by Anne Mercier
“For those who don’t know, agoraphobia is when a person is too afraid to leave their home because of what lies beyond those walls,” Xander informs them. “It’s the main reason Tera hasn’t been with me—us. But two years ago on Christmas, our anniversary, I asked her to say ‘yes’ and be with me. And she said yes. The entire time since, she’s been fighting and slaying those demons. She’s conquered the majority of them to get here. I hope to help her slay them all.”
I smile at him, a tear escaping, as my husband tells his family everything about me, all while looking so proud.
“But, there’s more. Between the attack and Xander asking me to come here, we had some very rough times, times where we weren’t. We both had a lot of growing up to do, and while we did it we realized we didn’t want to be without the other,” I confess.
“That’s so romantic,” Meggie coos.
“Yeah, you’d think so,” Jesse teases. “Not so much fun for a while there, and part of that is because of all of us. Not just Xan or Tera.” Jesse confesses all, earning evil eyes and gasps from others around the room.
“Jesse James Kingston!” Mama Russo snaps.
“I know, Mama. I learned,” Jesse defends.
“All of you boys,” she huffs. “Thank goodness you grew into good men.”
I laugh when I hear “Yes, Mama” come from multiple male voices around the room.
“I should’ve videotaped that,” Linc laughs.
Ethan shoves Linc. “You just wait.”
Xander clears his throat. "I’ve loved Tera every day, together and apart since I was eight years old and saw her on those monkey bars singing Alanis Morissette so off key, I'm surprised the dogs in the neighborhood weren't howling," I tell them with a smirk, remembering that day fondly.
I huff and playfully shove him. “So rude.”
"After that, I went to her as often as I could, but it was too much for her. I hated it, but I started going to her every other month or something like that. We talked every day on the phone, Skype. About four years after that, Tera had an identity crisis."
“That wasn’t just on me,” I defend. “You remember the first time Xander was in the tabloids with one of the chicks that always hung around?
“Yeah,” Lucy says aloud, narrowing her eyes.
“Holy Hannah, I see where this is going,” Nicole whispers.
“We had all made a promise,” Jesse cuts in. “We promised Tera we’d keep Xander out of the tabloids and shit. We were doing really good, too, until that night.”
“We hit number one for the first time,” Ben defends.
“Oh, would you shut up with that already,” Linc demands, exasperated with Ben.
“Still, we let our guard down and at the same time let Tera down,” Kennedy reasons.
“What we didn’t know was that while we were celebrating after our concert, Tera was having a miscarriage,” Ethan says softly.
Gasps. Then silence.
“Oh no. No, no, no. Who could blame her for having an identity crisis after all of that?" Lucy asks, wiping her tears.
"Whoa," Summer says, Jace holding her close.
"Well, then," Meggie replies.
“Assholes,” Nicole mutters and playfully slaps Ben.
"She wanted a break after that," Xan continues. "Not just from me coming to see her often but cutting back on phone calls as well. She wanted nothing to do with me. She pushed me away, and I blamed myself for letting her down. It wasn't until two years later when I finally had enough of being apart that I found out just how much I'd let her down."
"No one's judging you, Xan," Summer tells me.
"Maybe you should."
"No," she replies. "We weren't there. I can only imagine."
I nod. "It fucking sucked. The photos came out and were every fucking where. They'd been trying for years to get dirt on us, you know? They'd heard rumors but never had there been any photos or anything."
"I remember that," Lucy says. "They plastered those images everywhere, and they made it look so nasty."
"They sure did, and that… that is what my troubled wife sees the day after she loses our baby. She turns on the TV for her usual morning programs, and there it is. Ethan went to her before the rest of us even knew what was going on. I tried calling, but no one answered.”
“I knew. I knew. The rules were broken, even if it wasn't my fault. I'd gotten careless. I knew better, but I was partying with the other guys. Thing is, they were single. I was married."
"What was in the photos?" Nicole asks.
"I wasn't doing anything but sitting on a sofa, some chick next to me, drinks in everyone's hands. Jesse… never mind that," Xander says looking at Lucy.
She makes a face. "I saw them. Jesse had two chicks on his lap. One was looking for his tonsils with her tongue while he had his hand beneath the other's skirt. Ben, uh…"
Nicole snorts. "Go on. I know who and what he was before I married him."
"You sure?" Lucy asks.
"Yeah. It's fine."
"Well, Ben was getting blown right there. Kennedy had his guitar. Ethan was there but holding a soda can, that I remember," Lucy concludes.
"I didn't even notice that chick. I was too fucked up. Hell, I was too fucked up to get it up that night. So, while the pictures damned me, I wasn't doing anything wrong aside from drinking my weight in tequila."
Xan begins talking about our time apart. Me doing friends-with-benefits with Dante and him doing his thing.
“I mean, she's my wife, right? I trusted her, even when I was a fucking asshole out there getting blown when I felt the need to get off. But, Christ, believe me when I say it's not like you think. I wasn't like Jesse. I spent a lot of time with my hand and a bottle of Jergens,” Xander tells them.
Summer snorts.
