This Child Is Mine

by Mildred Colvin

  She paid the girl and turned to Beth. “Sorry. You were telling me about you and Jon.”

  Beth shook her head, almost amused at Cecelia’s approach. “Actually, I couldn’t have been, because there is no me and Jon.”

  Cecelia laughed. “Sure, and now you’ll try to convince me I didn’t see what I know I saw on the hayride.”

  When Beth didn’t respond, she shrugged. “Okay, you don’t have to tell me. Remember, I have a logical mind. I can figure out for myself that you and Jon have fallen in love and haven’t the faintest idea of how to deal with your feelings.”

  When Beth still didn’t say anything, she shook her head. “That’s funny, too, considering the fact you’ve both been married before. I guess that proves love is always new no matter how many times it happens to you.”

  “Please, Cecelia.” Beth looked up from her soft drink. “I’ll be honest with you. I love Jon very much, but that’s where the love stops. Don’t you think I’d know if he loved me?”

  “What about the hayride? If that wasn’t a man falling hard, I don’t know what it was.”

  Beth took a sip before speaking. “I have no idea why he acted like he did on the hayride. I don’t know why he has avoided me since. All I know is I can’t continue to live in the same house with him.”

  “Beth, no!” Cecelia laid her hand on Beth’s arm. “Don’t you dare leave. Please, just give him some time. You can’t imagine the life he must have lived with Sharolyn. He loves you. I know he does. He’s just having a hard time dealing with his feelings right now. Please, give him some time to work this all out.”

  Beth gave Cecelia a smile. “Don’t worry. I haven’t started packing yet. We have three weeks until the girls’ birthdays. I won’t do anything until after that.”

  Cecelia withdrew her hand. “Thank you. I’ll pray three weeks will be long enough. In the meantime, don’t forget the McDuff family barbeque on the fourth. Maybe being together with the family will help him see how much you mean to him.”

  Beth shrugged. “Don’t count on anything, Cecelia. Jon has a mind of his own. If he can’t love me, I don’t want him. What hurts more than anything is Lexie. And Stevie. They are innocent and no matter what I do, I’m going to hurt them both.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Mid-morning on the Fourth of July Beth rode beside Jon on the front seat of his SUV over now familiar streets to his parents’ house. He parked in front of the house and helped Beth with the girls.

  She carried Lexie and the diaper bag while Jon juggled Stevie and a large bowl of potato salad. Mary climbed from the back seat balancing a sheet cake.

  Jon watched her until she got her footing and then grinned. “That cake is bigger than you are, Mrs. Garrett.”

  Faint color touched Mary’s cheeks as she laughed. “Now, Mr. Jon, you know it isn’t nice to stretch the truth.”

  He laughed with her, then fell into step with Beth. They followed the sidewalk around the house to the backyard where they could hear voices and laughter. “Sounds like they’re all here.”

  Beth smiled at him and nodded. Since the night he’d blown up at her for avoiding him, he had been cheerful, proving to her he didn’t care. He sought out her company, but their conversation never touched on anything personal. Yet in unguarded moments, Beth occasionally caught him looking at her as if he wanted to tell her something or maybe ask something. She didn’t know what. Probably he wanted to ask her to leave. She only knew he didn’t love her as she loved him.

  Now his smile hinted at more than surface friendliness. The intensity in his dark brown eyes spoke of love and awoke the same in her heart. If he didn’t love her, he had no right to look at her that way. She’d tried to bury her love for him as she planned her escape, but now, as she looked into his eyes, she knew her efforts were useless. She loved Jonathan McDuff, with or without Lexie, and she always would.

  “There are my sweet girls.” Jon’s mother lifted Lexie from Beth’s arms. His father took Stevie. Robbie bounced at their feet anxious to greet his cousins.

  “Beth, over here.” Cecelia called across the yard and waved a spatula.

  Jon touched Beth’s waist and gave a quick squeeze setting her pulse racing. “Go on and have fun. I want to see what my little brother is doing to that puppy—or dog. Looks like it’s grown twice as much as our daughters have.”

