by Laura Iding
And they’d have to get social services involved to find placement for the baby, too.
He walked to his office, seeking privacy to make his calls. First he notified the social worker on duty, who readily agreed to begin working on a temporary guardian and foster placement for Emma once she was stable enough for discharge. When he finished with that he debated between calling the police now or waiting until he had the actual test results.
A glance at his watch confirmed it was too late to get the drug-test results today as it was already five-thirty in the evening and drug tests were specialized enough that they couldn’t be run on a stat basis. They’d be available in the morning, but he didn’t want to wait that long to call the police. The sooner they knew about the issue, the better.
He dialed the sheriff’s department, knowing the number by heart, and requested to be put through to a detective.
“This is Detective Trammel. What seems to be the problem?”
Of course Trammel would be the one on duty. Trammel had been the detective assigned to investigate Victoria’s death. Ryan tightened his grip on the phone and tried to keep his voice steady. “This is Dr. Murphy at Cedar Bluff Hospital. I need to report we have a safe-haven baby here,” Ryan informed him. “She was dropped off a little over an hour ago by a young woman with blond hair, roughly in her midtwenties.”
“Dr. Murphy?” Detective Trammel echoed. “Dr. Ryan Murphy?”
“Yes.” He knew that he wasn’t a suspect any longer, but that first month after Victoria’s death he’d been at the top of Trammel’s list. Logically he understood that the police had wanted to rule out foul play, but it hadn’t been easy to hold his head up within their small, tight-knit community.
Even three years later, it wasn’t easy. But he hadn’t wanted to leave, not until he’d uncovered the truth about the source of Victoria’s drugs. He’d almost given up hope. Until now.
“How are you doing?” Detective Trammel asked, as if they were old friends. But they weren’t. Not by a long shot.
“Fine,” he said in a clipped tone. “You should know that I’ve already contacted the social worker, who’s getting Child Protective Services involved.”
“Okay, thanks. Wow, a safe-haven baby. We haven’t had one of those in almost four years.”
Ryan battled a wave of annoyance. This wasn’t exactly a social call. “You need to know that I suspect the baby is addicted to drugs,” he said bluntly. “We’re running tests now.”
A heavy silence hung between them and he imagined Detective Trammel finally figuring out why Ryan had bothered to make the call personally. “Okay, thanks for letting me know,” the detective said finally. “But it’s tricky to go after the mother in these situations. The safe-haven law offers protection, although there is wiggle room in cases of abuse.”
“I’m well aware of the law,” he said in a terse tone. “And I don’t want to go after the mother per se. But what if we find that the baby was addicted to prescription narcotics? Don’t you think that’s something to be concerned about? Shouldn’t we look for her supplier?”
“Your drug tests can’t give that level of detail,” Trammel protested.
He reined in his temper with an effort. “No, but the state lab in Madison could.”
Another long silence. “Dr. Murphy, I told you before that we investigated the prescription-drug angle after your wife’s death. There’s no evidence of a prescription drug ring operating here in Cedar Bluff. Trust me, I’d know if there were.”
Ryan felt his shoulders sag in defeat. He didn’t believe the detective, yet there was nothing he could say that would change his mind, either. Because he didn’t have proof.
Just a gut-level certainty he was right.
“Listen, Dr. Murphy, it’s been almost three years and I know it’s difficult, but you need to move on with your life.”
For an instant the image of Cassie’s heart-shaped face, long chocolate-brown hair and warm brown eyes flashed in his mind. But he impatiently shoved it away.
“Let me know if the mother comes forward for some reason,” he said to Detective Trammel, changing the subject. “Having some sort of medical history would be helpful.”
“I will.”
Ryan hung up the phone and sat back in his chair with a weary sigh. The detective was wrong—he had moved on with his life. He worked, and played softball in the summer and basketball in the winter with several other physicians on staff. So what if he avoided going out with women? He’d tried about a year or so ago, but the entire event had been a disaster. He’d wanted no-strings sex, but apparently that wasn’t what Shana had wanted, despite the fact she’d assured him she did.
