He ushered me to the door and I followed. "Thank you, sir. May I have one last favor?"
"Careful. You might end up owing me a debt, seven." He was serious, but I shook it off.
"Could you open up the baths?"
"What on earth for?"
"For me. I just need more time to think."
He walked me to the door in silence. "Fine, but just for tonight."
"Thank you, sir."
"You’re welcome."
I walked out and he gently shut the door behind me. I suppose now was as good a time as any to see Aster. I had built myself up talking to Jovanni, but it would quickly fade the longer I idled. I walked down the stairs and back to the corridor that led to our room. My hand froze before touching the doorknob. I took one last deep breath and walked in.
Aster was sitting on his bed with his hands over his face.
"Hi," I whispered.
"Hey."
"Before anything. I need a favor from you. Come to the baths with me." My voice cracked and I took a few stumbled steps toward him. I held my hands in front of me with each finger intertwined popping my knuckles.
"Why, Noah?” Aster sat up. “I think I deserve an answer now."
"I will give you your answers, just come with me."
"No! I want an explanation now.” He threw a book to the ground and began pacing. He let loose several deep breaths to came down. “Besides, the baths are closed."
"I had them opened just for us." I looked down ashamed of the kiss that caused all of this.
"Well, lead the way!" He said in a frustrated tone.
I let out a deep sigh and walked to the door.
I gave him a small smile and let him follow me. The more I walked, the more nerve I lost. This seemed like an idiotic plan. I had no idea what I was doing. Everything jumbled in my head as soon as I saw him again. But I wanted him to know and I couldn't back down now.
I entered the chamber, and everything was warm. I was still surprised Jovanni opened them, but I was his mentee now. That had to come with some benefits. Steam filled the room and I walked to the edge of the pool.
"Turn around." I began taking off my boots.
"Noah…"
"Please, Aster. For me."
He sighed and turned around.
I took off my cloak and leathers, letting them hit the ground. I removed my wrappings with shaking hands. My entire chest was red from embarrassment. But this was the only way for him to honestly believe me. I jumped into the bath. I came back up letting my head break the surface. I wiped the warm water out of my eyes.
"Now you." I waved him in.
"Noah, I don't want to—”
"Please." I swam closer to the edge.
"No.”
“Aster, do this one thing for me.”
“Then do this one thing for me first. Answer me. Noah, why did you kiss me?”
“Dammit, get in the water!” I said.
“Answer me then." He matched my tone.
I took a deep breath. "I can explain, but you have to come here," I said, trying to keep my head over the water to hide my body.
He crossed his arms. It was obvious he’d had enough.
"Just trust me." Even though my feet could touch the ground I waded water to keep my balance.
Aster took a step closer but paused. "How can I trust you when you don't tell me anything, Noah. You kiss me and run off."
"It’s not like that!"
"Then what is it like?"
"Come here and I will show you."
"Fine. This is it though. No more games." He threw off his boots and removed his top. I averted my gaze when he got to his pants. He made the water splash and it spewed into my face. He skipped towards me trying to navigate the water. "Okay. What’s going on?"
"There is a lot to explain, but this is the fastest way." I instinctively took a step back but I needed to go towards him not away. I waded forward two inches and let out a breath. "You have to know. You will be the only person to know this. It has to stay that way, no matter what. I need you to promise me."
"I don't think now is the time for—”
"Promise!" I yelled. "Please..."
"I promise, but I'm getting tired of these games, Noah. If you have a secret just tell me already. I think you know you can trust me."
Could I? My face heated with embarrassment. All the times Mother told me to keep this a secret flitted across my thoughts. All the times my mother told me what could happen if the crown found out I was impersonating a seven filled my gut with dread. I was scared beyond belief. But I needed him to know. Even if he was to be the only one. More than anything else, I wanted him to know.
"Let me see your hands."
He rubbed his forehead but reached out without arguing.
I grasped him by the wrists and pulled him closer to me. My throat went dry and my toes curled. I couldn't believe I was going to do this.
"Noah, you’re shaking." His voice was soft.
I turned my head in the other direction. I didn't want to see his reaction.
He stepped closer, and I let out a shaking breath as I placed his hands on my breasts.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The Library
I slowly turned my head to Aster. He just looked at me as if he were waiting for me to say something. Slowly, he removed his hands and took a step back.
"Well?" I asked with my gaze downward.
"Well, I think there were several different ways you could have told me about this. But I thank you for choosing this one." His eyes failed to meet mine and wandered around aimlessly.
I smiled as I looked up to him. He wasn’t running away telling everyone he could.
His eyes fell on me. His smile matched mine. "You should have just told me,” he added in a lowered voice.
"I know. It’s just my whole life, I’ve had to keep it a secret. I didn't know what to do. Then when Tye was punching you at the trial, I almost lost my head. I think that’s when I knew how I felt about you for sure. And then tonight, being so close to you… I just had to. I don't know why."
"I always thought you were too pretty to be a man." Aster came closer to me.