  Beth watched him walk away and willed her heart to return to normal. What was the matter with him? Hugging her and talking as if they were a couple. Probably just a show for the family. If only it were true.

  “Hi.” Beth joined Cecelia and Donna at the grill. “What’s going on? I thought outdoor cooking had been taken over by men.”

  The women laughed. Cecelia yelled toward the men, “Yeah, normally the men cook, but today we decided we wanted our food cooked so we could eat it.”

  “I heard that.” Her husband yelled back and they all laughed.

  Beth helped Mary and Donna set what they needed on the table and arrange the food that had been brought. Beth put a stack of foam plates, along with some plastic service, on one end. She glanced toward Jon and saw he now had the children and they were playing with Brad’s puppy. Stevie hugged the dog, and Lexie squealed when it licked her sister. Jon laughed and grabbed both girls in a bear hug, taking them down on the grass with him, the puppy barking non-stop.

  Beth’s hands stilled as she watched the three people she loved most. Father and daughters. How she would love to capture the moment with film to take with her forever. But she had no camera handy, and soon there would be no more scenes such as that one to save.

  Jon laughed and played with his daughters and Beth marveled at the freedom and happiness she saw on his face. In the months she had known him, she had never seen him look so at peace. Yet his happiness brought sadness to her heart because their time together could not last.

  By evening the girls were exhausted and went to sleep on the way home. Jon and Beth carried them to the nursery and put them to bed. Jon paused at the door to look at them again.

  He turned toward Beth. “Come downstairs with me for a glass of ice tea or some milk. Please? Mrs. Garrett won’t mind looking in on the girls. She can hear them from her room.”

  Beth couldn’t resist, knowing such opportunities to spend time with Jon were few. She nodded and followed him out into the hall.

  After letting Mary know where they would be, they went downstairs to the kitchen. A glass of ice tea sounded perfect to Beth. She stepped outdoors without hesitation when Jon suggested they sit on the patio.

  Jon waited until Beth sat in one of the chairs, then he pulled another close and sat down. He smiled. “I had fun today. How about you?”

  Beth nodded. “Your family is very nice. They all love the girls—both of them.”

  “That’s because they are both our babies.”

  “You mean yours, don’t you?”

  Jon shook his head. “No, I mean ours. My family loves you, Beth.”

  Beth closed her mind and heart to the direction Jon seemed to be taking their conversation. Why would he say something like that, anyway? “Brad and Donna think of their dogs as children, don’t they?”

  Jon smiled. “I think you’re right. That will change now, though.”

  Beth’s laughter sounded soft on the night air. “I guess so. I thought your mother was going to do handsprings when Brad made his announcement.”

  “My little brother a father.” Jon shook his head. “I have a hard time imagining it.”

  Darkness settled around them as they sipped their tea and talked about Jon’s family and the day they’d spent with them. Beth felt Jon’s presence stronger than ever as the seclusion of his backyard cut off the rest of the world. If only tonight could go on forever, she would be content.

  Jon touched her hand and cupped her fingers in his. “It’s getting late, Beth. I’m expecting some important papers to come in tomorrow at work and need my sleep. I’ll walk you to your room.”

  B
eth opened her mouth to protest. She could find her way upstairs without his help, but she kept her silence and stood. They set their empty glasses on the counter beside the sink and with Jon’s hand at her waist, walked toward the stairs.

  Beth felt as if she were walking in a dream. Jon’s presence and his solicitations confused her. If he didn’t care for her, why did he continue to touch her? Was it pity? Did he know how much she loved him and felt sorry for her? The sooner she left, the sooner she could forget Jon. That would be better for everyone concerned. She didn’t know how much more of this kind of behavior she could take from him, knowing he didn’t love her.

  At the door to her room, he stopped and, catching her shoulders in his hands, turned her to face him. Beth’s breath caught in her throat under the intensity of his gaze when she looked into his eyes. His eyelids lowered and he moved closer until his lips touched hers. The tender kiss lasted no more than a fleeting moment but moved to her heart where it would remain forever. He stepped back and, with a soft smile on his lips, turned and walked down the hall to the stairs and out of sight.

