This Child Is Mine

by Mildred Colvin

  After they ate, he stood and, without meeting her gaze, asked, “Would you please give both girls their baths tonight? I’ve got some briefs to look over before morning and could use the extra time.”

  Beth nodded. “Yes, that’s fine, Mr. McDuff. I’ll get right on it.”

  Jon’s eyebrows rose at the use of his formal name. Beth turned away to unbuckle Lexie. She set her down and then took Stevie out of her high chair. Taking Lexie’s hand and carrying Stevie, she left the dining room much slower than she would have liked as she felt Jon’s gaze on her with every baby step Lexie took.

  Later in her bedroom, Beth lay across her bed and stared at the ceiling without seeing it. Something special happened on Saturday night of the hayride. She had felt it and she knew Jon had, too. Why would he deny such a wonderful drawing together of their love? Cecelia was right. Jon loved her. She had felt his love surround her just as his arms had when they kissed. Tears trickled from the corners of her eyes into her hair, but she ignored them.

  Yes, Jon loved her, but he would never acknowledge his love because he was afraid. She loved him so much she didn’t know how she could continue living under the same roof with him. Yet she could not move out because she could never give up either of her girls.

  Beth slipped to the floor beside her bed and bowed her head against her folded hands. “Lord, I don’t know what to do about our situation here. I love Jon. I believe he loves me. I’m ready to move ahead, but he acts as if he’s afraid of something. Maybe he thinks I’ll trick him somehow and take our girls from him. Of course, I won’t, but he’s been hurt before. Help him, Lord. Put his fears to rest. Be with us and give us wisdom to do Your will.”

  After a restless night with little sleep, Beth dressed the girls and took them downstairs for breakfast only to find Jon had already gone for the day. While the girls ate, she sought Mary’s counsel.

  “I don’t know if you’ve noticed how Jon has been acting around me.”

  Mary laughed. “Like a man who’s scared of the woman he’s fallen in love with, you mean?”

  Beth caught her breath. “Do you think so?”

  “Yes, I think so.” Mary’s expression clouded. “Mr. Jon had a hard time with his first wife, but I expect you know about that by now.”

  When Beth nodded, she continued. “He’s afraid of getting hurt again, and you can’t really blame him for it. That woman was a doozy.” Mary shook her head. “If you care for him the way I think you do, you’ll have to be the one to break through his defenses.”

  Beth folded her arms and leaned against the counter. “That’s what I plan to do, but I’ll need your help. He’s been acting like I’m invisible, so I’ve decided that’s exactly what I’m going to be. I’ll disappear every time he comes within sight. I’m hoping he gets as tired of this game of hide and seek as I am already. Will you cover for me if the need arises?”

  Mary grinned. “I’d be glad to. Let’s hope he’s smart enough to get your message.”

  ~*~

  By the end of the first week, Beth grew tired of leaving rooms when Jon entered and avoiding him as she moved through the house. She continued eating dinner with him and Mary until Friday evening when she carried three plates to the nursery before he arrived home from work.

  “Look, girls, we’re going to have a picnic.” She set the plates on the low table and helped her daughters sit on either side. She placed two big pillows at the end for herself.

  Lexie and Stevie laughed and clapped their hands.

  At least this was a treat for them. After Beth prayed, they ate. She half expected Jon to barge in on their picnic, so her heart pounded each time she heard a sound outside the nursery. But he didn’t show up and she decided he wouldn’t. What else could she do to show him how she felt?

  She gave the girls a bath and put them to bed. Finally, they settled down and fell asleep. Their plates where still sitting on the table. Beth gathered the dirty dishes and slipped out into the deserted hall. Jon hadn’t even come up to tell the girls good night.

  Mary waited in the kitchen. She rinsed the dishes Beth set beside the sink and put them in the dishwasher. “I saved a spot for them.”

  “Is Jon still here?” Beth kept her voice low.

  Mary nodded and grinned. “He went to his den like the old bear he is. He’s going to explode before long, and I can’t wait.”

  Beth grimaced. “I’m in no hurry.”

