The flashes were a lot stronger this way, and she felt waves of delight coming over her. This was incredible, it was so intense and good, it kept getting better and better, until after some time she was out of her senses with bliss, and the heat reached a peak then ebbed away slowly, with little shocks running through her entire body.
She looked at Henry with amazement, how had he known to do that? And what was coming next, for he seemed still as heated as before, and very intent. He sat up, still watching her, and asked: 'How was that?' quite calmly.
She answered, still a bit dazed: 'It was incredible, how did you do that? And
what's next?' He was stroking her with heat now, clearly no longer able to control himself, and she applauded him for letting go at least a tiny bit. 'I'll show you, but be aware, it may hurt a little the first time. Tell me if it does, please do, I'll be more careful. I've never done this a woman's first time.' He now lowered himself, spread her legs again, and inserted his man-part right into the place that had felt so heated every time he had kissed her with strong passion.
The feeling was overwhelming. The bliss he had caused her to feel before had not died down entirely, and now it flashed right back up, really intensely, and as she looked at Henry's face it was clear he felt the same intense passion. As she felt him sliding inside her, there was a tiny hurt, but she could barely feel it through the excitement filling her. When his hard stomach touched hers, she knew he was totally within her, and then he started to move a little, gently, slowly, his body moving on top of her in a rhythm, his face in total abandonment now. This must be an incredibly good feeling to him as well, for she had never seen such ecstasy in him, such release of control.
She kept watching him whilst relishing the rising ecstasy inside her, feeling a flash of lust each time he touched her inside and also outside, where he had licked her so blissfully just before, and she wanted him to thrust faster and harder, kissing him heatedly to increase his fervor, increase his efforts. He looked at her, asked: 'Are you fine, no pain?' and she could barely speak as she replied: 'No pain, please let go now, I want you to, really badly.'
So he did, and he changed from the totally controlled, gentle man she knew so well into a frenzied, almost wild creature, that bit her throat lightly, kissed her greedily again, arched his wiry, well-muscled body and speeded up his thrusting to an almost incredible pace and force. Her body exploded in titillation, every thrust building on the one before it, until the blissful tension was released in another one of those shuddering climaxes.
He didn't last much longer after months of abstinence, he would need to build up his stamina again, they were married now and could do this as often as they both liked. But this time he had his own release before she could build up to another one, and he lowered himself on her carefully, taking most of his weight on his arms.
She embraced him lovingly, enjoying the feeling of being totally covered with the man she loved even better now she had finally seen his incredibly
passionate nature totally unchained. He was out of breath, and the feel of his heaving chest gave her a feeling of intense satisfaction, his breathing audible, his mouth still kissing her gently, lovingly, the scent of his exertion all around her.
'Did I scare you?' he asked uncertainly. She sent him her most adoring, loving look, and spoke: 'You didn't, I loved it, I loved to finally see that part of you.
I can't wait until we do this again, I still feel you inside me, feel the heat.
How did you know how to do that, please a woman her first time?'
He laid next to her, still breathing a bit hard, and looked rather embarrassed.
Then he told her: 'I was not planning to marry, ever, my uncle was never happy in his marriage, and I decided I'd rather do without wife. But I have always had strong urges, like most men, and I would not relieve them on some girl from the kitchen or a maid, that just didn't feel right.
So I became a regular with a certain lady whom I paid to be allowed to relieve my urges on. That is how it started, for she was not pleased with my excess of lust and lack of control and finesse. She taught me, first how to control my urges, instead of letting my them control me. You have seen the result of not doing that in your eldest cousin.
And then she taught me how to really please a woman, and not just use her to satisfy my own passion. I was a good student, and if I had not fallen hopelessly in love with you, I would still be visiting her. Does hearing this shock you, do you despise me for it?'
He awaited her verdict with his head bowed, his face averted in something like shame, or embarrassment. She took hold of his jaw and gently pulled his face back to hers, to give him a direct look, and she said: 'No, it doesn't shock me, for I expected something of the sort. Somehow I knew you had experience and I have to admit, I was a tiny bit afraid where you'd gotten it.
And no, I don't despise you for it, for you did it honorably, you didn't ravage some servant girl or other girl who could not refuse her superior, but you paid someone who clearly found some joy in teaching young men to be better lovers.
And last of all, your lady taught you admirably, for that was the best feeling I've ever had in my life, excepting only your loving acceptance of me when I was almost dying of grief. And I guess her lessons in controlling your urges made you a better person in all respects.'
'I'm relieved you don't think badly of me, beloved, I couldn't bear it if you
did. But I'm afraid I wasn't a better person for all my control, for I used it to break hearts all around me and never be affected myself. Except when I tried to break yours, that disgrace turned on me quite rightfully and very, very thoroughly. I love you so much, my dearest Fanny.'
His still-husky voice sounded different now, Fanny guessed it was because the passion in it had been laid to rest for a while, though the emotion in it was overwhelming. He had been a very bad man, but he had done so much for Fanny that she could never hold it against him anymore, she could not see his old self anymore, though she clearly remembered the things he'd done right before her own eyes.