I splashed water at him. "I'm trying to be serious."
"Me, too." He splashed me back. "But really, thank you."
"Are you mad?" I asked.
"No, not at all. I can understand why you didn't say anything. And I got to touch your breasts and kiss you. I feel like the winner here."
"You don't have to remind me..." I mumbled.
"Yes, I do. You are lucky I didn't squeeze."
"Aster!" I splashed more water at him.
He laughed, and just like that, my mood changed. The rejection was absent along with the fear of him knowing. "I need you to promise me you won’t say a word."
"On one condition."
"What..."
"Tell me how you feel about older men."
I closed my eyes and laughed. Did he take anything serious? "Well, I happen to have found a very appealing one."
He took a step closer. "Oh?"
"What are you doing?"
He took another step closer to me. "Nothing." Another step.
"Aster..."
"Noah..."
I tried to hide my smile. I really wanted to kiss him again, I just didn't know if I was ready to do it while we were both naked. He was right in front of me now. I licked my lips in anticipation. He grabbed my waist and bent down. I could feel his thumbs caressing my stomach.
I closed my eyes.
"We should get going before someone comes to check on us,” he finally said.
I opened my eyes and stuck my tongue out at him. He thought it was so funny. Before I said another word, he backed away with that cocky smile of his.
"You…” I pointed at him. “You think you’re funny, but you aren't."
"Oh, I know I am." Aster turned and ran towards the edge of the pool.
I chased him but he got to the ledge first and jumped out,
giving me full view of his backside. I turned my head as soon as I saw then I heard the shuffling of clothing over the waterfall going into the pool.
"Okay, I’ll be outside. Get dressed and let’s go." Aster said to me. His tone was neutral giving me worry.
I turned my head back towards the exit as he walked out.
"Wait!" I called.
But he continued walking. What was that? Was it a rejection? Was it a joke? How did he feel about me? I jumped onto the ledge and grabbed a drying cloth. I got dressed and met Aster outside. He grabbed my hand and we ran back to our room. The halls were empty, and I couldn’t help but feel excitement. Everything seemed brighter. The weight off my shoulders.
"Why are we running?" I asked as he dragged me through the empty halls.
"I’d rather not get caught after curfew."
Maybe now wasn't the best time to tell him I saw Jovanni before him. He peeked around another corner and went inside our room. He went straight to his bed and sat down. I went to mine and waited for some type of conversation to start up, but nothing came. I didn't know what to say and I'm not sure he did either. I only had one more concern before I could lay down.
"Aster."
"Yes?"
"Don't treat me any different. Okay?"
"Why would I? You have already proven yourself the strongest man, well, woman here. Why would I mess with you?" He winked at me.
"You aren't as smooth as you think you are. With all your winking and funny talk."
"Yes, I am. No sense in denying it."
He was right. I loved every bit of it. It’s what made him...him.
"So, what now?" I kicked my feet back and forth off the edge of the bed.
"What do you mean?" He took off his boots.
"Well, I mean... How do you feel—about me?”
"I feel like you were just a man, and now I’m faced with a woman. As a roommate, no less.
"I'm sorry. I know it’s a lot to take in."
"It is."
"You don't have to worry about me telling or anything. We have been through too much for that to happen. I just need time to think."
"Then time I shall give you," I said, even though it was the last thing I wanted to give him. It was the first time I’d ever confessed my feelings and secret to anyone. It was hard, not knowing how it would all turn out.
* * *
A week passed and nothing changed between Aster and I. He hadn't told anyone my secret, but I also hadn’t been able to get closer to him, either. Maybe it was just because he saw me as Noah, the man, opposed to Noah, the woman. If that’s what he wanted, then so be it.
I tried to focus on the book I was reading about summoning, but there was nothing so far about how to do it without magic. Professor Urani had formally announced the trial, which reduced my week advance amount to nothing.
"I don't know how you are going to do this," Elise said as she slapped some books onto the table. We resorted to book reading after class, as opposed to training. "There just isn't any information on it."
"You build me up so well," I told her.
"I do try." She sat down and dug into another book.
Aster later joined as he dropped his books onto the full table as well.
"I don't know how you—” Aster started.
"Are going to do this,” I interrupted. “I know.”
"No, I was saying… I don't know how you put up with Jovanni." Aster said as Elise grabbed another book from the stack.
"Really?" I asked.
"No, I was going to say how you couldn't do it, but I couldn't say that now, could I?" Aster smiled.
"You are strange," Elise said.
"I'm not the only one," he replied, looking at me.
I kicked him under the table.
"Okay, let’s look at what we know. First, we need a summoning circle. Then, we need something you value as a sacrifice. Then a hex bag, salt, and candles." I listed.
"Right. Hex bag is what I'm worried about. No witches around here. Aster and I already checked the city for ones. Nothing above or below ground.” I said.
"Meaning the black market," Aster clarified for Elise.
"I know what she meant," Noah replied.
