by Holly Hood
I raise an eyebrow. “You were clearly trying to drown your problems with liquor tonight.”
“Was it obvious?” He shakes his head. “What gave it away?”
I ignore him because going back and forth with a drunk Nash isn’t going to get either one of us anywhere. “You can stay at my place. The couch pulls out.”
I look at the road and then back at him. “Unless there is someplace else you would rather be.”
“Your place is fine,” he says, and this time when our eyes meet he seems sincere and less agitated.
I pull into my usual parking spot and turn the car off. There are some things I want to discuss before I take him up to my place. Like the fact that I have no intentions of sleeping with him or even near him in the state that he is in.
“You can sleep on the couch. But don’t expect anything more to happen.”
He undoes his seatbelt and makes a face. “Did you really just inform me that I will not be allowed to have sex with you tonight?”
I guess it did sound like that. “Well…yes and no.”
“Yes and no? Which one is it? Do you want to sleep with me or not?” He grabs the handle of the door and raises an eyebrow.
“I just think anything that would happen would be a really big mistake,” I stammer. I climb out on my side and sigh. I feel like such an idiot.
He waits for me to show him which way to go and follows behind me. “That outfit you had on tonight was pretty hot.”
I punch the code into the keypad and hold the door for him. “I’m not sleeping with you.”
“Are you still stuck on that?” He reaches a hand out and brushes my hair off my shoulder. “You said you have a pull out couch. But in case you were wondering, I’m pretty good at pulling out myself.”
I shake my head, completely mortified that he just said that and now he is laughing at me as he follows me down the hall to the elevators.
I punch our floor and finally look at him. “Now I am definitely not sleeping with you. You probably have an std if you’re doing that.”
“It was a joke.” He grins getting on the elevator with me. “I thought a pretty funny one.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t funny at all.” I bite the inside of my cheek to hide the laughter that wants to escape. It was funny, and I want to double over and enjoy his dirty humor but for some reason I am holding back.
The doors of the elevator open. “This is where I live. With Sophie.”
I unlock the door and before we go in I look at him. “She’s probably asleep because she has work in the morning. So try not to be loud. She’s been known to throw things if she gets woke up.”
I drop my keys on the counter and hang my purse on the hook. I slip my shoes off and make my way over to the living room so I can set up his bed before I crawl into my own.
“This is nice,” he tells me, looking around. He takes in the view from the windows before he focuses on the pictures hanging on the wall. “Someone’s parents must be loaded.”
“That would be Sophie’s.” I go to the kitchen and take two Tylenol with a glass of water just in case I wake up with a headache from all the stress.
“What about yours? Did you land a better life after what happened to your mother?” He watches me go to the hallway and grab fresh sheets from the closet.
I shake my head. “Help me with the couch.”
He yanks the couch open and we situate the pillows and add the sheets working like a well-oiled machine. Once we are done, I throw two pillows down so he can sleep comfortably.
“Well…goodnight.” I go to the kitchen to snap off the light.
“You never answered the question.” He fluffs his pillows.
I shrug. “Things were fine.” He undoes his belt and drops his jeans. I force myself to look away from his black boxer briefs.
I’m throbbing and overheated because of his crotch.
“Just fine?” He pulls the covers down. “Would you have been better off?”
I take a seat on the arm of the chair. “I don’t think there is any way of knowing whether or not I would have. You ask a lot of questions.”
He lays down, muscles flexing when he stretches his arms behind his head. He’s watching me now. And I am still hot and bothered.
“Goodnight, Savy.” He snaps off the light in the livingroom and turns over leaving me in the dark—literally.
I carefully make it to the hallway. “Goodnight, Nash.”
Once I am in my room I feel a little less horny and more tired. I strip myself of my jeans and tshirt and throw on a pair of shorts and a camisole.
I brush out my hair and slip into the bathroom to brush my teeth. When I open the door, Nash is standing right in front of me.
“I really need to piss.” He smirks and moves past me going into the bathroom.
I beg my heart to stop beating so hard and lean against the wall trying to pull it together. But before I can he opens the door and invades every cell with his presence.
I’m still pinned against the wall trying to remember how to breathe. Especially so when I lay eyes on him in nothing but boxer briefs. And I think he knows it. He stops right in front of me and I tremble like a feeble little mouse about to be consumed by a lion.
“Thank you for everything, Savy.” He says my name so deliciously.
I nod my head staring up at him. But I don’t say anything because I can’t.
He doesn’t take his eyes off of me. He presses a palm against the wall right next to my head. “Come here.”
I search his eyes for confirmation that he wants me to kiss him. I move in, entranced by him. Willing to do whatever it is he wants.
He breathes me in and then connects his mouth with mine. I slip a hand through his hair until I have the back of his head. I pull him in and he takes me by the waist not stopping.
Our tongues touch and I moan against his mouth. His fingers tightening their hold on me. And just like that it’s over. He presses his forehead against mine. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” I get out.