She snuggled against him with an overwhelming feeling of rightness, touching him wherever she wanted without any twinge of impropriety or guilt, knowing she would be allowed to lie beside him the whole night, and every night still to come. It was impossible to find sleep already, so they stayed awake in each other's arms, exchanging sweet words, stroking one another constantly, until Henry's ardor awoke once more and they continued their loving where they had left off.
Chapter 20
Dawn found them still entangled, fast asleep, and when the first bustle of the staff all around the house awoke them, they looked at each other and kissed, that soon leading to other activities. Afterwards, Henry proposed to take a morning ride, to get away from the preparations for the wedding feast, and Fanny heartily agreed. She preferred to meet her cousins only in public, though she would have liked Mary and Edmund to join them, to be able to tell Mary about her first night with her brother.
But going out alone was also very pleasurable, unable to hold hands or touch in any other way, but still feeling the bond from last night, connecting them even though they each rode their own horse. The weather was fine, the horses were fresh, and there were several secluded spots in reach of the house where they could rest the horses and catch up on some intimacy.
When they returned they were still a bit flushed, but since they had arrived in their usual gallop, no-one would suspect it was something different than the excitement of the ride. Well, no-one but Mary and Edmund, who had to wait another day until they would be able to indulge themselves in the same way.
Despite the demands on their time by visitors, staff and the need to dress for the ceremony, Edmund and Mary both found time to take one of the newly-weds apart for a few moments to ask about their first night together.
Mary took Fanny to the shrubbery, and conspiratorially asked her: 'And, how was he? Did you see my dear brother totally unleashed?' Something of the memory must have shown
in Fanny's face, for Mary's expression became unreadable, and she said with great feeling: 'I can see it was good, I'm so happy for you two, and a bit envious too, for I used to be the person Henry loved the most on this world. But I lost that position to you some time ago already, so I'm used to it now, and you are the only woman I'd trust him to with all my heart.'
Still a bit lost in her memory of last night, Fanny said: 'Thank you for your kindness, Mary. It was wonderful, he was so tender and sweet at first, and he thought of my need before his own, and then when I was ready and asked
him to, he let go of his control and Mary, he was wild. Wild with need and passion, and it was all for me. I will never forget it, I hope that wild creature will always be within him, waiting to be set free.'
Anyone hearing her talk would have been scandalized, Fanny realized this, but restraint and propriety had only ever brought her grief and guilt, and when she had let them go, she had decided to keep propriety for public occasions, and a head-to-head with Mary certainly didn't count as such. She didn't tell Mary any of the particulars though, that was just too embarrassing, and besides, the two of them would find out soon enough.
Then Mary had to go to have her hair done, to be married to the man Fanny had loved best before she fell for Henry, a worthy exchange somehow, especially since the two men by now could rightfully have been called best friends.
And as such, Edmund had sought out Henry for a private talk, hoping to get some practical advice for the wedding-night, and with Henry still as lost in his own first night as a married man as Fanny was, he came to the right address. Henry, very much thrilled at his fearless reception by Fanny, and not overly burdened with propriety towards his friends, managed to describe the particulars quite adequately, embarrassing Edmund a lot, of course, but he did want to know. A few pieces of good advice completed the whole, and Edmund went back to the house to dress for the ceremony with a lot more faith in the coming night.
Fanny was a bit disappointed not to have a few private minutes with Edmund before the ceremony, but she had seen his intimate talk with Henry, his coloured cheeks and embarrassed manner, and she knew her dear cousin would have had some good advice on how to proceed with his fair bride. The very thought of what they were discussing gave her a distinct blush, and she was sure Edmund would be scandalized, but he would feel better having heard it.
It was very evident to her uncle that Fanny had had a good first night as a married woman, she had a fine colour and a slightly dreamy expression. Her figure looked differently, but that might be her new dress, one of the three Henry had given her for London, but which nobody present had seen yet besides the four who had been on that trip.
It pleased Sir Thomas to see his niece so happy, observing the change in her since her return from Portsmouth, and remembering the reason for that
change, her allowing Mr Crawford's attentions, he started to realize she had not been very happy before then. He was ashamed to think that his severity to her might very well have contributed to her unhappiness, as well as his wife's constant demands on her time, and his sister-in-law's relentless criticizing and demeaning.
Frankly, the only family-member who had ever done right by her had been Edmund, and the result was a heartfelt friendship between the two of them, a friendship Sir Thomas was very glad to see and very eager to preserve even after both their marriages.
His daughters were back on Mansfield Park for the first time in at least half a year, and he was pleased to see Julia in good health, beautiful as ever, and charming to everyone, even her aunt Norris and old Mrs Rushworth, who could try everyone's temper, Mrs Rushworth with just having little powers of conversation, but his sister-in-law with her sour remarks on Fanny's marriage, wishing her well, but hoping it would last. She still disliked Fanny, and marrying a rich man was too much honour for her by far. Sir Thomas was starting to dislike his sister-in-law a lot, and he was glad that having the young people resident seemed to keep her at her own house most of the time.
