by Fifi Flowers
“Not leaving us.”
That comment had me relieved and feeling out of sorts a bit. It had been so long since we’d been together. I had wanted him to find us… for us to find him and now that he was in our life, I didn’t know what was supposed to happen. I hadn’t expected him to want so much all at once. My feelings and emotions were all over the place.
Needing to get a grip on things, I went in search of my cellphone—I needed to talk to Gracee. She’d been with me since the beginning. She’d heard every description of Nick. She’d listened to all of my praises and rants about him. She’d even wiped my tears away. I knew I could count on her to be logical and talk me down off the ledge of confusion. If only she would open up to me about her own situation, whatever it may be. Hopefully, I wasn’t interrupting her family gathering I prayed as I was about to click on her contact info in my favorites. She hadn’t been home in the last few years for Christmas, always opting to spend the holiday with Sugarbug and me. Suddenly, I was afraid to call thinking it might put a damper on Gracee’s time away, with my need for her. But seeing as I had no one else to reach out to, and limited time (Nick and Nicolette could return at any minute), I tapped the screen and bit my lip.
“I knew it! You cannot live without me!” She was so right.
“At this point, I can’t deny that…”
“Oh shit! I was just kidding. Are you okay? Is NicNic alright?”
I could hear the panic in her voice and quickly set about assuring her that we were fine. All limbs intact. No accidents. No hospital visits. She would not listen to anything else until we went through a long list of probable causes as to why I would need her. With the emergency list behind us, I asked her to find a comfortable spot to chat, again letting her know that I only needed her to lend an ear. Still in her hotel room, not with her family yet, she let me know that she was firmly planted and ready. I was feeling the same need, so I curled up on the sofa in the family room with a view to both entrances to the room. I didn’t want to be overheard questioning my feelings with Nick or be caught using inappropriate words.
Where did I start? At the beginning, seemed the best place to dive in.
“So do you remember when I told you about the crazy phone call I got from a lady begging me to decorate for Christmas and agreed to? Well, it turned out that her boss was the actual client, Mr. Granger… Nick Granger.”
“Is he a celebrity or something? Should I know him? Doesn’t ring a bell.”
“He is Mammoth Mountain Nick. Does that ring a bell?”
“No! Holy-fucking-moly! You’re not shitting me! Oh God! Victoria, are you okay? Should I get on a plane and come back? Oh God, he’s not married with kids? Oh shit! Shit! Shit!” I could hear her pacing and breathing irregularly. “I need some fresh air.” I heard a door slam and next, the ding of an elevator.
“Gracee, please calm down. You sound like you’re going to have a heart attack.”
Suddenly, I was the one talking her down. Explaining to her that I had nothing bad to report about the whole situation before I started to recap my presence in his bachelor pad. The word bachelor seemed to calm her enough that she was once again listening to me and no longer rambling suspicions that ran the full gambit from him being married to ugly and gay. Telling her that I was having strange feelings since the first time I walked into his place, she prodded me to get to the part when I realized that I was decorating for the Nick. Fast forward through the meeting of his mother to the caterer quitting and me stepping in to save the night, she gasped loudly when I told her the part when Sugarbug ran in screaming “Mommy.”
“Holy-fucking-moly!” That was a new expression, she was always collecting new ones. “Let’s back up a moment. Please, tell me about seeing him for the first time.”
Tell her about seeing him. It all happened so fast. His parents were coming in the front door. He was walking down the hallway to greet them. Within the confusion, we were staring at each other and responding to the two other people simply saying hello. I was lost to their actual words and actions; I felt my body moving to let them in, taking their coats, guiding them inside with words escaping my lips. But my eyes were locked on his brilliant blue eyes piercing my heart… my soul all over again. All at once, I was on the mountain listening to the gorgeous rescuer of my skis offering his help in my legal defense. Broken apart by his guests, I floated on cloud nine into the kitchen and worked on automatic, running through the motions. Finishing everything—with my mind in a fog—somehow I agreed to stay… to participate (I don’t think I was truly given the chance to flee). Not that I wanted to run, but they were people… strangers… I wasn’t certain it was real until Sugarbug ran in and touched me.