  Beth pressed her fingers against her lips to stifle a cry. How could he be so cruel to give her one perfect day to remember and one perfect kiss to break her heart? She entered her room and closed the door while tears ran silently down her cheeks.

  “I love you, Jon.” She whispered into the silent room. “With all my heart I love you. Why can’t you love me, too?”

  ~*~

  Beth took the girls outdoors on the morning of their birthday and let them watch the party planners set up the inflatable slide that would be the highlight of their party. Similar to a giant slide used in carnivals and large gatherings, this smaller version topped out at only eight feet. Beth figured since the state daycare regulations considered six feet to be a safe height, eight, with supervision, would be plenty high enough for her rambunctious girls.

  Stevie patted Beth’s arm and pointed. “Play, Mama. Lekkie and Teetee play.”

  Beth picked her tiny daughter up and set her on her lap. With very little encouragement, Stevie would be in the middle of the colorful blue, red, and yellow plastic that now covered their yard.

  “Yes, we’ll play this afternoon. We have to wait for the clown to come for your party.”

  “Pawty?” Stevie turned large brown eyes on her mother.

  Beth smiled and hugged her before she made room for Lexie on her lap, as well. The little girl who had been so docile four months ago was now almost as inquisitive as Stevie. Beth didn’t want either to get in the way of the workers.

  Jon had left early that morning for what he said would be a quick trip into the office. Beth couldn’t imagine what was so important that he had to work on the Saturday of his daughters’ birthday party, but she figured it was none of her business. Besides, the party wouldn’t be starting until after the girls had their naps.

  “Mama.” Lexie pointed as the compressor came on with a whirr and the colorful plastic began to move with the inrush of air. “See, Mama.”

  “Yes, baby, I see.” Beth relaxed as she knew the noise of the compressor would keep the girls on her lap. Together they watched the slide fill with air. Jon’s large backyard seemed to shrink as the plastic shimmied and came alive, rising bit by bit to finally stand proud over the girls’ play yard.

  Their guests, both adults and children, should enjoy it. They had invited families from both churches who had babies in the nurseries with Lexie and Stevie as well as Jon’s extended family, so several guests should be there. Beth had thought about inviting Bob who still retained a distant friendship with her at church, but decided that wouldn’t be such a good idea considering Jon’s reaction when Bob had come to the house.

  “Time to go inside and eat now.” Beth stood. “Then after a bath and nap, we should be ready for a party.”

  Stevie grabbed Lexie’s hand and bent over to look into her face. Her eyes danced, and her dimple flashed as she said, “It’s eat time, Lekkie. It’s eat time.”

  Lexie laughed and together the two girls went through the patio door ahead of Beth, holding hands and chanting in unison. “Eat time. Eat time.”

  Beth shook her head at them and smiled.

  ~*~

  Three hours later the backyard hummed with activity. Beth brought the girls, dressed in new, matching play rompers, outside through the patio door. With a tiny hand held in each of hers, she stopped just outside the door and stared at her parents, Jack and Irene Murdock.

  “Mom and Dad!” Beth dropped her daughters’ hands and stepped into the loving embrace of her own mother and then her father.

  Jon stood just behind the Murdocks, a huge grin covering his face. Beth saw his self-satisfied expression and accused him as she stepped away from her father. “You didn’t go to the office this morning. You went to the airport, didn’t you?”

  Jon laughed. “I’ve been busy.”

  As he spoke, a young woman stepped out from behind him.

  “Lori!” Beth fell into her best friend’s embrace. “I have missed you so much.”

  “No more than I’ve missed you.” Lori looked past Beth to the two little ones who stood watching the excitement with wide eyes. “Oh, no, she’s grown so much I’m not even sure which is Stevie.”

  While Lori knelt in front of the girls, Beth caught Jon’s gaze. “Thank you so much and it’s not even my birthday.” Beth looked back at her parents who were eyeing their granddaughters with obvious pride.