“And before you call it a night, I just want to point out you made out with me after I puked all over the expressway.” He grins, running a hand over his face.
He releases his grip on my waist and goes down the hallway back to the couch.
I open my bedroom door and go in shutting it behind me. I press myself against the door trying to catch my breath. I touch my lips, his kiss still dancing through my veins. Even after he ruined it with the thought of vomit—I am horrified and impressed.
Twenty Three
When I wake up in the morning Nash isn’t there. And a small part of me wishes I could have seen him with bed head, he didn’t leave a note, he just left.
I make a bowl of cereal and sit down on the couch. His blankets are neatly folded and on the table. The couch is put back together and not a single thing is out of place.
It’s like it all was a dream.
He kisses me and turns me into this fumbling mess and I wonder if it’s the same for him too. Does he feel anything?
There has to be a reason he has made a point of doing it two times now.
My phone rings, it’s the shelter. And they are looking for Jackson. When I inform them I don’t know where he is, one of his workers ask me if I can stop by and take care of something that I used to take care of before I quit.
I agree, because a small part of me still holds a special place in my heart for the shelter and all of the regulars that show up there everyday for a hot meal and a place to sleep.
I shower, dress and head across town to the shelter. Walking through the doors is a reminder that Lee is no longer there. I’m used to him greeting me as soon as I walk in. Most days, he was front and center, chowing down on whatever the days menu offered.
He had no funeral. He didn’t want one. He signed his body over to science and just like that he was out of the picture and my life. All that was left of him was a box of my mother’s memories. Some pictures wer
e of him and my mother. But that was it. My grandfather was nothing but a memory.
“Savy.” Julie, one of the newer workers says as soon as I come in the door. “Thank god you came.”
“Of course. What’s the problem?”
“We are running low on supplies and I have no clue when the next shipment is coming in or if more supplies were even ordered.” She hands over her Ipad and I log into Jackson’s account.
“He sent himself a reminder but it doesn’t look like he placed the order.” I hit a few buttons, fill in a few blanks and just like that I save Jackson’s ass. “Luckily, as long as the order goes in by noon they will still deliver.”
She follows me to the back room. “And if you go to the very back of the freezer you will find emergency boxes. I hid them there for times when Jackson pulls this.”
She squeezes my arm. “You are a life saver.”
“No problem.”
I say hello to a couple of people and head for the door but like everything else in life, I don’t make it to my car before Jackson is walking through the doors.
He looks dapper, like always when he is coming from a meeting. Dress shirt. No tie and perfectly fitted slacks.
“Hey.” He slips a hand in his pocket and keeps the other one on his phone.
“Hey.” I brush some hair behind my ear and explain myself so he doesn’t think I am stalking him. “They were having some issues and couldn’t get a hold of you, so they called me.”
“And you came.”
I don’t know why he seems so surprised that I would do something nice for him. “Of course I came. I know how important this place is to you. It’s important to me too.”
He smiles. “While you’re here.” He motions me to his office.
I follow him, curious to learn what waits for me behind the door. Jackson shuts the door once I’m inside. He opens the drawer to his desk. “I have your last pay check. And this.”
I take the box from him. “What is it?”
“Open it.”
I lift the lid and look at him. “This is Lee’s stuff.”
He nods. “I cleaned out his room and figured you might want to hold onto them.”
I bite down on my lip to keep from crying. But it doesn’t work. Jackson immediately gets up and comes over to comfort me. “I didn’t give it to you to upset you. Savy, I’m sorry.”
I shake my head. “You don’t have to apologize. This was sweet.” I set the box down.
He leans against the front of his desk. “How are you?”
I shrug. “I’m alright.”
“I miss you,” he says.
I move in. “Jackson.”
His hands are on my thighs and he pulls me closer. I sigh, letting him lift the bottom of my shirt. His hand glides up my stomach. I wrap my arms around his neck.
“More than you know,” he whispers looking up at me, his eyes beg me to feel the same way.
“You and me together aren’t good,” I tell him.
He frowns. “I don’t believe that. Being with you was the best thing that has happened to me in a long time.”
I hate that he knows how to flatter me.
He waste no time unbuttoning my jeans. He tugs the zipper down and I already have accepted that I am going to sleep with him again, even if I shouldn’t be. It’s the way we work. He pulls me back in whenever I am second guessing who we are when we are together.
“I don’t want to keep hurting you,” I whisper.
He pulls down my jeans, shaking his head that he doesn’t think that I am. He runs a hand across my stomach and I tear my shirt over my head to give him easier access.
He explores me and touches me. My fingers slip through his hair, the hair I love so much. I shake off my shoes and my jeans. And he pushes the stapler and files out of the way and leans back. I straddle him, he pulls me closer, his hands on my ass.
He unsnaps my bra and tosses it behind him. He sits up, just enough to give me access to his lips. I kiss him hard, he squeezes my breast our tongues intertwining.
I help him out of his shirt. Running hands down his chest to his stomach and down to his zipper. He stops me, lowering his mouth to my breast.