I shake my head. "I didn't want to see him. I buried myself in my paintings. I only used Dante whenever I wanted to get off. It was nothing but sex. Maybe a little bit of a weapon to hurt Xander in return for him parading around with all those… well. It was a very ugly time for both of us."
"How did you get through it?" Meggie asks.
“You mean how did we resolve things?” I ask.
“Yeah,” Meggie answers.
I smirk, and Xander chuckles.
“It certainly wasn’t easy,” he begins. “I’d had enough. Just… enough. I didn’t want to be without her anymore. So, I hopped the next flight with a really shitty plan. The next morning, I went to her place with a cup of coffee.”
Sera snorts. “Are you serious? Did that work?”
I snicker. “Um… no.”
Sera winks and gives me a thumb’s up.
“She opened the door a crack, looked at me, looked at the coffee I was offering, and then shut the door in my face,” Xan explains. “This for days! I switched tactics and brought her favorite flowers.”
“Dude,” Linc says.
"Yeah, that didn't work so well either. Nothing worked. Then we had a teleconference one day, and Cage Dude was on the line. I needed help, and these guys weren't giving it to me. So, I asked the boss man," Xander explains.
“I didn’t know that,” I say.
Cage merely nods in response.
“And what did my brilliant husband tell you to do?” Sera asks.
“He told me she didn’t want things. She didn’t want anything. She needed to be told she was loved. So, that’s what I did.”
“Did that work?” Lucy asks.
“Not the first time,” I answer.
“The second?” she asks.
“Well, that didn’t work out the way I expected it to,” I answer. “You see, I’d done so much thinking when Xan walked up those stairs, knocked on my door, and blurted out, ‘I love you’, then walked away. I knew I didn’t want him to walk away again. But the next day, he didn’t show up at the time he usually did. I waited and waited. When he didn’t show, I started to panic and cry. I don’t remember how late he was that day. All I remember is the knock an
d not being able to open the locks fast enough. I was so afraid he’d disappear before I could open the door,” I tell them, getting lost in the memory.
“What happened when you opened the door?” Jace asks, rapt with attention.
I smile. "I opened the door, and Xan was on his knees. He told me he loved me and I couldn't stop crying. I dropped to my knees with him, and he kept asking what was wrong," I laugh a little at the memory.
“She told me she thought I wasn’t going to show up. After all that time, she should have known better,” Xander adds.
I look at him, love shining in his eyes, and I know I made the right choice coming here. He is everything to me. He is my love, my light, my life. There’s no going back now.
“And they lived happily ever after?” Meggie prods.
Xan and I grin at one another. “After the fight,” we say together.
“Fight?” Lucy asks.
“We couldn’t be together unless we worked things out. It was all going smoothly and then…” Xander tells them.
"Snap!" I finish. "We called the guys, so I didn't have to repeat things more than once. There was no way I could've gone through that twice."
“You didn’t have enough glassware on your shelves to make it twice,” Linc adds.
“Uh,” I hedge. “Let’s just say, words flew as well as an entire shelf of knick-knacks, a vase, and a few other breakable things.”
“Oh, I really, really like her,” Meggie declares.
Trace chuckles. She must be a handful. But it looks like he can handle her just fine.
“Then we talked things out,” Jesse continues. “It wasn’t easy. I felt like the biggest piece of shit.”
“One of the worst days of my life,” Kennedy adds.
“Yeah,” Ethan murmurs.
“Then we hung up, her and Xan worked their shit out, and we showed up the next day. We worked hard to get back to the place we were before, but I think it’s stronger now,” Ben deduces.
I nod. “I’d have to agree.”
“And you two? How did that work?” Lucy asks.
I sigh. “We saw one another as much as we could, but I just wasn’t ready to be in the spotlight of Falling Down and my rockstar husband. I couldn’t leave the apartment.”
“I promised to never pressure her, and I didn’t. Not until all you fuckers started getting married off. I wanted that. I wanted Tera with me, so Christmas two years ago, I asked her to say yes,” Xander tells them.
I nod. “He did. I knew what he meant without him having to ask any more than that. And I knew my answer was yes before I replied. I was ready. But it took me this long to get here. I had a lot of therapy, intensive therapy, for the last two years. It took thirteen months before I would step outside of my apartment. Fourteen months until I made it to the bottom of the stairs. With each week and month that passed, I made more progress. I didn't tell Xander too much about it. Just that I was getting there. I sent him a photo of me standing outside, but that's as much information as he got. I wanted to surprise him—today. On Christmas—our anniversary."
“And I was surprised. In more ways than one,” he begins, then looks at me to make sure it’s okay. I blink and nod slightly.
“Oh,” Lucy gasps.
Xander laughs. “We’re having a baby!”
"I knew it. I just knew it when you walked in today," Summer begins. "I don't know how I knew, but I did. I told Jace, and he told me I was crazy." She pokes him. "Not so crazy now, am I?"
“That’s not the reason I came, though. I had this planned before I even knew…”
“Oh, Tera. We know that,” Lucy begins, then comes over and hugs me again. “We know. We can see it.”
“You’d have to be blind not to,” Mama Russo agrees.
