by Holly Hood
I nod in agreement and we just stare each other down from an awkwardly close distance. I like looking at him and he loves looking at me.
“I could look at you all day. You’re that attractive,” I tell him.
He shakes his head in disagreement because he thinks that I am insane for saying something like that out loud.
But it’s true. Jackson is breathtakingly handsome.
“You are. Just accept it.” I poke him in the nose.
He nods his head. He’s finally accepted that he is hot thanks to me.
“Only if you say so,” he says, amused.
“I say so.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him closer. “Now that you know how hot you are I think we can discuss other things.”
He doesn’t take his eyes off of me. “I’m all ears.” He smirks.
“I think the only solution for the current situation, being how much we both care about one another is lots of sex. We should be having sex right now.”
“Oh, you think you have all the answers.” His smirk turns into a full on grin.
I don’t have any of the answers, that’s why I am having such a hard time falling into this love that I feel for you.
“I can’t see how you wouldn’t agree with me,” I say, moving in to get even closer to his lips.
He gets even closer as well. “I agree with you wholeheartedly. Every single word and every single letter that is coming out of those beautiful lips of yours.”
I wait for the kiss but he holds off. Now he is toying with me and I don’t like it because the only part of me that seems to be working right now is what’s between my legs.
I’d be willing to say or do anything that Jackson wants if that means he will put his hands on me. And I think he knows that, I can tell by the way he is looking at me.
“So, what are we waiting for then? You should be taking my clothes off as we speak. Maybe I should put on that necklace you bought me.”
He licks his lips, watching my mouth. “Right now huh?”
I nod. “Yes, right now.”
He tilts his head like he is really giving it a lot of thought. “I think I can do that.”
He starts with the zipper sliding it down carefully. I help him get me out of the arm of my dress, not taking my eyes off of him. My dress drops around my waist. I’m glad I am wearing my favourite bra.
He slides his hands through my hair. And drops my heart to my stomach by brushing his thumbs across my cheeks, he concentrates on my mouth and the shaky sigh that slips from my lips.
“Jackson,” I whisper.
He presses his lips into mine, solidifying how much I enjoy every single tiny second that we have together. Especially the ones when we are touching.
My tongue greets his and I am obliterated by his essence and everything else that makes him who he is. He does a beautiful job at turning me into a blob of a person.
Every thing he is doing is turning me into an idiot.
A love drunk idiot.
He is taking what he wants; showing me how much he wants what I have.
Who can deny something so right?
I know I can’t.
I run my hands through his hair, down his back, enjoying everything that I could have for a lifetime, if I just said the word yes.
Jackson’s hands on my neck, he guides his mouth against mine and then tugs me closer.
I drop down off of the counter and he takes me by the hand leading me to his bedroom.
When we make it in his bedroom, he loosens his tie and takes it off. He watches me slip the rest of the way out of my dress and then we stare each other down.
“Nice bra,” he says, smiling at the lace. It’s my favourite and I love that he appreciates it.
I take it off and he moves closer.
“What about these?” I touch the matching panties.
He nods. “I’m pretty sure they would look better on the floor.”
I step forward and let him have at it. He traces the backs of his fingers down my stomach creating a fire on the inside.
When his fingers stop moving and he looks at me, I touch his face. “I love this.” I want him to know that.
“Me too,” he kisses me on the lips. And I climb onto his bed. Pushing the covers away so I can get more comfortable and he watches my every move before he climbs in himself.
I lie down and look up at the ceiling. “Does anything ever worry you?”
He’s on his side, his fingers running through my hair as he listens to me.
“Of course.”
I look over at him. “Like what, tell me.”
He continues running fingers through my hair, I like when he touches me—every way he touches me is as good as the rest.
“I worry that I’ll never figure out how to really be happy,” he tells me. And this is the first time I have heard Jackson say this. “But I’m a stubborn guy and I refuse to stop until I find it.”
“That’s very brave of you,” I tell him. “Some people live their entire life afraid of that.”
He nods. “I’d much rather be kissing you right now than talking about this stuff.” He makes a face.
So kiss me.
He takes me by the chin and does. Tongues intertwining, lips meshing and groans coming from both him and me as we twist and tangle ourselves all across his bed sheets.
He stops kissing me and says. “I don’t think I would know what to do if I couldn’t do this whenever I wanted.” And he kisses me again.
What I like the most about sex with Jackson is everything. But to be completely honest it’s everything that leads up to that. How well he pays attention to my feelings, my every word.
He knows what he wants. He takes what he wants and he gives me anything I want until I can’t take anymore. In all ways that he is a gentleman, Jackson is totally not that in the bedroom.
He slips down to my stomach and I groan at the feel of his tongue against my skin, gliding across my rib cage, swirling around my bellybutton.
I grip his hair, the hair he was so worried about before we left for the auction. And I hold on.
When he comes back up, I help him out of his shirt. Watching him pull each arm free, he tosses the shirt on the floor and I yank the button on his pants. He throws them over his shoulder and we drop down on the bed.