Even worse, the debacle had spread throughout Cedar Bluff Hospital. Staff whispering behind his back had only reminded him of that terrible time after Victoria’s death.
No, getting tangled up with a woman wasn’t part of his plan. No matter how tempted he might be, at least when it came to Cassie. And she was doubly off limits, since they worked together.
No, he had to remain focused on the issues at hand. He wished Detective Trammel had found some evidence of a prescription-drug ring in Cedar Bluff.
Because he wouldn’t mind sharing a bit of the guilt that still weighed heavily on his shoulders over the deaths of his wife and unborn son.
CHAPTER TWO
CASSIE HOVERED OVER Emma’s warmer, lightly stroking the tip of her finger down the baby’s downy soft cheek, as much as she could around the breathing-tube holder.
Emma F. Safe Haven, the name they’d given her, was doing a great job of hanging in there. No sign of seizures yet, but Cassie was afraid that if she took her eye off the baby for an instant she’d miss the telltale jerky movements.
The good news so far was that Emma’s blood gases had come back well within normal range. She’d placed a page in to Dr. Ryan to share the results. Maybe they could work on weaning the baby off the ventilator. They’d have to go slowly, because removing the tube, only to replace it a few hours later, would be traumatic and possibly cause damage to Emma’s tiny airway. However, getting the baby off the vent was also better for Emma’s lungs in the long run.
Finding the right balance was always tricky.
Cassie lingered a few minutes longer, wishing she could give Emma more of her attention, but then had to leave to care for the other baby assigned to her care. Thankfully Barton was stable. He’d been born four weeks too early, but was gaining weight and coming along nicely. He still had a couple instances of five seconds or longer of apnea, a common problem in preemies, but so far he’d gone twelve hours without any shallow breathing recorded on the monitor. If that trend continued, in another day or two he’d be ready to move up to the level-two nursery. And soon be discharged home.
She quickly changed Barton’s soiled diaper and then disconnected him from the heart monitor for his feeding. She sank into a rocker she’d pulled over near Emma’s warmer so she could keep an eye on Emma while giving Barton his bottle. Normally they encouraged the parents to come in for the feedings, but Barton’s mother had mentioned she might be later than normal today because she had to wait for her husband to get home from being out of town. She’d had an emergency C-section and hadn’t been cleared to drive yet.
“Aren’t you a good boy,” she cooed, as Barton eagerly sucked at his bottle. “You’re going to grow up to be big and strong, just like your daddy.”
She sensed someone’s gaze on her and looked up to find Dr. Ryan standing a few feet away, staring at her. For a second she thought she saw a distinctive longing reflected in his eyes, but in a flash the moment was gone and the polite yet distant expression had returned to his eyes.
“Emma’s blood gases look great, and I’ve entered new orders to drop her ventilator settings,” he said brusquely. “Should I ask the unit clerk to page the respiratory therapist?”
“I’d appreciate that, if you don’t mind. I’ll be here for a while yet.” More proof that Dr. Ryan was a great
doctor. He didn’t think menial tasks were beneath him. Or maybe he was simply anxious to get Emma’s vent settings changed. “So far I haven’t seen any evidence of seizures.”
“Good. You’ll probably get a call from Child Protective Services, I put them on notice about Emma.”
“Oh, okay.” Cassie suppressed a flash of disappointment. Of course calling CPS was the right thing to do. “I guess, once she’s stable, Emma will end up in foster care, then,” she murmured, trying to hide the wistfulness in her tone. She had no right to be so emotionally attached to Emma. The baby wasn’t hers to love and to care for. Except here, at work.
Dr. Ryan’s lips tightened in a grim line. “I imagine so.”