  Mary laughed as Beth turned and tiptoed away. She’d just sat on the edge of her bed to pull her shoes off when the knock at her hall door sounded.

  She stared at the door, knowing Jon waited on the other side. When he knocked again, this time louder, she hurried to open the door before he woke the girls. “Yes, Mr. McDuff. Did you want to see me?”

  “Of course I want to see you.” Jon pushed the door open farther. “Can we go someplace where we can talk? I don’t want to wake the girls.”

  Beth shrugged while her heart beat an erratic staccato against her ribs. This was the showdown she had expected, but dreaded. She walked around him and headed down the hall without a word.

  Jon followed her to the family room and nodded toward the sofa. “Sit down, please.”

  There was that polite word again. Beth walked past the sofa to the overstuffed recliner she had sat in when Cecelia told her she would have to fight for Jon’s love.

  Jon frowned, but sat on the sofa without comment. He folded his arms and looked at her. “Why weren’t you at dinner tonight?”

  “The girls and I had a picnic upstairs in the nursery.”

  “So you wouldn’t have to eat with me.”

  Since he didn’t ask a direct question, Beth didn’t answer. She met his troubled gaze without waver.

  “Don’t think I haven’t noticed you’ve been avoiding me, Beth. And why do you call me Mr. McDuff? I don’t like it. What’s going on?”

  “Maybe you should tell me.”

  Jon leaned forward. “What do you mean? You’re the one who walks out of the room every time I set foot in it. I haven’t seen you except at dinner for over a week and I scarcely see the girls, either. Are you trying to take them from me by turning them against me?”

  “Of course not.” Now Beth leaned forward. “I have never tried to take either girl away from you. Maybe at the very first the thought crossed my mind. But not now. Now that I know you.”

  “Then what else?”

  Beth couldn’t believe Jon had the nerve to confront her when he’d been the one to pull away from her. She shook her head. “As if you don’t know—”

  She stared at his frown. No, she wouldn’t play games with him. “You kissed me. Why did you do that and then ignore me ever since?”

  Jon fell back against the sofa as if she’d slapped him. He looked away from her toward the floor. “I haven’t ignored you.” He stood and moved toward the door as if he wanted to get away from her. “There’s no way I could ignore you, Beth.”

  Jon left Beth sitting in the recliner alone. She heard a door close and assumed he had gone into his den. She stood and went upstairs as a cold numbness settled around her heart. So that was the extent of his blow-up. What good had he done walking away from her? About as much good as she’d done in avoiding him all week. None.

  She closed the door to her room and sat on her bed. A car door slammed outside and a motor started. Beth stepped across the room to look out the window and saw Jon’s SUV back out of the driveway.

  ~*~

  Jon drove away from the house with moonlight bathing the hood of his vehicle. He couldn’t get Beth’s question out of his mind. “Why did you kiss me?”

  He parked in the deserted lot at the public park where he had taken Beth and the girls a couple of months ago. She’d been beautiful then just as she was tonight. The difference being she was happy in the park playing with their little girls. Tonight Beth was sad and hurt. And it was his fault.

  Jon sat on the grassy bank beside the lake and watched moonbeams dance across the s
urface of the water. He thought of the night on the hayride when he held Beth close to his side. Kissing her had been the only option for him. When she’d looked up at him so trusting with the moon reflected in her eyes, he had reacted the only way he could.

  When had he fallen in love with her? Jon picked up a small rock and skipped it across the water sending the moonbeams into a dancing frenzy until they settled down again. How could he have fallen in love with her?

  He’d brought his daughter home where she belonged the only way he legally could and that forced him to include Beth. But he hadn’t intended to lose his heart to her.

  He smiled. Beth loved him, too. He was sure of it. And Beth was nothing like Sharolyn. Beth wanted both babies in her legal custody just as much as he did. But she would never try to take them from him. He knew that now. He lifted his eyes toward the star-studded sky as the wall of defense Sharolyn had helped him build around his heart suffered a lethal crack.