He kisses each of my collarbones, and gently works his lips up my neck stopping on my jaw. His teeth graze my flesh and I dig my fingernails into his arms. I inhale him, I love the way he smells from too many drinks at the auction and the gum on the car ride home.
I love the feel of his muscles underneath my fingers and how they flex when he moves against me.
“You’re so perfect,” he whispers against my ear. “Perfect and flawed all at the same time.”
I slap his mouth playfully. “That’s rude.”
He bites my lip. “This is rude.” He takes a condom from the drawer of his nightstand and tears it open. He fidgets with the condom pushing my legs apart; he grabs me by the knee and smirks, pushing himself inside of me in a hurry.
I can’t help but laugh at what he thinks is rude. It’s not rude at all—it’s hot.
He kisses me, thrusting and kissing, kissing and thrusting. He moves to my neck. And I am loud—because we are alone in his big house. And the louder I am, the wetter I get.
I bite his neck, knowing that I am close to coming. And when you know it’s about to happen you’re willing to do anything to make it a reality and my body bucks and moves and I beg Jackson to go harder. It wouldn’t matter if he was hurting me at this moment because all that my body knows is that it’s about to have an orgasm. I’ll worry about the pain later, if at all.
He tenses up, begging me to wait for him, he likes to be one, and I hold onto him, steering him along to make it possible. And we both crash into sheer oblivion, together. Going from chaos to beautiful harmony—hot, wet, breathless harmony.
“God…” he says, his forehead pressed against mine, his fingers gripp
ing my flesh so tight that I’m sure I’ll have bruises. I laugh, knowing he’s buried as deep as he can possibly get before it becomes a medical emergency but all I feel is amazing. I could stay this way all night.
“You’re amazing,” I tell him. I brush his hair back, enjoying the feel of his hot skin against my fingers.
He pulls out and presses his lips against the side of my head. “I’m crazy about you.”
And he gets out of bed leaving me in awe.
Ten
“What are you lost in thought about?” Ryker asks, after he catches me staring out the window instead of at him.
“Not much,” I lie, taking a bite out of a French fry.
“Why doesn’t any of this resemble fun anymore?” He’s annoyed with me and he isn’t afraid to show it. “You know, you really piss me off when you’re depressed when I come into town.”
I am not depressed. “Well it’s nice seeing you too, asshole.”
He smirks. “That’s better than dead silence. What have you been up to lately, Sav?”
I wipe my mouth on a napkin and think about that answer. “I’m finding it harder to deal with this current arrangement between Jackson and I.” I know he doesn’t want to talk about Jackson but I don’t have anyone in my life that is as level headed as he is. And I really could use the advice.
“I’m not going to tell you to dump the guy.” He leans in, giving me a smug smirk. “And believe me, I really want to say that.”
I nod in agreement. “So tell me what you think.”
“I think you’re afraid of being happy because you are worried that it won’t last.”
“I think everyone is worried about that,” I say. “Come on, tell me more.”
“You want to love him but you’re afraid you don’t know how.”
Okay, now we are getting somewhere.
“You’re afraid of making the wrong choice and ruining people’s lives. And you think you’re too young to really even know what true love is.”
He’s right all the way around. “You’re right. So tell me what I should do about it.”
“Love hurts.” He shrugs. “Anyone in this world could hurt you. Anyone could emotionally cripple you for the rest of your life. You just have to figure out how to enjoy the pain.”
I do not like pain. And there is no way I could ever get used to enjoying it. “So what you are saying… I need to learn how to become a masochist?”
He shakes his head because I am refusing to understand what he is trying to tell me. I know what he means. He’s trying to convince me that there is someone out there worth hurting for. That one day, I will find someone that hurts me but I can handle it, because no pain would ever feel worse than not loving that person.
I look at Ryker. “I’m not sure if I will ever love someone so much that it would hurt not to. I really don’t think that’s something that will ever happen for me.”
He takes my hand. “Eventually, all of this is going to hurt. It may not be you but someone is going to hurt and there is going to be nothing you can do about it.”
I run a hand through my hair, avoiding Ryker’s eyes. I don’t like the way he looks at me when he is trying to get his point across.
“Let’s get to this show before I change my mind,” I tell him, dropping my napkin on the table. I collect my phone and my purse and slip out of the booth.
Ryker collects the check and walks to the counter. And I stay by the door texting Jackson that I won’t be coming over tonight. He’s disappointed but understands. I tell him Ryker is home and wants to hang out and after a few minutes of silence he replies with an okay beautiful have a good time.
Ryker throws an arm around my shoulders and leads me to the door. “Sometimes a really strong drink is all you need to forget all the fucked up things in this world.”
I laugh and feel a bit lighter. The last couple of minutes in the booth, I was close to a nervous breakdown. I need to let loose.
“Are you going to ignore me all night like last time?” I tease. The amount of fan girls at the last club we went to was a little intense for me. But Ryker made a point to keep me by his side and do his best to control the crowd. Even when I suspected he probably would have left with the hot blonde that kept bugging him all night.
