She was glad now that she’d been able to escape. Glad that she’d seen David on the way out of the White House and told him in no uncertain terms that if she was followed she wouldn’t be coming back. Ever. She hadn’t meant that, not even then, when her heart felt so raw she could hardly breathe. She didn’t really believe Devlyn would cheat on her. But her heart had lied to her before, hadn’t it? “Damn.”
Lauren sucked in a deep breath and tilted her head skyward, her cheeks long dry of the tears she’d shed earlier. The faint sound of crunching wood chips in the distance caused her to turn her head and peer intently through the darkness.
Instantly awake, Gremlin jumped down from the bench and began to growl into the night, baring his tiny crooked teeth in an impressive show of ferocity.
Lauren felt her pulse pick up a little as she belatedly realized that it wasn’t safe to be sitting in the middle of a very wooded, very secluded park at 3 a.m. Then she sprang to her feet, standing behind Gremlin as a single figure emerged from the shadows. Her fists clenched and unclenched as she glanced behind her, prepared to run if she needed to. Her heart began to pound and a rush of adrenaline sang through her blood. How stupid am I? she berated herself. I’m gonna get myself killed!
“Who is it?” Lauren asked, hearing her voice shake a little.
The figure moved closer. “Lauren?”
The blonde woman nearly collapsed in heap when the familiar voice washed over her. “Devlyn?” It can’t be.
Dev stepped closer, giving the still snarling Gremlin a disgusted glance. “You know who I am, dog. See?” Devlyn bent down in front of Gremlin so that he could see her face. Once he did, however, he continued to bark and growl even louder. “Stupid mutt,” Dev grumbled, moving a step backwards when Gremlin’s snaggle-toothed mouth began snapping open and closed. A tiny part of her, however, was glad the worthless canine was so fiercely protecting Lauren. She’ll let him do that, Devlyn thought enviously, but not me.
“Gremlin…” Lauren warned in a soft, but firm, voice. Her gaze never strayed from Devlyn.
The small beast quieted instantly, but kept a wary eye on his mistress’ lover.
Dev sniggered inwardly, enjoying the tiny victory while she could.
“How did you find me?” Lauren asked, not masking her surprise and making no move to sit down or cross the 10 feet or so that separated her from the other woman.
Gremlin trotted over to Lauren and plopped down on her feet, already bored.
Dev sighed, her eyes showing her longing to embrace Lauren but also the fear that she would be turned away if she tried. At least she’s still talking to me. That’s something. She swallowed, knowing she had to tell the truth, but dreading saying the words. “I spoke to all of the agents assigned to you.” She didn’t mention that she’d called half of them out of bed to come to the White House to be grilled by her when her initial searching couldn’t turn up Lauren. “And this was one of the places they told me you like to come sometimes.” She was suddenly struck by the thought that they’d never been here together.
“Mmm…” Dejected, Lauren nodded. She gave Gremlin a gentle nudge and he moved off her feet, allowing her to pad back to the bench and sit down heavily. “Why are you here, Devlyn?”
Her voice was so quiet it was almost swept away by the breeze.
Devlyn’s stomach churned. She felt as if she was in some bad movie where someone else scripted the predictable lines and she was being swept away by the drama of the scene, scared and out of control. I’m here because I love you. I’m here to explain. I’m here because I’m afraid that this life will be too much for you and you’ll leave me bleeding and broken and desperately alone.
“You know why I’m here,” she said, trying to keep her resentment and fear from her voice. “May I sit down?” She indicated the bench next to Lauren.
Lauren gave a quick nod, scooting over a little when Gremlin jumped up next to her and snuggled up to her thigh to stay warm.
“Is it safe?” Dev asked, not really caring what the answer was. She would have sat next to Lauren if a crocodile, instead of merely the ugliest dog on earth, had been resting his face in her lap. “You haven’t been holding my picture in front of him and training him to kill, have you?”
Lauren’s first instinct was to smile and she didn’t try to fight it, though the gesture was half-hearted at best. “No attack training. He won’t even fetch when I ask him, much less anything more strenuous.” An image of Dev and Sarah kissing flashed through her mind and she felt a little sick. She turned away from Dev, unwilling to look at her as she released a heavy breath.