  Her mother looked from one baby to the other. “I can’t get over how much alike they look. Who would have thought their coloring would be so similar? No wonder you didn’t know. Who would?”

  She knelt in front of the little girls and held her arms out. “How about it, Stevie? Does Grandma get a kiss?”

  Stevie looked at her grandmother and then up at her grandfather. “Gammaw.” She grinned, letting her dimple flash. “Pampaw.”

  In a second, Stevie burrowed into Gammaw’s arms and then Pampaw took her while Beth introduced her mother and Lori to Lexie.

  A tear found its way from the corner of her mother’s eye. She brushed it away and smiled. “I’m sorry. I can’t help but get weepy just thinking about how close we came to never seeing our baby. We’ll find time to talk, dear, and you can tell me all about what’s going on here. For now, I want to hold my grandbaby.”

  Lexie allowed her grandmother to hold her and after a moment’s hesitation, seemed to be content to stay with the Murdocks as they made over her and Stevie both. Beth allowed her parents to keep the girls as she and Lori moved among the guests, welcoming each.

  The clown was everything Beth had hoped for. She seemed to be everywhere encouraging the younger ones to participate and helping the little ones on the slide. With a pocket full of balloons and the ability to turn them into interesting animals, she kept the atmosphere jovial.

  “Not a bad idea, huh?” Cecelia nudged Beth and pointed to the slide where Jon and Stevie sat at the top, ready to go down. Stevie’s little hands clapped, and her smile lit her entire face.

  Beth shook her head. “No, not a bad idea at all. The clown is good, too. I have to admit you do know your party planners. Everything seems to be going off without a hitch.”

  “Yes, well, I hope that trend continues.” Cecelia moved on and Beth didn’t have time to wonder what she meant as one of the mothers from her church stepped into Cecelia’s place.

  “Beth, my kids are having a blast. They love that slide. Wherever did you get it?”

  “Party Time Planners.” Beth smiled. “The clown is one of their employees. She’s good, isn’t she?”

  The mother nodded. “Very.”

  “Beth, when will you want the ice cream?” Mary asked. “I don’t remember if you said before the gifts or after.”

  “Oh, dear.” Beth stepped closer to Mary. “If we have the ice cream first, the girls will be too messy to touch the gifts. On the other hand, do you think they will leave their new toys and things to eat ice crea
m?”

  Mary laughed. “Sounds like a real problem to me.”

  “Let’s just go ahead with the ice cream first. I think that might be better.”

  “Fine. We’ll get it set out here on the patio, and as soon as the girls blow out their candles, we’ll start dipping.” Mary bustled back into the house with a couple of teen girls she had recruited to help.

  Beth figured that was her cue to get Jon and the girls gathered up. She found Jon at the top of the slide again, except this time he had Lexie. She smiled, wondering who was having more fun. Jon or the girls. She waited at the base of the slide until they landed at her feet.

  “Let’s get Mama on the slide.” Jon spoke to Lexie, but grinned at Beth.

  Beth laughed at the impish, little boy look in his eyes. “I will, I promise, but right now I need the girls on the patio so they can blow out their candles.”

  “Hey, hear that?” Jon hugged Lexie. “It’s eat time.”

  “Eat time!” Lexie yelled and Beth laughed along with Jon and several of their guests.

  She met the amused glint in his eyes with one of her own. “You’ve been listening to the girls talk too much. Next thing we know you’ll be in court talking like a two-year-old.”

  Jon threw back his head and laughed. “Who knows, maybe I’d win more cases if I did.”

  “More likely the judge would throw you out for confusing the English language.”

  Jon fell into step with Beth as she went in search of Stevie. They found her with her two sets of doting grandparents who from all appearances had become fast friends. Beth took her while Jon made the announcement that the candles were going to be blown out.

  As their guests gathered around them, Jon and Beth stood with Lexie and Stevie behind the tables holding two large cakes. Both were decorated with clowns in keeping with the circus theme. On one was written, HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY, LEXIE.” The other had HAPPY 2nd BIRTHDAY, STEVIE on it. Two candles occupied the center of each cake.