“Are you going to have sex with me?” He grins even bigger, going around to his side of the car. “Because if we pounded one out right here in this parking lot I would be able to focus more.”
I shake my head and get in the car. “That was a poor attempt at getting in my pants.” I tell him.
He climbs in the car and shuts the door shrugging. “I’m keeping the good lines to myself to use later tonight.”
I slap him in the arm and shake my head. “You are ruthless with the insults today.”
He sighs and gives me a look. “I haven’t had sex in a month.”
“Why not?” It’s not like he doesn’t have the opportunity.
“I don’t know. Just hasn’t worked out. I’ve had other things going on.”
“You couldn’t squeeze in ten minutes?” I laugh and this time he slaps me, shoving me.
“Sometimes it’s easier not to. The whole thing just wears me out. And I would rather sleep most nights.” He turns on the car and grabs the stick shift but before he backs out of his parking spot he assures me that he is fine.
I’m not sure if I believe that.
When I don’t say anything for a few minutes, Ryker touches my leg. “The last time we slept together you acted like you regretted it. I don’t think we ever even talked about it.” He leaves it at that. I know he wants an answer.
“Emotionally involving myself in more than one person is one thing but sex with more than one seems to get more complicated.” I sigh. Besides that, sleeping with Ryker and Jackson only made me feel dirty.
Kissing Ryker wasn’t a big deal but anything else just made me feel wrong. And the worst part about it no matter how wrong it felt, it also felt amazing knowing that nobody was angry or planning on it because we were all being honest with each other.
But if I didn’t want to feel like a whore, I had to remain sexually faithful to one person at a time. Anything below the waist was off limits.
“Men do it all the time,” Ryker reminds me. “Hell, I used to do it. There’s nothing wrong with sex.”
I roll my eyes. “You would say anything you had to right now to get in my pants. I don’t believe anything you are saying.”
“That’s fine. We’ll see what you think once you’re wasted.” He grins, guiding the car down the expressway. “It wouldn’t be the first time you went against your morals.”
I refuse to indulge in this conversation because I know what he is talking about.
***
I’m hot and drunk, just like Ryker promised I would be. I’m also on top of the bar with a swarm of fans and Ryker pouring drinks on the crowd.
One guy keeps trying to grab my foot and I have to shake him off of me every few minutes and it’s getting annoying.
Ryker shakes a bottle of champagne and lets it go into the crowd spraying everything and everyone. He tears his shirt over his head brandishing his hot little bod for every girl in the bar.
And another half a dozen girls jump up on the bar blocking my view of him and what is going on.
With the music cranked up I can’t yell for him if I want to.
I lose my footing, and brace myself for the bar floor. Although with the crowd I am pretty sure I will hit a few people on the way down.
Everything is a blur of flesh, arms, legs, heads, hair, all passing by as I descend in what feels like slow motion. But I don’t hit the ground. I’m raised from the chaos by strong arms, I’m pulled from the carnage and set on my feet.
I pull my skirt down and push hair out of my eyes.
“Not you again,” Nash says when he realizes who I am.
I laugh because the world is playing a cruel joke on me. And because he has no problem showing how much he hates seein
g me. I’ve never felt so unwanted.
“You don’t seem like the sports bar type.” I cross my arms and stare him down. “Maybe you are stalking me.”
He points to his ear. “I can’t hear anything you’re saying right now. Not that I think it’s anything other than bullshit.”
Some drunk guy behind me shoves me into him. And he grabs me by the arms pulling me backwards with him. “One more time asshole and I won’t think twice about fucking you up.”
I pull away and search the crowd for Ryker.
“Let me guess, your girlfriend ditched you.” He says taking a swig of his beer.
“Actually I am here with a guy,” I inform him. Not that it’s any of his business. But he seems to like insulting me so I’d like to set him straight.
“And he ditched you.”
I’m shoved into him again and this time he snags me around the waist.
I flinch when the crowd gets even crazier, Nash throws a punch right over my head bouncing me between the guy he just smashed his fist into and him.
Both of them go after each other forgetting that I am caught between the two of them. I’m not about to be smashed. I throw my hands into Nash’s chest. “You’re going to kill me.” I shove him through the crowd. “Or him. And I don’t think you want to do that.” I get him to the door and he finally looks at me.
“Yeah that’s right, let your little bitch protect you!”
I spin around. “Are you serious?” Now I am the one in the guy’s face. And he smells like beer and cigarettes. “I should let him kill you.”
Nash grabs me by the arm. And he throws another punch into the guys face. There’s a lot of anger behind the punch and it’s not ending. He’s trying to go at him again.
He’s going to be arrested.
“Show some respect!” He shoves through the crowd going after the drunk guy again. Everyone scrambles out of his way.
Before he can get his hands on him I grab him by the arm and hold on for dear life. “Let’s just go outside. You really need to calm down.”
He fights me all the way out the door but somewhere deep inside of me is a fighter and I am not willing to back down to him. I just know that I want to get him out of the bar before he does something he regrets.