His breath pulls a moan from me and when his tongue circles my nipple, I squeeze his arms, begging him to keep going. He leans back, letting me free him from his slacks. I trail a finger down the front of his boxer briefs.
He rolls on top of me pinning beneath him on his desk. He gets his boxers off and pushes my legs apart.
“Savy, tell me this is what you want,” he says.
I nod, pressing my mouth against his. “I do. I want this so bad.”
He thrust inside of me. I cry out, biting down on his lip to hold back the moans that want to escape. We’re in his office, I have to keep it together.
He keeps going, every whimper makes him thrust harder and faster. He pins my head down, holding onto my hair, caging me, taking control.
He kisses my forehead, and then my chin. “I…missed this so much.” He’s against my ear telling me all the things he shouldn’t be. He groans, tensing up.
I shut my eyes, fading away from the moment because I feel guilty for getting so intimate with him. This isn’t just sex to Jackson, he is in love with me.
He senses it and pulls out, frustrated. I shake my head. “You don’t have to stop.”
“Yes I do.” He kisses me again.
I touch his arm. “Jackson, I want this. Please don’t stop.”
“It’s okay, Savy. I get it.” He starts picking up my clothes. “You don’t want to make love because you’re not in it.”
“Jackson.” I frown. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m sure if I said all I wanted to do was fuck you this wouldn’t be an issue.”
We lock eyes. I bite down on my lip. He touches my face. “Turn around.”
I do what he ask, using his desk for support. He thrust inside me from behind, his hand gripping my neck. “Is this better?”
“Yes.” He thrust harder, knocking his paperweights off of the table. They crash to the floor and he keeps going until the desk is up against the wall.
He grabs me by the hair, tugging my head back. His hands sliding down my neck. He applies a little pressure and now I am not thinking anymore about where we are. I moan, my legs hardly able to keep me upright.
And I cry out, spiralling into a place of sheer bliss and pain all at the same time. Jackson keeps going, knocking each and every noise he can get out of me. I never knew I was capable of such sounds.
He’s in my ear now. “I want to fuck again tomorrow.” I nod, and he keeps right on going. “Say it. I want to hear you say it.”
“You. Can. Fuck. Me. Tomorrow.” I breathe.
He releases, pressing me down against the desk he groans, coming to a halt.
The only sound is our breathing intertwined with my beating heart.
He gave me exactly what I wanted.
He took all of the feeling out of it and made it just about sex and our physical connection to one another.
He collects his clothes and gets dressed. And I do the same.
Once I’m dressed he plants a kiss on my lips. Its not long and drawn out, it’s a short kiss that simply implies he is thankful we did what we did.
“See you tomorrow.” I tell him, and I leave.
Twenty four
Another day as a shot girl, it’s a living and it’s the only way I can look at it or I will talk myself into calling in sick permanently. It’s degrading and not where I should be.
I’m starting to wonder if I will ever go back to college and figure out what I want to do with my life.
“Here you go,” Murphy, the bartender says handing over a new round of shots. I thank him and he winks at me going back to filling beers for the bar full of frat brothers at the other end.
“Looking good, Sav,” Angel, the other girl that works my shift says in passing.
“As are you, babe,” I tell her.
I go
out onto the floor and shake my head at the sight of Ike. He’s in here a few times a week now. And becoming more a habit than a coincidence.
“If it isn’t the beautiful and sophisticated, Savy.” He strokes the girl in his lap like she is a pet.
“What a compliment.” I pull a shot from my tray knowing what he wants. I go behind him and he drops his head back staring up at me.
“How about a body shot this time?”
I shake my head taking hold of his chin. “Not in this lifetime.” I pour the shot down his throat and replace it on the tray. He works the money from his pocket.
“Such a shame. I was beginning to like you,” he says slapping me on the rear end. He knocks the tray right out of my hands and when I bend down to pick it up his hand is on my shoulder.
He leans down and whispers in my ear. “It was just a compliment.”
I drop the tray back down on the floor and stand up giving him a dirty look.
I burst into tears when I am inside of the locker room. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Angel comes in behind me. I can tell by her expression that she is worried about me. “Are you alright? You bolted off the floor like a bat out of hell.”
“I don’t know.” I rub the back of my neck, trying to knead the tension. “One minute I’m fine, the next minute I’m freaking out.”
She crosses her arms. “What happened out there?”
“Ike is back again. And something about the way he was talking to me just triggered something.”
Maybe I am crazy.
“Maybe you should go home and get some rest. I can cover the rest of your shift,” she tells me.
I sit down on the bench and pull my shoes off. “Thanks, angel.”
I wait until she leaves and clean up. I look a mess and I just want to go home and hide from the world. I don’t understand why this is happening but it’s not okay.
***
By the time I am home I am more shaken than calm. My heart is racing, my mind is going a million miles an hour and I just have this overwhelming feeling of dread.
Sophie stops vacuuming when I come in the door. “What is wrong?” She knows me well. And she knows when things are not right. “Who do I need to fuck up?”