Then things just seemed to escalate. No sooner had Nick’s parents gotten into their heads that we had found each other, then all three of them had to process the fact that we had created a life. Telling all of this to Gracee was hitting me harder than the first time living it and I felt tears stream down my face. I had a feeling that she may have been experiencing the same thing as I heard a couple of sniffles on the other end of the line. And that wasn’t the only thing I heard.
“Gracee, why the hell are you in San Francisco?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Vic. Now, tell me what happened. Did you confess? I mean come on, there is no way they didn’t know NicNic wasn’t his. She is the spitting image of him…” She rattled on about their connection, but I was no longer processing her words, but I was listening to the definite rumble of the cable car brakes engaging along with the clanging of its bell. Those sounds are not mistakable and they are foreign to Florida for sure.
“So how are Mr. and Mrs. James? Sofie there yet? Or is she not joining you for the holiday? What about Bentley? And the rest of the James clan? Car rally set up?” I knew she couldn’t lie about all of them.
“Okay. I’m not in Florida. I had a layover… detour. I’m just here picking up some sourdough loaves and Ghirardelli’s chocolate for everyone.” Those claims were probably true, but I was sure that there had to be more to her story.
“No other reason to be up there? Say maybe a married man? Or a celebrity? Or a client-agent fling? All of which I know are off-limits to you and the only reasons that I think you would not tell your best friend what the hell was going on? Do I need to remind you that I am here for you—no judgement—like you have done for me?” I paused to see if she would crack or if I needed to continue.
A big sigh escaped her lips and I waited a beat longer.
“It’s so complicated. He’s technically not any of my off-limits, but what he… his… what happened to me is so wrong on so many levels… I decided to give in to him. To listen to his apology and explanations. I’m staying in a hotel because I can’t make up my mind whether I can forgive and forget… move on. But I don’t want to give up so easily. God, Vic he is everything I thought I ever wanted, but things are so fucked up. He gets two days to convince me he’s worth risking my virgin heart.”
She was in deeper than I thought. Gracee had never been willing to give herself to anyone. She was happy to share her body with quite a few over the years in brief relationships and casual rolls between the sheets. However, she had yet to be open to letting her emotional side get involved. She had always been the focused, career girl for as long as I’d known her—no time for a man and definitely married with children was not in her plan. Whomever was drawing her up to the Bay area had to be someone special. I prayed that whatever he had done to her wasn’t abusive. I couldn’t imagine my friend standing for that, but I knew that when the heart got involved people threw logic out the window. I also realized that I was not going to get any details as I questioned many scenarios and she skated around with evasive answers and moved our conversation back to my situation.
Giving up, I let Gracee off the hook. Besides, I had called her to ask her what she thought about Nick wanting to take over our life together. So I continued to divulge what happened the rest of the
night—ending with Nick in my bed.
“Nothing like jumping right back in with both feet forward! How was it with him? Was he more experienced… even better since he’s gotten older? God, please tell me that you used protection with Mr-Granger-the-Bachelor. You need test results… and birth control. We know you’re safe in the STD pool.”
“We just snuggled. We did not have sex. We did kiss a couple of times too.”
“Let me get this straight. You have been waiting for him for seven fucking years and you didn’t jump him?” I could just imagine her shaking her head.
“That is not the biggest part of this recent development. He told me he’s never leaving us, ever. He even secured movers—everything is being delivered tomorrow into my house which he tried to buy. He was the one bidding against me. He didn’t ask me. He told me. And he also told Sugarbug that she could call him Daddy and they’re off bonding right now as we speak. And suddenly I’m feeling overwhelmed, thinking that we are moving too fast. That maybe we should date…”
“Oh my God! He’s William Granger. Big entertainment attorney to the stars! Big stars! He even represents Stanz. I talked with his assistant last year a few times. She’s a hoot and a half! He wanted your house badly. He offered way over. Holy-fucking-moly! I never got around to talking to him.”