  For the first time in years, Jon felt the moisture of tears fill his eyes, and he lowered his head in submission. Scenes from his past flashed through his mind as he gave them to the Lord. One by one, the old hurts Sharolyn had inflicted on him were brought before God and were healed. As he forgave Sharolyn, he also asked for forgiveness for his part in the pain of his past. As he bowed before God, he recommitted his life and his will to Him.

  Jon wiped the tears away and blew his nose before he lifted his head with a smile. He no longer feared what loving Beth might do to him. He lay back on the grass and thought of Beth. Of the way she snuggled against him in the hay wagon. He thought of the kiss they shared. Yes, Beth loved him just as much as he loved her. They belonged together, brought together by God’s will for their lives. Lexie and Stevie belonged to both of them.

  Jon sat up and then sprang to his feet. He climbed the hill to his SUV with a light step. Tomorrow at the office would be the perfect time and place to begin his campaign to win Beth’s hand in marriage. With a firm plan in mind, he could hardly wait to begin.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Beth stayed up late watching for Jon’s headlights, but fell asleep without seeing them flash across her wall. She awoke the next morning to the raw facts of her life. Jon had walked out on her as if he couldn’t stand to carry on a conversation with her any longer. He’d been gone a long time. She didn’t know when he got home or if he had. But he didn’t love her. If he did he wouldn’t avoid her the way he had been.

  She got out of bed and looked out the window. His silver SUV was parked in the driveway below. Beth sank back to the bed and buried her face in her hands. She couldn’t go on living in the same house with him. She loved him too much. How could she continue to pretend she didn’t?

  She thought of Lexie and pain ripped through her heart. Her sweet little daughter. Although she had given birth to her, Lexie was not hers and never would be. Maybe they could work out some sort of visitation without going to court. Jon didn’t want the publicity court would bring, and she didn’t, either.

  Stevie would be devastated to leave her new sister. Neither baby would understand the separation, but as young as they were they would adjust in time. Without doubt, giving up both Jon and Lexie would be the hardest thing she had ever done. But what else could she do?

  She had her teaching certificate to fall back on. With her experience in day care, she should be able to find a preschool teaching position where Stevie could attend. With the money she’d saved, she could get an apartment nearby so they could visit Lexie often.

  Having decided her future, Beth dressed and checked on the girls in the nursery. Both still slept so she picked out matching outfits for them to wear. Their second birthdays were coming up in a few weeks. She would wait until after their party to set her plan in motion.

  Beth changed diapers and dressed the girls as they woke, then took them downstairs for breakfast. No more would she hide from Jon. Surely she could carry on a business relationship with him for the next two weeks without further damaging her heart.

  As she entered the kitchen, Jon stood from the table and took Lexie from her to put in her high chair. Beth strapped Stevie in the other chair and noticed Jon had just finished eating.

  He gave Lexie a kiss on the forehead and then moved to do the same with Stevie. As he straightened, Beth had the irrational notion he would kiss her next.

  Instead he flashed a quick smile toward her. “I’ve got a ton of things to see to in the office today so I’m out of here. How is the birthday party coming for our soon-to-be two-year-olds?”

  “Fine.” Beth sat at the table. “Cecelia is coming later today to help me go over the details with the party planner. We are using clowns and a circus theme. The girls should love it.”

  “Yeah, they should.” Jon seemed distracted. “It sounds great. I’ll see you later tonight. Actually I may be later than usual. Have fun.”

  Beth watched him walk out without a backward glance and felt abandoned as she puzzled over his behavior. After the night before, she hadn’t expected smiles and conversation from him. Except for the kiss she still longed for, he had been friendlier than he’d been for a long time.

  As Mary bustled in with Beth’s breakfast of steaming pancakes and set them in front of her, Beth forced her mind away from Jon. “Oh, you didn’t need to do that. I could have got my own.”

  “It’s no trouble.” Mary smiled. “You do plenty around here taking care of our girls and helping me out every chance you get.”

  Beth shrugged. “Don’t you think that’s only fair considering you’ve agreed to watch the girls this afternoon while Cecelia and I go plan a party?”