Seeing his eldest daughter again did not please Sir Thomas, she was clearly in excellent health, and showed all the characteristics of a rich, fashionable woman, but she was not happy with them, and she evidently despised her husband, who Sir Thomas had to admit was indeed as unbearable to spend much time with as he had ever been, and he was sorry he had been away when Maria had convinced herself she needed to engage herself to Mr Rushworth, for he would have not consented to the engagement if he had known that gentleman's understanding at that time, and he would give something now to save her from a very unhappy match. But he had given her the chance to get out of the engagement when he returned from Antigua, and Maria had knowingly married Mr Rushworth, and there was nothing he or anyone else could do about it anymore.
Being with her family for a few days, one would expect Maria to be distracted from her marriage, she could easily avoid her husband most of the day, and there were her sister and Miss Crawford to spend time with, and certainly Fanny was now worthy of some notice by Maria, since she had married a gentleman of nearly the same rank as Mr Rushworth. The gentlemen were easy enough with each other, but Maria seemed to have a pointed dislike against Fanny and especially against Mr Crawford.
Well, there was nothing he could do for his daughter now, she had chosen her own fate, and she would be back to her amusements in a few days. But he was still going observe her behavior as long as she was still here, for it was a father's duty to know his children.
With everyone in their best looks, it was nearly time for the ceremony, and Fanny was going to join Henry to await its start together, when she saw her cousin Edmund, looking splendid in his wedding suit, inviting her for a little private chat. They sat down in the window of the drawing room, where they had often shared intimacies before, and Edmund took Fanny's hand and said:
'You look exceedingly pretty, and very happy, Fanny. I couldn't find you this morning, and then I had to change, but I found I couldn't get married without seeing you alone one last time before I too join the ranks of the married people.' Fanny was exceedingly pleased to be thus sought out by her cousin, and she told him so. 'How could it not be so, we were always close, and I hope that will not change, we really must find a way to be together a lot, for have had such great times already.' Then he came to the point: 'How was it, Fanny, last night, did you see the real Henry?'
Fanny, blushing of course, replied: 'I did, and it was incredible. He was just wild, and I loved him.' 'Good, I expected you would, I suppose you could never be afraid of Henry after what you have been through together, even if he was wild. That sounds so romantic. I'm looking forward to my own moment of truth, but I'm dreading it too. Fortunately your wild husband has given me some tips he says never fail to meet with success. But first there will be the party to live through. Will you keep two dances for me again, or do you only dance with your husband now?'
Of course Fanny was happy to dance with him, and she knew he would seek her out once he was ready. It is not very difficult to imagine how truly happy Fanny was during that day, seeing the man she loved all day, witnessing her cousin married to the woman he loved, and whom she started to like better and better for herself, dancing in a beautiful dress on the wedding-party, most often with her husband of course, but also with her uncle and with Edmund.
Thinking of the last ball she had attended, in this very same room, she was stunned by the changes in her life, she was no longer a grey mouse, but a self-assured young woman, dancing with a man with the same name, Henry Crawford, but with a totally different feeling towards him. She had been grateful then to have a partner to open the dance with, now she owed him her happiness and maybe even her life, but the obligation was not a burden, for
she knew she had given him respectability and great happiness in return.
It seems likely that all the good advice Henry had given Edmund worked, for the next morning the new happy couple was as relaxed and as intimate as they had been themselves, they seemed really connected now, and much more
secure in each other's affection.
Sir Thomas, loath to see the young people separated already, suggested: 'Why don't you all take a three week honeymoon on Everingham? I can do without Edmund for a few weeks, and you will enjoy riding together and exploring the country there. And after that, I would love to see the four of you in my town-house, planning a total redecoration to make it more comfortable and fashionable. Edmund will be spending quite some time in London, and I want him to feel as much at home there as he is here, and of course it make an impression on the people who will undoubtedly visit there. Am I expecting too much if I invite you and Mrs Crawford to stay there as well, whenever you want to visit the city?'
This was a surprising question, and one Henry had not expected from Sir Thomas, though it pleased him to be asked. He needed to do some quick thinking, for he had been planning to get his own house in town, since expecting Fanny to stay with the Admiral as he had originally planned, was quite impossible. Henry had picked up so many refinements of better society by now, his respect for Sir Thomas and with it, his value for good principle and decorum, and quiet family living, had risen so greatly since his long stay at Mansfield Park with Fanny, that expecting her to be in the Admiral's presence for more than an hour would be absolutely out of the question, and frankly, he didn't want to do so himself either.
But taking a house in town himself would very likely be a waste of resources, for he guessed they would stay in the country most of the time anyway, the city being disadvantageous to Fanny's health, and less suitable for the children he hoped would enhance their lives in due time.
Mansfield Park the Crawfords' Redemption Page 14
