Rachel did not know if this was one of his jokes or not. It did not matter, her body responded to him, and she stopped walking, letting him see by her face how much she wanted him.
“You are not helping me maintain my resolve not to push you to do something you might regret.”
His arms went around her waist and pulled her close, his lips meeting with hers. This time she showed no reservation, she wanted him, wanted to know what it was like to be a woman and she had every confidence in James being the ideal man to show her.
He was the most honourable man she could hope to meet, and the thought of letting him slip away was almost too much. Therefore, she clung to him, pressing her body against his and feeling the extent of her effect on him.
He growled something incoherent and then his hand went to her ass and pulled her closer, holding her against him tightly. His mouth became harder on hers and his tongue plundered her mouth, his free hand moving to massage her breasts.
Nothing had prepared her for this, her world exploded as her nipples hardened under his experienced hands. She whimpered softly, and his mouth freed hers and instead kissed her neck, working its way lower.
With a frustrated groan, he pulled away from her. “Rachel, you need to be honest with me. What do you want?”
She stood looking at him through dilated eyes, her need nakedly obvious in her expression. “I don’t know. This is all so new.”
“Can I suggest I take you home, it'll give you some time to think about this. And like I said, whatever you decide, no pressure. I want you. But I am willing to wait.”
Her mind grew fuzzy; all it heard was that he wanted her. Everything else faded away, and so they walked back to his car with her oblivious to her surroundings. She did not know what to do, or what she wanted.
Was it right to have waited so long for the right man, and now, after such a short time of knowing James, be willing to jump into bed with him? Relationships were so confusing. Yet all of her sisters had done this, taken a chance, maybe not so hastily.
Yet it felt so right, he felt so right.
They drove back to her apartment; he put the radio on to cover their lack of conversation. They struggled to speak when something so monumentus as their joining together for the first time hung in the air.
All too soon, they arrived, and he parked the car before helping her out. He kissed her cheek.
“Let’s have coffee and talk about it. No pressure, if you want me to leave I will.”
She opened the door and went inside, already knowing one thing, there was no way she wanted him to leave. Yet she did not feel ready for sex, she was scared, all she wanted was to lie in his arms for the night and to wake up in his arms in the morning. The question was whether he would do that for her, when he hardly knew her at all.
With shaking hands, she made coffee. He leaned his toned body against the table, and her kitchen felt too small, the air struggling to fill her lungs.
“How do you like it?”
She meant the coffee, and she knew he knew that but still she blushed at the way it sounded. However, to his credit he simply answered, “White, no sugar.”
She passed it to him, and then cupped hers in her hand, feeling the heat from her mug warming her and bringing her back to her senses.
“James,” she started, not knowing how to put her feelings into words. “I am so out of my depth; I really don’t know what to do.”
“I figured that much. So, the best thing is if we drink our coffee and I say goodnight. There’s plenty of time for everything else.”
“But I don’t want you to leave. I am sure of that one thing. I want you to stay...I’m just not sure what I want to happen while you're here.”
“You don’t do things the easy way do you?” he asked, and she heard the humour in his voice and felt relieved.
“I’m sorry.”
He pretended to frown. “I told you. No apologising.”
She went to say the words again and then stopped herself. He smiled, and she could not help but return it, even though it was half hearted.
He placed his mug down on the counter top, and came towards her. She was shaking again, nervous of his every move. “Listen. I can stay, if that's what you want. I have enough self control to hold you all night without jumping on you. In fact, I would rather put myself through the torture of not touching you, but being close to you, than to leave you. We can play it by ear, whatever you want.”
“Are you sure? It seems such a lot to ask.”
“I am sure. We understand each other, more than anyone else I've ever met. I am willing to do what it takes to make you happy.”
She smiled at him shyly. “Anything?”
He laughed, and she loved the way he sounded, it made her relax, nothing was a big deal to him. “I’ll finish my coffee and then go and have a cold shower.”
If she were more experienced, or more eloquent she might have fired back some smart retort, but she had nothing. Instead, she went to him, and stood on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. He turned his head and met her with his lips, she did not pull back because she wanted to explore the feelings he drew from her.
His arms went around her waist and drew her close, they stood like this for what seemed an eternity, lips pressed together, tongues entwined while they touched and tasted each other. He kept his hands around her waist, not venturing to arouse her in any other way. Not that it mattered because his lips worked their magic anyway, lulling her into his secure world.
At last they surfaced for air, and he held her close, his large hand on the nape of her neck while she rested her head on his chest. When she could trust herself to move without swooning at his feet, she took his hand, and led him to her bedroom.
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“Not at all,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I told you I simply want to spend time with you.”
Suddenly shy she went to the bathroom and came back ready for bed with a thick bathrobe wrapped around her. She was shocked to see him already in her bed, his bare chest tantalisingly on show above her floral duvet.