“Does this mean you all forgive me?” Xander asks.
Lucy scoffs. “I want to be mad at you. I should be mad at you. But with a story like yours, how can I? You were true to Tera." Lucy looks around, then lands on Jesse. "All of you were. I respect that, even if it does sting I didn't know."
“I’m sorry, Cupcake. You know I’d have told you…”
“I know. I do. I get it—and I’ll get past the hurt, too. I promise,” Lucy tells her husband, giving him a hug this time.
“Looks like you fuckers dodged a bullet,” Linc teases.
“Lincoln Ramirez! You will watch your language,” Mama Russo chastises.
“Yes, ma’am,” he agrees, looking sheepish.
The entire room bursts into laughter.
“My big, tattooed, underground fighting brother cowers to this lovely Italian lady. Please tell me someone got that on film,” I joke.
Ethan smirks. “Oh, I got it. I knew he was just biding his time before he cursed and I knew Mama R was gonna get him for it.”
“You could’ve warned me,” Linc tells Ethan.
“Hell no! We didn’t get a warning,” Xander tells Linc.
“Yeah, whatever,” Lincoln mumbles, sounding much like the little boy who got scolded in school.
“Aww, poor baby,” I croon.
“Yeah, yeah,” he replies.
Lucy walks up and smiles at Xander and me.
“He’s my best friend,” she begins. “I hope you’ll be okay with that. I don’t think I could live in a world where he’s not my best friend.”
Tears glisten in her eyes, and she's so genuine, I start to tear up as well.
“Of course it’s okay. Xander told me everything—everything. I get it, and I want to thank you, Lucy. I want to thank you for being there for him. For making him smile and laugh even when life wasn't so easy," I tell her. "I certainly don't want that to stop. Xander laughing is the best sound in the world."
She laughs with me. “It certainly is.”
Jesse walks over to me and hugs me close. “Thank you, Tera. I know that wasn’t easy.”
“It was easier than I thought it would be,” I tell him honestly.
Jesse nods. “I’d give them anything they asked for.”
It’s my turn to nod. “Me too. How could we not, when they’ve given us the world?”
25
TERA
New Year’s Eve
* * *
We have a charity gala to attend in Vegas. This will be a test to my anxiety, but I think I'll be okay. Cage insisted on security, and that makes me feel better. At least I didn't have to ask for it.
We take the private jet to Las Vegas, and I'm very impressed with Falling Down's success. I guess I never really thought about how much they made. While I have access to Xander's money and he has access to mine, I never looked at his account. I don't know if he's ever looked at mine, but I've done well for myself. I take pride in that.
We get ready in our rooms at the MGM Grand. The gala will be downstairs as well as an MMA fight that’s being held beforehand.
I'm wearing a lace jade, one shoulder long-sleeve, floor-length dress with a slit up one leg and scalloped detail throughout. When Lucy's stylists came in to help with my hair and makeup, I made sure to tell them that standing too close behind me was a no-go. I still, to this day, can't stand the feel of a stranger's breath on the back of my neck. It sends me into a full-on panic attack, and it's so not pretty.
When we’re all glammed up, and sitting ringside when the announcer broadcasts the first fighter.
"Johnny 'The Bone Crusher' Rodriiii-gueeeeez!"
The crowd erupts and so does the music.
Falling Down. I’ve heard them on the radio, on my iPod, and even on TV, but I haven’t seen them live since before they hit number one.
It's all drums and cheers and riffs and chaos—and then it's Jesse Kingston. He’s in his element up there with his aviators on, jeans, and black Metallica t-shirt. And that voice of his—I’m woman enough to admit it’s sexy as hell when he growls as he is known to do. The crowd screams—mostly female screams are what I hear.
* * *
I know who you are
I know where you come f
rom I know where you've been I'm gonna stop you from where you're goin'
* * *
I'm going to break you I'm going to crush you I'm going to rape you I'm going to annihilate you
* * *
You won't see me comin'
I'm stalking my prey You won't see me comin'
I'm the bone crusher, hey!
* * *
You think you know me You think I care
You think you're the shit You think I’m fuckin' scared
* * *
Dream on, you won't rip me Walk on, you don't grip me Go on and think what you want I'm comin' for you
* * *
I'm going to break you I'm going to crush you I'm going to annihilate you I'm going to conquer you
* * *
I'm!
Going!
To crush!
Yooooou!
* * *
Yeah, I'm gonna crush you I'm gonna grind you down I'm gonna crush you I'm gonna crush you
* * *
Crush! You!
* * *
Cheers go up for the band and the fighter.
"Wow. That was really intense," Sera mutters.
"I am so hot for my husband right now," Lucy tells her, and Sera laughs.
They continue chattering for a few minutes, and I take in all the people in their formal attire, the lone fighter in the ring waiting for his opponent, and Falling Down exiting the stage set up in the far right corner.
Gavin "The Ripper" Jones enters to In This Moment's Adrenalize. This is one band I’m not a fan of, but I cheer anyway.
I take in the fighters. One’s leaner than the other but more defined.
Oh, the muscles on these men. Delicious. I now understand why strange women lust after my brother.