  Mary smoothed Lexie’s hair and gave her a grandmotherly pat. “How hard can that be? They’ll probably sleep most of the time you’re gone.”

  Beth looked at Stevie who held a bite of pancake in her hand trying to stuff it into her mouth. Then she watched Lexie drink from her sippy cup. In the months they’d been together, the girls had grown so much. The food throwing and dropping of four months ago had settled into a manageable mess on their trays. Lexie’s vocabulary now equaled Stevie’s. Or maybe her shyness had just disappeared giving her the freedom she needed to talk.

  Beth spent the morning playing with the girls. They enjoyed some time outdoors until the heat drove them inside. After a light lunch, Beth put the girls in their beds and left Mary in charge while she went downstairs to wait for Cecelia.

  Dressed in jean shorts and a knit shirt, Cecelia looked very little like Beth’s idea of a successful attorney. She looked down at her own slacks and shook her head. “For two cents I’d go back upstairs and change into shorts, too, but I’m afraid I’ll wake the girls if I do.”

  Cecelia shrugged. “I believe in comfort first. My appearance comes second.”

  Beth eyed the petite brunette and rolled her eyes upward. “You could wear anything and get by with it, and you know it. That’s probably why you win all your cases. You are such a knock-out in your attorney suits no one pays attention to anyone else.”

  Cecelia laughed. “I don’t know if that’s a compliment or an insult. But I’m taking it as a compliment. Who cares about my wonderfully logical brain which, of course, is the real reason I win all my cases?”

  “Well, of course. Did I forget to mention that?”

  The two women laughed and talked as Cecelia drove across town to a small shop snuggled into a strip mall not more than a couple of miles from Jon’s house. The doorbell jingled as they went into the air-conditioned building. Shelves along the walls and freestanding racks held supplies for any type of party a person could imagine. Beth was glad they hadn’t brought the children. A young girl behind the counter in back looked up and smiled. “Hi, what can I help you with?”

  “We were hoping to finalize our plans for a party.” Cecelia took the initiative and Beth gladly let her.

  “Great!” Beth liked the enthusiasm of the clerk and hoped the clown for the party would be just as energetic. “What’s the name on the party
and when will it be?”

  The girl pulled a file box forward and pulled a card from it as Cecelia gave her the information she needed. Beth was surprised such a small business would have so many parties as the stuffed card file indicated. But Cecelia said they were good.

  They went over the details of the party. Beth agreed to an air-filled slide and turned down the option of a pony ride. “I don’t think so. The girls will be only two years old. Maybe when they’re older we’ll try that.”

  A future party wouldn’t happen unless she and Jon could come to some agreement concerning visitation. The thought of separating the girls and leaving Jon cast a cloud over the party planning for Beth.

  When Cecelia and Beth returned to the car, Cecelia backed out of the parking space and turned onto the street. She drove for a short distance before pulling into a drive-in restaurant and stopping. “How about a cold drink?”

  “Sounds good.” Beth smiled her thanks.

  While they waited for their soft drinks to be delivered, they talked about the upcoming party. “Are you happy with the way it’s shaping up?” Cecelia asked.

  Beth nodded. “Yes, I’m so glad you recommended The Party Place. They seem nice and I’m sure they’ll do a good job.”

  “Then what’s wrong?” Cecelia’s brown eyes grew as intense as Jon’s did sometimes. “Is it my brother?”

  “What do you mean? Nothing is wrong.”

  “Don’t try to kid me, Beth. I’ve known you long enough now to recognize when something’s eating away at you. How are things going with you and Jon?”

  Beth tried to laugh, but her throat closed on the sound. She breathed in slowly, trying to keep the hurt and confusion Jon’s actions had caused from showing on her face.

  At that moment, the carhop carried their drinks to Cecelia’s window, giving Beth the reprieve she needed. While Cecelia took the drinks and handed Beth hers, Beth prepared for the questions she knew were coming. Jon’s stubborn persistence had to have been inherited because Cecelia never let go when she thought she could help.