For some ungodly reason, they had been bickering more than usual lately. It was starting to annoy me. Not to mention, I was going home in a week, with no resources whatsoever.
"We can figure this out." I took a deep breath.
"Why don't you just use magic?" Elise asked me.
I looked at Aster, and he nodded. Maybe it was time to tell her. She’d been part of our group for some time now, but I was always hesitant to let go of my secrets. I leaned across the table and she did the same.
"My powers haven't awakened yet."
"Oh shit..." She sat back hard, causing the chair to creak.
"Yeah."
“That brings up another problem, Noah. If the demon escapes, you have no method of controlling it or sending it back. You can’t do this. It puts the whole school in danger." Elise said.
Aster stood up. "Listen, it can be done. We just have to find out how. That’s why we are here."
"Besides if we can’t... I won’t go through with the trial." I stated.
Aster looked at me. "You can’t do that!" he said in a voice way too loud for the library. “What about your sponsorship? Surely Jovanni would take it away."
"Elise is right. I would be putting many lives at risk, and I won’t have that on my conscious."
"I'm not saying I won’t help. I'm just saying it’s too dangerous if you don't have all your bases covered." She grasped my hand and squeezed.
"I know. As does Aster. So, let’s focus on what we can do right now." I said flipping open another book.
"Like what?" Aster asked, mindlessly flipping through pages.
"One, what goes into a hex bag,” I said. “Two, the thickness of the summoning circle and the salt that goes around us when casting. The minor details."
"Which are the most important when doing something like this," Elise added.
"Okay, Elise and Aster. That’s your task, find the details. I’ll figure out the best way to do this without magic. And just as we discussed, if there isn't a way, or if we can’t find one... Well, that’s it then."
"Do you even know what demon you are going to summon?" Aster asked.
I gave him a false smile showing my teeth.
"Gods... what," Aster said closing his eyes.
"Class five Garnog."
He threw the book in the air and let it hit the ground, earning us several looks from nearby tables. "Yeah, we are going to die."
"I thought you said there was a way." I asked.
"I lied." He put his head on the table. I instinctively rubbed his back but pulled away when Elise saw. He grabbed my leg under the table and left it there. My cheeks felt hot as I continued reading. We found no more information than we had when we started. There were still too many unknowns as we put all the books back onto the shelves.
Elise stood up abruptly “As much as I love learning about rituals, I’m starving.”
“Same. We will join you when we get done here.” I added.
“Don’t dally for too long. Might not be any food left.” She smiled and turned and walked away, winking at Aster and me.
Not long after we decided it was time to go ourselves and began the task of returning all of the books.
"What am I going to do?" I whispered to myself as I propped my head against the bookshelf.
Aster came from behind and slid his arms around my waist. "You are going to be great."
I panicked and turned around, pushing him away.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want to get cut down?" I hissed.
"By who?"
"By me. Where is this coming from? You barely said anything about my confession, and now this."
"I needed time to think. Come back to the room and I’ll explain." I sh
ook my head and crossed my arms. I was furious that now, of all times, he would pick this to be his response to me. I wanted to hear it regardless, but still.
"Fine." I stomped past him and grabbed my satchel. We walked silently back to our room and I threw my bag down and started yelling before he even got inside.
"Well, tell me then!"
He smiled at me and walked over.
"No. You can’t fix this with a smile. Tell me… why now?"
"Is it such a shock? I just needed time to process everything."
"Well, what did you process?"
"You and I."
I turned my head and let out a breath. It was the response I wanted, so why was I so mad?
"Will you look at me?" He took a step closer. Uh, what is wrong with me? Why is this getting me so mad?
"Dammit, Aster. I just want to know how you feel about me. Tell me now." My voice was a bit loud, but I didn't care. I wanted an answer. He walked up closer to me and pressed his mouth on mine. My tongue floated into his mouth, wanting more. My body arched into him, wanting closeness. This was the answer that I wanted. This was the feeling that I needed. He pulled away, but I made sure he couldn’t go far by grabbing his arms.
"Do I need to explain more?" Aster asked in a whisper.
"Yes. You do."
He smiled and came in for another kiss, but our door rattled.
We both jerked away. Something moved outside.
No. No. No.
I ran outside to catch whoever it was. "You go right," I said.
I ran into the busy hall, but there were too many bodies to see who it was. They were smart enough to walk, as opposed to trying to run away.
Someone had just seen me kiss Aster, and I had no idea whom.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Home
I spent the next week panicking for my life. The silence on what happened was what killed me. I couldn't focus on the trial and that caused even more problems. The moment I let someone know that I have no magic, my world might come crashing down.
Aster didn't seem to care. “If they were going to say something, they would have,” he told me. I rocked back and forth as the carriage carrying me home came to a stop.
I tapped on the top of the carriage. "Here should be fine!" I told the elderly carriage driver. I decided to stop early so I could surprise my family for winter break. This way they wouldn’t hear the carriage approach.
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