“Sounds like more reasons for me to get to know him before we live together…”
“Do you really want to do that, Vic? You’ve been waiting, looking for him for seven years. Maybe you can pick up where you left off and then again, maybe you’re crazy. He did leave you without a final good-bye, and not to mention knocked-up.” She laughed and I joined in, shaking my head.
“None of us knew about the last part.”
But Gracee’s words did remind me that we still had a lot to talk about: What happened after we parted on our last day in Mammoth. Why didn’t he show up at the main lodge? So many things I’d been wondering for years. We’d been so wrapped up in reconnecting that we hadn’t spoken about his absence; standing me up for lunch. Did his single ski-bunny-chasing friends talk him out of meeting up with me?
“Hey, Baby,” a sexy male voice sounded in the phone, followed by what sounded like a smooch to her cheek, and then there was no sound at all. I was pretty sure that Gracee had hit mute on her phone. Probably swatting Mr. Mysterious away and telling him to remain silent until she could get off the phone with me.
“Gracee?” I asked when I heard what sounded like seagulls screeching in the background. I imagined her standing down by the wharf with a handsome man at her side or with his arms wrapped around her, and I hoped that he made her happy.
“Vic, I’ve got to get some shopping done before I head to Florida. Yes, I really am going. I’ll call you and check in when I get there. And I’m so happy for you. You have a family, Vic… Enjoy it!” And with those last words of encouragement, she was gone.
Again, I was alone with my thoughts, but not for long as my Sugarbug came skipping in the back door alone telling me that she introduced everyone to her daddy. He was outside on a biz call. Also, that Nick had agreed to take her to school so she could show him to her class. But first, we were all going to the Santa Monica Pier to ride the carousel and have fishies and shrimpies after we get Daddy some clothes at his partment. She really was good at pronouncing things, but when she got excited her words came out missing letters or she added some. Since Nick’s arrival into our lives, she was overly excited every moment. I noticed she was skipping more than usual too. In the room and out of the room, she was off again to get a sweater. I just shook my head, telling myself that we should enjoy it because at some point, all of us together would be an everyday occurrence, and eventually we would just be lame parents.
I realized in my thoughts that I was thinking of us as a family and I wasn’t freaking out. Perhaps talking to Gracee had helped me after all. She was giving her situation—whatever it might be—another chance and it sounded like hers had not been a pleasant one. I had nothing to complain about with my time spent with Nick. It had been amazingly wonderful, I never wanted it to end back then. So given the opportunity to be in the arms of the man that I fell for so many years ago and lost, I needed to embrace it… him. Speaking of him, my jaw dropped when I saw him stroll right up to me, he was still the most gorgeous man I had ever seen and he wanted me. Evident by the way he pulled me up off of the sofa into his strong arms and attacked my mouth. There was nothing saintly about the kiss he gave me, and everything to do with it making me want more.
“You survived,” I managed to say after he released me from his embrace.
With a laugh he informed me that he had been introduced to everyone they saw along the way; different neighbors, no children. I found that most of the houses on our block were owned by original owners, or damn near.
“Not really a kid-friendly residential area, but she has plenty of school friends.”
“Yes, I heard all about Mindy with a y and Zafara with an f on our walk.”
“Oh yes, I made a mistake writing out Valentine’s Day cards since that event the school sends home a class list of first names. And good thing they do, names are very tricky these days. Hmmm… I’m surprised she didn’t tell you about Syd with a y and Joph with a ph. That’s her usual group.”
“Something tells me she’s the leader?”
“She has been labeled as bossy a time or two, she’s told me proudly.”
“Cupcake is quite a character. You’ve done a great job raising her.”
He rubbed my cheek with the back of his hand.
“Thank you,” I said, softly with a hint of a smile.