She couldn’t say anything past the lump of regret lodged in her throat. Ridiculous to think she could become a foster parent for Emma. For one thing, there was a long process, including classes to take, along with other hoops to jump through, before she’d be granted that privilege. Even then, she knew that a married couple would have a better shot of getting custody of Emma than a single parent such as her.
Barton turned his face away from the bottle, reminding her it was time for a burp. She lifted him up, turned him and placed him against her shoulder, rubbing her hand in soothing circles over his back. She couldn’t resist brushing a kiss against his downy temple, enjoying the scent of baby shampoo that clung to his skin. He squirmed a bit and made gurgling noises before letting out a loud belch.
“Good boy,” she praised him with a wide smile. Gently she turned the baby round so she could try to give him the rest of his bottle. He was still pretty tiny, less than five pounds, so he usually only took a small portion of his bottle at each feeding.
“You’re a natural,” Dr. Ryan said in a low tone.
The longing to have a baby of her own stabbed deeply, but she pushed it away with an effort. Her cheeks warmed and she cursed herself for responding to every little thing Dr. Ryan said. He had no way of knowing that she’d miscarried twice before her marriage had shattered into irreparable pieces. “Thanks.”
Abruptly he turned and walked toward the unit clerk’s desk. She overheard him requesting the respiratory therapist on duty to be paged for vent setting changes.
Little Barton took another ounce before thrusting the nipple out of his mouth, indicating he wasn’t interested in any more. She mentally calculated the total, pleased that he’d taken a half-ounce more at this feeding.
As she returned Barton to his bassinet and cranked on the mobile that hung over his head, she noticed Dr. Ryan was standing over Emma’s warmer. She assumed that he was checking the baby’s vital signs but as she approached she noticed that her little pink knit hat was off and he was softly stroking his thumb over Emma’s downy head, murmuring softly.
“You’re going to be fine, pretty girl. You’ll see.”
His words made tears prick her eyes and she subtly wiped them away. Dr. Ryan had called her a natural, but right now she was thinking the same about him. He was gazing down at Emma as if the baby was important on a personal level, rather than just another patient.
She hesitated, wondering if she was intruding, but he must have sensed her presence. He glanced at her and gently tugged the pink knit cap over Emma’s head. “Do you need to get in here?” he asked.
“Yes, I need to check her vitals again,” she said, trying to deal with her bizarre reaction to him. “But I can wait until you’re finished.”
“No, go ahead,” he said, stepping back to give her plenty of room.
She avoided his gaze and tucked the buds of her stethoscope into her ears, taking her time to listen to Emma’s heart, lungs and abdomen. When she straightened and pulled off the stethoscope, she caught Dr. Ryan’s intense gaze resting on her once again.
She grappled for something intelligent to say. “Everything sounds good, but her bowel sounds are still hyperactive.”
“I know. I’m reluctant to begin feeding her until we know for sure she won’t start having seizures,” he said, answering her unspoken question. “But if things continue to go well, I’ll insert a feeding tube for bolus feedings.”
“Sounds like a plan,” she agreed. Since he was still logged on to the computer, she gestured toward it. “Do you need the computer?”
“Not at all.” He leaned over to log off with quick keystrokes and she caught a whiff of his woodsy aftershave, the heady scent wreaking havoc with her senses. He stepped back, giving her room to sit, but he was still far too close for comfort.
Cassie tried to concentrate on documenting Emma’s assessment, but it wasn’t easy. She made several spelling mistakes, requiring her to backspace several times to fix them.
Why wouldn’t he leave? Was he reading her charting, double-checking her work? Surely he had better things to do. Better places to be other than here.
Validating vital signs was easier, merely requiring a point and click, and she was nearly finished when she heard him say her name in that deep, husky voice of his.
“Cassandra.”
She couldn’t seem to untie her tongue enough to tell him he could call her Cassie. After all, he insisted everyone call him by his first name, even though most continued to use his formal title, too. She glanced up, only to find his gaze glued to Emma.
Immediately, she rose to her feet. “What’s wrong?”