The sight of him so at ease did funny things to her. If only she had the courage to take a step, further, to give herself to him fully. This would be what she would see every morning, and every night before she went to bed.
“Are you OK?” he asked, seeing her hesitate.
“Yes, it’s just strange seeing you there, in my bed.”
“Why don’t you come and join me?”
She took a hesitant step forward, wondering what the hell she was doing. The whole thing seemed so surreal; she must be crazy to have invited him to stay. Then be a bit crazy, she told herself firmly, and so she went to him and slid under the covers, feeling the heat from his body radiating onto her skin.
He put his arm around her and they settled down together, with Rachel resting her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat and feeling the rise and fall of his chest. She thought nothing could get better than this; the loneliness, which she did not realise had been her constant companion for so long, was swept away.
Only now that it was gone could she feel the weight that had been lifted. For so many years of her life, her family had surrounded her. When she had finally left home, she had revelled in the freedom of living her own life. Yet now she had to acknowledge the feeling of loss had crept up on her so slowly she had not noticed it.
Rachel knew this was an awakening from which she would not easily be able to go back from. All these years she had lived without companionship, she had thought she did not need it, now she knew she was wrong. It was good to connect with another human being in such a close way.
She turned her head and pressed her lips to his chest, feeling the smattering of hair that covered it tickling the sensitive skin. His chest paused in its rise and fall; he held his breath, waiting to see what she wanted from him.
Pushing herself up a little more she planted soft exploratory kisses all over the broad of expanse of
his chest. Her tongue rolling over his nipples, feeling them harden at her touch. In return, her breasts ached to be touched by him, to know what it felt like to have his skin pressed against hers.
His hand rested on her arm, stroking her gently before moving down to touch the swell of her breast through the thick fabric of her robe.
“Shall we take this off?” he asked.
“Yes please.”
His strong hands quickly undid the tie and pushed it from her shoulders, leaving the thinner fabric of her nightshirt. She wanted him to take that off too, but felt scared. She had no idea how he would react to seeing her plump naked flesh. No one but her sisters had seen her in anything less than a swimsuit for years.
Thankfully, he did not ask her, so she did not have to make that decision yet. Instead, his fingers found her nipples and tweaked them gently. She groaned and pressed her body forward, her mouth once more sucking on his nipples and kissing his chest. Rachel longed to explore lower, but she did not have the courage, because to do so would be to go further than she felt comfortable with at this moment.
Her thoughts drifted away when his mouth found her nipple through her nightshirt, his teeth grazed it, sending a jolt of electricity through her body. It connected with the small bundle of nerves between her thighs. A new need sprung up, she wanted to feel his fingers there, and his mouth. Oh, how she would love to feel his tongue brushing against her sensitive flesh.
In this aroused state, she did not object when he lifted her shirt, and his hands touched her naked flesh for the first time. If it had felt good before then this was wonderful. His fingertips so warm and sensuous as they stroked the soft swell of her breast before finding the hard little buds into which her nipples had formed.
He gently turned her onto her back and then pushed her shirt right up and sucked her nipple into his mouth. Her back arched and she pushed herself forward, his mouth obliged by moving to the other breast and repeating the exquisite torture. This made the ache between her thighs almost unbearable; it was a need unlike any other she had ever experienced.
Becoming aware of his cock pressing against her thigh, she wondered if his need was as great, and whether she would have the nerve to go all the way with him tonight.
His fingers returned to her breasts, and he slid further down her body, spreading her thighs apart until he had eased himself between them. Now he turned his attention to the centre of her need, his mouth kissing her thighs before finally the tip of his tongue made contact with her clit. It was as though something exploded inside her. She drew her knees up, and he hooked his arms under them to make sure they stayed apart to allow him all the room he needed to work her towards the most incredible orgasm she had ever experienced.
Licking and sucking her clit, and then running his tongue along the length of her slit before pushing inside her entrance. She writhed under him, wanting him to stop, but begging him not to, she rose to new heights. Plunging deeper into her with his fingers, he coaxed her towards the edge of a great cliff of pleasure.
When she thought she could stand it no longer he sucked her clit, and rolled his tongue over it until she crashed over the side. Somewhere, a long way off it seemed, she heard her voice crying out. His hands and mouth never let up, he made her come hard, her sex contracting, making her body convulse in an endless release.
Finally, he let her go, her breathing rapid while she fought for control of her emotions. She felt spent, her whole body drained and tired in a way she had never expected. Tears pricked her eyes, it had been too much, and yet it did not feel as though it had been enough.
He had taught her how much pleasure he could give her. Now she wanted to know what it was like to experience him moving inside her. She needed to know if it could possibly be any better than that. Above all else, she wanted to make him lose control too. To feel him come inside her, and know she pleased him.
Yet James had other ideas, when she moved to touch him he stopped her. “I think it would be a good idea to sleep now. If you want to go further in the morning then we will. But I would hate to take advantage of you while you are in such a heightened state of arousal.”
