by Fiona Keane
“Noah!” Ben shouted, knocking me once more in the abs. My muscles clenched in response as I anticipated his third strike.
“Get up,” he barked at me. I blinked enough to clear my dream of the crash, never able to get to the part I want and always stuck reliving the worst on repeat. Ben was in uniform, pulling my boots from beneath my cot.
“What’s the status?” I demanded, jumping on instinct and getting out of bed. I laced my boots, pushed up the sleeves of my gray thermal shirt, and followed Ben through the room as he described our job.
“Cardiac arrest. Young guy. Downtown. Girlfriend called it in.”
“Rossi!” I turned at the sound of my last name, catching the chief holding Muffin while talking to Nina at the ambulance’s rear door. His bushy brows furrowed above his narrowed eyes as he nodded to me, his left hand stroking Muffster’s head.
“Keep your heart in your sleeve, kid,” he warned. “Not on your sleeve.”
I heard Ben laughing from inside the ambulance, the ignition switching to cover his mockery. With the boss taking Muffin back to the comfort of his office, I joined Nina and Ben in the ambulance.
“What was that about?” Nina probed, fastening her seatbelt next to me before switching gears and peeling from the station heading toward the Capitol Square.
I grumbled, rolling my eyes at the chief’s comments, and turned to face Nina. Ben beat me to a response, poking his head through the space between Nina and me.
“He’s a softy,” Ben teased from the back as he prepared supplies. “A big one.”
The siren blared above us as Nina tore through the streets. We were just blocks away when Nina nudged my side as she drove. “I knew that,” she joked. “Your tats and the whole brooding guy thing don’t fool me. What was it really about?”
I waited while she blared her horn as we rammed through the intersection of Doty and Pinkney, considering how much I should share before the scene—or if I even wanted to. I’d worked with Nina and Ben for two years and knew way too much about them.
“Girlfriend calling in her boyfriend’s cardiac arrest,” I scratched my neck while quoting the chief’s brief description of our job, “hits close to home. That’s all.”
The sirens filled the vacancy between us as the anxious excitement of impending action hung heavily moments before arriving at the condo complex just off the Square. Nina checked the address one more time before swerving into the loading zone. Sunshine reflected from the puddled pavement, blinding my eyes as I jumped from the passenger seat. Ben and Nina rushed to the rear, pulling the stretcher and rolling it into the building as I followed behind.
The elevator came quickly, and we flew into it, pounding the number for our destination on the keypad. We were silent, always were on these trips. We never knew what to expect: tragedy, violence, death, a hoax. Two years was a long time to burn the hours with Nina and Ben, each of us having a favorite job. Sure, maybe my heart was on my sleeve a little…a little too much. But really, who wouldn’t live for the days they could help deliver a baby or soothe someone’s frightened heart? Okay, maybe my sleeve is the window to my heart. Whatever, boss.
As the elevator doors opened, Ben read through his notes to confirm we had the right unit. It sounded like a loss already; young guy, not breathing, traumatized girlfriend called it in. I thought of her while he read the notes, trying to take a breath to steady myself in hopes of having the strength to keep her together. Nina knocked first, but the door unlatched with the pound of her fist. The poor girl expected us, and that twisted my stomach.
We entered quickly, and my gaze stopped on the frozen woman standing just inside the doorway. Her auburn hair hung in a mess around her ashen face, blue eyes wide as a moon full of panic. Ben and Nina asked her questions, but she couldn’t reply, and I didn’t blame her. They knew the drill and should’ve known better than to ask this guy’s girlfriend what happened, so when she lifted a trembling hand to point in the direction of her boyfriend, his name tumbling from her quivering lips as she broke down, they ran from us. I studied her, saddened by the moment fate destroyed as she remained in an oversized shirt and boxer briefs. I assumed they were her boyfriend’s, and my twisted stomach churned harder. Heart, meet sleeve, and get comfortable there.
“Ma’am,” I whispered, holding her rattling biceps in my palms. She wasn’t answering me, clearly in shock, so I tried to get her attention once more as she quivered in fear, cautiously rubbing her arms up and down.