Dev’s heart clenched when Lauren looked away, and she felt tears fill her eyes. She blinked them back and sat down with a weary groan. With a single hand she rubbed her tired, stinging eyes, wishing she could start the entire day over again. Then she tucked her hand back into the pocket of her long woolen coat. It was the coldest part of the night and an oppressive dampness was overtaking the air.
She had combed the park looking for Lauren for nearly three hours and had run across four sleeping homeless people, two of whom were children. She made a mental note to do something about them. The wheels of government turned too slow for her taste, but she could help two specific kids in the cold, if she put her mind to it. There had been a pair of young lovers on a blanket, who were… well, she didn’t stay around long to see exactly what they were doing, but their moans and the steam rising off their barely-blanket-covered bodies left little to the imagination. There was a harmless jogger and then finally came a man who was singing “Some Enchanted Evening” at the top of his lungs to his unfortunate paramour, who also happened to be an oak tree. God, she missed Ohio.
Lauren’s head snapped sideways as she realized something. She looked over the tops of her glasses, behind Dev and into the woods around them. Seeing nothing, she squinted as she gazed down the narrow path from which Devlyn had emerged. “You’re alone,” she whispered. “Or do I just not see them?”
Dev knew this wasn’t what they needed to talk about. But now that she was here she found herself in no hurry to tackle the tough stuff. That would be hard enough without diving right in. She shook her head, not needing to ask whom Lauren was referring to. “I told them to wait by the car.” Though she’d checked in with the Secret Service every few minutes and moved the car no less than six times so they would never be more than a moment or two away.
Lauren’s eyes widened. She looked at Dev again, realizing that, except for a few days at Janet and Frank’s farm in Ohio, she’d never been outdoors and alone with Dev. It seemed odd and disconcertingly intimate after the events of the day. “David must be having a fit.”
Dev studied her shoes. “Umm…”
Lauren cocked her head sideways, recognizing that tone. “What?”
“I don’t think he’s speaking to me right now,” Dev admitted a little sheepishly, cringing.
“Why? If he should be angry with anyone, it’s me. God, what I said to him.”
“He’s not mad at you.”
Lauren gave Dev a look.
“Okay, he is mad at you. At us both. He didn’t want me looking for you, and when I told him I was doing it anyway, well, things got out of hand.”
Lauren took off her glasses and stuffed them into her pocket — a light fog was settling over the park and they were steaming up. “And then?” she prodded.
“And then I fired him.”
“What!” Lauren’s voice was so loud it nearly woke Gremlin. Nearly. “It’s not safe for you to be out alone. It’s not the same for me, Devlyn. The shooting—”
“He’s not the boss of me,” Devlyn stated, hoping it didn’t sound as childish to Lauren’s ears as it did her own.
Lauren stretched out her feet and stared into the trees with unseeing eyes. “We’re quite a pair, aren’t we?”
“Are we?” Dev forced the words out. “A pair?”
The air between them crackled with tension.
Lauren t
ook a shaky breath. “I’m not sure anymore, Devlyn.” She turned her head and the women locked eyes. It didn’t hurt this badly with Judd, her mind cried. Not even close. “We need to talk about Sarah.”
Dev ran a hand through her hair, praying she’d do a better job of explaining this now than she had earlier. She was well aware that this might be her only chance and, frankly, that thought pissed her off nearly as much as Lauren’s lack of faith in her. “We do.” She drew in a deep breath. “Nothing happened between Sarah and me.” There. The simple truth was always best.
The flashing of gray eyes was visible even in the moonlight.
Dev quickly held up her hand. “I know what you saw. But that was her kissing me, not the other way around.”
“She forced you?” The incredulous tinge to Lauren’s voice let Dev know how unlikely she considered that prospect.
Dev looked horrified. “Of course not!” She lowered her voice. “She’s not like that. She’s a good person.”
Lauren ground her teeth together. “You’re defending her, even now. There is no defense for that. You’re engaged to me!”
“Just because Samantha is gone, it doesn’t mean I don’t consider Sarah my sister.”