He caught her look of disappointment, and worry. The tears returned to her eyes, she felt rejected by him.
“Hey.” He pulled her back into his arms. “It’s not that I don’t want to. It’s only; I don’t want you to regret me making love to you. Not for one second, so I would rather wait.”
Rachel knew he was right, she also knew that in the morning she would not have changed her mind. She wanted him to make love to her; he was the one she wanted to give her virginity to.
Chapter Five
Several times in the night, Rachel woke up. It was so strange having another person next to her in bed. She presumed it was something you got used to, but for now, the excitement and anticipation simply gave her difficulty in getting back to sleep.
Eventually she got up at her usual time, slipping out of bed and making some tea. She relived every moment of the previous evening, her body recalling every touch of his fingers and his tongue. It made her want to wake him up right now and ask him to do it all again, but then a feeling of panic returned.
If she allowed him to do that again, would she then be willing to go further, and have sex with him. Last night she had been convinced it was right. Now, sitting here on her terrace, reality hit her. She had no experience, would she be able to go through with it and please him. What about protection, she was not ready to start a family.
All these questions crowded in on her, it would be so much easier to do what she normally did and retreat into her shell. She should play it safe, not put her business at risk from being spread too thin, if he upset her emotionally then she might lose everything she had worked for. The way men and dating affected her sisters frightened her, picturing Susie's miserable face only days ago at being let down by Mark, who she thought was “the one”.
“Morning.”
His sexy voice, right behind her, nearly made her spill her tea. Turning to him, her resolve started to disappear. He was dressed in his pants, but no shirt, and looked thoroughly desirable, and definitely sexy as hell. Taking a gulp of her tea, she tried not to choke as the hot liquid hit the back of her throat. She was trying to give herself a moment to compose herself, to bring herself back to her senses.
“Good morning.” She managed at last. Scooting around him, she darted for the kitchen. “Tea?”
He looked amused, answering, “Yes, please.”
She put the kettle back on and clattered around the kitchen finding him a mug and then the tea bags. Trying her hardest to keep some distance between the two of them.
Unperturbed he came towards her, she tried to ignore his closeness, but when his hand touched her cheek, she visibly jumped.
“Rachel, calm down. I know last night was a bit intense. But it’s OK. We can take a step back if you need to.”
She put the mug and teaspoon down, covered her face with her hands and promptly burst into tears. He gathered her to him, and stroked her back just like her mother had when she was a child. That was the problem. She was twenty years old and yet she still felt like a child, the baby of the family.
Was there anyway he could teach her to be a grown up, without her losing a part of herself. She desperately wanted him, but she was scared, and she had no idea how to deal with it. If she had known him longer perhaps she could have shared her fears with him, but she did not want to let on to him how childish she felt, when he was all man.
“Come on, please Rachel. What happened? I thought you enjoyed last night.”
She took a deep breath to try to stem the flood of emotion that threatened to take control of her. “I did.” Placing her hands on his chest, she looked into his face. “I really did.”
“Then what happened? Please tell me.”
“I don’t know. I really don’t know what I am supposed to do.”
“Is that all.” He smiled at her, and that made her feel better. She
really was making a big deal out of this. “You are not supposed to know what to do. It’s something we all have to figure out as we go along. I’ve waited a good few years to find someone I want to share my life with. We have all the time in the world.”
She looked at him with tear stained eyes, knowing she was all red and blotchy compared to his handsome tanned complexion. The contrast made her feel worse, she must look awful. So what could he see in her, to make him stay when she was such a mess. “I feel so stupid.”
“It won’t be the last time. I find myself feeling stupid at least a couple of times a day.”
She punched him playfully and then he grabbed his arm. “Ouch, that hurt.” She looked horrified, and then laughed. “That’s better,” he said. “Now, where is my tea? Then I am going to go home to shower and change before we go and see my sister. If that's OK with you.”
“That would be great. Are you sure about me meeting your sister? You could always bring her to the shop.”
“Enough.” He kissed her forehead. “We are going to spend the day together. My sister will love you. She loves everybody.”
“If you’re sure.”
“I am,” he said, letting her go. “Now, I suppose, seems you are immune to my naked chest, I had better get my shirt and go home.”
He disappeared into the bedroom and she resisted the urge to follow him. She needed some time alone to assess her feelings for him. It would also give her the opportunity to muster up the courage to meet his sister. Obviously, it would be a big deal if his family did not like her.
Families. Oh my, at some point she would have to introduce him to her sisters. All of them. That sure would be an interesting get together. Maybe introducing them one or two at a time might be better, but then whoever went last would no doubt be upset.
Then she caught the train of her thoughts. Deep down she must be sure of James, or else she would not be thinking so far into the future.
“OK,” James said, coming back into the kitchen to find her unmoved. “I will get going, and be back in about two hours. Is that enough time for you to get ready?”
Rachel Page 4