“Avery,” she muttered. “My name is Avery.”
“Avery.” I smiled at her. “I’m Noah.” Her eyes finally moved, her gaze fixed on the canvas of my arm.
“Ben and Nina have everything under control in there. I promise.” I heard the faint mumble of activity flowing from the back of Avery’s condo, and I quickly glanced around. “How long have you lived here?” I was trying to distract her, willing the others to hurry. I noticed her eyes track the ink on my arms, thankful for the dedication to my life’s mistakes in that moment because it kept another person occupied from fear.
“Two weeks.” Avery’s voice was a harsh whisper before she started rocking back and forth. Shit. The poor girl was in nothing but a t-shirt and her man’s boxer briefs, rocking in shock, with the cold wind blowing in here. She wasn’t going anywhere as long as the others were working on her man, and I needed to help her get comfortable. I pulled away from her for a moment to close the door, returning to Avery’s side.
“If it’s okay with you,” I put my right arm around her trembling shoulders, “I’m just going to sit here with you for a while.”
“Here?” she croaked, still rocking.
“Yes. Right here. You don’t need to be alone right now.” I pulled her against me, rewarded with her weight giving in. I knew her mind was going haywire, but she didn’t need to know or see what was happening to him.
Me sending a prayer to her ceiling wasn’t going to save his life, but I sure as hell wished he would be okay. Avery sank further against me, her knees curling even closer to her chest than before, as I tried to distract her from the hum of activity.
“Why don’t you tell me about Sean?” I urged, squeezing her arm. I felt her head turn and glanced down to catch her reddened eyes. If that didn’t break my heart, I must’ve lost that organ long ago. Her timid gaze flickered between my eyes, her lips parting to her silence. I recognized the jargon echoing in the hall.
“Breath sounds,” Nina shouted. “Ben, prepare the defibrillator and get the door open.”
“Avery,” I whispered to her. “We shouldn’t be here. They’re going to bring Sean through, and you don’t want to see that.” Her raw blue eyes finally met mine, her expression beyond despair. I whispered her name three more times, but Avery’s gaze froze on mine and the poor girl couldn’t move. The hum of my partners’ jargon increased, and I knew the only thing I could do to help Avery was to pick her up and move her.
She was a thin woman, but curled into an anxious lump, Avery weighed a ton. I knew it was fear; that shit weighed more than any scale allowed. I had her, though, locked in my arms as we fell into her kitchen. She trembled under me, clutching the collar of my shirt as she began to break down. I held Avery’s head to my chest as they whizzed through the hall with Sean attached to a stretcher. I wanted to tell her he would be okay and that they knew what they were doing, but I didn’t. They didn’t say anything to me on their way out, which worried me.
The condo was quiet, and I guided Avery to sit on the floor while I knelt before her, her rigid hands still clinging to my shirt. Her rocking subsided as I circled my palm around her back, and I joined her on the floor. Her head hung, auburn hair wild around her face. I knew my clothes were saturated with a stranger’s tears but, as I held her head to my chest, I was doing the most important part of my job in that moment.
“Who can I call for you?” I whispered once her heaves regulated, my words slow and soft. I watched her eyes flick back and forth, coming to. Avery shrugged as she lif
ted the hem of her shirt to wipe her nose. I’d seen a lot on the job, but a traumatized woman wiping her nose always got me right in the chest.
“Jesse. He’s our friend. Sean’s best friend.” Avery’s words were barely coherent.
“Jesse,” I repeated. “Okay. I’ll call Jesse for you. What’s his phone number?” Using my free hand, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed the number Avery uttered. It started to ring, and I glanced at Avery, her eyes lifting to meet mine. I smiled at her, knowing her heart was breaking, but it only made her cry even more.
Jesse answered, and I told him who I was and why I was calling. I knew repeating those words validated Avery’s fears. I didn’t know their story, but it took one look at Avery’s shattered heart to know their love was true. I finished talking with her friend and dropped the phone into my pocket.