“Sister!” Lauren’s face turned a deep shade of red, and the anger that had been simmering since she left the White House exploded to the forefront. “And here I thought I was from the South. Christ on a crutch! What the hell kind of sister kisses you like that?”
“I don’t know,” Dev hissed, shifting around so she was fully facing Lauren. “It’s never happened before. And it will never happen again.”
“She kissed you?”
Dev lifted her jaw a little. “Yes.”
“That kiss didn’t look like too much of a hardship, Devlyn. I have eyes. She’s a beautiful woman and even if she started it, you weren’t trying to stop her.”
Devlyn opened her mouth, then closed it. She felt her ire rise along with one of Lauren’s eyebrows. “Don’t you do that. Don’t you dare keep acting like I have something to hide! I am not the one who cheated on you and yet I already feel like shit and am so scared I can’t see straight. I. Didn’t. Do. Anything. Wrong!”
“I saw it.” Lauren shook her head quickly, remembering all the times her genuine inquiries with Judd been met by lies. And how it was just easier to believe than to be bothered to dig for the truth. How she didn’t care enough to dig. She spent a long moment, letting the past rear its ugly head… and bite her. Then some of her rational mind kicked in. What she had with Dev was worlds away from what she’d known before. And this time, she decided, she did care enough to fight tooth and nail.
“You think I’m not scared and sick too?” Lauren informed her hotly. “I spent the first hour away from the White House hanging over a motel toilet. I want to believe you, but you’re making it so hard!” The words came out in a steady stream, like a dam that had finally burst. “You’re acting guilty. And she’s beautiful and looks exactly like your dead wife.” Lauren’s throat closed. “The one you still love,” she managed to get out, ashamed of her bitterness towards a dead woman.
“Lauren…”
Lauren shook her head. “Please don’t say it. I know Samantha is your past. But that woman in your office isn’t. I saw what I saw, Devlyn. Give me more so that I can convince my head of what my heart is screaming,” she begged, soft gray eyes glistening in the moonlight.
“Ugh!” With a slightly shaky hand, Dev rubbed her forehead briskly. “When she kissed me, I didn’t know what to do. We had been talking about Sam and she touched my face and I wasn’t expecting it, and…” She lifted one hand and then let it fall helplessly. “I’ve never been kissed by her before. I wasn’t even sure it wasn’t totally innocent until she tried to—”
“Inspect your tonsils with her tongue?” Lauren snapped, closing her eyes and turning as she angrily swiped at her tears.
“Something like that,” Dev grumbled, fighting back the desperate feeling that had been gnawing at her guts all afternoon. “As soon as I knew what was happening, I moved to stop it and you walked in.”
Lauren swallowed hard, replaying the events in her mind and trying to focus on what’d she actually seen and not the wild surge of jealousy and betrayal she’d felt upon seeing. “Is… Is this the first time that’s happened?”
“How can you even ask me that!”
“How can I not!”
The park went silent, save for their slightly rough breathing, the breeze in the trees, and Gremlin’s gravelly snores.
“Do you love me?” Devlyn finally asked, her heart in her throat.
Lauren let out a shuddering breath, her own heart suddenly pounding. Do I love her? her mind gasped. God.
Dev reached out and brushed away Lauren’s hot tears, leaving her hand there to cup a chilled cheek. She brushed her thumb over soft skin.
“You know I do,” Lauren finally whispered raggedly, eyes closed tight, “more than anything or anyone.”
“Then stop this before it goes any farther,” she pleaded, knowing this went beyond a simple misunderstanding of a kiss. But to get to those issues, they had to successfully traverse this minefield. Dev didn’t know what she would do if they couldn’t. “Believe in me.” She looked deeply in Lauren’s eyes, willing her to have faith in what they shared.
Lauren bit her lower lip. “Do you know what you’re asking?” she whispered, her voice tight with emotion. “To believe you more than my own eyes.” But she found herself wanting to do just that. With devastating certainty, her heart knew why she was frightened beyond reason. Blindly trusting Dev wasn't difficult. It was, in fact, too, too easy.