“I hope you don’t mind that we made plans for the rest of the day. I thought that if we tired her out, we’d get some alone time tonight. Maybe a nice fire, a bottle of wine and a talk. There’s so much I want to tell you. So much I want to know about you.”
I just nodded as a few tears rolled down my cheeks.
Chapter Eleven
Nick…
I didn’t mean to make Victoria cry when I told her what a wonderful mother she was, I truly meant it. But I understood the emotions flaring, every time I looked at the two of them together my vision blurred a bit with moisture. I had never felt the love that I had for both of them, on different levels of course. I was a father… I am a father. I feel so proud and honored at the same time. And in regards to Victoria, I can’t even describe the way I feel. It is all consuming. Every part of my body actually aches when I gaze at her. I remember feeling goofy like a teen boy around her when I first rode the ski lift with her. She took me out of my comfort zone, like I didn’t know how to act around her, and yet, at the same time I was relaxed with her. I know that makes no sense at all.
Being in her presence again, after so long, I had a powerful reaction to her. I wanted to take her in my arms as I did earlier. I felt confident and sure of myself, yet on my toes—I had a relaxed attitude mixed with awkwardness. I was on new ground and guarded, not completely certain of things between us. I guess that it was due to the knowledge that I had lost her before and I refused to let that happen all over again. And as long as she didn’t fight me, I was going to keep us together as a family.
I loved the three of us out for the day, we looked good as a whole. I felt like people looked at us and saw love. I’m sure it was just me, but I was overcome with such joy. I was ready to shout it from the rooftops and realized that I probably had that old goofy look about me like when I first met Victoria.
“What are you grinning about?” Her question told me that I was right.
Not looking at her, continuing to watch Cupcake giggle and wave each time she came into view riding on a white wooden pony decorated with pale shades of pink, lavender and blue, I answered, “I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. Meeting you is the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
I couldn’t even glance at her, even though I wanted to. I saw out of the corner of my eye that she had raised her hand and swiped below
each eye. I knew that if I looked at her, I too, would’ve lost it and I just wasn’t willing to do that in front of everyone. So I simply, reached over and took Victoria’s smaller, more delicate hand in mine and entwined our fingers together. The sweet silent moments between us, spoke volumes as we watched our daughter go up and down and around for the third ride in a row.
It also proved to be the first time we were put at odds, pitted against one another and the first time that we stood together. Our little Cupcake, in want of a fourth go round, asked her mother who said, “no,” and then turned to me and asked the same. I had done the same to my own parents over the years and knew that it had at times caused them to bicker. And knowing that I was being played by an adorable little face, I also agreed with her mother and said a firm, yet gentle “no,” suggesting that we move on to eat so we could get sweet treats later. Luckily, I only earned a little stomp of her foot before she grabbed my other hand, not holding onto Victoria’s.
Walking to a restaurant at the start of the pier, we found a table that allowed Cupcake a view of the ocean and pier activities. She seemed rather happy with her coloring skills and attempting to crack a lobster shell. She was so grown up, never asking “when are we going,” and pleasantly sat in her seat unlike a couple of other children that were throwing tantrums around us. Victoria and I laughed when she tsked at one of them. It made me wonder if she was always so well behaved. I had so many questions and so much to learn and so much to tell. I was happy when my girls wanted to go home after devouring our one scoop gelato cones; sea salt caramel, pistachio and mango. I had enjoyed the day immensely, but I was looking forward to some alone, one-on-one time with Victoria after we tucked Cupcake into her canopy bed in her pink princess room.
Bedtime I learned was a ritual. The first night activities had not been the norm since our surprise meeting. Back at the house, a bathtub was filled and one groggy little girl—thanks to a nap in the car while driving home through the typical LA traffic—was stripped of her clothing and deposited amid bubbles. They seemed to bring her back to life as she blew them and placed them on the tile walls, her own cheeks and my nose. Play time over, Victoria stepped in and guided her through the steps of washing herself.
