face. “You remembered how I like it.” Nolan as my roommate came with definite perks. Although if I had any more sleepless nights like last night, I’d need a lot more than a simple mug of coffee.
His gaze scanned my body, and he frowned. “Why are you dressed like you’re gonna play soccer?”
“Not soccer. Work.” I worked in a sports training facility, thanks to my kinesiology degree. It was mostly to gain experience so I could apply to get into a physical therapy education program. Because of that, I had several part-time jobs there, including working with special-needs kids.
Nolan’s frown deepened. “You sure you don’t want to take a few more days off?”
“I’m fine. Really.” I was still sore, but nothing that would cause me too much trouble at work. I just needed to get away for a bit from Nolan and my feeli
ngs for him. Returning to work was the best way to do this.
He gave me the patented cut-the-crap look he used to save for whenever I’d tried lying to him. “Great. Then I’m going with you.”
“I already told you I don’t need a babysitter.”
“And I already told you I’m not signing up for the job. I’m going to work out. Remember? I need to keep in shape or else this all turns to flab.” He patted his rock hard abs. “And flabby rock stars are not all the craze right now.”
I snorted a laugh. “I don’t think you have to worry about it while you’re here. It’s not like you’ll be in Northbridge long enough to become flabby.” I tried not to think about those abs, which I’d seen last night. I did my best—but failed.
After a quick breakfast, Nolan drove me to the sports center, even though I’d insisted I was fine enough to drive myself. Neither of us mentioned the kiss. In fact, Nolan acted as though we hadn’t kissed at all. He kissed girls all the time. Kissing me was no big deal. It was just one of those rock-star perks that came with his job. He got to kiss whomever he wanted, whenever he wanted, the girl’s feelings for him be damned.
I was nothing more than one of those girls.
The sports center lobby area was busy with the early-morning crowd. Some individuals were hitting the gym before work. Others were in one of the intensive, sport-specific training programs offered here. The center catered to all levels of athletes, young and old.
And that’s when it happened.
By “it,” I meant the effect Nolan had on the female persuasion. With the celebrity alert system wired into their brains going berserk, a half dozen girls suddenly looked in our direction. They eyed him like he was a juicy steak they craved after a week of chowing down on nothing but lettuce leaves. I braced myself for the fangirl screams. It was far too early in the morning for that.
Who was I kidding? The only good time for that level of fan enthusiasm was…never.
Fortunately, we were spared from going deaf. They just stared at him as if he was a delusion brought on from not enough caffeine in their systems.
Recovering first, two high-fashion-model wannabes sashayed toward us, their moves graceful yet predatory. Neither girl seemed aware she had competition also stalking her prey. Like a lioness going in for the kill, each was focused on one thing and one thing only. I wasn’t even sure they noticed me walking alongside Nolan. Which was just as well. I didn’t want to be considered part of the equation, an element they were eager to eradicate.
This One Moment Page 7