“Trust me.” Dev felt Lauren lean into her touch, hot tears rolling down the back of her hand. “You can always believe in me. I will never, ever, do to you what Judd did to you. You and the kids are my family, and I love you.” Devlyn blinked a few times, clearing her eyes of her own tears. “Please,” she whispered brokenly, desperation creeping back into her voice.
Lauren’s breathing hitched and Devlyn’s plea forced her to open her eyes and look at her. She couldn’t stop herself. That was all it took. She didn’t know how she ended up in the older woman’s arms, but there she was, Dev’s hands gently stroking her wavy pale hair, her body heat seeping into her cold skin, her heartbeat thundering wildly and visibly in the fair skin of her throat. “What am… what am I doing? I’m so sorry,” Lauren mumbled, her lips against Dev’s chilled cheek.
Dev tightened her hold on Lauren, a single tear blazing a path down her cheek. “Me too.” Thank you, God. She felt a little lightheaded and wasn’t sure if it was from relief or the death grip that Lauren had on her. Either way, she welcomed the sensation. “Me too,” she repeated, pressing her lips against Lauren’s cheek. “I’ll talk to Sarah. I’ll work it all out, you’ll see. She knows I love you, Lauren. Everyone knows I love you. I’m not sure what she was thinking.”
Lauren sniffed. “I love you, too. I’m sorry.” Dazedly, she blinked a few times. “I’m not thinking straight. I—”
“I know.” Devlyn felt Gremlin milling around at their feet. “I should have paid more attention to you, to Sarah, to Beth, who warned me that you were under too much pressure weeks ago.”
Lauren felt warm puffs of air against her hair as Dev spoke.
“She told me that Sarah’s had a crush on me for years.” A dark head shook in disbelief. “I never knew… I promise. Hell, I should have paid more attention to everybody.”
“You’re busy,” Lauren murmured quietly, nuzzling as close as humanly possible to Devlyn.
“Not too busy for that. I can’t be.”
Lauren pulled back, and both women wiped gently at each other’s faces. “Devlyn, I think I need a vacation to regroup,” she admitted tiredly. “Since we announced our engagement, I feel like things have been spinning out of control.”
Dev nodded thoughtfully. “With us?”
“No,” Lauren promised fiercely. “You and the kids an
d Beth and David, you’re what’s solid in my life. It’s everything else right now. The press. My mother’s death. My father’s rejection. The book. I haven’t written a thing in nearly a month. I need some time.”
Dev sighed inwardly. She was afraid of this. “We can postpone the wedding.” Please just don’t say cancel it.
Lauren smiled sadly, reading the worry on Dev’s face as easily as if it were her own. On impulse, she leaned in and kissed her soundly, feeling Dev’s surprised squawk more than hearing it. “Not on your life, Madam President,” she whispered against soft, moist lips as she leaned back just a hair. “Nobody is taking that from us. I want to marry you. I just need to get used to the demands that go along with being your… your…” She looked at Devlyn in question. “Wife?” She didn’t much like the term when Judd had used it to introduce her. It had never felt right.
Dev grinned. Sometimes she forgot that Lauren’s relationships had been exclusively with men. “If you like. Or some people say spouse or partner?”
Lauren smiled, that last one ringing unfamiliar but pleasant chords deep within her. “I like that. But I don’t mind the other either. So long as you’re my wife, too.”
Dev nodded enthusiastically. This was more like them. Talking things through. Working things out. Her stomach finally settled down and she felt mortally tired.
“I’m not willing to let other people take our happiness from us, Devlyn. I just need to get my head on straight to face the battles. I don’t know how you do it.” There was genuine awe in her voice.
“Would a couple of weeks in Tennessee help?”
Lauren blinked. “God, no!” There was nothing for her there. She hadn’t been home since her mother’s funeral the year before, hadn’t called her father and invited him to the wedding, though she’d stood staring at the phone more times than she could count. She couldn’t face him cruelly dismissing her again by hanging up before she’d even said why she was calling. Her mother’s suicide and her relationship with Devlyn had, she admitted sadly, killed what little relationship she had with her father. She wondered briefly if anything so terribly broken could be repaired and how a parent’s love for his child could be so conditional.
First Lady Page 7