“Jesse’s on his way. I’m going to stay with you until he comes. All right?” She nodded meekly in response. I tried to whisper to her, hoping to keep her calm, but she just froze, and I held my arm around her until Jesse burst into the condo in a panic. My role was finished the second Jesse’s arms went around Avery while he knelt on the floor, kissing her forehead and straightening her hair.
“Bean,” he cooed, pulling Avery into his lap, “let’s go to the hospital. The ambulance is gone. That means they have Sean and they’re working on him.”
Avery’s eyes tracked Jesse’s mouth as he moved more hair from her face, revealing a darkening bump above her left eyebrow. I was too focused on keeping her together while her man was handled that I didn’t think to check her over.
“I’ll meet you there, Avery,” I stated, rising to help Jesse lift Avery to her feet. “The doctors will want to check you over too. I want to look at that bruise…” I softly stroked the bump above her eyebrow, causing her to wince. Avery was silent, and I didn’t know what else I could do to help now that her friend took over. I wanted to do more, and maybe that meant sticking to my word and meeting her there, waiting to see the case through.
I thought of my chief’s tactless comments during our meeting last week when Ben and I delivered a baby at the park. Don’t get attached. Don’t get too close. He called me a heartbreaker, breaking my own and a patient’s when I couldn’t pursue their case with them. Something about helping a panicked mom stay calm while giving birth under a tree made me feel I should have been more personable, supportive, rather than formal, but my supervisor begged to differ. Probably why he can’t keep a girlfriend and his kid hates him.
I watched Jesse guide Avery into his car, neither worried about getting her into something other than Sean’s shirt and underwear. Jesse gave me a nod before he climbed in and drove off. I exhaled like I hadn’t had a chance to breathe in an hour and looked up at their condo. It seemed so perfect, and yet there she went in her boyfriend’s underwear as she and her friend trailed the ambulance carrying his dying body.
As I walked to the bus stop one block away, I grew more pissed at the world than when my day began. Life wasn’t fair, and that really burned my balls. I didn’t know Avery or Sean, but to watch her trauma…Damn. I guess accepting that life was an unforgiving bitch, even to me, was the only way I lasted in this job. In my life.
Chapter Three
I swiftly moved through the emergency department, flowing with staff traffic by the flash of my badge. I recognized three nurses at the counter, only disliking one of them, and approached the one who liked me the most.
“Hi, Esme,” I greeted her, not giving her a chance to flirt or reply. “Nina and Ben brought in a young guy. Cardiac arrest. Any word?”
She blushed. If I hadn’t sworn off women, I might have been flattered. Instead, I really just wanted to know what I could do to help Avery. “I think Rachel might know. I just came from a break. It’s nice to see you. Is that a new tattoo?”
I didn’t have time for flirting, but I knew I’d need Esme to get some information about Sean, so I smiled kindly at her. The bustle of activity swirled around us, and I turned to my left while thinking of my next step. I caught Avery and Jesse in my periphery and smiled at them. I needed to ask someone for scrubs because the poor thing was still in Sean’s underwear. Avery’s eyes widened when our gaze met. I left Esme and walked to Avery and Jesse, both of them looking up at me helplessly.
“I’m glad you agreed to get checked out, Avery. You’re in good hands.” I winked at Esme behind the counter, signaling my departure from her flirtation. “I’ll find out what I can about Sean and check in with you before I head back to the fire department.” I extended my right hand to Jesse, his grasp strong. He approached the nurse’s desk to check in Avery when I set off to bleed my heart all over my sleeve and find out whatever I could about Sean.
I tried to track down Esme again, but she was too flustered to communicate, and Ben wasn’t around anymore. After a quick call to the fire station, I let my boss know I needed to stay.
“Where’s your heart, Rossi?” He snickered, reminding me to keep my phone on vibrate and ring so I wouldn’t miss any emergencies. I was in the hospital; emergencies were life in that moment.
I caught Esme coming from the surgical elevators, her skin faded and eyes wide. She twirled the string of her ID card mindlessly while walking through the hall toward me.