“Get me point two milligrams of midazolam and a half milligram of phenobarbital. Emma is having a seizure.”
Cassie’s heart plunged to the pit of her stomach as she rushed over to the medication dispensing machine to get the medication.
She dashed back to Emma’s warmer, holding each of the syringes up for him to see. “Point two milligrams of midazolam,” she said. “And a half milligram of phenobarb.”
“Yes, that’s correct.”
She gently injected the medications into Emma’s IV then watched the baby’s heart rate on the monitor.
She couldn’t prevent an overwhelming sense of dread. Seizures were a bad sign. If they continued, there was a chance that Emma might suffer permanent brain damage.
The little girl could even die.
She has us. We care about her.
Cassie strengthened her resolve to do everything possible to make sure Emma had the best chance to survive.
* * *
Ryan shoved his hands in the pockets of his lab coat, hating every moment of feeling helpless.
This poor baby might not make it to her first birthday, all because her mother hadn’t sought help for her addiction.
Anger was useless, so he did his best to breathe it away, keeping an eye on his patient instead. The medication worked and, thankfully, Emma’s jerky movements stopped.
“I’m going to order the phenobarb to be given every six hours,” he told Cassie. “And an EEG, too.”
Cassie looked as upset as he felt, obviously already growing attached to their safe-haven baby. The same way he was. That moment in the elevator, when Cassie had mentioned the baby didn’t have anyone to care about her, had tugged at his heart.
In the three years since losing Victoria and his son, he’d been able to keep a certain emotional distance from his tiny patients. Easy enough to do, as most of the time the babies got better and went home with their parents and families.
But knowing Emma was alone in the world made him feel differently towards her. He knew he was becoming emotionally involved with their safe-haven baby. And not just because she was sick enough to require his focused attention.
Because almost from the first moment he’d seen her, the little girl had found a way to break through the barriers surrounding what Shana had described as his stone-cold heart.
“Oh, Emma,” Cassie murmured, stroking the baby’s cheek. “You’ve got to fight this, sweetpea. We’re going to help you fight this.”
His heart squeezed at the tears shimmering in Cassie’s eyes. From the first day she’d started working here—had it just been a few months ago?—he’d noticed her creamy skin, heart-shaped face
, bright brown eyes and long dark hair that she always drew back in a ponytail at work, not to mention her curvy figure, mostly hidden beneath her baggy scrubs. What man wouldn’t?
Look, but don’t touch. That was his motto. Especially since the Shana debacle.
Yet for some reason, seeing Cassie cooing over the babies, especially Emma, hit him right in the center of his solar plexus.
He was irresistibly drawn to her. Had been from the moment they’d begun to work together. Resisting her was becoming more and more difficult. Maybe because she was the complete opposite in every way from Victoria. He’d never told anyone his deepest fear, that Victoria wouldn’t have made a very good mother. Not the way Cassie would. She clearly loved her tiny patients.
Victoria had loved being a doctor’s wife. Had loved entertaining guests and spending his money. He wasn’t sure how she’d managed to keep herself busy every day, working out at the gym and then lunching with her friends.
When she’d blown out her Achilles tendon after a spin class, he’d supported her through surgery, impressed at how determined she’d been to get back to her normal routine. Even after she discovered she was pregnant, she didn’t cut back on her exercise regimen. In fact, he suspected she’d doubled it in an effort to avoid gaining too much weight.
He’d gone back through his memories of that time often, trying to identify the signs he’d missed. But he’d been busy at work, taking everything Victoria had told him at face value.
Never suspecting, until far too late, that she’d become addicted to the painkillers the orthopedic surgeon had initially prescribed.
He shook off the past and forced himself to focus on the present. Just because he was deeply attracted to Cassie, it didn’t mean he had any intention of acting on it. She was young, full of life and could do better than a broken man like him. He didn’t plan to ever have a family of his own. He didn’t deserve a second chance.