“Hi, Esme,” I whispered, sensing her angst. “Did you find out anything?”
“Noah,” she choked, shaking her head and staring at the fluorescent lights above us. When her eyes fell back to mine, I waited for her reply even though my patience was thin. “Ben and Nina left like an hour ago. I asked Rachel for you, and I was just up in surgery.”
“And?” I pressed, taking one step closer. Esme continued to twirl her badge, her blue eyes flickering everywhere but me. I didn’t know what it was about my mermaid, but everyone’s stare seemed to fall right to her, like the siren she was. I pulled down my sleeves, hoping to get Esme’s attention once more.
She wiped her nose on the cuff of her shirt, and her eyes met mine. “The one you brought in. He’s in there now.” The one. That’s exactly what the doctors and I called Jade, but my reason was to marry her years ago, not to detach like the doctors would do. They called me the one too, right before they came out to talk to me. Is this the one? Is he the one? Avery’s nightmare was mine, and that’s why my weak heart was broadcasting itself around me like a damn megaphone.
“All I know is that he’s in surgery,” Esme replied. “It’s not looking good right now, but they’re working on him. Excuse me.” Esme slipped past me, and I dropped to the wall, holding my right hand against my left bicep. I was trying to cover my heart, get myself grounded, and not let my past boil over, but it was Jade’s tattoo that I reached for, hoping it would anchor me into something positive.
Esme was back at the nurse’s station when I returned to the waiting area, but Avery and Jesse were gone. The rush of morning emergencies slowed, so Esme’s attention was redirected to Rachel and their mutual coffees once I approached their desk.
“Noah.” Rachel winked at me. She actually winked, like I would jump over the desk and seduce her after that morning.
I smiled because I wasn’t a complete jerk. “I came in this morning with a woman whose boyfriend is in surgery now. I can’t find her anywhere, and I promised I’d say goodbye.”
Rachel’s mouth twisted while she stared at me, giving Esme a moment to slip a sticky note across the counter.
***
Pushing up the sleeves of my thermal, I hesitantly wrapped my fingers on the doorknob. I could hear women talking inside, even Avery, and I hated to interrupt, but I kept my word and came back…even though I didn’t have anything to answer the demands of her heart.
I knocked lightly, the panel opening quickly with a small brunette at its command. She looked at me expectantly, but it was the blonde at Avery’s side who captivated my attention. The other one tapped her foot, pulling my focus back to Avery.
“Hi, Avery,” I uttered softly, trying not to sta
rtle her. “I haven’t heard anything yet. All I know is they took Sean from the emergency room and into surgery. I have to go to the fire department now.” I felt the little one’s eyes on my arm, laughing to myself as I imagined what her thoughts would be when her gaze wandered a little more to see my mermaid wasn’t wearing a top.
Avery was nestled on the mattress, wrapped in linens from the stale room. I was going to smack the hell out of whoever took their sweet-ass time bringing her scrubs.
“Who are you?” Blondie stepped from the bed and held her hand an inch from my chest, distracting my farewell. This one was trouble.
“Noah,” Avery mumbled. Arms wrapped around Avery, their other friend scooted closer to her on the bed, resting her chin on Avery’s shoulder.
“Noah,” I acknowledged Blondie, politely shaking her hand. Her skin was incredibly soft. I almost felt guilty touching it. “I’m one of the paramedics who went to Avery and Sean’s.”
“Did you see him?” the friend cocooning Avery questioned, and as I looked to Avery before replying, I struggled to take my eyes from Blondie. I quietly shook my head and glanced away, biting my top lip to refrain from looking back at her. I turned to Avery, my hand on the doorknob.
“He’s in good hands.” I didn’t think my attempt to reassure her would help, but it was the only truth I could give Avery in that moment.
I stood outside of her room, my back against the door, while I composed myself. It was like my nightmare all over again; this time Avery was the one with questions, the one with the dying love. Their conversation resumed while I stood there, debating whether to pester Esme or go hug my dog.
“Holy hotness,” I heard Blondie mumble near the door. I felt my mouth twitch, but I resisted the smile.
